I have met some pretty cool ladies in my life time, most of them recently. They are all pretty strong, opinionated and capable women who certainly stand on their own two feet and take no BS from anyone ….
They have earned my respect and I can assure you that I don’t give that out lightly and you know what the funniest part is? The stronger and more secure the woman the less likely I am to hear anything negative about life or their husbands. The more capable they are the less likely it is that they care about what ‘type’ of relationship I have and if my husband calls the shots ultimately or not.
I guess what I’m saying is that the truly strong and able females in my surroundings are more than likely to have a same or similar relationship as I do. It may or may not be kinky but that really isn’t the main thing here anyway, is it?
Being ‘submissive’ and being happy in it has more to do with personal strength than kink, lifestyle or a DOM. It takes the right outlook, the right attitude and a lot of personal discipline.
I know myself that this lifestyle would never have been a thing to strive for in my books, not until I became completely at peace with myself and my self-worth. Now, well you can see by my blog how often I have issues …..
I don’t rely on my dominant to make me feel submissive (aka good about myself and where I am in life) I rely on myself to be truthful and honest and express my needs and wants at any given time. In this case the outcome is within His control of course, but the start and finish of it all really is in my court – isn’t it?
I’ve always believed that our lives are only as good or as bad as we make them, regardless of what’s going on around you – and believe me I have plenty going on. It takes a lot of strength and self advocacy to be in this lifestyle and to be a ‘submissive’. It’s not about standing back and waiting to be told, it’s about standing up and letting them know what you need. It’s also about making it clear when what you need is not being met ….
Tone, manners, timing etc …. yes all of that! But it still needs to be done.
The happiest ‘submissives’ I know are also some of the strongest and most outspoken people I have ever met. Most of them have no labels either ….. It’s not about feminism, it’s not about vanilla, it’s about you.
Not sure where this ‘train of thought’ came from but at least it won’t keep me up tonight! LOL
I like to take the time to enjoy life, the little things, the simple things. I think that in order to be truly happy I need to be able to be happy in the moment, any moment no matter how big or how small. Carpe Diem indeed!
I don’t focus on or complain about the small mundane and ridiculous things that happen to everyone, why bother?!?! I heard a saying a long time ago – “There is no use in complaining, no one will listen anyway!” *chuckle* I thought that was pretty much to the point and the truth of life so I adopted that way of thinking ….
As life and time and responsibilities added up over the years the time to notice and enjoy the small things seemed to become less and the joy less obvious …. until this.
Giving over the control and sharing the responsibilities that I once took upon myself has opened up the time to ‘stop and smell the roses’ once more, and I do! Of all the power and control that this lifestyle affords Him I know that the moments Sir feels most fulfilled in His dominance are the moments He catches me looking out the window and smiling. Smiling at my magnolia in bloom, smiling watching the squirrels chase each other up and down our trees and smiling watching the birds come and go ….
Of all the things that He can do with this power I think the most important to Him is putting that smile on my face and knowing that it is all because of Him! This is when He finds His dominance the most rewarding, of that I have no doubt.
My last post brought out a comment that I have read often but nearly forgot about, so I thought I would take this chance to clarify. If you read my other site you might have some insight but if you don’t, and you are just looking for D/s or M/s ideals well, some of them might not be so obvious here from the outside looking in.
When I speak of equal, I speak of humanity and not who gets to make the decisions in a consensual relationship …. we are all human are we not? I do not differentiate being submissive from being human, and I do not differentiate being equal in life from being submissive. To me they are one.
Being equal in my view does not mean the same, it might not even be similar but the over all VALUE IS the same, is equal.
My body, my mind, my thoughts and my emotions – my values, my wants and my needs are all just as important and valuable as anyone else’s, including my Dominant. Being female and His submissive does not make me less than, being male and my dominant does not make Him more than – we are equal.
Long long time ago in a land far far away – I was told that I could not go off to Uni until my brother(s) were ready to go, I needed to pick courses in a school of their choosing and I had to wait so that they could go and watch over me. The fact that I was intellectually stronger, morally stronger, older and much more mature had no baring because I was female and therefore ‘less than”.
In case you can’t guess that did not go over well. I was only 16 but my marks were such that we were already talking grad and uni, instead I moved out and made my own way from that day forward. I worked my @ss off and kept moving forward albeit a bit slower than I might have, there are not many well-paying jobs for teenagers still trying to complete school, but I did it.
When I speak of equality I speak of my value as a human being and the value placed upon my work as a human being. To me male and female, dominant and submissive, husband and wife, mother and father … we are all equal because our value and our worth is the same. Not greater than, not less than – equal.
Do I want to act like a man? no! Do I want to be treated like a man? no! Do I want to be respected and valued equally? yes!
In my view you can be different but equal. Equal does not mean the same …. it does mean however that I am just as important in a real sense. That’s my dragon ….
So yes, I can pull my own weight, make difficult decisions, look after finances, call the shots in my work and make plans in my day to day life. I can take control of all sorts of things on a regular basis and be comfortable and confident doing it and at the end of the day I can still go and rest at His feet or with my head in His lap and not feel that I am missing something.
I can take charge of everything and still feel like I am a submissive to Him. He likes me being strong, and so do I. When I took a break from Neverland I stopped chasing the fantasy, my real life is way more fulfilling anyway.
Probably still clear as mud – but there you have it!
Maybe it’s my personality type that is happy to live within apparent contradictions, maybe it’s the Warrior that is every bit as capable or maybe it’s the primal wolf like way that we live our lives and relate to each other.
I consider myself equal, in every way. I don’t see that as a negative, that a woman should be considered equal. Just because I am equal doesn’t mean I can’t choose to follow or that I can not be lead.
I don’t consider myself less than my doctor but I will follow his lead on medical decisions, he is studied in that and I am not. He has earned my respect and therefore I will follow his lead.
Maybe it’s because ‘submission’ is not a need of mine. I am capable and happy to lead in any respect, I am a natural dominant. I need a partner of equal strength and responsibility and from what I’ve seen a lot of lately I was damn lucky to find one. (No I’m not saying you good guys and good DOMs don’t exist, but you seem to be difficult to find.)
He has His strengths and I have mine but in the big picture we are equal AND I choose to be His submissive because He has earned the right to lead and I am comfortable following.
I am a perfectionist I don’t take excuses, He is a perfectionist He doesn’t make them. If He wasn’t as strong as me than this would all fall apart, if I wasn’t as strong as He I don’t think He would find enjoyment in leading.
I have chosen to follow, He has chosen to lead – it makes us both happy. We are still equal ….
Maybe this is why we never fall in and out of ‘dynamic’. We are not stuck on one definition, one way of being. We/I don’t get stuck on the should I, could I, would I …. I don’t really care about what would ‘a submissive’ do, I care about what works for us and what needs to be done.
Everyone says something similar I know, but then you feel ‘less submissive’ because you took charge of something that needed doing. I say that if the DOM is happy with it then who cares? It doesn’t make you less submissive, it makes you efficient.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Okay, got about 12 other things now entering my mind so I’ll cut this one off here! LOL
I made this comment to someone and I felt strongly enough that I thought I should post it here as well! I speaks to whether or not a submissive should speak up or follow blindly, but it also ties in nicely to another issue that really makes me fume.
Communication is key, from *BOTH* sides, that includes from the submissive. Submissive doesn’t mean mindless or without want, this type of relationship is a two way street even if it appears otherwise from the outside.
As submissives we strive to please and *be* for our Dominants but they also have a job to take care of and provide for us and our needs. Not giving them all the information and not being honest about our wants and needs makes it impossible for our Dominants to do what they need.
A Dominant’s need to care for His/Her submissive is just as strong as our need to please.
Besides, just how much enjoyment would there be in controlling a mindless drone anyway? There is a proper way to communicate in a power exchange relationship to be sure but once you have that established you *must* communicate openly and often! Just my two cents! 😀 Good Luck!
It doesn’t leave room for the ‘silent treatment’, as far as I’m concerned that is not a tool in a dominant tool box, that is nothing more than a dominant ‘temper tantrum’ and a bunch of bull sh*t!
Everyone needs time to think from time to time but you communicate that need and you come back and follow up! So as I’ve said before …..
We’ve been doing this ‘thing’ for a bit now, 24/7 ….. so to think that the intensity would be the same as it was in the beginning would be pretty naive.
The play is still fun and the fact that Sir is the Boss is obvious but the crazy butterflies and anxious nervousness is simply not there, usually! 😉 I’m not one to get into trouble so there isn’t that type of thing playing on my mind. For the most part life goes on as it always has without any obvious tells about why what we do might be different from those around us. It’s just life ….
And then I get up on Sunday morning after being allowed to sleep in to this:
I needed some extra sleep and Sir was up and ready to go apparently! By the time I got up He was already outside working in the yard. I woke up to this note!
It means that He was still thinking of me, I wasn’t forgotten and in our TPE I wait for permission to get my first cup of coffee on the weekends or holidays, so He’s still in charge even when He’s not standing right in front of me.
So I smiled, went back upstairs to put on my comfy clothes instead of what I had picked for him …. 😉 and grabbed myself a cup of coffee before going out to greet Him.
It might not give me anxious butterflies anymore but it does give me a warm feeling all over.