Started off good!

This week has been a bit of a bore! It started off good with some fun kinky times! The energy was ‘right’ and even took some chances through the house while the teen slept! lol

My health took a turn though and my body decided it needed to break down for a while! Got the sniffles to boot, no clue how since I really don’t go anywhere these days but we did order some take out. UGH It’s either that or from touching the mail ….. is this ever going to end!?!?

Anyway, Saturday now and I’m hoping to tap into some fun energy and engage in some bratty play with the Bear! What’s the urgency? Well you see, we were on holiday this week and so I guess my mind was hoping for a bit more intense D/s and less – everything else!

Due to the covid numbers in our area we are going back into stricter lockdown and that actually makes my work day longer, not shorter!! This week was probably the last chance in another long while that we really had time to focus on our relationship and fun times while letting the rest just wait for a while. Seems life had other ideas …. *shrug*

I miss a more intense and sometimes structured way of living our D/s and Bear tends to be more on the casual side. I honestly think we both benefit from short periods of more intentional D/s energy and structure. I’m not sure if trying to do that all the time would work right now because we both still have too much ‘life’ around us BUT taking small breaks from reality and pretending we’re carefree and have all the time in the world for just ‘this’ is nice sometimes!!

I’ve always said I’m not a one trick pony (or rabbit in this case!) and I do need more than just one form/type/dynamic … ? Not sure what term to use here, the point is I need some M/s time in my life in order to relax, I need some D/s time in my life in order to be calm, and I need some ‘bunny’ time in my life in order to be fun and free!

I was hoping for a bit more of that this week but as I said, life had other plans!

It’s going to be busy and we’re going to be tired but I think it’s time to sit down and make a plan, a D/s plan, so that He gets what He needs and I get what I need. I’ve been at this too long to let it go off the rails because I know I’m going to need more, and I know He’ll happily ignore it if He can! 😛

Even doms need a kick in the back side once in a while – Just don’t tell him I said so! Still waiting for the bruises to leave my butt from our earlier fun! *wink*

Stay safe! Be kinky! Have fun! ❤

Looking for …..

Does anyone here know where I might find some good information on a brat/brat tamer dynamic?

I suppose S.A.M. (smart @ss masochist) would also be something of interest. Bear and I are evolving, again, and I think I may be ready to try to tap into this aspect of BDSM.

I’m not talking about being rude or disrespectful or disregarding rules – more of a warrior needing conquer not simply submitting. That said, a little bit of naughty is always fun! *wink*

Chime in, send a link, whatever you may have is appreciated!

Thanks!!!

Cravings – or lack there of!

Lately I’ve been the furthest thing from ‘kinky’. My want or need to ‘play’ has all but disappeared and I’m not really sure why.

Bear has been craving a bit more I think but he hasn’t asked and so I haven’t bothered. He has used just a few rituals, asked for some minor things – like sitting at his feet on the weekends for our morning coffee. That’s about it though.

Sometimes it occurs to me that we haven’t done anything ‘D/s’ in some time, weeks maybe … and that I should be hot and horny by now, but I’m not! A flicker of interest from time to time, but nothing more, it doesn’t seem to go past an intelectual thought – not an emotional need. At least not right now.

My body has been sore and exhausted lately, it seems to happen this way in the spring time. Allergies and hEDS combine to make my life VERY COMPLICATED! Thankfully life in general seems calm these days, the boys are finally well on track and Bear and I are as usual, fine.

Happy.

Content.

Nothing to worry about, no complaints.

Well, almost no complaints! The lack of privacy and alone time makes spankings and other impact play a distant memory. As much as we try to tap into other methods of keeping the energy alive the truth is that I am a masochist and He a sadist.

When the BDSM is taken away it is very hard for us to keep the same levels of kinky energy and horny want – alive!!

Our dominant and submissive energies are very much linked to kink. Domestic duties and acts of service are simply just too ‘normal’ here, those things were part of us before we ventured into the world of dominance and submission and as much as they are/or can be part of power exchange relationships, for us they were just life.

When I was writing more it was a bit easier, when I was chatting with others in the lifestyle it was easier. When I was reading and researching kink it was easier. I do wish sometimes that we had a circle or like minded friends, but we don’t and so the lack of kink has created a lack of interest on my part. Add that too low energy and body pain and I’m afraid I’m really not responding the way I know he would appreciate.

Although I’ve been his since the beginning (like in a D/s sense) my personal energy source for submission has always been BDSM and an active sex life.

What about you? What’s your dominant or submissive source of energy?

The hardest part(s) about a D/s relationship.

I’m thinking back on the things I’ve had to come to terms with over the years. The years of trying to figure out where I fit in this land of BDSM and D/s. I keep coming back to the same conclusion …. I don’t! *chuckle*

That’s fine, don’t feel sorry for me, I don’t. I’ve never been one to want to fit in, why start now? I’m being a bit cheeky here but I think it’s true. I really don’t fit in to what is on the internet, what is in those chat groups and online forums etc.

I can’t even begin to imagine trying to navigate those things in hopes of beginning a power exchange relationship of any sort at this point in my life. I recently began following a dominant here on WP and from what I see on his site, not much has changed from when I gave up on trying to join in and have a community to chat with in regards to lifestyle ideas, challenges and what have you.

I didn’t find my husband by trying to find a partner in a ‘group’ and I don’t believe I would do that now either. I looked for someone I could stand to be around when nothing was going on and no one else was there. Someone I could be quiet with and still sit in comfort.

I also wanted someone I could talk to, say what I wanted to say, what I meant, what was in my head. (And there is always a lot in my head!! LoL) It was only after that connection that everything else came to be.

So yes, the hardest part of beginning this power dynamic of ours was just figuring out that everyone else’s ideas were just that, ideas. When it comes to your relationship there is no ‘police’ that is going to come and get you and take you away for not doing it ‘right’.

That said, if it doesn’t feel right to you – on either side of the slash – speak up. If your partner can’t sit and listen and try to figure it out with you, they are likely not worth your energy and time. No matter what title or label they go by, if they can’t respect you and your needs …. you best take a good hard look at whether or not you really want to stay.

This is an old idea and some of you veterans on my site have heard me say it before – if this dynamic you find yourself in is bringing you more hurt and sadness than it is joy and strength, why are you putting up with that? You’re worth more …

If it makes you happy however, then fight to keep it! Being on one side or the other of this ‘slash’ does not absolve you from responsibility in fueling and maintaining the energy that you both (or all) want and enjoy.

I have found that my personal mindset and attitude have much more to do with my submission than anything he could ever do. Yes he has a responsibility here too, he is responsible for his own mindset and attitude.

I don’t blame him (or at least I try very hard not to – I’m human and slip from time to time but I try to keep my little bunny butt on track!) and he doesn’t blame me. We are adults in a consensual adult relationship, regardless of dynamic, and we are both in charge of making it work.

So I guess there isn’t just one hard part! LoL This relationship is work, just like any other and it takes effort. It doesn’t always feel D/s in the super hyper kinky energy that we all like, but it doesn’t mean it’s gone either. It doesn’t have to be ‘on’ all the time because in my life at least, there are way too many other things that need doing that simply can not be pushed aside.

So that’s another hard fact I had to swallow, I’m not going to always feel the submissive pull that gets me in a haze – and that’s just got to be okay. The alternative is that I feel somehow adrift searching for something that just can’t be, not every second of every day. It’s not realistic.

I think that when you put this relationship into a 24/7/365 aspect you need to understand that you do drift from one personality trait to another depending on need and circumstance.

For me the thing that makes it real is that any time I need to stop and kneel in front of Him, he responds in kind. Without fail. Everytime.

And when He calls on me, I do the same …..

Happy Monday friends! Hope life finds you well, hope my meandering brain has brought you some entertainment, and perhaps caused you to pause and think. *smiles*

He’s a Man

I love Him dearly – I love Him to bits!! And, He drives me crazy!!

He drives me crazy for the same reasons I love Him to bits … he’s a man! (I’m not interested in comments about gender and fluency etc. Bear is a man, identifies as such and is quite happy to be one … so let it go, K??)

His communication style is very ‘man’ like. If you don’t know what I mean than this is likely not the blog for you … sorry. If you do know what I mean, well YOU KNOW what I mean! Argh!

All that said, if I really want to be His submissive than I need to stop focusing on what it is I think He should say, or do, or ‘word it like’ … and just simply take what He says either at face value or at what I’m pretty sure He means.

If I’m not sure I need to just ask – and not turn it into a ‘thing’ that then becomes an issue and then a problem etc. You see where I’m going don’t you?

We communicate differently and when we do it can become hard for me to merge that idea in my head with the reality that is. If I put the fantasy and emotion out of the equation – the truth is I know what He means, and doesn’t mean. I’ve known Him 25+ years now and I know Him better than anyone.

So why lean into the negative story that only wants trouble when I know He simply didn’t tell me the way I was expecting? (Ah, expectations – the angst of all submissives, right??).

When I’m deeper into -sub mindset- it’s harder to be rational, that’s why. When I’m not, I have a choice. I chose to go with what I know of Him and not start anything by way of trouble. The world has plenty of that – I prefer happy!

Sorry for the ramble, just getting my feet wet again with words! *wink*

Two week trial

Part of our dynamic involves constant exploration, why not? Sometimes it’s sex and kink that we put a trial period on and sometimes it’s more. Like an idea or feeling that we are trying to capture with rituals and rules to help create – whatever it is we are after!

We are going to start just that again now. As I’ve written, things are a bit bland in our kinky life and we both are craving something more deliberate, more intense. We’ve sat down a few times over the past week to brainstorm together about what feeling it is we want to achieve and what triggers we have that help us do just that.

I crave a more intense BDSM aspect to my dynamic, Bear does too I think, but noise and lack of privacy are still very much a problem! My son’s mental health is no longer an issue (thankfully) but Covid has made it that we are NEVER alone! LoL Much like many of you I’m sure! That means that the things we are trying out are not necessarily exactly what we would like our dynamic to look like, but they are hopefully good enough for now.

There is no such thing as ‘perfect’, we put that notion aside long ago so we could focus on simply being happy! So we’ll start a 2 weeks trial period on a few ideas and see where it takes us. We want only a few changes right now, not a whole list all at once. Too much, too fast is just not the way to find a rhythm that works for us. It gets complicated and a bit too frenzied to really understand and appreciate the implications and if it’s something we want to keep or toss!

The thought is that 2 weeks is just long enough to see if it’s do-able, if it’s effective, or if it’s simply too much or doesn’t work on the psyche the way we hope. There will be no changes or backing out, or adding to during the 2 weeks. Changes will be made afterwards in order to give things a real chance! Of course – if it’s obvious that something is a ‘hard no’ for either of us than it will be reassessed and stopped, or whatever the appropriate measure.

So wish me luck! ❤

Maintaining that D/s connection. pt.3

Not everything we do to experience dominance and submission is sexual. As a matter of fact I would say that the majority is not. Likely, the most prominent parts of dominance and submission in my life are NOT sexy or sexual.

I’m kinky and I’m sexual, I’ve never had to be talked into that! *chuckle* I’m monogamous and never was promiscuous (not a judgement, just a reference) but I’m more than happy to engage in and even initiate with my partner. So all that kinky stuff you read about is fun but not really a challenge for me.

The challenge is submitting to taking care – of me! Because of real life, today’s acts of dominance and submission are simple. ‘Don’t do anything, rest!’ UGH – Wanna talk about submission and ‘training’ … this is my true test!

It’s not all about sex, or at least, it doesn’t have to be. The sex is a pretty good bonus though! *wink*

I was going to write about the kink of body writing but that will have to wait until tomorrow! Be well, keep smiling, take care of each other and yourself! ❤

Most important submissive phrase

‘Can you help me, please?’

Hello everyone! It has been a long while, some of you who follow my other site know why already.

I’m not sure how often I’ll be back here or if at all for now. I have started the slow process of getting back to writing, I know it’s good for my head but I’m not sure if I have anything worth sharing here. If you have any questions, any comments, any musing etc. feel free to drop a comment. Maybe you will inspire a post! LoL I did have this one thought though … 

The most important phrase that I, as His submissive, have learned is to ask for help! Right now especially I’m finding it to be crucial. 

The kink, the BDSM, the masochist in me and the sadist in Him. Those are all important in our dynamic for certain BUT learning to ask for help, learning I can ask for help, learning that I can completely depend on Him. 

That’s what really makes this dynamic special. 

Happy Friday! I have missed you …. 

Evolution

i have 15 to 20 well deserved stripes on my backside.

Over the years i think that we have moved from kinky, to D/s, to M/s and all along there has been a strong undertone of DD.

It makes sense really, they are all related (whether or not folks want to admit it)!

I think we have fallen into a truly comfortable harmony right now and I can’t wait to see where the journey takes us next.

As our kinks evolve, so too does our relationship and our dynamic.

Happy wicked Wednesday! *wink*