Submission = emotion + desire

I had this conversation the first time about a year and a half ago and I recently revisited the idea with a friend. The conclusion for me was the same both times although they came about in two different ways.

One factor was intelligence and the second dominance.

Neither of these topics are meant in a high and mighty way so I hope they don’t come across as such but I am very straightforward in my wording of things, and if you’ve been around any time at all you probably already know that. So let’s have at it shall we?Image result for emotion and desire

The first is intelligence, can you be simply too smart to be submissive? If you know and see pretty much all ideas and avenues before they happen, if you know the answer before you ask the question, if you are always at the top of your game, can anyone else really ever be in control of you? If you know just how to behave to get the outcome you want then who is really in control?

Well I think this is where your emotion comes into play. You need to keep mindful that the only reason this remains submissive is because you allow yourself to feel it as such. Isn’t this exactly what happens in all DOM/sub relationship? The submissive is rewarded for good behaviour and the Dominant’s rules are adhered too. Does it really make the act any less submissive simply because you can see the outcome from miles away? Perhaps that makes it even more submissive in nature ….. ?

Secondly is dominance, I am a naturally dominant person so what is it that has made me submissive to my husband? I step up and take control of things and people all the time, I plan, control and execute all day long and quite happily so how can I simply put that aside for Him?

Well this one is mostly desire. I have made a choice to be and act this way in my marriage and the only thing truly responsible for it is my strong desire to do so. In the beginning of the shift to this dynamic I made a conscious effort to wait and leave decisions for Him to make and control. I didn’t have an overwhelming need for Him to be in charge but I did and do have an overwhelming desire to have Him as my dominant.

So for me feeding the emotion of submission by keeping the feelings alive trumps the fact that I can manipulate the outcome if I chose to. That fact that I don’t is a show of submission in and of itself, and secondly the desire to stay as His submissive even though I can function quite well as a dominant is the thing that seals the deal for us.

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Life like submission is about choice and effort, this is where I choose to put mine.

And all the kinky fun stuff of course!! LOL You wouldn’t want to forget dessert!

Love You Always Sir ❤

Colours of responsibility

I wanted to touch on a subject that doesn’t really make itself known in my world very often, but is so important to remember and put into the right light!

Sometime over our wonderful weekend together I had to use my safe word and I called red! Yup, I know …. wow! Now it wasn’t for a physical issue, no accident or anything like that but it was something I just couldn’t work through and so I used my word.

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I’m not entirely sure what it was that was causing me to feel this way but no matter how much I tried I just couldn’t get my mind into what we were doing. I don’t mean I wasn’t interested or turned on enough, I mean I just was starting to feel very uncomfortable and wrong. There was no ‘real’ reason for the discomfort I was having but the fact is that it really doesn’t matter, does it?

I could have continued on, put on a brave face and just let things happen but emotionally that is NOT a good way to do things. Using your safe words is not a failure or let down, on either side. It doesn’t mean that you are not good together and it doesn’t mean that you are not trying hard enough …. I think using your safe words is actually a very powerful way of showing commitment and trust.

For all the kink and crazy things we do the last thing my dominant wants to do is hurt me in a real sense …. emotional hurt is just as important and damaging as physical hurt and sometimes even more so. It doesn’t matter if there is no obvious reason as to why it is happening, it still needs to be addressed.

Showing Him I trust Him enough to use my safe words when I need to or am in doubt only serves to strengthen our connection. It shows that I have trusted Him with all of me, all my thoughts and doubts and worries, … even the ones that don’t seem to make sense or might not be pleasing to deal with for Him. THAT is the point of being a dominant after all, to help and care for and provide for another not just when things are easy or sexy but also in their time of need.

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So yes, I called ‘red’, things stopped instantly and within minutes we were talking it out. We both got to feel better and connected and it really wasn’t much time before we were having fun again.

If I hadn’t stopped I would likely be feeling anxious or wrong and doubting all sorts of things about myself and my marriage by now, instead I feel safe and loved and cared for. I have shown Him that He can trust me to be truthful and He has shown me that He can be trusted to care for me, all of me ….. no matter what, without anger, or frustration or hurt.

That’s why He’s my dominant, He has earned the title and continues to do so every day!

Love You Always my Wonderful ❤

Sensible Sunday thoughts

He takes from me what He needs to satisfy His hunger …

In return He provides for my needs, to satisfy my soul ….

He is fulfilled, I am fulfilled ….

Balance. No guilt, no worry, no shame – from either side.

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And mostly no bullsh*t! I have been unfortunate enough to run into this reoccurring idea and for now I have only one thing to say about it ….

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I’m sure I’ll be back to this one … Happy Sunday all!

Love You Always Sir ❤

Submission, Rotties and Shepherds

My Rotti and my Shepherd submit to me, not because they can’t take care of themselves, not because they’re not strong enough and if you know anything about the breeds not because they are not certain of themselves …..

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They submit to me because I have earned their respect, I have earned their trust and I have proven that I ‘have this’ in any and all situations. It’s not that they couldn’t take control, they just don’t need to so they choose not to.

And so too does the bunny submit to the Bear.

Love You Sir ❤


I’ve got a bit of a cold again so I really haven’t got anything pressing to post about, well I always have something … but my headache is keeping me from concentrating enough to write!
I’ll reblog this one that speaks to keeping things fresh and exciting in life and in relationships. The basic point is that if you want it to feel great and wonderful you need to make the choice to look at it in that light.
When you are smitten with a person the smallest gesture has the greatest meaning but as we get comfortable things seem to be less because we have let them mean less to us. It’s all in how you look at it really.
I left Sir a note in the coffee filters this morning, a big ‘kiss’ to start His day. Not a huge gesture but I’ll bet it was effective in putting a smile on His face and brightening His day, because He chose to put that much emphasis on it. I’m willing to bet that He has it in His back pocket too …
If He didn’t react like that I likely wouldn’t be doing things like that … and vice a versa.

nijntje & The Bear

So I’ve had this ‘idea’ scribbled, saved in my drafts for over a month now. It’s not something I’m working on or trying to fix or anything like that Sir, it just came about because of a conversation I was having. It’s just my view on life you could say, my two cents!

I identified with this topic on two levels, one being first love, young, naive and whole-hearted. When everything is a big deal, every look is soooo meaningful and the smallest act is translated to ‘OMG He’s so awesome’!! When we’re young and have no other responsibilities, all our attention is on our crush and we very actively find ways to make them good, and great and the best thing that has ever happened to us. That’s why everyone remembers their ‘first love’ because we wear some big *ss rose-coloured glasses and we make everything mean something ……

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I decided on my attire for the day last night, last night what I picked seemed like a good idea.

Today however, every time I take a step the stitching and fabric rubs on the inside of my thighs … irritating the already sore and sensitive skin! Ouchie!

I suppose I could go and change, but that would be a shame now wouldn’t it? By the time the day is done and I get permission to change into something more comfortable I will likely be standing like a cowgirl! And sitting just the way He likes ……. ! Assuming I can sit …. Evil Evil Bear!

He bounced back from His illness as you can guess, and we tried out some new kinks to boot! Thanks again Walking Dead! lol

Happy Tuesday!

Love You Always Sir! ❤

Simply put!

I love the simple complexity of this description. It speaks to the attention, care and dedication required to make this type of relationship work.

Each so different and each always a work in progress. I hope you all enjoy it too! Thanks kit for letting me share it … 😀

Related image Kit saw this news and got really intrigued in bonsai. Kit is not an expert in bonsai caretaking nor is kit a connoisseur. She only had minimal exposure to it when she was living in China. kit likes the aesthetics and tranquility that a bonsai brings. Then it dawned on the kit…that a relationship […]

via Bonsai — Kit and Caboodle of Jumbled thoughts and reasoning

A thousand words ….

The core of our connection and personalities I think is summed up very quickly in two pictures. The two we have chosen for our avatars.

nijntje is a dutch word, it is a term of endearment commonly used but it also translates literally to little rabbit, or bunny hence my avatar …

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Notice the bunny standing alone, sticking out her tongue, attitude a plenty! LOL Yup, that’s me! I might be small but I’m stubborn and defiant to anyone who doesn’t gain my respect.

When we first started all this online stuff Sir needed to find one as well. Now you have seen plenty I’m sure, men in suits, tigers, lions, beasts of all sorts … whips chains and the like …. but my Sir has never been about appearances and well you all know how I feel about fakes and facades so, this is what He picked ….

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I think He has made His priority clear, don’t you? Happy Sunday all!

Love You Always Sir ❤

Oh for goodness sakes!!!!

Sometimes I really don’t like this … oh well, Sir is sick and it’s finally 5 o’clock on Friday just starting a long weekend no less!

I am ready and needy and more than eager …. and He has gone to bed.

I’m not upset that He is sick, He has no control over that obviously but … Come On!!! With crazy schedules and kids we decided to save a Valentine’s date to the weekend. There is a wonderful Dutch shop in town with an eat in area and fresh fine pastries! I do not indulge very often and we also don’t get to ‘date’ much so I was really looking forward to it! And now this ….

We have also been going through a bit of a drier spell than what I would like … what can I say, us Europeans are insatiable! 😛  Sex might not be the main thing but once all other pieces are in place then 4 or more times per week is good for me … 😉 You know that country song, I can sleep when I’m dead …. yeah right about now that is just what I’m thinking.

Ugh and UGH!

So I guess I will get out the music, try to not indulge in too much wine (don’t want trouble now) and who knows I might even write a short story or two ….

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Not very informative or insightful I know, but see I get disappointed too! And although we don’t have many rules, not playing without permission is one, and waking Him up to ask just wouldn’t be right, would it?!?!?! 😛 UGH again!!!


Love You Sir! ❤ …. feel better soon