Distracted

I hate the feeling of seemingly running from side to side, trying to figure out what it is I am supposed to do next, or want to do next. The organized, deliberate side of me gets really irritated- annoyed – twitchy!

Funny enough this is the side effect of too much ‘vanilla’ in my life.

I get off center and in turn, distracted. My mind is running races in there and I’m struggling to get any one thing done to my liking. Frazzled …

I kind of ‘wake’ from this haze on my knees, normally in the sunshine coming in through my bedroom window.

No, He isn’t here – it’s not kinky. It’s muscle memory I guess, reaching for what I know calms the rabbit!

No, it’s not all roses all the time …. life. Oh well. *smiles* All is still great BTW, no need to worry. Just a bit too vanilla right now.

Happy Friday ❤

Maintaining that D/s connection. pt.3

Not everything we do to experience dominance and submission is sexual. As a matter of fact I would say that the majority is not. Likely, the most prominent parts of dominance and submission in my life are NOT sexy or sexual.

I’m kinky and I’m sexual, I’ve never had to be talked into that! *chuckle* I’m monogamous and never was promiscuous (not a judgement, just a reference) but I’m more than happy to engage in and even initiate with my partner. So all that kinky stuff you read about is fun but not really a challenge for me.

The challenge is submitting to taking care – of me! Because of real life, today’s acts of dominance and submission are simple. ‘Don’t do anything, rest!’ UGH – Wanna talk about submission and ‘training’ … this is my true test!

It’s not all about sex, or at least, it doesn’t have to be. The sex is a pretty good bonus though! *wink*

I was going to write about the kink of body writing but that will have to wait until tomorrow! Be well, keep smiling, take care of each other and yourself! ❤

The irony of denial LoL

Do you ever just read something that is so ridiculous it just makes you laugh!?! It’s bigoted and one-sided all while missing the obvious parallels with that which it denounces! LMAO

I’m sorry, but I find things and blogs like these (w)ho[l]ly hilarious!

I’m not going into detail here but let’s just say that it’s funny to me that a blog that is against BDSM, D/s and M/s happens to be a great source of inspiration for just that sort of dynamic! Just because you don’t use cuffs doesn’t make you any different from me.

If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck …. and spanks like a duck and uses sex and nakedness as training tools ….

Does it really have the right to denounce us BDSM-ers??

Just some thoughts on a Thursday! ❤ Be well 🙂

Now to what DOESN’T work!

I thought since I’m touching on things that work (this will be funny in a minute!), I’d also touch on things I’ve tried that don’t work for me.

Edging! Masturbation (yes, clutch your pearls, I said the M word LoL) those things do not work for me. They don’t work to turn me on, much … and they don’t work to promote any sort of submissive feelings.

I know this is a common, often relied on method of maintaining some sexual energy and feeding the flow of D/s energy as well but for me it does not work.

It doesn’t bother me that it doesn’t but what I do find annoying is the ‘experts’ out there that tell people like me that we are simply not doing it right! That we need to try more, or try harder or the best one – we just need to TRAIN ourselves better! LMAO

Look, to those of you that this works for, hooray! I’m glad for you, and if you’re a dom/me and it helps your dynamic, hooray again! But for the few of us who just don’t seem to respond the same way – there is NOTHING wrong with you/us. We are not doing it wrong, we do not need to try harder, or other methodology etc

You know your body better than anyone and you know how you feel, no one else can tell you that either. Give it a try, experiment if you want to, mix things up with different toys – or don’t. It’s entirely up to you. If you are one of the many that it does work for, great!

If it doesn’t work for you however, move on. Don’t beat yourself up over it and DON’T let anyone tell you there is something wrong with you or that you are not trying hard enough, or worse – you are not submissive because you don’t respond like they want you to. If they can’t keep trying to find the right fit with you they are not worth your time or energy.

As for me, I like to revisit the idea from time to time. So far the result is always the same …. I’ve managed to go for a few days before, before it became a negative instead of a positive. *shrug* With so many other possibilities and adventures to be had in D/s and BDSM, why focus on just one thing that doesn’t mesh!?

Hope you’re having a great Wednesday, and staying safe! ❤

Mindfulness – Maintaining that D/s connection pt.2

After communication, communication, communication …. *wink* the next thing I personally find useful in maintaining our connection is practicing mindfulness. Again, I know this is nothing new or revolutionary BUT it is something that I have noticed works very well in a very short period of time. Assuming one is willing of course, but then isn’t that the whole point of submission? A willingness to do so for/to another?

I enjoy the art of kneeling. Sadly I don’t get to do so very much for/in front of the Bear these days. Our life, schedule and lack of privacy don’t really allow for it.

When I do get to practice kneeling I find it very relaxing. It allows me to focus my mind and my energy, it relaxes my thoughts and it soothes my aching muscles and joints! Yes I’m serious, it does help with ALL of that and so much more. For me even just 10 or 15 minutes of kneeling practice changes my entire state of mind and energy. But lets take a closer look, shall we?

These are some of the basic positions you can read about, you can find them and descriptions of each pretty easily. How to do them, when to use them even when and what parts of play or ‘training’ they are best suited to. They are found anywhere from sites of weekend BDSM-ers to full on Gor.

With that much versatility, there must be something to it, don’t you think?? *chuckle*

Now look at these poses:

These are just a few, you will find all sorts of standing, laying, kneeling, etc. you just need to look. These too are practiced for peace of mind, focus, strength, calm, relaxation and so on …

The difference between the two for me is really the intended outcome. When I workout for myself I call it yoga. When I need a boost of submissive energy .. we add a few kinky accessories and we call it kneeling. Collars, cuffs and clips (pain of some sort) is my go to. It helps my submissive mindset greatly when it is ‘ordered’ by my dominant, and many times picture(s) of proof is also required. 

It’s simple, it’s easy and it can be done discreetly and quickly no matter who is at home or how short on time I happen to be. It’s all part of a list of submissive triggers that I worked out for myself and we then discussed and worked into the everyday.

An added note here, there are times when I’m just not in the mood – those are the moments that require the most mindfulness but also submission! Active submission I guess you’d call it for that’s when it becomes clear and established that He is He, and I am His. If I want this lifestyle than I want it all the time and not just when convenient or satisfying a horny need.  

Those are also the moments that tend to have the biggest impact on my submission! *wink*

Hey look at that! I think I’m getting a bit more focused and less slightly less scattered! LoL 

Maintaining that D/s connection in the every day. Pt. 1

I haven’t written anything in a while and I fear I may be a bit out of practice! I guess you poor souls are about to find out with me! *chuckle*

In the last post I received a couple of comments that were pretty similar. The basic idea was, I think, how have we managed our dynamic this past year with all the ups and downs of a pandemic! How do we keep things engaged in the every day.

In the beginning I think I had an idea that once D/s always D/s but that meant that there was a certain ‘energy’ that I was looking to have ALL THE TIME. The truth is that having a full time, live in relationship AND practicing this dynamic is not really what I had envisioned during the frenzied beginning of exploration. 

To start – I don’t feel ‘submissive’ all the time. If you have been with me for a while you already know that my overall personality tends to be much more in the dominant category. I have tried on and been called many labels over the last few years from ‘Warrior Princess’ to ‘Alfa Submissive’ etc. etc.

Those all have some truth to them but they also don’t really fit. LoL I’ve never been one for labels but I do know that they provide a good starting point for conversation and understanding. As an old friend used to say, the devil is in the details after all! The point is, no I don’t feel that submissive vibe all the time and that’s okay! I don’t need to.

What I have learned is to tap into my own wants and needs and to relay them to my dominant, The Bear! I’ve learned to recognize and honour the feelings I experience and put those into the wants or needs categories, then act on those thoughts and feelings by bringing them to my dominant. 

Submission (and His understanding and support) has taught me to be okay with having needs and being okay with asking to have them met! Go, figure …. you can actually do that in a healthy relationship and it won’t be seen as a weakness!

Life long ago taught me that it takes more strength to ask for help and depend on someone else and submission taught me how to act on that.  

*******

I think my thoughts went a bit off the rails here! LoL But, not a bad first day back?!? 

I’ll be back to the original idea/question – I promise. First let’s see how this one is received *wink*

Happy Thursday! ❤ 

Ah, best intentions …

I was hoping to be back here yesterday, then maybe today. Neither have worked out so far! I had a quick discussion with a new acquaintance here on WP that I’ve been meaning to get back to and it brought this old relic to mind from 2016. Maybe it will be a good start to an understanding …. and a new discussion. It’s only scratching the surface and a bit scattered but here goes nothing! *wink*

PUNISHMENTS, CORRECTIONS and other DISCIPLINARY ACTIONS.

(Thinking out loud so don’t anyone go getting in a tizzy!)

If you have followed my blog for any length of time you will know that I very rarely get into trouble. We are coming up on my 1 year anniversary for being trouble-free!

When we first started doing this ‘thing’ (call it what you will or won’t) I was very much looking for accountability, looking for Sir to be all take charge and make me pay for my mistakes etc. etc. I was sort of wishing for a letter of the law type deal, and all the I’s dotted and T’s crossed etc. Well that didn’t happen, at least not exactly like that …

First off I’ve never been rude or disrespectful or just dismissive of my husband. It’s just not my personality, I would prefer to be single or elsewhere then have that type of life. I’m not just saying that, I’ve been there. Between my childhood and my first few relationships growing up I experienced enough to know what I didn’t want and I did leave each one. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t without risk and loneliness but I just couldn’t live any other way, I couldn’t live with myself.

Anyway, back to punishments, my first instinct was that I wanted them, craved them, almost couldn’t wait to be in trouble as much as I ‘feared’ being in trouble. I wanted to feel that He was in charge, He was in control and that I really did need to be accountable. When we were doing the part-time/kinky thing on weekends and hadn’t realized it really was much more than that it was exactly what I wanted. Now however, it is much different.

The idea alone of disappointing Him is unbearable to me, there is no physical punishment that could compare. If I’m completely honest, the look of disappointment is probably the hardest to bear. I’d take a physical punishment anytime, but to be completely honest if my heart wasn’t in it I really don’t think it would be effective anyway. To me the idea of a physical punishment is more in keeping with a ‘payment and forgotten’ which is more for My benefit then His.  It allows me to feel like I’ve made amends and He can physically see that I do mean it, nothing else really, but then we don’t have physical punishments that don’t first involve communication and resolution. In our home punishment is closure.

I don’t agree with sex as punishment, I don’t think it’s effective or sane. I wrote and earlier post on that and my view hasn’t changed. I think you are either ultimately getting off on it, or you are being psychologically and physically abused. Either way it’s not effective in bringing about a healthy change ….

But I do like the physical domination, I do like the feel of his hands on me and I do like the thought and feel of my ass on fire! So we play, or so I ask … We have talked about what makes me feel His, balanced, owned and happy and we came up with (and continue to) a game plan. I can have the physical release and the physical domination and the sting and sore ALL without being in trouble or feeling guilty!

Sometimes we use reset spankings/play and sometimes it’s called maintenance and other times it’s just balance. It doesn’t matter what we call it or what we use but I am not in trouble. Normally it takes between 1 to 2 hours and some times I get to orgasm at the end and sometimes I get ‘used’ and yet others nothing sexual at all. It’s physical, it’s HEAT and it’s HOT but it’s not trouble and it’s not tiresome. If you’re always in trouble, are you really learning or changing anything?

I still want to be corrected by Him if He sees fit but I would rather make sure I’m not in trouble and get my needs met otherwise then test and push to be sure He’s still with me. I think that if you test and push instead of speaking up you will end up with a DOM that feels like a domineering jerk, and they won’t like their place or want to continue, and you will inevitably feel let down and alone.

Talk, plan, be honest and be open, together …. a relationship takes two so be part of that two. Besides, in my opinion no real DOM will want to lead you without first knowing what your needs and wants really are! How else can they possibly do their job and keep you safe, satisfied and happy?

They might be dominant but they still can’t read your mind……

So when I said to Sir one night long ago that I was hoping He would have been more strict, He told me that He got what He wanted out of it, and He didn’t want to turn into a mindless jerk! He was right of course, …. that’s why He’s the Boss!

Love You Sir ❤

Most important submissive phrase

‘Can you help me, please?’

Hello everyone! It has been a long while, some of you who follow my other site know why already.

I’m not sure how often I’ll be back here or if at all for now. I have started the slow process of getting back to writing, I know it’s good for my head but I’m not sure if I have anything worth sharing here. If you have any questions, any comments, any musing etc. feel free to drop a comment. Maybe you will inspire a post! LoL I did have this one thought though … 

The most important phrase that I, as His submissive, have learned is to ask for help! Right now especially I’m finding it to be crucial. 

The kink, the BDSM, the masochist in me and the sadist in Him. Those are all important in our dynamic for certain BUT learning to ask for help, learning I can ask for help, learning that I can completely depend on Him. 

That’s what really makes this dynamic special. 

Happy Friday! I have missed you …. 

Evolution

i have 15 to 20 well deserved stripes on my backside.

Over the years i think that we have moved from kinky, to D/s, to M/s and all along there has been a strong undertone of DD.

It makes sense really, they are all related (whether or not folks want to admit it)!

I think we have fallen into a truly comfortable harmony right now and I can’t wait to see where the journey takes us next.

As our kinks evolve, so too does our relationship and our dynamic.

Happy wicked Wednesday! *wink*

Sub Drop

These past weeks I have been lucky enough to have most of the day to myself. In these hours I have chosen to work on my active submission.

I’ve done things to enhance my mindset and have done things that I know enhance His. It has really been great, we are both (i think) very much engaged in the dominant/submissive vibe and comfortable doing so.

Today however, i have to work all day and so the kink and BDSM is on hold.

I can feel myself slipping into sub drop, the scattered, anxious energy of trying to figure out what to do next. It’s like having no direction …. It is uncomfortable and stressful.

This is what D/s takes away for me. This is why our dynamic works well, but it does have consequences sometimes. Like ‘sub drop’ when you aren’t prepared for the change of energy dictated by ‘life’!

I haven’t experienced anything like this in years …. fortunately i know just what to do about it, just as soon as He gets home. ❤

Happy Monday! 🙂