The secret lies with Oprah padawon ….

One of the first relationship truths I learned as an adult and as a mindful act was from Oprah. Pretty much, ohhh 20 years ago or so …. Gotta love Oprah! *chuckle*

 Although I don’t remember the exact wording and the context was about children and parenting I believe, the message still rang true for me in all aspects of life and relationships.

The idea is simple, regardless of what is going on around you, in your day and even missteps taken by that person, if you truly want them in your life and happy than the first thing they should see from you when they walk in the room is a smile!

Think about it, no one wants to be greeted with a frown or a complaint, or a gripe! No one wants to run back and see someone who makes them feel sad and on edge, I think this works equally well for spouses as it does for children.

Yes there are always things that need to be talked through and worked out, such is life. Does it really need to be the first thing you greet someone with? I’m willing to bet we have all walked in to a situation where we were met with a frown, or scowl, or an out-and-out blasting! If it starts to happen more often how much does that leave you wanting to rush home and see them???

It might sound very ‘1950’s’ but I started a long time ago making sure that regardless of what was going on or how I was feeling, the first thing my husband (and kids) saw was a smile, and hopefully a kind word or two to go along with it. I’m not saying you should ignore issues, not in the least and if you have read anything at all on this blog you know I am a big advocate for truth and honesty and self advocating in a relationship, especially a PE relationship, but it should be done properly and in the right priority.

This leads me to my original train of thought that got me here, I don’t believe this to be a D/s only issue although it certainly lends itself nicely to keeping things in the PE hierarchy. I also don’t believe it’s a submissive only issue, Dominants should use it too. I know I did and it was never under the ‘submissive’ umbrella that it is now …..

I still use this idea with my children, with work, and with all relationships I hold. I can get my message across and issue dealt with after I have the decency to say hello and offer a kind word to whomever it is I happen to be seeing.

No matter what or whom you might be dealing with, starting off angry or on the attack is NOT going to be met with a receptive, helpful return. If you are looking for a fight, well you can bet you will get one.

I have never been the nagging, hurtful type in any relationship ….. I simply don’t see it as productive and it is a waste of energy! It didn’t start out as a submissive mindset (not entirely sure I have one, but that is another post) but it seems to be a common read in my travels lately.

I don’t think being respectful is a submissive thing either, it should be a human thing, I use it on both sides of the road. It shows good manners and good character.

Anyhow, back to Miss Oprah! The first thing I started doing, on purpose and mindfully was putting on a smile and offering a kind word every time my husband walked through the door, no matter what. He will tell you Himself as He always tells me now …. No matter what’s going on or how I am feeling, the one thing He can count on is a smile!

Actually what I normally hear is “How can you possibly be so happy/positive, all the time …”?!?!?

Life has been ‘interesting’ lately – I still greet everyone with a smile. 😀


He is a gentleman ….

… but sometimes He’s not! And that’s when He’s really hot! 😉

Some of the real changes in our relationship from before we started D/s and now are the ways that He acts and reacts to me sexually in nonsexual situations. Some of the things He says and does would be completely inappropriate for a gentleman to say and do and so He never did before. Now however, now that He knows I crave His attention and His touch, now He behaves differently.

Last night when we were finally alone in the kitchen He made no qualms about watching me move, overt and obvious in what He was looking at and what He was thinking …. At that time He was not interested in my mind or character, oh no He had something very different on His mind.

There is something deliciously exciting about knowing that I have that appeal for Him, to make Him stop and watch and that He has that power over me, to make me feel like a nervous school girl! UGH there’s that word again, girl …. !

The other night He even went so far as to say ‘it’s a good thing I work for home, because letting me out alone would be too dangerous’! I suppose that as a strong independent feminist I should be outraged, but as His nijntje I am just over the moon with joy! 😉

Now don’t misunderstand, He would never stand in my way or try to stifle me or keep me down but when all the other gentlemanly things are taken care of and life is going along as it always does, it is nice to be reminded once in a while that there is a Bear inside of there who is very protective of His bunny!

Happy, ummm, whatever day it is today! *chuckle* Haven’t much time to write lately but I thought I’d hop in today for a few minutes.

Love You Always Bear! ❤

His Evilness knows no bounds!!

Sometimes the lengths He’ll go to, to satisfy His sadistic side amaze me!

He says to me in no uncertain terms that when I’m curled up in His lap and yawn and stretch and make cute noises I remind Him of a kitten lying in a big Bear rug!! As I settle back in for a rest ….

Now I knew He was Evil and sadistic and had quite the appetite for torture, but this?!? How could He possibly be so, so …..

Do these look like kitten ears to you???? 😛 *giggle*

Happy Sunday!


Sometimes *t happens, such is life!

The last few days I have been fighting a cold, a nasty one that attacks my sinus and allergies as well. It makes it hard to breathe and eventually my air ways and throat swell. I take some medication to help clear that up but it dries my airways so much that I spend a lot of time coughing so as to try to get some air! So what has this got to do with D/s?

Well every day I wear my cuffs and something around my neck, usually a choker because I like them, as does Sir but sometimes it’s a different necklace depending on my attire and because I have so many, why lock them away? Every night as part of our bed time Sir places a leather collar on for sleep and weekend wear. Two nights ago I had to wake Him at midnight and tell Him I couldn’t breathe. We had already discussed the possibility of an issue because of how bad I was feeling and unfortunately it came true, I needed to have my collar removed.

I didn’t want to go without it, it’s been part of me in one way or another for a very long time now but as much as I wanted my collar I didn’t want to suffocate and I’m confident that wouldn’t be at all pleasing to my Sir!  I admit that it did feel odd, for a minute or two when He took it off but it really didn’t take much time for me to focus on the facts. Yes my collar means a lot to me and to Sir but my health is more important. Getting worried or worked up over something that couldn’t be helped was pointless and being upset over a ‘prop’ being removed that only meant something because of the feeling behind it was also pointless.

The feelings hadn’t changed and the discussion had already been had, sometimes *t happens, it’s called life. Dwelling on material things is a waste of energy if a healthy and happy relationship is the reality.

So last night I tried again, the collar was a whole size larger in order to let me breathe, I managed most of the night but still had to be propped up on two pillows and not the most comfortable or restful. My neck, shoulders and everything are sore now after so many days …. not sure if I will be able to wear it at all. I guess we’ll see!

Either way I’m still His and He’s still with me, I’m not about to worry over a prop!

Happy Friday All!

Love You Always my Wonderful Sir ❤


Who I am …. for anyone new who might want to know.

I am not a doormat, I am not a whiner.

I don’t shy away from a fight but I do pick my battles wisely.

I am not frivolous and I have seen enough to know the difference.

I don’t blame others for my issues and I don’t dwell on my past.

I am responsible for myself and my own happiness, I will not let previous experiences steal that from me.

I stand up for what I believe in even when it’s not convenient and I will never let anyone take the fall for me.

I am smart enough to know too much, and wise enough not to dwell on it.

I will fight my own battles and I am relentless in my pursuits.

I am dominant in my thoughts and actions, not domineering  ….. and I’ll always take care for those around me.

Submissive is but one aspect of my being and only One shall ever have the right to it.

Love You Always Sir ❤

Just a short something, something ….

A bunch of jumbled thoughts and not much time or ambition to write on here now a days. Not sure what this post is or how it will come out but like I said, just a bunch of jumble!

Sir and I haven’t really the time to play and prep for more serious and intense play, we haven’t had for quite some time! Too long really. There are short sessions and some spanking but being pushed into subspace and maintaining it for any real length of time has been just a distant memory.

I don’t know about you all but the more often I can do it the more quickly I can fall back into it. The longer in between of course the more build up and prep I need to get into the proper mindset. Basically when I am operating on the submissive side of the road I can *fall* into subspace very quickly, the mind is a very powerful thing and I have been trained 😉 to respond on cue.

When I am operating on the dominant side of the road however I require a lot more *push* before I hit any sort of threshold, play wise. Think the 18 gears of a semi truck ….

Lately real life has had me in dominant mode without stop for some time, my mind and body are linked of course and so the shifting of gears is definitely what I need first (I’m just referring to impact play here but it does relate to all aspects really), this means longer and more intense play to break through the every day and into the calm of subspace. When you always have a house full or an issue to deal with the odds are against you!

Anyway, we finally got a short time to play this weekend and I finally did get some respite but in order to get there the play was a bit more hurried and as a result I am left with many dark marks that I don’t normally sport. Although I like it intense we have found that between the skin care routine I have and a few other tricks to add intensity of feeling without force and a proper warm up!!! very important – I can normally play very intensely for hours and really have very few if any lasting marks! Once the redness and puffiness goes down the marks tend to be practically non-existent or fade very quickly.

Although hurrying through gave me the mental break I wanted it left too much damage behind and now the Bear will not take the chance of doing any real damage ….. so the normal ‘5 minutes’ have been put on hold! UGH!

On the bright side, even though I have been crazy busy and not feeling well (caught a bug) the Bear hasn’t eased up at all on expectations, as a matter of fact He changed some to suit the new schedule and added some to boot! 😀 Yesterday especially I kind of tested Him to see if He would let it slide because I really had NO ENERGY left at the end of the day, and really my mind wasn’t focused. He had none of that, He held fast and followed through. You’d think that might just add to my stress and make things worse but it didn’t.

Even though the fun play and spankings might not be on the agenda holding fast to the ‘rules’ helps to put my mind back where I like it. Adding to an already hectic schedule didn’t stress me, it calms me and the few new toys and subsequent submissive triggers He learned are certainly playing on my mind and I’m forever connected wondering if and when He’ll use them! *chuckle*

Now to go mind these marks and see if they are ‘passable’ yet!! 😛

Happy Hump Day!

Hope my next play date is a bit closer than the last!

Love You Always Bear! ❤

Completely Appalled!

Search terms!

“we use spanking as discipline sometimes -child -mom -videos -she -her -daughter -incest”

I have no idea how *this* brought you here but you are absolutely in the wrong place and God help you if I find you first!

Outside of wordpress I have no online presence, I know some of you like to share my work on facebook, twitter, etc. – Please be sure to not have it associated with anything that might relate back to that!!!

I don’t even know what to say …. I’m seriously livid that those terms would some how lead someone here. Frowned-upon kinky was funny, this …. this is disgusting!

I’m done now before I go off on a very, long, tirade!

You, who ever you are looking for that – go away! Better yet, turn yourself in, get some help ….. but stop!



Living and Loving Honestly

Some fantasies have thorns ….

Whatever kinky play you decide to get into just remember – your emotions couldn’t care less about what you pretend you’re doing or what new name you’ve decided to give it. At the end of the day, the action speaks for itself … and it speaks volumes to you and your Dominant.

Put the kinky ideals and labels aside – do you still like that thought?

Love You Sir   ❤


Being Healthy – Body and Mind

Originally posted November 14 2015 but since I’m busy I thought it was worth a re-post! A lovely weekend as always my Wonderful Sir! ❤ 

When we enter into this type of D/s  or BDSM relationship we hear the ideas of Safe, Sane and Consensual at every opportunity but what about mind and body health and wellness? Being safe and sane about our bodies health wise and our minds is every bit as important as the rest.

Taking risks with our bodies to lose weight or fit into the kinky outfit now that we’ve started ‘playing’ is not safe and in some instances not sane either. There are a lot of ideas through pictures and porn that would lead you to believe you need to be a certain size or shape to be found sexy! The reality is the sexiest thing about most people is their demeanor, poise and attitude. Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself …. put something on that you find flattering and strut your stuff with happy confidence. People will notice, people will want to know your secret!

So now that we have that out-of-the-way lets focus on the real important things in life. Being healthy physically is always a good idea regardless of what type of relationship you are in or even if you are not in a relationship at all. This is something you should be doing for yourself always. Keep things simple in regards to diet and don’t limit yourself to such a degree that you will either be miserable or fail and likely end up doing both. Being well-informed about what you are in fact consuming and making better choices in regards to food and portion size will normally do the trick. Add to that some regular daily activity and most people are well on their way to a healthy life style.

Depending on just where you are health wise you may or may not notice a change in your weight. The most important part here is health, not weight so I would suggest not putting an over amount of emphasis on it anyway. I personally don’t own a scale and never have, it would only serve to put focus on the wrong aspect of what I am trying to accomplish.

Some ways I have found for keeping a healthy weight are:

  • eating more slowly – it takes a while for your body to actually register the amount you have consumed and if you eat too quickly you will have more than what you require
  • drink lots of water – it is not unusual for thirst to be mistaken for hunger (I know right? who knew) so having a glass of water before you decide to go for that snack may actually cause you to eat less because you will realize you are not actually hungry after all
  • pay attention – are you actually still hungry or are you just eating because it is there or you are bored
  • the healthiest way to set up your plate is to divide it into four sections.  lay butter knives in a X on the plate if you need to for help. the sections should be: veggie,  veggie,  protein,  starch,  meat portion should be the size of your palm, and veggies half a cup minimum.  (thank you gp)
  • take care of your emotional well-being – stress eating/or not eating is obviously not healthy and is bound to cause issues if you continue down that path
  • add some sort of exercise to your day, it doesn’t need to be the gym or an all out training session to give you results in your overall health and it won’t be long before you have all sorts of new energy 😉
  • if you choose to workout warm up with fifteen minutes of cardio minimum – this will tell your muscles that it’s time to release negative agents contained within them and warm them up to prevent injury – in addition never skip the cool down, letting your muscles cool down helps them relax and notifies the body to begin the healing process.  (thank you gp)

The more comfortable you become with what you are doing the more you can add to your healthy routine. Just like everything else in life it takes patience and time to get it right and see results. And when you look in the mirror try to pretend it’s someone else you are looking at, are you still quite so critical of what you see?