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What this site is, and is not.

This is a site about life and getting on with it.

This is a site about how I submit to my husband and how sometimes things get complicated and busy but our relationship stays in tack.

This is a site about how we navigate the TPE in our lives and some of the hiccups and changes along the way.

This is NOT however a site where you will find retells of my sexual adventures.

This is NOT a site where I will tell stories of spankings and red backsides.

This is NOT an erotic or spanking site, there are plenty of those around. This is NOT one of them.

My personal life and sexual adventures belong to One Man only, no one else. He owns that, it is not to be shared.

If that is what you are looking for you need look no further, it is not here. Sorry.

To the rest of the world who has all of a sudden decided to take a peek, welcome! 😀

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This year, I’m taking care of *me*.

I don’t read much by way of ‘lifestyle’ blogs/posts so I can’t say that this isn’t out there, but it is something I haven’t seen much of and so I thought I’d put some of these thoughts ‘here’ and out of my head!

I remember originally searching and finding (or trying to) like minded people to share ideas with and information. I remember much of what we discussed, what the different ideas were and how it all seemed connected in one way or another. It was nice to have that circle to turn to but it did eventually make one thing pretty obvious. There was blog after blog about how to take care of your dom/me but nothing really about how to take care of you, the submissive.

It seems that when starting out in this exciting and all encompassing world of D/s ‘how to be a good submissive’ is a very widely sought after course! Kinky ideas are usually pretty easy to find, spanking videos and how-to’s are a dime a dozen and ‘letting go of all control’ memes would lead you to believe that if you just do it ‘right’ all your problems will soon be a thing of the past! *chuckle*

Raise your hand if you have found that to be true … please, anyone. Raise your hand, don’t be shy …. *wink*

I don’t think it takes too long for even the most optimistic of us to realize that that is simply not true! D/s (or whatever dynamic you chose) is a great addition to a relationship, a healthy relationship, and can even help to provide tools for a relationship that is perhaps in need of a nudge.

It does not however, provide a cure all and it does not make it so that things and situations don’t creep back up from time to time. Whether the issues are personal or from outside the relationship – life will go on. I mean, I have thought of getting onto a secluded island or a cabin in the woods! The latter being more my style anyway, but I have yet to make that dream a reality.

Alas, what I wish I had seen more of was information on the importance of self care, the importance of taking time to recharge and the importance of realizing/knowing that that too is part of submission.

I’m not saying I never ran into a post, or two, that covered this topic because I did. I just wish it was something more in the forefront, more pronounced. Almost like a prerequisite to entering the ‘school of submission’.

What I have seen is too many run into less than ideal situations because they didn’t realize that you can and as a matter of fact NEED TO take care of yourself first if you want to be good at whatever it is you have decided to pursue. Secondly, it’s not your dominant’s job to take care of you, not like this. As an adult you have a responsibility for yourself.

Yes, a dominant will always do their best (or at least they should strive to I would think) to take care of any issues that arise and that they can identify but they are neither god nor a mind reader. Even if they could see it coming quite frankly it’s unrealistic and unfair to believe they will be able to spot and ‘fix’ all of life’s trials and troubles.

These relationships require consent and that can only be given by rational, reasonable adults. As such we need to understand that we are still ultimately in charge of and responsible for our own lives. D/s doesn’t change that,….

It does give us a shoulder to lean on and perhaps, if we are really lucky, someone to carry the load for a while until we get back to ourselves.

It does give us a closeness and connection that may often confuse those not in the know.

It does give us a soft place to fall (or kneel) when we just can’t seem to find the strength to keep standing.

It does not however take the place of ‘real life’. It simply enhances it.

It does not take away our responsibility for ourselves, either. So yes, this year I’m taking care of me. I’m not sure if I’d give myself that privilege if not for the strength and support of the Bear, that much I can say. It was however something I had to rationalize and set for myself.

He’s the Dom, he ‘signed off’ which I knew he would because after all – It is his job to take care of me, right?? LoL

Why is it we complicate things so? He’s made me take care of me more and so I have been able to set time and space to do so. Now, I know what I need, why does he have to figure that out too in order for it to be ‘real D/s’ and not leading or some other dumb sh*t?

Remember that ‘rule’ in school …

K.I.S.S.

Keep It Simple Silly!

Well, that’s the plan anyway …

Over the past few years that has become my catch phrase!! LoL

Not because I can’t decide, not because I can’t commit – No, It’s because my body and brain will often change ‘the plan’ for me.

As someone who likes structure and being prepared as well as having a bit of a perfectionist streak (no comment needed, Bear!) it can be mentally and emotionally challenging to accept the situation and change my attitude. Or at least it was. Those days are, for the most part, behind me now.

Much of what I write about my life and chronic issues is left to my other blog site but once in a while it does crash head on into my D/s adventures as well. That is pretty much where I find myself now. Bear and I keep trying to add and implement rituals we both know help to maintain the energy levels of sex and kink and D/s that we enjoy and every time I take a ‘turn’!

When I’m in a flare up it tends to carry on for a while and wouldn’t you know it?!? The few moments of ‘normal’ I get are met with an injury or other mishap for the Bear! *shakes head* Of course, right? I can’t say that attitudes change, it’s just that hot, sexy energy that becomes more of a smoldering.

Between that and ongoing Covid restrictions that cause my work load to more than double, well my intentions to start writing here again have been derailed! So i just wanted to let you all know that we are still here and we are still plugging along, just as everyone else.

I would still like to get back to sharing my thoughts and things I’ve learned but I just can’t say exactly when that will be! It looks like maybe 3 weeks in my area before I get my time back again. I’ll hop in when I can, like today, but until things calm back down again for me – Be Well! Take care and keep on keeping on (as the saying goes.)!

Started off good!

This week has been a bit of a bore! It started off good with some fun kinky times! The energy was ‘right’ and even took some chances through the house while the teen slept! lol

My health took a turn though and my body decided it needed to break down for a while! Got the sniffles to boot, no clue how since I really don’t go anywhere these days but we did order some take out. UGH It’s either that or from touching the mail ….. is this ever going to end!?!?

Anyway, Saturday now and I’m hoping to tap into some fun energy and engage in some bratty play with the Bear! What’s the urgency? Well you see, we were on holiday this week and so I guess my mind was hoping for a bit more intense D/s and less – everything else!

Due to the covid numbers in our area we are going back into stricter lockdown and that actually makes my work day longer, not shorter!! This week was probably the last chance in another long while that we really had time to focus on our relationship and fun times while letting the rest just wait for a while. Seems life had other ideas …. *shrug*

I miss a more intense and sometimes structured way of living our D/s and Bear tends to be more on the casual side. I honestly think we both benefit from short periods of more intentional D/s energy and structure. I’m not sure if trying to do that all the time would work right now because we both still have too much ‘life’ around us BUT taking small breaks from reality and pretending we’re carefree and have all the time in the world for just ‘this’ is nice sometimes!!

I’ve always said I’m not a one trick pony (or rabbit in this case!) and I do need more than just one form/type/dynamic … ? Not sure what term to use here, the point is I need some M/s time in my life in order to relax, I need some D/s time in my life in order to be calm, and I need some ‘bunny’ time in my life in order to be fun and free!

I was hoping for a bit more of that this week but as I said, life had other plans!

It’s going to be busy and we’re going to be tired but I think it’s time to sit down and make a plan, a D/s plan, so that He gets what He needs and I get what I need. I’ve been at this too long to let it go off the rails because I know I’m going to need more, and I know He’ll happily ignore it if He can! 😛

Even doms need a kick in the back side once in a while – Just don’t tell him I said so! Still waiting for the bruises to leave my butt from our earlier fun! *wink*

Stay safe! Be kinky! Have fun! ❤

Looking for …..

Does anyone here know where I might find some good information on a brat/brat tamer dynamic?

I suppose S.A.M. (smart @ss masochist) would also be something of interest. Bear and I are evolving, again, and I think I may be ready to try to tap into this aspect of BDSM.

I’m not talking about being rude or disrespectful or disregarding rules – more of a warrior needing conquer not simply submitting. That said, a little bit of naughty is always fun! *wink*

Chime in, send a link, whatever you may have is appreciated!

Thanks!!!

Jerks are everywhere – even in BDSM.

You know what’s really sad, insulting and even a bit laughable? When you post your truth, when you try to show the world what your BDSM and D/s looks like, to be honest, real …. and then someone tries to use that moment in time and turn it into an opportunity to try to steal your partner away.

I’m not interested in being a site that only speaks about the fun, kinky and full on power exchange moments. I’m in a live in, married, 24/7 relationship with the man I fell in love with a quarter century ago. We share 2 children, 2 dogs, two cars and a nice Georgian style home with a very large, beautiful but very work laden back yard.

There are many more facets to our lives than just BDSM and D/s.

I like to include some of that in my blog because it gives a fuller picture of what real life looks like, not the porn videos or fiction story books. Whatever you read however is just a snippet – a moment in time. It’s not always indicative of that week or even that day.

In fact, I use writing as a way to work through whatever stress is on my mind and it very often has left me by the end of the post. I imagine it works this way for many of us who chose to write.

None of us need your rudeness in stepping in and trying to overtake what we have worked so hard to build.

****************** *********************

This is not a normal issue for me here, I keep things tame enough to keep most interest at bay I suppose. But there is always someone, humm? Consider this your scolding, if you want a DOM/ME so bad believe me I can turn on a dime. I might not be an alfa, but I could be.

MANNERS!

You want to be considered by someone, anyone who lives with integrity and in the lifestyle, than work on your damn manners. Bad form I say, and even if someone here was looking to expand our circle, which we are not, we would only consider those who have proper manners and know their place.

I might be His rabbit but I am always a Warrior. I may not be a sadist but I can certainly have you doing ‘jumping jacks if you over step again.

Cravings – or lack there of!

Lately I’ve been the furthest thing from ‘kinky’. My want or need to ‘play’ has all but disappeared and I’m not really sure why.

Bear has been craving a bit more I think but he hasn’t asked and so I haven’t bothered. He has used just a few rituals, asked for some minor things – like sitting at his feet on the weekends for our morning coffee. That’s about it though.

Sometimes it occurs to me that we haven’t done anything ‘D/s’ in some time, weeks maybe … and that I should be hot and horny by now, but I’m not! A flicker of interest from time to time, but nothing more, it doesn’t seem to go past an intelectual thought – not an emotional need. At least not right now.

My body has been sore and exhausted lately, it seems to happen this way in the spring time. Allergies and hEDS combine to make my life VERY COMPLICATED! Thankfully life in general seems calm these days, the boys are finally well on track and Bear and I are as usual, fine.

Happy.

Content.

Nothing to worry about, no complaints.

Well, almost no complaints! The lack of privacy and alone time makes spankings and other impact play a distant memory. As much as we try to tap into other methods of keeping the energy alive the truth is that I am a masochist and He a sadist.

When the BDSM is taken away it is very hard for us to keep the same levels of kinky energy and horny want – alive!!

Our dominant and submissive energies are very much linked to kink. Domestic duties and acts of service are simply just too ‘normal’ here, those things were part of us before we ventured into the world of dominance and submission and as much as they are/or can be part of power exchange relationships, for us they were just life.

When I was writing more it was a bit easier, when I was chatting with others in the lifestyle it was easier. When I was reading and researching kink it was easier. I do wish sometimes that we had a circle or like minded friends, but we don’t and so the lack of kink has created a lack of interest on my part. Add that too low energy and body pain and I’m afraid I’m really not responding the way I know he would appreciate.

Although I’ve been his since the beginning (like in a D/s sense) my personal energy source for submission has always been BDSM and an active sex life.

What about you? What’s your dominant or submissive source of energy?

The wonderful world of spankings!

There are so many different spankings and so many reasons why! If you have no experience in this you may think we are all just kinky, or out of our minds! LoL I promise you that is not necessarily the case.

Now, I’m not talking about the harsh, aggressive things you find online when you go looking for spanking videos – No I mean that there are so many other forms of engaging in a spanking ritual that I’d be writing you a book if I tried to cover them all. So with that in mind remember that I am only talking about a few ideas here and that it varies from person to person, just like everything else in this lifestyle.

Reset Spankings: used by many when they feel their dynamic has gotten a bit off track. It is a way of reaffirming the commitment to the lifestyle we have chosen and a physical catalyst to a new beginning. From my searching and personal experience these are normally a bit on the harsher side. Not angry or aggressive, just more intense as both parties need to release the old and begin fresh.

‘Harsher’ is of course relative, as will be any of these terms – as a masochist my idea of harsh may well be different from yours. It’s not about copying what you’ve seen, it’s about finding your own ruler to measure by.

Maintenance Spankings: used to keep a certain energy level flowing. It’s not about restarting anything it’s about staying the course and will normally be set to a schedule. Many of us who enjoy impact play/spankings already know that there is a certain feel about doing it and doing it right that seems to keep us happy. Content, in the everyday regardless of what stressors we have around us. The level of intensity really does depend on you, the person accepting the spanking. Some need a more intense session while others are well served with a moderate, almost massage like quality/feel to the entire event!

I know, you’re think that the rabbit has finally lost all her marbles!! To equate a spanking to a massage! LoL Seriously though, have you never had the experience when the rhythm and intensity is such that you start to melt away into a very comfortable, relaxed calm?? If you haven’t, you should try it out …

Stress Relief Spankings: unlike maintenance which will often be scheduled, spankings for stress relief will be used whenever one – or both parties – needs a spanking. For any reason really, besides fun. I say both parties here because despite the fact that most of use will think of only the submissive needing a spanking, I believe that dominants will too, sometimes.

No, I’m not talking about switching, where the dominant allows the submissive to ‘top’ them for some stress relief of their own. This too can happen but sticking to just submissive spankings here, what I mean is that spanking releases stress from both sides. The dominant as well as the submissive can reap the benefits of a spanking well done, not just the receiver.

I’m sure you can all imagine the look I got when I first told The Bear that I thought He needed a spanking session!! 😛 *smirk*

However, I do think that there are times that he, just like me, gets to be a bit too stressed out and taking it out on my backside, for HIS benefit, is also a thing.

All of these things work well and there are many reasons why they do but it always boils down to a release of chemicals that causes you to relax and rejuvenate so that you may come back at least a bit better to carry on whatever it is that is happening in your world.

We have used spankings for stress relief for a very long time. We don’t get to now due to privacy issues and so we have been using the other methods I have written about in the maintaining the D/s posts. We find these to be useful not only after a stressful even but also BEFORE! If I know that something is going to take all my might NOT to react poorly than I will ask for something before the event.

In general, spankings can be used for whatever you think might be helpful to you. The length, intensity and ritual you use will be unique. The most important ingredient to make it work is as always, communication.

Communication in spanking: It sounds odd to some of us that the submissive partner has the right to, and NEEDS to communicate about when and how a spanking needs to be done. My experience has been that the more communication there is the more effective the act and the better the dynamic over all.

It’s hard sometimes as a submissive to come to terms with the fact that our dominants are not mind readers and neither do they need to be. We all know this of course but when it comes to speaking up and asking for what we need and want, we seem to freeze up!

It’s a tail *wink* as old as time. It’s not leading, it’s not topping, it’s not weird and it’s most certainly not wrong to communicate thoughts and feelings to your dominant. They do get to make the decision of what actually happens after all, that’s the ‘dom’ part in this, not you asking.

Do you remember when you read all those posts that said submission is hard? This, this is that hard part. It’s the asking, it’s the getting past our discomfort and negative self talk that tries to talk us out of speaking up. It’s the uncertainty and insecurity that can creep up – it’s the vulnerability of putting it out there in the open.

That’s submission – or at least part of it.

You get the reason for the spanking in your minds and then you start – faster, slower, harder … too hard! slow it down or ramp it up. A different position perhaps or a different tool. These are all things we have discussed during a spanking! yes, during, because the point was to practice and see what feels right for the outcome we want and what doesn’t work.

We always know when the discussion is over because I melt into Him, words fall away and we become one. One in the journey to the life and dynamic we want. Then we hope we weren’t too distracted to remember all the ‘tweaks’ we made for the next time! *giggle*

We progressed from spankings to S&M, it accomplishes the same goal for me in a much deeper sense. That’s why we can get addicted to subspace. Just like spankings are not always about sex, neither is BDSM.

This is only scratching the surface, I know, so feel free to drop a comment and add to the conversation!

The hardest part(s) about a D/s relationship.

I’m thinking back on the things I’ve had to come to terms with over the years. The years of trying to figure out where I fit in this land of BDSM and D/s. I keep coming back to the same conclusion …. I don’t! *chuckle*

That’s fine, don’t feel sorry for me, I don’t. I’ve never been one to want to fit in, why start now? I’m being a bit cheeky here but I think it’s true. I really don’t fit in to what is on the internet, what is in those chat groups and online forums etc.

I can’t even begin to imagine trying to navigate those things in hopes of beginning a power exchange relationship of any sort at this point in my life. I recently began following a dominant here on WP and from what I see on his site, not much has changed from when I gave up on trying to join in and have a community to chat with in regards to lifestyle ideas, challenges and what have you.

I didn’t find my husband by trying to find a partner in a ‘group’ and I don’t believe I would do that now either. I looked for someone I could stand to be around when nothing was going on and no one else was there. Someone I could be quiet with and still sit in comfort.

I also wanted someone I could talk to, say what I wanted to say, what I meant, what was in my head. (And there is always a lot in my head!! LoL) It was only after that connection that everything else came to be.

So yes, the hardest part of beginning this power dynamic of ours was just figuring out that everyone else’s ideas were just that, ideas. When it comes to your relationship there is no ‘police’ that is going to come and get you and take you away for not doing it ‘right’.

That said, if it doesn’t feel right to you – on either side of the slash – speak up. If your partner can’t sit and listen and try to figure it out with you, they are likely not worth your energy and time. No matter what title or label they go by, if they can’t respect you and your needs …. you best take a good hard look at whether or not you really want to stay.

This is an old idea and some of you veterans on my site have heard me say it before – if this dynamic you find yourself in is bringing you more hurt and sadness than it is joy and strength, why are you putting up with that? You’re worth more …

If it makes you happy however, then fight to keep it! Being on one side or the other of this ‘slash’ does not absolve you from responsibility in fueling and maintaining the energy that you both (or all) want and enjoy.

I have found that my personal mindset and attitude have much more to do with my submission than anything he could ever do. Yes he has a responsibility here too, he is responsible for his own mindset and attitude.

I don’t blame him (or at least I try very hard not to – I’m human and slip from time to time but I try to keep my little bunny butt on track!) and he doesn’t blame me. We are adults in a consensual adult relationship, regardless of dynamic, and we are both in charge of making it work.

So I guess there isn’t just one hard part! LoL This relationship is work, just like any other and it takes effort. It doesn’t always feel D/s in the super hyper kinky energy that we all like, but it doesn’t mean it’s gone either. It doesn’t have to be ‘on’ all the time because in my life at least, there are way too many other things that need doing that simply can not be pushed aside.

So that’s another hard fact I had to swallow, I’m not going to always feel the submissive pull that gets me in a haze – and that’s just got to be okay. The alternative is that I feel somehow adrift searching for something that just can’t be, not every second of every day. It’s not realistic.

I think that when you put this relationship into a 24/7/365 aspect you need to understand that you do drift from one personality trait to another depending on need and circumstance.

For me the thing that makes it real is that any time I need to stop and kneel in front of Him, he responds in kind. Without fail. Everytime.

And when He calls on me, I do the same …..

Happy Monday friends! Hope life finds you well, hope my meandering brain has brought you some entertainment, and perhaps caused you to pause and think. *smiles*

He’s a Man

I love Him dearly – I love Him to bits!! And, He drives me crazy!!

He drives me crazy for the same reasons I love Him to bits … he’s a man! (I’m not interested in comments about gender and fluency etc. Bear is a man, identifies as such and is quite happy to be one … so let it go, K??)

His communication style is very ‘man’ like. If you don’t know what I mean than this is likely not the blog for you … sorry. If you do know what I mean, well YOU KNOW what I mean! Argh!

All that said, if I really want to be His submissive than I need to stop focusing on what it is I think He should say, or do, or ‘word it like’ … and just simply take what He says either at face value or at what I’m pretty sure He means.

If I’m not sure I need to just ask – and not turn it into a ‘thing’ that then becomes an issue and then a problem etc. You see where I’m going don’t you?

We communicate differently and when we do it can become hard for me to merge that idea in my head with the reality that is. If I put the fantasy and emotion out of the equation – the truth is I know what He means, and doesn’t mean. I’ve known Him 25+ years now and I know Him better than anyone.

So why lean into the negative story that only wants trouble when I know He simply didn’t tell me the way I was expecting? (Ah, expectations – the angst of all submissives, right??).

When I’m deeper into -sub mindset- it’s harder to be rational, that’s why. When I’m not, I have a choice. I chose to go with what I know of Him and not start anything by way of trouble. The world has plenty of that – I prefer happy!

Sorry for the ramble, just getting my feet wet again with words! *wink*