Finally starting to bounce back …

It seems like forever now but I am starting to see the light. Feeling somewhat okay today, not anywhere near normal but at least I can stand straight(ish) and keep my eyes open, mostly! LOL

Getting really tired of working and then crashing on the couch till the next hours of work are here. Hoping to muster whatever strength I have left tonight and maybe get some fun, flirting time in with you Sir!

I’ve already missed a beautiful sunny weekend, our anniversary and warm spring weather …. I don’t plan on crashing one more evening until the rain comes tomorrow, no way!

Love You Sir ❤

Happy Anniversary Sir

Well it has been 19 years today that we started down this road of wedded bliss! I can honestly say that I never once dreamt of such a thing as a child. I don’t remember ever dreaming of much ……

The idea of having someone with me to share life and be happy and taken care of was never something I would have allowed myself the privilege of thinking or wishing for. Broken dreams were all I knew and the idea of trying for something so far fetched was not a heartache I needed to incur. And then along came you.

I wouldn’t trade one single second of this adventure I have had with you and I can’t wait to see what the next 19 years have in store. It was true then, and it still holds true now ….

“Because You Loved Me”

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful baby
You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You’re the one who saw me through through it allYou were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I’m grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You’ve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

I’m everything I am
Because you loved me


Happy Anniversary Bear! Love You ❤

Life vs. Lifestyle

I’ve been thinking a bit lately about what we are doing here and I think I’ll have to go back to basics. I don’t consider myself/us living any sort of lifestyle. I’m not interested in fitting into anyone else’s rules or rituals and frankly I am completely uninterested in pursuing this with anyone else or any where else.

My idea of the perfect scenario is more Downton Abbey then FSOG. I treat you with that type of decorum and respect not all sorts of silly games or rituals. I can speak freely as long as I’m polite and wait for the appropriate time. I respect if you have other things to do and I look to you for the last say on everything.

My life is more about old fashioned manners and respect then some lifestyle from books and players. You are Lord and Master of this house and I am the Lady of the house, not because I need to be submissive or I need you to take on responsibility for me because I can’t do it myself.

None of this is done because I can’t manage on my own, it’s done because it makes you happy. I do it because you are my husband, because you have earned it and because you deserve my respect. It may be old fashioned and traditional but it works as long as the back bone is trust, love, respect and open honest communication, then it works.

My submission is not a means to an end, it is only the beginning of a new experience. I don’t offer this to you because I need it, I do it because I want to. Your dominance is not because you have to, it’s because you want to offer this to me. We are both mature enough to carry on with or without it, we just happen to like it better this way. It works for us this way.

I have gained a liking for BDSM but frankly that has nothing to do with the rest of life. You can easily play that way regardless of what you do the rest of the day, they are not part and partial to each other. Enter bedroom submissive here …..

The other dominant/submissive rituals we are implementing are here because we like them, they work for us, they mean something to us. Everyone has to find their own balance in their own relationship and life. Some are just kinky fun, no one ever said life had to be boring! LOL

We have certainly found some interesting ideas along the way and some we have chosen to use and some we ignored but not because we wanted to fit into some lifestyle, because they happened to fit nicely into our life!

Love You Always Sir ❤


Married Submissive with children and responsibilities …

A friend of mine got really real on here and maybe I should too. I do have an issue with ‘airing my dirty laundry’ I guess. Old fashioned European values or hangups, depending on how you see it.

You don’t know me and can’t see me so you have no reference to go by so I feel that I have to explain a certain amount for it to make sense, but when I do that I feel like I’m either bragging or whining. Obviously this is MY hangup, it has been ingrained into my being and if anything this would be what I am working to fight off …. or fix.

I can tell you I am a good, honest hard working person and you can either believe me, or not. Instead of giving examples I’m just going to move forward …

I have two children, boys 14 and 16 within the next month. Both boys are exceptionally smart. I’m not just a mom saying that they are, 1 has been labeled ” exceptionally intellectually gifted”. If you have paid any attention to my blog you know how I feel about labels …. so although we have given him every opportunity that he has chosen to pursue we have not pushed and we have not mentioned labels to him or anyone in the family.  The fact that the boys are smart is self evident, I don’t see the point of pointing it out, what could you possibly gain from that but extra pressure to an already trying time in ones life.

So with exceptional intelligence unfortunately also comes a variety of mental and emotional issues. You can google them, you will find page upon page …. and in my case there is also a family history of bipolar and schizophrenic disorders which fit in nicely with the exaggerated brain power. Too much thinking makes you a little nutty apparently! (Not funny I know, but hey if you are in the situation you should be allowed to find a way to deal!)

So during the day and everyday I find myself dealing with two teen age boys who are very much like their mother but each in their own way. Do you honestly think I can be a wishy washy wait and see what Sir has to say type of gal when either of them decides that they want something, or to do something and they are looking at me for answers? They are too smart, too opinionated and too strong to have me be any less then that and still have their respect as their head of household.

So yes I am strong, I am opinionated and tough as nails. Just the other day I had my very smart and slightly emotionally disturbed teen seriously tear a couple slices off my hide because I didn’t feel he needed an air soft gun. As my child I don’t want to tear into him like I would someone else but I won’t deny that getting called all sorts of wrong by your own child doesn’t hurt. Before I would have reached for some Gin and a pack of smokes ….

As a submissive however I went up to our bedroom. Sir was already in bed because although it was very early He was not feeling well and was already asleep. I didn’t say anything but I did basically kneel, fall, wait beside the bed and have a mini break down because of how my normally very sweet child made me feel.

Sir got up and held me and helped me and made it okay. He showed me in my time of need that no matter what the situation I was not alone. He showed me He believed in me and I was still a good person, even after what I had just been through.

My submission means that I can go to Him and be cared for and helped instead of withdrawing deep into myself. It has nothing to do with BDSM or play or kneeling or whatever …. those are all byproducts or fun times but they are not the connection.

Knowing I will forever have someone to take care of me no matter what or when is the connection ….

Love You Sir ❤



Today’s shower talk ….

In my travels I have spoken to people and read ideas that seem to imply or in some cases state, that the submissive more or less keep thoughts feelings and ideas that the dominant might not like, to themselves. Hide away if you will the things that might make the dominant upset for fear of punishment or chastisement.

Some will say that they have open lines of communication but (if you’ll pardon my language) you’re to pussy foot around the subject or it will not be taken to kindly and again result in punishment, chastisement or the shutting down of the dominant figure in the relationship.

So my question is, HOW does this bring you closer together exactly? How is it that the connection between two people is enhanced if at least one of you, if not both are merely actors upon the stage of life?

If you are so busy sticking to roles and rituals where does the real you with real feelings belong?

How is it that making statements about putting things in kinky places and deep dark secrets of sexual acts is okay but stating that you are feeling somewhat neglected or underwhelmed has become taboo ….. really?

I can’t say I understand that train of thought, or lifestyle ….

Love You Sir ❤




Thank you Sir

It seems that now since the flood gates of my feelings have been opened I can no longer wall myself off, not with those that matter anyway!

Thank you for taking care of me last night and lifting me up from under ….

I love you …

I miss you ….

I can’t wait until you’re home …

Some of my favourite things …

I am a very realistic and straight forward person but I am by no means pessimistic. I am mature and responsible and I don’t complain, I find solutions. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy the simple things in life, as a matter of fact I find that the simple things are the ones that make the biggest difference in your general well being and state of mind.

I don’t consider myself big or little or middle or whatever, I am just me. I like the feel of a soft stuffed toy and I can’t go by the toy section without feeling every one of them and determining which is the fluffiest! 😀 Normally that one gets picked up and nuzzled into my neck for a hug. This elicits a smirk for sure and normally an all out smile from Sir.

I like long socks with lots of colours and I wear character t-shirts all the time. My favourite characters have forever been Cookie Monster and Winnie the Pooh but the minions are catching up I must say … LOL

I don’t have toys on my bed but I do collect old fashioned ones or hand made ones and use them as decoration throughout the house. The house is not childish but Georgian inspired in it’s decor and a few well placed items fit in nicely!

I am a bit artistic and like to draw and paint, I have a saxophone that is so sorely overdue for a good playing and my most favourite group is Pink Floyd. I love to watch the snow fall and sit by the fire with a glass of wine and a good book. The summer months will often find me in the middle of the yard in a comfy chair with sunglasses and a book in hand, I don’t do kindle only paper ….

I love to watch the baby squirrels play tag in the early spring as they run up and down the huge poplar tree in the middle of my yard, it looks like a Disney movie for sure! I watch the little birds fluff and preen in the front yard while they sun themselves and it always brings a smile to my face. I get excited at the first signs of spring colour and all it takes is a bit of sunshine to make my day.

I also like to dawn that LBD and some kick @ss heels and go out on the town. I wear pearls and jeans with some sweet kitten heels and turn heads no matter where I end up. I walk the dogs with my shorts and tank top in my cowboy hat in the middle of the summer because hot flashes don’t care that it’s already blazing hot outside and I say hello to people that I pass on the street because it is the polite thing to do.

I hate to have people in my personal space, except for Sir but I am becoming more accepting; I love the feel of the water on my skin and I prefer to swim naked. I’m not ashamed of my body but I do believe in modesty and privacy. I can adjust to large groups and mingle but I prefer/or enjoy/don’t mind to be alone. I am comfortable in my own skin and don’t need anyone else’s attention to be happy.

Sometimes I watch cartoons because they make me happy and sometimes I’m in the mood for a horror flick. Most times I would prefer to read or write and I enjoy Shakespeare just for fun! Sometimes I’m refined and fit into the best sophisticated gathering with poise and class and no hair out of place and sometimes I wear work gloves and swing a hammer with the best of them.

I am a person, diverse and versatile I adjust to the environment I find myself in and I do whatever He requires of me. Where ever I am and what ever I am doing I always look for something to be joyful about. Even if it’s just that I found my favourite colour some where … my focus is on the positive, it doesn’t have to be a big deal to be good and to change your entire outlook, IF you let it. It’s all in how you see it ….

I am happy because I choose to be.

Love You Always Sir ❤

(and hello blog land friends!)


Night sweats and general Lack of Sleep

Not sure how much this is D/s related and how much it is not but in my opinion anything that causes changes in your general state of mind is going to affect your relationship, D/s or not. Lack of sleep is a big contributor to your general well being and mindset and therefor related to your D/s, at least that is my view.

In menopause lack of sleep usually becomes an issue at some point or another. The reasons are varied and no one fix exists for all unfortunately but I have found that my night sweats did become manageable after I made a few simple tweaks!

It seemed that no matter how warm or how cold the room was the night sweats were bound to happen. Some nights are worse then others and for me the furnace tends to kick into high gear within minutes of my head hitting the pillow. Generally it cycles throughout the night and for periods of time, then it eases off.

I’m not on any HRTs so my fixes are simple and easy to try even without a doctor’s visit. Most of these things I have learned from talking to other women and although none of them are huge secrets sometimes the idea doesn’t occur to you until you see it somewhere else first, so here is what I have learned so far!

The most effective way of dealing with the night sweats for me is to simply run a fan in the back ground. I can only guess that it is because of the constant air movement that the fan helps, it moves that barrier in between the air in the room and your body helping to move the heat away from your skin and just keeping you that much more comfortable. The temperature of the room itself seems to have much less to do with the sweats but the air movement works wonders. I think back now and realized that most of my friends who are also blessed with this Beast also sleep with a fan on every night. No one ever put the two together exactly but they all know that they sleep better regardless.

The fan I find also helps to provide white noise that helps to ignore the ticking of the clock, the cat walking down the hall and the voices in my head that don’t give me a moments peace otherwise. Being able to concentrate on the same rhythm and sound over and over helps me to fall asleep faster then thinking and rethinking the same situations over and over again …. I had always needed absolute quiet and dark to sleep before but if you’re not getting any sleep why not try it, that’s what I did and I became accustomed to the fan surprisingly quick.

Flannel sheets! I know you think this is counter intuitive but trust me you’ll sleep better. They actually do not feel any warmer then regular sheets but think of cotton flannel sheets as your towel for sleep time. Just as your towel dries you off out of the shower so to do the sheets when you are sweating your butt off. More often then not once your episode is done your sheets will have absorbed enough of your heat that you don’t get awoken due to a now very cold clammy and wet bed. I used to get up in the night and have to lay down towels anyway because my side was so wet and uncomfortable to sleep in, I didn’t want to wake Sir to strip the bed and besides just how awake do you want to get before you can fall back to sleep in the middle of the night? Sleep is already at a premium at this stage, the sheets can be changed later. Although they are not a cure all the flannel sheets are surprisingly well worth a try.

Alcohol of course is a big contributor to night sweats and the consensus is that red wine is the worst offender. I have tested this theory out and can tell you that just half a glass is more then enough to make one think of joining the polar bear club! 😉 I did hear once that vodka was apparently not a problem in this particular respect but I have yet to test that theory. (I am not suggesting anyone should be drinking anything, I’m just letting you know what I’ve heard! LOL)

And just like all other times in life a healthy diet and good amount of exercise are always important along with taking care of yourself emotionally and managing or preferably avoiding stress (yeah right)!

By the way, the fan keeps you just cool enough usually to be able to cuddle up just a bit longer without either of you over heating and having to break free! 😀

Good Luck



Too good? I don’t want to be a brat to be dominated …

This could be an interesting post – some out there might think I shouldn’t be saying these things, some might think oh good I’m not the only who needs to say this and some might think I’m all together too liberal or spoiled for a submissive. At the end of the day the only true requirement is that I tell Sir my needs and Sir decides what to do with them, this blog IS me speaking freely so here goes ….

There is not much in our daily lives that requires you to correct me or manage me. I tend to take care of everything right, the first time and I already know what you like and don’t like, we’ve been at this a long time! I’m not rude or disrespectful and I have always done for you first, it’s very natural to me and really requires no soul searching or in depth thought so …. the only real obvious time I get to be submissive is during play.

I feel that when we first started playing at this game of BDSM you were trying much harder and more interested in playing and learning. Now however it feels like things are becoming much more one sided. This might be a bit confusing because as the dominant of course you have the right to use me as you see fit, whenever that might be and for just however you would like, and I LOVE that part! Really I do, as long as all the other things we talked about and agreed to are also being done.

Although the sexual encounters are all very much DOM/sub the kinky parts seem to be less and less all the time and the quickie or at least just sex part seems to be happening more and more.  I think it’s wonderful that you find yourself very much attracted to me and very much in a hurry to ‘get it on’ 😉 but I do feel like the other part of ‘wining and dining’ BDSM style is becoming more absent from my play. The dominant also needs to practice patience and self control and if you don’t mind my saying so Sir I believe you are letting life and your ‘need’ get in the way of fulfilling all of mine at this time.

Of course I know that there have been a lot of logistical reasons why play has been harder to come by, with the weather keeping us indoors and the kids always home etc etc … but I do think that part of that is also a bit of idleness on your part. We have a variety of toys, bondage and impact instruments from very loud ones to much more quiet ones. I honestly feel that just a bit of thinking on your part would provide many opportunities that are at this time being wasted. (The past couple weeks excluded due to illness.)

I’m feeling a lot of attention and love and caring. I’m getting a lot of your time and acceptance, but what I’m not feeling at this moment is dominated and a total lack of control. 

I’m not about to try and manipulate you with BJ’s or sex and I’m not about to act bratty or pull back on my submission, but I am going to communicate to you my current state of mind and I trust that you will do with this information whatever you feel is needed.

Love You Lots and Always Sir ❤  (just missing some brain vacation time)