The Warrior can slay her own dragons!

I’ll start off by saying that I had a wonderful weekend and I’m beginning to feel much better physically. I awoke this morning in a great mood and ready to take on the day, and it was a good thing too!

I don’t think it’s any secret that lately between my physical issues and the mental stress and frustration with work, among other things, I have been feeling a bit off-balance. I don’t mean off in my relationship or submission but just off as a person, as myself …

I have two big dogs and I have always believed that these two girls are the universes way of keeping tabs on me and letting me know how I’m doing. I am very much the one in charge of training and maintaining the good behaviour that is expected from these two. I wanted the dogs, I wanted big strong and powerful breeds and I am the one at home with them, and work with them 24/7. We got the dogs long before any sort of D/s relationship was in the picture and so I was easily seen as the Alpha in their lives and at home.

Anyway, the Rottweiler has had some physical issues to deal with also over the past 6 months and has basically been physically unable to do much without pain and suffering. After many, many dollars and surgeries she is now well on her way to recovery and normalcy. The long and short of it is that when she was down and out some of the regular rules and rituals got a bit relaxed due to her inability to move but now that she is regaining her strength she is feeling the need to test ….

Of course this comes at a time when I too am dealing with very similar issues and my work mindset has been frustrated and stressed to say the least! Well this is where I think the universe takes over and my dogs help in giving me just what I need and when I need it. Today the Rotti decided she was going to out-and-out fight the German Shepherd over a toy ball. The ball is and always has been the shepherd’s toy but I guess the Rotti decided she felt like taking over.

Now the rules in my house are that there is absolutely no fighting, ever between the dogs about anything. Toys, food, you name it because it all belongs to me anyway! Obviously the Rotti decided that I was off-balance and not doing my job properly because she jumped on her ‘sister’ and decided to assert her dominance ….. wrong!

After I grabbed the Rotti and firmly placed her on the ground at my feet where she belongs my energy made it very clear to her that this was unacceptable and that it would NOT happen again. I did not say a word, I did not get angry or worried or scared I simply took care of business. I now have a project to work on that will require my attention, dedication and complete control in order to be handled properly. Six months of relaxed rules will not be conquered over night especially if she felt she had the choice to try this in the first place ….

My submissive side is very comfortable and at peace with life and with Sir but my dominant side was missing something. My dogs as usual are a direct reflection of what and how I’m doing and feeling. The dominant one showed me I needed to set my balance back in this area and so I am. I don’t shy away from my natural dominance and having both sides to my personality doesn’t leave me confused either, it leaves me strong and fulfilled.

Now I’m not saying that if you are feeling off-balance you should go and wrestle a Rottweiler! I’m just saying that for me having both dominance in my personality and submission to Sir in my life as part of who I am works, and I need a balance of the two in order to be balanced and happy myself.

Now a days the dogs know that Sir is the Alpha of the household for when He gets home I will comfortably take my place at His feet, but until then I will also comfortably rule the house in His absence.

As for now, the two girls are sleeping side by side as though nothing has happened and I’m feeling much more at peace and relaxed at my work!

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Anne Stokes Dragon

 

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

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New Cuffs and Collar

I thought I’d post a clearer picture of the cuffs and collar that Sir bought a little while ago, it is more of a dressy set than a user-friendly set.

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You can make out my permanent cuff on my left hand, that one is on 24/7, it is much smaller and easy to work in etc. It does now have a match/mate but it’s not so hardy and comes off for play or when Sir wishes to use His other sets.

This new set is one of my favourites for just wearing and walking around in because of the look and feel of steel. Sir is keen on using chains for bondage and play more so than rope and I have said in the past that there is something about the feel of the chains, even if they are simply draped over me, that takes me to a calm and comfortable place in my mind. This set gives me that feeling as well.

Just like the chains this set is very cold to put on but I have found that it very quickly comes to body temperature and the amount of time I actually do feel the cold is very minimal. With my Raynaud’s the cold temperature would become torture very quickly but luckily it really is not a problem. Once the set comes up to temperature it pretty much stays warm until Sir decides to take it off.

We don’t use this set to play because it is not nearly tight enough and frankly it would get all scuffed up. We have heavy leather sets for actual bondage and play but this one is pretty to prance in … 😉 LOL

Happy Sunday Again!

Rainy Day Sunday …

cropped-cropped-cropped-cropped-cropped-6caf380e144f02643840c7f10811585d12.jpgI’ve always liked this picture and Sir is not very good (sorry Sir) at taking pictures! LOL

He decided to indulge me and see if we could get something similar …

 

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I like it because I find it sexy and submissive without actually showing anything. For someone who wasn’t keen on picture taking I think He did a really good job! 😀

Another rainy day Sunday well wasted! LOL  Plus I got to wear my new collar and cuffs for a while 😉

Thank You Sir ❤   Love You Always ❤

Happy Sunday!

In case anyone wanted to know …

There are so many of you who have decided to follow in the last couple of months that I thought I should fill you in on a few details just to help make my posts make sense.

I’m 43 years young and have been battling with some physical issues all my life, some from trauma and some because I’m just lucky (sarcasm)! The last post Escape was more to do with my physical feelings than my mental or emotional state. Obviously one affects the other but this is certainly the physical that starts it all.

I have been going through perimenopause since I was about 35/6, with any luck I should be just about done, the doctor says it’s not uncommon to last for about 10 years so I’d say I should be due for a break!! The symptoms are not ongoing for the full 10 years, some do come and go from time to time. I think because of all my preexisting physical issues some of these things get doubled in effect and difficulty.

I have a bad back, 2 injured disks from childhood trauma and 1 I was born with, I have a bad hip due to an unfortunate chiropractor appointment some 14 years ago and I have bad knees. I suffer from both tendinitis and carpal tunnel currently affecting me all the way up to my shoulders and I get migraines. If that’s not enough I also suffer from Raynaud’s Phenomenon to the extreme. The cold creeping in on me is real, I was outside on a relatively mild day and was already suffering the first stages of frostbite ….

So now that you have an idea of what I’m dealing with physically right now (because menopause tends to bring it all on at once) my chemical balance must be off again as well because my mood takes a turn every so often and a general melancholy sets in, coupled with the physical and sometimes I just need to get the words out of my head.

These are not things that go on for days or weeks that I don’t talk to Sir about, they are spur of the moment – what’s happening in my head right now things that I need to get down in words. First they help Sir to know what’s going on from time to time so that He can help me navigate through it and because it’s important for your spouse to know, and secondly putting it down in words always helps me to make sense of it and then turn it around for myself. If my mood starts to take a turn when He is with me He already knows why and can deal with it accordingly.

None of these things are on going, my Sir is very good at reading what I have written daily and taking care of business. This blog just helps me put it into words when I need to so that nothing gets lost or forgotten through the day. Most posts are done in 30 minutes or less and any ‘bad mood’ generally leaves me with the publish button. 97% of the time I’m happy and content and fulfilled it’s the other 3% that sometimes finds its way onto these pages ….

I know I need to communicate for this to work and that’s what this blog helps me to do.  So even if it’s just a fleeting thought or feeling, it gets written down and Sir gets to know about it …

Most of the time my posts are happy or just thoughtful but every so often they might be melancholy or a glimpse into my thought process.

Happy Thursday!

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

Escape

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Dark Fallen Angel – pinterest 

I need escape ….

My mind is full

My spirit running on empty

I don’t know the reason

I don’t know the why or what

Things are changing, my body restless

Bruises are back and the cold creeps from the outside in

My body aches and my head wants to hide, buried deep in the sand

This thing is trying to steel away part of me; again

I need to escape

I need your chains

They don’t bind me, they protect me

Sir

 

 

 

 

Not very good at being bad!

I’m not sure if this is a blessing or a curse sometimes ….

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Sometimes I get a little frustrated with Sir, sometimes He starts to let things crowd His mind and then by the time He remembers me I’m at the bottom of the list. They say patience is a virtue but sometimes I wonder if that’s true, or more of a curse … at least in my case.

I know I have a hand in this too, I let my patience and waiting get in the way of speaking up sometimes. At least I think that’s what needs to change …. I can only control my actions no one else’s so in this case I think that’s the key.

I don’t ask for much, at least I don’t think so, but the things I do need are key in keeping me balanced. I’m very good at knowing myself and recognizing my strengths and my needs so by the time I have asked for something it has been well thought through and likely very much on point.

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The other thing I don’t do is act out, I am just not very good at it … I can’t bring myself to be nasty or sassy, I can’t misbehave and I can’t bring myself to disregard any of the rules or my manners! It’s like those chains of His are always on me, keeping me in my place even when He is not.

The closest I get to anything noticeable I suppose would be that I start to get fidgety. Usually this is already the time that I am getting close to my wit’s end, when I’m having a hard time staying in the mindset and starting to battle with my inner voice that says ‘grow up and take care of your damn self’!

This I think would be my struggle with being submissive, leaving myself in His care all the time, even when my current needs aren’t being met and not deciding to take over my own spirit and take care of my own issues.

The truth is that when everything else is going on around us and life is busy and loud my ever so subtle ways of ‘acting out’ are very easy to miss. They are practically nonexistent, the real action goes on inside my mind.

So you tell me, is my abundance of patience and good manners a blessing or a curse? By the time I get to this point in my mind I than have to fight with my warrior to push her back down and actually speak up, be vulnerable, and tell Him what I need once more.

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That’s my battle with submission. Opening myself up to Him when He is controlling the pace and the outcome is easy, opening myself up when He’s unaware that I need to is HARD!

No, my life is not perfect, but I can’t help but keep trying when it comes to Sir. Even when my body aches, my head feels fuzzy and my shoulders are heavy, I’m still His submissive …. 24/7, 365.

I still have no plans of acting up, so I guess I’ll just push my pride down deep and speak up ..

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

Taking on Tuesday

Some times I think the ‘Tuesday Blues’ are much worse than Monday. Not that I get the blues, that’s not exactly what I’m saying, it’s just the feeling of ‘oh I wish’ that I get when it’s back to work and back to responsibilities and short on time and all I want to do is spend a few more lazy hours with you Sir!

Mondays seem to come and go too fast to really be noticed. There is always so much to do and your body is getting back into the swing of things and so before I know it the day is done and my Bear is back for me to hold on to and cuddle! 😀

We try to not do any chores or errands on the weekends so that we have all the time to ourselves which means things get caught up on Monday and before you know it the day is done … without much fuss or notice. By Tuesday morning however getting up is a bit easier, the rhythm of the work week has set back in and things get done and ready much quicker … leaving mental space and time to notice that someone is missing from my side!

Image result for girl and polar bear bookYup, I’m going to have to say that Tuesdays are much more effort to get through than Mondays, Mondays around here fly by to quickly …. it’s by Tuesday morning that I start to notice time drag on.

If my body would cooperate and I didn’t feel so physically exhausted I could at least find things to keep me busy and focused, of course there is also the work day that has been cut back enough to be pretty mentally boring but not enough to afford me free time to do what I want and need.

Of all the possible things and emotions that a person can go through I think the worst one for me is boredom and I’m afraid that’s where I am now. I’m guessing that’s part of the reason I feel so tired at work lately, and run down. Mentally I know this leaves me more likely to catch something and of course I end up with a new cold every  couple of weeks! UGH ….

I know it’s just a matter of a few more months but I need to get out of this mental groove at work …. which reminds me, I do have a theory/idea! When you get a chance perhaps I could explain?

I think that’s it for my ramble today …. not much going on just bored! This part of my work life has run its course and I’m eagerly awaiting such a time as when I can move on!

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I think I’ll grab a cup of coffee, put on a happy face and find something productive to fill my time! See you soon ….

Love You Always Bear! ❤

His submissive, not oppressed.

I like to peruse different sites and get an idea of what people are thinking. I have found that my thought process is often very different from anything I find on the web or in the papers, or from just listening to conversation in general. I like to take into account all sides and aspects before forming an opinion, even some ideas that most wouldn’t even consider because to me there is always more than just two sides to every story.

Normally when it comes to writing a post like this I have over time encountered the same or similar statement in different avenues with the issue for me always the same, I disagree with enough of the statement to find it faulty but for some reason no one else has …. at least not ‘out loud’.

The 1950’s house wife vs. women’s lib

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There seems to be an acceptance of the idea that the 50’s had it all right and that the women’s lib movement was really not necessary and in fact created some serious issues for some of us ladies out here who want to be that stay at home, or traditional doting wife. The idea that perhaps things should have been left alone and that we would all be better for it  … humm.

I think that’s an interesting thing for us to say now a days, now that we do have the right and ability to take care of ourselves. Now that we can go out into the work force, even if we are mothers … even if we are married, and no one will think twice about it or put us down for wanting it. I think it’s easy to say that one should follow their husband and let them lead the relationship when we still ultimately have the right and ability to leave should that relationship turn abusive or just cruel.

I think the biggest difference between my life and the life of a wife some 70 years ago is that I have a CHOICE! I have chosen to follow my husband because He has earned the right to lead not just because He is male and because society says so. I have chosen how far to go in my education, it was not dictated by outside pressures due to my gender, I chose what career path to follow, I chose whether or not to have children and how many, I chose to get married and I chose to put my husband in charge of our life together. I chose …..

Women’s rights and the pursuit of equality is not just a marital thing, it’s much more than that and to say that it wasn’t right or wasn’t worth it because I have chosen to make my life look similar to those 1950’s housewives would be a bunch of crap, because at the end of the day I get to choose how I want to live in a way that suits me and having the choice is what makes it okay.

In my opinion no woman wants to go back to the way it was, you want to go to a fantastical story book version of the way it was when you get to have the man in charge but He is always good and wholesome and honest and kind. I’m not saying none of them were, but I am saying that some were not … and having the choice and ability to stay or go makes it all different and makes the women’s lib all necessary and right!

All our relationships are consensual ….. or at least they should be! If at some point I start to feel that I’m more oppressed than I am His submissive than I have the right and ability to leave and make my own way in this new and (closer to) equal world for women everywhere.

Choice matters! I haven’t even touched on the idea that there are male submissive’s out there also …. and we haven’t even left North America yet with the different sides and stories.

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Yeah, I know none of this is what you meant (or at least I certainly hope not!) but it is part of the bigger picture of what you’re saying.

 

Old school romance – still!

I like to go back and re-read the things I’ve written, I think it’s important to remember all the things I have thought and learned in order to make sure I’m still where I want to be, and maybe bring back some of the excitement and determination we all get when we start on something new. It’s also a good reminder not to fall into the trap of reading other’s stories and thinking perhaps we should change ours or might be missing something. lord knows opinions are a dime a dozen, mine included! LOL

This has long been one of my favourite posts from a year ago and I find it every bit as true and satisfying to read now as it was to write then. I was reading a lot of things about how this should be done and how a DOM should be acting and I guess this was my reaction to it all ….

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I have always loved the old school romance stories of the dapper gentleman who was well-mannered and in full control of his life, and the strong opinionated lady who didn’t quite get along with the rest of society and the ton. She was too intelligent, too self-sufficient and not at all the quiet, shy and meek creature all the other gents took for wives!

This gentleman however was strong enough and sure enough in himself to let her be her true self! He had no need to change or stifle that firecracker he had fallen in love with and to hell with what the ton thought anyway!

He lets her run and ‘play’ in life as much or as little as she needs. He is content to let her speak and let her have her way, most of the time. 😉   She is in control of her life but the reality is without his strength or protection she wouldn’t have a safe place to run in. When He has decided she has over stepped it only takes a look to bring her back.

The outward illusion might be that she does as she pleases but the reality is that he is in complete control. She belongs to Him mind, body and soul. He doesn’t run around shouting orders or making rules, he doesn’t have to. His power over her is much deeper than anything you could put down on paper anyway.

He knows as well as she does that a true Dominant doesn’t need to spell out rules and regulations. Just his presence is enough to inspire her to follow and to be on her best behaviour. He speaks when he needs too, and she follows, just a whisper from Him is all it takes. The rest of the time he is happy to watch her grow and excel. She is His after all, why wouldn’t he take pride in her accomplishments, in her freedom, in her spirit?

He is her gentleman and she is His lady.

Every word still rings true for me Sir, I hope it does for you as well!

Love You Always my Wonderful ❤