One of the first relationship truths I learned as an adult and as a mindful act was from Oprah. Pretty much, ohhh 20 years ago or so …. Gotta love Oprah! *chuckle*
Although I don’t remember the exact wording and the context was about children and parenting I believe, the message still rang true for me in all aspects of life and relationships.
The idea is simple, regardless of what is going on around you, in your day and even missteps taken by that person, if you truly want them in your life and happy than the first thing they should see from you when they walk in the room is a smile!
Think about it, no one wants to be greeted with a frown or a complaint, or a gripe! No one wants to run back and see someone who makes them feel sad and on edge, I think this works equally well for spouses as it does for children.
Yes there are always things that need to be talked through and worked out, such is life. Does it really need to be the first thing you greet someone with? I’m willing to bet we have all walked in to a situation where we were met with a frown, or scowl, or an out-and-out blasting! If it starts to happen more often how much does that leave you wanting to rush home and see them???
It might sound very ‘1950’s’ but I started a long time ago making sure that regardless of what was going on or how I was feeling, the first thing my husband (and kids) saw was a smile, and hopefully a kind word or two to go along with it. I’m not saying you should ignore issues, not in the least and if you have read anything at all on this blog you know I am a big advocate for truth and honesty and self advocating in a relationship, especially a PE relationship, but it should be done properly and in the right priority.
This leads me to my original train of thought that got me here, I don’t believe this to be a D/s only issue although it certainly lends itself nicely to keeping things in the PE hierarchy. I also don’t believe it’s a submissive only issue, Dominants should use it too. I know I did and it was never under the ‘submissive’ umbrella that it is now …..
I still use this idea with my children, with work, and with all relationships I hold. I can get my message across and issue dealt with after I have the decency to say hello and offer a kind word to whomever it is I happen to be seeing.
No matter what or whom you might be dealing with, starting off angry or on the attack is NOT going to be met with a receptive, helpful return. If you are looking for a fight, well you can bet you will get one.
I have never been the nagging, hurtful type in any relationship ….. I simply don’t see it as productive and it is a waste of energy! It didn’t start out as a submissive mindset (not entirely sure I have one, but that is another post) but it seems to be a common read in my travels lately.
I don’t think being respectful is a submissive thing either, it should be a human thing, I use it on both sides of the road. It shows good manners and good character.
Anyhow, back to Miss Oprah! The first thing I started doing, on purpose and mindfully was putting on a smile and offering a kind word every time my husband walked through the door, no matter what. He will tell you Himself as He always tells me now …. No matter what’s going on or how I am feeling, the one thing He can count on is a smile!
Actually what I normally hear is “How can you possibly be so happy/positive, all the time …”?!?!?
Life has been ‘interesting’ lately – I still greet everyone with a smile. 😀