Consensual Domination/submission?

** Written 2 1/2 years ago and unfortunately still valid today! **

So at which point do we cross over from consensual domination and submission to being simply immature and selfish. Sometimes even bordering on oppressive … I thought women having to play dumb went out in the 50s and 60s! Would you be upset with me for simply doing something to the best of my ability?

I thought one of the joys of these relationships was that we helped each other to be better than what we are alone! Wanting the best for each other despite our own wants and never putting our own selfish desires ahead of the other person is what makes us stand apart from the vanilla world.

If that’s the case, why in the world would you want me to pretend to be less than what I am just so that you looked better? Isn’t that the definition of a bully?

(Not about my relationship, just an idea that was going around on a ‘submissive’ site I was part of. I can’t get behind that concept at all!)

I like it

** This was one of the reasons I started this site 2 1/2 years ago, to show that you don’t need to put yourself lower than anyone else in order to be a good submissive. The idea that I should lower my self and my capabilities just so a ‘dom’ could feel better about themselves was ridiculous to me, and it still is.

The theme at the time was that the submissive felt bad because she won a board game while playing against friends and her dom. She knew he would be upset and even went on to preach that she should have known better than to do her best, she should have let him win. What?!?!?

The people around at the time were more than happy to agree and even chastise her for being too smart ….. LOL right! If you are not strong enough to take me on don’t pretend that’s my problem …. that’s your issue, not mine!

That is not dominant, that’s domineering ….

Unfortunately it seems that the idea is still out there and still bringing down the spirits of strong and independent people who also want to enjoy the benefits of submitting to their mates!

I guess a rabbit’s work is never done! **


16 thoughts on “Consensual Domination/submission?

    1. They do indeed! If what you are doing is only making things worse instead of better, well than, why are you doing it? If there is no joy in it, than there is no point …

      Unfortunately, just like in any other abusive relationship, the abused very rarely realizes that it’s not them in the wrong, it’s the self-inflated perpetrator.

      Thank you R.V. for chiming in, the more the message gets out than hopefully the less abuse will be out there, or at least it will not be tolerated!


      1. I think, in a lot of cases, the abused seem to compromise with their reality due to their emotional connection or “emotional chains” I call them.

        “He/she can change. This isn’t like them. I just need to be patient and wait.”

        “He/she is just having a bad week. It’ll pass.”


        Other times, gaslighting and other forms of manipulation take hold of the person/s and they are often in a state of confusion and questioning their own sanity.

        Thank you for being a voice for the voiceless. We need more of those in the LS.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I think you are right on the money with all you’ve noted here. The signs and ways of abuse are the same no matter the relationship I’m afraid.

        They need our support, thank you for adding your voice as well! 🙂


  1. Speaking from my experience at Twitter, that Dom tweeted he had a huge ego. Not a turn on for me and he squashed my spirit horribly. No Dom should ever do that. He would get angry when I was right and he was wrong. It just was life sucking. You are right, it is domineering and what sub wants that? My Sir loves my high spiritedness and my strength. He loves that I am a kick ass girl. Lmao! Seriously though, this exists at Twitter and I am sure elsewhere as you’ve seen yourself.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well with any luck the word will get out to them that there is more to this lifestyle and the crap that they have experienced is NOT the truth of it.

      That kind of sh*t is exactly what gives the rest of us a bad name in vanilla circles. It’s not that they care what we do ‘in bed’, it’s the domineering and oppressive behaviour that they can’t reconcile and frankly neither can I!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I can’t agree with this more! I hate it when I see people (from both sides of the slash) promoting the idea that an s-type has to be meek and servile, or completely helpless. It seems to me like that would be exhausting, making every single decision and taking care of one’s partner as though s/he were incompetent. Wouldn’t it be wearing to be constantly “on” and unable to relax for a second because you have to take care of absolutely everything? It’s ridiculous.
    It would seem to me that those who are emotionally invested in their partner actually enjoy having a sub (or slave or bottom, etc) who has an actual personality. From what I’ve witnessed, it’s the domineering asshats who want a mindless robot instead of a real person.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Amen! Having 100% responsibility is what goes along with having children, and even then our goal is to ultimately make them self-sufficient. Seems pretty stupid to want anything else for a partner.

      Making one completely dependent on you and making them believe they can’t make it without out is a classic move for any abuser …. I hope people think about that for a bit.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. No matter what they disguise it as, psychologically abusing someone by making them feel less or having to put them down to make yourself better is not right anytime, anywhere for any reason. The Dominant is supposed to be the leader and a proper leader does not do this. Having someone smart and strong is the only way I would want it.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Absolutely! I am starting a site for the support and encouragement of submissive partners. Telling anyone to play dumb is NOT encouragement! It is demeaning and wrong. I believe that our submission is an earned gift and should be respected and applauded just as we respect our Dom’s guidance and strength.

    Liked by 1 person

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