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What this site is, and is not.

This is a site about life and getting on with it.

This is a site about how I submit to my husband and how sometimes things get complicated and busy but our relationship stays in tack.

This is a site about how we navigate the TPE in our lives and some of the hiccups and changes along the way.

This is NOT however a site where you will find retells of my sexual adventures.

This is NOT a site where I will tell stories of spankings and red backsides.

This is NOT an erotic or spanking site, there are plenty of those around. This is NOT one of them.

My personal life and sexual adventures belong to One Man only, no one else. He owns that, it is not to be shared.

If that is what you are looking for you need look no further, it is not here. Sorry.

To the rest of the world who has all of a sudden decided to take a peek, welcome! 😀

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‘Active submission’ – my answer was yes, but not like you would think, probably ….

I tend to be very pragmatic, it gets me into ‘trouble’ at times, not that I care much! *chuckle*

The idea that anyone is or always has been ‘one way’ and can’t be changed is silly. It always has been to me.

Life is a training exercise and we have all been trained to be the way we are by one method or another. With the right tools/skills anyone can train anyone to be whatever it is they choose.

This may fly in the face of all the ‘true’ or ‘real’ advocates but so be it. And it doesn’t matter much what side of the ‘slash’ you fall on.

‘Can a master be trained by a submissive?’

The most accepted term for it in the ‘community’ that I have heard is active submission:

Is it just me?

I’m feeling just awful these last couple of days, today even worse. Fever, chills, aches and now my stomach is turning- oh yay!

I did spend the hours sleeping last night having some pretty steamy sex dreams though!!

Every time i’m really sick all i want is to be sexed-up roughly (that’s relative to how sick i am of course), well ‘used’ and then set to bed. Then, i can finally settle and rest.

Is that just my weird when sick kink??

A quick update

We’ve started using the cane again. It’s not my favourite implement for warm ups and such but it is quiet and with some patience and practice it can be used for warm up as well.

Bear normally wants to ‘skip ahead’! *smirk* His sadistic side can at times be impatient! *ouch*

I’ve realized though just how fast i fall back into rhythm with Him and into a subspace trance. For someone who’s always ‘on alert’, i’m not entirely sure how i feel about that.

Good i suppose, it only goes to show the trust we have between us, …… right??

My body is out of practice though, the fall into subspace also brings with it the ‘coming down’ of chemicals and physical reactions that make me out for the count, for a while. That keeps me/us from playing to much or too long. There isn’t any real opportunity to be ‘down’ for very long.

I’ve found a little cabin that i’d like to rent, for a few days. It’s close enough to home that we could still be back and forth for the boy, but take a few hours away for us! *wink* I have heels and collar and leash all playing around in my head. It’s distracting but enticing.

Who knows, maybe if things work out we can have the better part of a few days to play out an in-depth M/s dynamic.

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I’m not holding my breath, but it is nice to daydream!

I’m hoping to get to reading and writing but life has just been too busy and hectic. I do miss catching up on what you are all up to!!

Hope you’re well – gotta bounce! *wink*

Some personal truths

BDSM and impact play keep me ‘sexy’, sexy keeps me interested in intimacy.

I read somewhere that the true (yes, take that with a grain of salt) definition of a masochist is someone who gets no sexual satisfaction without pain.

For some time now I’ve had no interest in sex and it’s mainly to do with the fact that we have NO opportunity for BDSM and impact play.

Maybe that’s a bit of a misstatement, I am interested in sex I’m just not in the slightest turned on.

Once in a very long while when He gets a chance and I get the slightest bit of pain, like a quick swat on the butt, there is a charge of energy that flows …. and all of a sudden these little bunny ears perk up. I know it’s pretty much the same for Him.

Once in a while when He has the energy and thought to add a bit of naughty dominance to my day, same thing, the bunny ears start paying attention at least for a moment.

Without the impact play, bondage or kink, i’m simply not interested in sex.

Yes sure He is still the Dom and i’m still His submissive, sure if He wanted something from me He could have it but that’s not really the way it’s suppose to feel, is it? So he hasn’t ‘asked’ for anything because He’s just as off as i am.

I know that your sexual impulses ebb and flow just like everything else in life but i can’t help but think that i’m much more likely to be ‘flowing’ LoL if we had the opportunity to play.

My sexual impulses are linked to my masochism and His are linked to His sadism.

Fine kettle of fish we’ve gotten ourselves into ….

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My ‘submission’ was and is a dominant act.

** A re-blog of thoughts gone bye …. to make the comment in my last post perhaps a bit clearer.**

Confusing? It shouldn’t be. In my view the main responsibility of a dominant is to identify and provide for the needs of those whom they have made themselves responsible.

While in the dominant role at home it became obvious that my husband needed to be in charge in order to feel fulfilled in His role. Where is it written that a dominant can’t choose to let someone else take the lead?

He is capable, responsible, steady, strong and willing. Contrary to some comments and posts I have read, I believe that the privilege to lead is earned not a given …. every leadership role I have been in has been earned, to me this is no different.

I mentioned the other day I’m not entirely sure I have a ‘submissive mindset’ and this is what I was referring to. I made a dominant decision to let Him lead, to give Him the information, respect and responsibility for things inside our home and family. My responsibility now is to be sure to follow through, and so I do.

I’m not saying I don’t get anything out of it, quite the contrary! Having someone to take the burden is obviously a wonderful turn of events and I can tell you I’m enjoying it immensely! 😉

Perhaps this is why I really don’t struggle with ‘submission’, to me it’s a welcome respite from all the other times when I am in the leadership role.

Love You Always Sir ❤

A new approach, for me.

Well, it’s not really a new approach, it’s the same as when i started down this road.

Life has been terribly hectic for a long time now. BDSM has all but disappeared from our days and my masochistic side is buried way deep down. I hate to admit it but my submission is very much linked to my masochism, not just sex but *pain*.

To be completely frank, i’m likely better quantified as a masochist dominant than anything else. I explained some time ago that my submission was more a dominant act than anything else and that really hasn’t changed. Confusing to some perhaps but there it is!

I don’t really subscribe to this notion that you are either submissive or dominant, i don’t think it’s an either/or at all. I think any well-rounded individual has the capacity for both, it really just depends on what you want/need in the moment and it is up for changing, if you are.  But i will leave the psychological stuff for now ….

The point is that i haven’t really put much effort into the submissive side that i had once embraced. The reasons are varied, work, physical pain (not the consensual kind), kids, mental health issues, school issues, family etc. etc., the list goes on and on.

I’ve put my own wants and needs on the back burner because i have had too many other responsibilities that i just couldn’t imagine shrugging off. Time, attention, focus has all been for the betterment of life and family and people depending on me. So *me* simply had to wait. But that can only go on for so long before even the most dominant of us need some self care!!

The fantasy and the frenzy have long been gone here. I’m much too pragmatic to not have taken the entire experience apart a long time ago to make it to the answers of how and what and why … LoL Submissive or not I am who I am. *wink*

So, if i want to tap back into that energy that we don’t seem to be getting right now i’m going to have to tap back into those things that help it to flow, easier. I don’t know exactly how it will feel this time around, i’m pretty certain that it won’t be the same as the first go ’round. I’m guessing that it won’t be anything close to be honest.

The first time i just really wanted to imagine a life entirely different than the one i was leaving behind. But that’s not really how it works is it? You don’t leave anything behind at all, you add to it, maybe change it up a bit and maybe/hopefully push aside some bad habits that you’ve picked up over the years. But you are both still the same people, you have just simply shifted a bit. That’s the way i look at it now, i think it’s more realistic for couples like us who started one way and then many years later adopted this life.

So i’m going to start doing the things i did that triggered his dominance, his sadistic as well as his protective side. As funny as that sounds *raspberries*, i do know what the answer is, i just need to put my focus back on wanting to take care of this, too!

He is a visual communicator, so i’ll start here! *wink* You’ll have to take a new one, Sir. My hair is so much longer now, the cuffs would disappear. New task ….. ??? *giggle*

 

 

It felt nice, finally! <3

It felt good to write today. It wasn’t much or long but it felt good.

I write because it helps me to balance my thoughts, my life. It decompresses the day and helps me move on.

It’s not for follows, or likes, or because I want recognition …. it’s just for me.

If it amuses, or enlightens, or helps … than that’s great. But the reality is i like to write, and it helps me …. 

Thanks for sticking around anyway!! *wink*

I’m afraid we’re hooked!

I’ve been busy … very, very busy.

Work and kids and anxiety and panic and all that stuff that you really just can’t explain fully! Not unless you’ve lived it … at least i don’t think so.

D/s has been ‘low key’ and i think that’s being generous. Honestly, I was just starting to think that perhaps it was time to ‘put it on hold’. We’ve never done that, not in the nearly 10 years that we’ve striven. But it’s true, i did consider it.

Just as i was starting to wonder about the whole thing He started to make things more overt, to assert His dominance again.

3023441-PFAEUZYM-7I could have been petty or faught back or whatever, it has been some time of relative silence after all. I chose not to, i chose to engage. For as much as He offers and as much as He takes – I’m here!

Between work and stress and my physical flares i admit i haven’t got much in me, not physically anyway but i am trying. He’s been sick as well so it’s not like either of us are full of energy and spunk! *chuckle*

But we are crawling our way back to that connection we want, we miss. It’s hard without the S&M. We are both very much linked that way, it has become bloody obvious now! It’s like our life line now.

Some things you just can’t go back on i guess!

Oh, for F’s sakes!!

Remember that week i said i might have??? The one to be nijntje??

Well just now found out that my uncle had a stroke yesterday …. he should hopefully be ok.

Also, his daughter, my niece, has a growth on the back of her neck and now she can’t see out of one eye.

She’s been out of country for some time, i guess she’s back!!

*wry laughter* so much for my week …. ! 😛

i blame BDSM and the kinky community!

In life there are so many people and so many ideas and so many sensitivities.

So many mental health and even physical health issues that you hear about or are experiencing or are close to someone who is … etc etc

We all hear this idea of understanding, don’t we. We hear this idea of ‘everybody experiences things differently’ and so on. And we try to understand, and we try to listen and hear and just get an idea of what exactly it is that seems to make them feel it so much differently, but it’s hard to get, isn’t it?

Well i get it now, at least i think i’m closer to getting it now!

I used to try and understand and be supportive but i admit that my pragmatic brain had a very hard time making it make sense, to me. I got it in theory but in reality ….. it just seemed so far away.

Enter BDSM and kink and the venture into the community! I started to read and see the feelings, the experience, the way one action could be felt in such a different way from one person to another. I also got to experience it first hand!

Some things that i read others hated i just was so comfortable and turned on by i almost hesitate to write this!! LoL Other things that were said to be just the most intense … well, i felt not much at all. Things that some felt were ‘bleh’ i had the most extreme reactions too!

So now, when i speak to someone or read something or try to understand what my child is going through, i get it! I understand that what i find common place can be something that sends his anxiety into a tail spin. I understand that just because the comment someone made rolled off my back it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt or offend someone else.

I get it! I really do have an understanding of how it feels and how it can be so different, even if the situation and action was the same for multiple people. The outcome can be different, and it must be respected!

So I get it, really get it in a way that I don’t think i would have the depth of feeling in if not for our fore into the BDSM and kinky community.

So yes, i blame BDSM and i blame the community … so thank you! *wink*