There are so many different spankings and so many reasons why! If you have no experience in this you may think we are all just kinky, or out of our minds! LoL I promise you that is not necessarily the case.
Now, I’m not talking about the harsh, aggressive things you find online when you go looking for spanking videos – No I mean that there are so many other forms of engaging in a spanking ritual that I’d be writing you a book if I tried to cover them all. So with that in mind remember that I am only talking about a few ideas here and that it varies from person to person, just like everything else in this lifestyle.
Reset Spankings: used by many when they feel their dynamic has gotten a bit off track. It is a way of reaffirming the commitment to the lifestyle we have chosen and a physical catalyst to a new beginning. From my searching and personal experience these are normally a bit on the harsher side. Not angry or aggressive, just more intense as both parties need to release the old and begin fresh.
‘Harsher’ is of course relative, as will be any of these terms – as a masochist my idea of harsh may well be different from yours. It’s not about copying what you’ve seen, it’s about finding your own ruler to measure by.
Maintenance Spankings: used to keep a certain energy level flowing. It’s not about restarting anything it’s about staying the course and will normally be set to a schedule. Many of us who enjoy impact play/spankings already know that there is a certain feel about doing it and doing it right that seems to keep us happy. Content, in the everyday regardless of what stressors we have around us. The level of intensity really does depend on you, the person accepting the spanking. Some need a more intense session while others are well served with a moderate, almost massage like quality/feel to the entire event!
I know, you’re think that the rabbit has finally lost all her marbles!! To equate a spanking to a massage! LoL Seriously though, have you never had the experience when the rhythm and intensity is such that you start to melt away into a very comfortable, relaxed calm?? If you haven’t, you should try it out …
Stress Relief Spankings: unlike maintenance which will often be scheduled, spankings for stress relief will be used whenever one – or both parties – needs a spanking. For any reason really, besides fun. I say both parties here because despite the fact that most of use will think of only the submissive needing a spanking, I believe that dominants will too, sometimes.
No, I’m not talking about switching, where the dominant allows the submissive to ‘top’ them for some stress relief of their own. This too can happen but sticking to just submissive spankings here, what I mean is that spanking releases stress from both sides. The dominant as well as the submissive can reap the benefits of a spanking well done, not just the receiver.
I’m sure you can all imagine the look I got when I first told The Bear that I thought He needed a spanking session!! 😛 *smirk*
However, I do think that there are times that he, just like me, gets to be a bit too stressed out and taking it out on my backside, for HIS benefit, is also a thing.
All of these things work well and there are many reasons why they do but it always boils down to a release of chemicals that causes you to relax and rejuvenate so that you may come back at least a bit better to carry on whatever it is that is happening in your world.
We have used spankings for stress relief for a very long time. We don’t get to now due to privacy issues and so we have been using the other methods I have written about in the maintaining the D/s posts. We find these to be useful not only after a stressful even but also BEFORE! If I know that something is going to take all my might NOT to react poorly than I will ask for something before the event.
In general, spankings can be used for whatever you think might be helpful to you. The length, intensity and ritual you use will be unique. The most important ingredient to make it work is as always, communication.
Communication in spanking: It sounds odd to some of us that the submissive partner has the right to, and NEEDS to communicate about when and how a spanking needs to be done. My experience has been that the more communication there is the more effective the act and the better the dynamic over all.
It’s hard sometimes as a submissive to come to terms with the fact that our dominants are not mind readers and neither do they need to be. We all know this of course but when it comes to speaking up and asking for what we need and want, we seem to freeze up!
It’s a tail *wink* as old as time. It’s not leading, it’s not topping, it’s not weird and it’s most certainly not wrong to communicate thoughts and feelings to your dominant. They do get to make the decision of what actually happens after all, that’s the ‘dom’ part in this, not you asking.
Do you remember when you read all those posts that said submission is hard? This, this is that hard part. It’s the asking, it’s the getting past our discomfort and negative self talk that tries to talk us out of speaking up. It’s the uncertainty and insecurity that can creep up – it’s the vulnerability of putting it out there in the open.
That’s submission – or at least part of it.
You get the reason for the spanking in your minds and then you start – faster, slower, harder … too hard! slow it down or ramp it up. A different position perhaps or a different tool. These are all things we have discussed during a spanking! yes, during, because the point was to practice and see what feels right for the outcome we want and what doesn’t work.
We always know when the discussion is over because I melt into Him, words fall away and we become one. One in the journey to the life and dynamic we want. Then we hope we weren’t too distracted to remember all the ‘tweaks’ we made for the next time! *giggle*
We progressed from spankings to S&M, it accomplishes the same goal for me in a much deeper sense. That’s why we can get addicted to subspace. Just like spankings are not always about sex, neither is BDSM.
This is only scratching the surface, I know, so feel free to drop a comment and add to the conversation!