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What this site is, and is not.

This is a site about life and getting on with it.

This is a site about how I submit to my husband and how sometimes things get complicated and busy but our relationship stays in tack.

This is a site about how we navigate the TPE in our lives and some of the hiccups and changes along the way.

This is NOT however a site where you will find retells of my sexual adventures.

This is NOT a site where I will tell stories of spankings and red backsides.

This is NOT an erotic or spanking site, there are plenty of those around. This is NOT one of them.

My personal life and sexual adventures belong to One Man only, no one else. He owns that, it is not to be shared.

If that is what you are looking for you need look no further, it is not here. Sorry.

To the rest of the world who has all of a sudden decided to take a peek, welcome! 😀

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Understanding

With time and experience comes understanding I would say. I think I now understand the ebb and flow of it all, for us.

I’ve heard the terms over and over again of course, it’s a common theme if you search those who have been in the lifestyle and together for a long time, like we have. I’ve heard it but I don’t think I quite understood it in regards to our own relationship. I think I do now!

It’s not a failure, it’s not something to be worried over or stress about. It’s just a natural circumstance when you have a ‘real’ life and challenges out there to contend with as well as your BDSM dynamic.

That’s not to say it’s to be ignored, no I’m just suggesting that instead of internalizing it as a failure somehow, I choose to look at it as a pit stop, to take inventory of what I have in my submissive bank and what I need. Then to take steps to fill missing parts through diligence and intention. And most importantly – communication!

Things are looking good here for us, the kids seem to be on track and so are we. How are you all? I’m investing some time each week to post, it helps me to keep in the mindset I need to stay focused on my submission. What do you do to stay in the groove??

Happy Saturday, stay kinky! LoL

In need of a w[h]ine night!

It doesn’t happen often but I do sometimes miss the action and comradery of having a group of like minded people to talk to. In real time ….

I find it helps to keep motivated when it comes to kink and to my submissive journey. This solitary kinky existence leaves us both lacking in motivation and frankly, flat!

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Not really sure what to do about that. All past attempts at real time chat, and even pen pals, have fizzled out. My personal energies towards kink have also practically fizzled out. I tend to be the one with the imagination and spark to get things started and when I don’t, it doesn’t ….

Gets to be pretty tiresome I admit. It’s a personality thing with him I know but it would be nice if I wasn’t always the one who needed to add fuel to the proverbial fire.

That is all. 🙂

What a strange summer … and submissive mindfulness.

This summer break has been a really odd one for me. I think things have been odd for many people with the pandemic and all the changes that it has brought! But, that’s not what I’m talking about.

For me, this was to be a ‘back to normal’ summer. Normal in terms of time and holidays and having time to myself! Last summer I ended up having to work because the littles I take care of during the school year had no where to go if their parents were ‘essential’. Sure there were spaces for childcare made by the government but they were few and none here in our town!! :O So instead of taking my summer off I worked.

It was hell on my body and that didn’t help my submission either. By the time the day was done and everyday chores were done so was I! *chuckle* This year I took the summer for myself again.

It’s been a month and a half now and it feels like I haven’t started my holiday yet! Mentally and physically I just don’t feel ‘right’. I don’t feel rested, my body is still struggling to get back to my normal, I’m still not ‘well’. Even with all the distancing and the ‘hibernating’ in the house I still seem to catch a ‘bug’ more often than not. It’s not covid but it still hits me hard due to the hEDS I suppose. My immune system is just not up to the job!! I keep hoping that if I can finally get some rest and back to a regular exercise program I can get my health back ….. but I really don’t know if that will come true.

For now I’m trying to not get down mentally and to enjoy what few minutes I do get but I may be starting to lose that battle. The closer it gets to September and school once more the less I feel like I’m going to have my ‘summer break’ at all. It hasn’t helped our kinky dynamic either. We make plans and have rituals set up and then they need to be changed or stopped due to ‘life’ and illness.

I like to have rules and rituals set up, it helps me to get my mindset right where I like it. It seems to make things feel more real, more intense. When those are more suggestions than rules it gets harder for me to stay focused. It’s not impossible but it certainly is more work mentally!!

I keep going back to mindful submission when I notice that it’s more of a daydream than a settled feeling. I find that the key to my submission is allowing those thoughts and feelings to flow freely inside of me. I try to tap into that well of knowledge that I have gained over the years and I let those thoughts and feelings out.

When I adjust my outlook my perception of the things he does also changes. Domination and leadership doesn’t need to be harsh or loud, it can be understated and subtle. When I pay attention I notice his dominance coming through more, that feeds my submission and so it comes through to him, Then he again notices too … and the cycle continues.

I think that when my submissive thoughts and feelings are flowing freely his dominance is fed and so it too flows more strongly. The reverse is true for me as well. When we are in the heights of our dynamic it happens without notice. When things are a bit quieter for whatever the reason, it takes some effort to tap into but it’s still there.

Submission is a choice, it’s up to me to chose to let it flow. To continue the cycle …

kink vs. submission

Submission is more than just being given orders or getting spanked, submission is a personal set of values I believe. Submission is not to be taken, or ordered or managed by another – it is our own.

Is this perhaps the dividing line between submissive and slave? Besides the kink and intensity etc. …. is this the line?

Thoughts?

*** by ‘our own’ I mean something that we crave to do not something that we falter at and need corrections or discipline to accomplish. It is not a struggle to follow through, it’s more of a craving to do so.

My question is implying that a slave is more than kink, and in turn more submissive than a sub. Does this make sense at all?

Not invested, I suppose.

It’s been some time since I’ve really had the need or want to blog here. Bear stopped reading a couple years back and with no real interaction with my readers, well I got bored.

There is plenty of traffic on the site but just no comments which leaves me feeling rather talked out! I started this site back in 2015 and I have covered pretty much all there is that I am willing to share. Pretty much …. *smiles*

I could go back and reread my posts, add things that I have changed in or matured about but I just don’t have the inspiration to do so. Well, not till now anyway. I’ve started speaking to someone who is reading old blog posts of mine, yikes! LoL It’s got me thinking ‘what in the world did I write back then? I sure hope he’s not reading a rant!” *chuckle* Hopefully if there is something a bit off the wall he will ask.

Like I mentioned, Bear stopped reading the posts some time ago. It’s not because he’s not invested in the dynamic it’s just because that’s not the way he learns or shares information! Writing/reading is MY thing not his. Part of succeeding in this dynamic is learning and accepting the methods of the other person and working together for a common goal.

I still write to set things straight in my head and then I find a good time to approach him to talk. He doesn’t put me off, he sits and makes the time to listen. I try to remember to do just a few thoughts at a time because that’s what he prefers but I admit it can be difficult! lol He likes to sit and digest the information before moving forward … there is nothing wrong with that, it’s very much one of the best ways to approach things. I just happen to run a bit faster up in here! *chuckle* One of the reasons why I need BDSM to relax this head of mine.

I’m not entirely sure where I was going with this post, a bit of a ramble I guess. I’ve given up on labels and such. If you’ve followed for a while you already know I try not to use them any but if I had to I’d say we are very much into an M/s type relationship these days.

I think it’s where we were always heading it just took time to get comfortable in our roles. That’s a lot of responsibility and patience on both parts to get here, or so that is my opinion. Rushing things a few times over the years just became overwhelming to both of us so we learned to slow down. Now it just happens.

So, how are you all doing?

~n

Kink or self-harm?

A personal reflection.

I think it’s important to be honest with oneself when practicing certain kinky activities. I have just had to reflect on this topic and I admit that when you are in the midst of subspace it can be hard to tell the difference or perhaps more accurately, admit the difference.

Our kinky life has been taken up a notch, or okay many notches as of late and it has been a wonderful enhancement to our every day life. It has also allowed me to fall deeper into an almost constant subspace. Unfortunately, one of these kinky activities had started to cause some major physical discomfort.

As a masochist the idea of ‘suffering’ for my Dom is a huge appeal however there is a time when the suffering goes from kinky to unsafe or harmful to self.

I’ll spare you the details of the actual kinky activity but as much as my submissive self wanted to continue and please and well, suffer (in a consensual and masochistic way), my adult and responsible self knew it was time to take a break!

In my view kink should not cause real damage to your mind or body. Having also been one to use self harm in the past to deal with my issues I can assure you that there is a very real difference!

So I used my safewords. It’s a very real way for Bear to know the difference between being in the moment, and being in peril. The activity is for now at a full stop, as much as my submissive self might want to continue my reason tells me I should not.

Bear would never allow me to anyway, not now that He knows ….. There will be assessment and evaluation I’m sure and if we do continue in any capacity with this kink it will be well monitored by Him. 🙂

Kink is a fun and healthy expression of self.

Harming oneself is not. Be mindful out there friends.

Doing the math!

I’m finally on summer break! Whew …. it’s been a long time coming. The Covid 19 crises has rearranged my life quite drastically, as with most of you too I’m sure. Before the pandemic hit I had worked myself into a nice and comfortable work schedule that allowed plenty of time for me to focus on my health, physical and mental.

Daily workouts, stretching and some weights along with research of my condition and the best way to cope. Days that were rough I was able to take it easy. Rest when needed or just simply ‘skip’ whatever it was that I was hoping to accomplish on my ‘off’ hours.

In our relationship I had time to focus, think, plan and act to make things as close as possible to our ‘perfect’. Kink was still a work in progress in regards to impact play but after so many years of having to adjust and regroup, we were getting pretty good at finding ways and alternative kinks to keep us balanced.

Then it hit, everything shut down but for me it got BUSY! Every time we have had a lockdown I go from working a couple of hours in the morning and 2 or 3 in the afternoon to working 10+ hours per day. Yeah, it was a big challenge at the best of times to find time, energy or focus to invest in D/s or M/s.

Neither of us was enjoying it. We kept our heads above water and life carried on but there was no doubt that we wanted more, much more from our dynamic than what we were getting. All of these hours of work also took a huge tole on my body. *sigh* So now I start again.

As I mentioned earlier, this year will be about taking care of me – but I’ve also realized (some time now) that A+B=C. When I get to be his slut, his slave, his whore, when he uses me properly and pushes me into subspace …. I feel better. I mean I feel more in control! LoL I know, funny bunny right?

It’s true, the more I get what I need from this, from Him, the more I in turn want to take care of me too. Sure it’s part to do with being his and serving him BUT it also sparks the flame in me to also take care of me. I’m more confident, more balanced and more determined. With my chronic condition – trust me that’s a major bonus!

Anywho, I’m back and I’m hoping to be back more often. I have a lot of catching up to do with all of you I know. If I comment on old posts, it’s just me getting up to speed! If you’ve since moved on just ignore me! LoL I don’t know if this blog will have a different feel, it has been a long time. If you feel chatty, reach out and if not be well!

Finding moments where we can.

We’re still in lockdown, I’m still working more than I should be because of it. Time is short, energy levels are low! We have plenty of things we’d like to do but we just haven’t been able to do them. Same as most of you I’m sure!

We are sneaking in sexy time when we can, taking advantage of every moment. Is it enough? No, not really, but it’s something. It’s a way to try to stay connected until the hours we do get to play.

On the home front, things are still good. I can’t say that a D/s dynamic is overly intense but then outside of kink and sexy times it never has been much of a change in my life/relationship. I think that’s what makes it harder to notice when we can’t kink it up or enjoy impact play.

Let me explain, attitudes, manners and dedicated couple time has never been an issue we needed to address. Communication and respect for one another has been with us since the beginning, the real change came in the form of BDSM and kink.

It’s our connection, our respite and our method of recharging …. and we miss it when we can’t.

Looks like lockdown isn’t going anywhere just yet and so it will be more then the 3 weeks I had first mentioned before I might get back here more regularly.

Hope you are all keeping well! ❤

This year, I’m taking care of *me*.

I don’t read much by way of ‘lifestyle’ blogs/posts so I can’t say that this isn’t out there, but it is something I haven’t seen much of and so I thought I’d put some of these thoughts ‘here’ and out of my head!

I remember originally searching and finding (or trying to) like minded people to share ideas with and information. I remember much of what we discussed, what the different ideas were and how it all seemed connected in one way or another. It was nice to have that circle to turn to but it did eventually make one thing pretty obvious. There was blog after blog about how to take care of your dom/me but nothing really about how to take care of you, the submissive.

It seems that when starting out in this exciting and all encompassing world of D/s ‘how to be a good submissive’ is a very widely sought after course! Kinky ideas are usually pretty easy to find, spanking videos and how-to’s are a dime a dozen and ‘letting go of all control’ memes would lead you to believe that if you just do it ‘right’ all your problems will soon be a thing of the past! *chuckle*

Raise your hand if you have found that to be true … please, anyone. Raise your hand, don’t be shy …. *wink*

I don’t think it takes too long for even the most optimistic of us to realize that that is simply not true! D/s (or whatever dynamic you chose) is a great addition to a relationship, a healthy relationship, and can even help to provide tools for a relationship that is perhaps in need of a nudge.

It does not however, provide a cure all and it does not make it so that things and situations don’t creep back up from time to time. Whether the issues are personal or from outside the relationship – life will go on. I mean, I have thought of getting onto a secluded island or a cabin in the woods! The latter being more my style anyway, but I have yet to make that dream a reality.

Alas, what I wish I had seen more of was information on the importance of self care, the importance of taking time to recharge and the importance of realizing/knowing that that too is part of submission.

I’m not saying I never ran into a post, or two, that covered this topic because I did. I just wish it was something more in the forefront, more pronounced. Almost like a prerequisite to entering the ‘school of submission’.

What I have seen is too many run into less than ideal situations because they didn’t realize that you can and as a matter of fact NEED TO take care of yourself first if you want to be good at whatever it is you have decided to pursue. Secondly, it’s not your dominant’s job to take care of you, not like this. As an adult you have a responsibility for yourself.

Yes, a dominant will always do their best (or at least they should strive to I would think) to take care of any issues that arise and that they can identify but they are neither god nor a mind reader. Even if they could see it coming quite frankly it’s unrealistic and unfair to believe they will be able to spot and ‘fix’ all of life’s trials and troubles.

These relationships require consent and that can only be given by rational, reasonable adults. As such we need to understand that we are still ultimately in charge of and responsible for our own lives. D/s doesn’t change that,….

It does give us a shoulder to lean on and perhaps, if we are really lucky, someone to carry the load for a while until we get back to ourselves.

It does give us a closeness and connection that may often confuse those not in the know.

It does give us a soft place to fall (or kneel) when we just can’t seem to find the strength to keep standing.

It does not however take the place of ‘real life’. It simply enhances it.

It does not take away our responsibility for ourselves, either. So yes, this year I’m taking care of me. I’m not sure if I’d give myself that privilege if not for the strength and support of the Bear, that much I can say. It was however something I had to rationalize and set for myself.

He’s the Dom, he ‘signed off’ which I knew he would because after all – It is his job to take care of me, right?? LoL

Why is it we complicate things so? He’s made me take care of me more and so I have been able to set time and space to do so. Now, I know what I need, why does he have to figure that out too in order for it to be ‘real D/s’ and not leading or some other dumb sh*t?

Remember that ‘rule’ in school …

K.I.S.S.

Keep It Simple Silly!

Well, that’s the plan anyway …

Over the past few years that has become my catch phrase!! LoL

Not because I can’t decide, not because I can’t commit – No, It’s because my body and brain will often change ‘the plan’ for me.

As someone who likes structure and being prepared as well as having a bit of a perfectionist streak (no comment needed, Bear!) it can be mentally and emotionally challenging to accept the situation and change my attitude. Or at least it was. Those days are, for the most part, behind me now.

Much of what I write about my life and chronic issues is left to my other blog site but once in a while it does crash head on into my D/s adventures as well. That is pretty much where I find myself now. Bear and I keep trying to add and implement rituals we both know help to maintain the energy levels of sex and kink and D/s that we enjoy and every time I take a ‘turn’!

When I’m in a flare up it tends to carry on for a while and wouldn’t you know it?!? The few moments of ‘normal’ I get are met with an injury or other mishap for the Bear! *shakes head* Of course, right? I can’t say that attitudes change, it’s just that hot, sexy energy that becomes more of a smoldering.

Between that and ongoing Covid restrictions that cause my work load to more than double, well my intentions to start writing here again have been derailed! So i just wanted to let you all know that we are still here and we are still plugging along, just as everyone else.

I would still like to get back to sharing my thoughts and things I’ve learned but I just can’t say exactly when that will be! It looks like maybe 3 weeks in my area before I get my time back again. I’ll hop in when I can, like today, but until things calm back down again for me – Be Well! Take care and keep on keeping on (as the saying goes.)!