A new type of domination and submission?
I’ve been pretty comfortable in my dynamic for some time now, even on the boring non-sexy days which of course happen too often in my opinion! *smirk* (sorry, bunny sneaks out every so often and causes ‘trouble’! :P)
There are many types of dynamics and varying degrees of domination or submission that can be experienced. None of them right or wrong and none better than the other either, the measure of success is simply whether or not it works for you.
I thought perhaps i’d share a little bit of how mine works with you since i haven’t really seen it represented. i may have missed you if you have, i certainly haven’t read all there is to find on the great wide web, i just haven’t found you yet. 😉 Okay, let’s be honest, i tend to stay away from all things ‘internet’ and ‘community’ if possible so unless you are on here i likely won’t find you.
Firstly let me start off by saying i don’t agree with this notion of ‘real’ or ‘true’ anything, i don’t believe that you can only be ‘born this way’ or it’s fake.
Secondly, i believe that people will often times evolve and whatever worked 10 or 15 years ago may no longer work for you now, and so you make a change. It doesn’t mean you were wearing a mask then and it doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough now. It’s natural for life to shape and change your path as you move through this world, the notion that you will forever be as you were is narrow.
To put it into a D/s or BDSM context, when i was young i would never have been the submissive in bed. (Or anywhere.) It was not something in my wheelhouse, to be told or led or whatever … simply not possible, I was very often the initiator and that may or may not turn into a very primal event (most often did) but never was submission on the table. Side note – i never wanted my partner submissive either, i needed someone as strong as me.
After meeting the Bear and getting married and finally being ‘safe’ in my world, my fantasies turned to CNC. I guess you could say that is still in someways primal but it does take the initiating/the control out of my hands. It was still not submission but it was putting me into a submissive position in bed, and that i enjoyed very much!
Now, some 20+ years later and i have no real want for initiating or controlling anything in the bedroom, i don’t even feel the need for anything ‘primal’ these days. Things may still be very sensual and ‘out of control’ in our time together but it’s more a submissive high, and all encompassing energy – not pushing and scratching and trying to get away. (Bear does still need that CNC at times so i do try to tap into that energy but it is not my first choice.)
This doesn’t mean i don’t ever start things though, i think that may be a misconception that when you are D/s 24/7 you should never as the submissive ask/start anything sexual. To me that depends entirely on your dominant and what their needs or wants are. If He/She likes it when you tease or beg than it’s right, so do it! No guilt and no comparing, do what feels right to you both, what works for you both and it is right, simple.
Outside the bedroom however, if your D/s is more than just sexual, you may like me/us find that complete control is not needed or even possible. I fall squarely into the submissive/rope bunny category but out in the real world i am nothing if not completely dominant and in control. It’s not a mask i wear until i get home, it’s me. It’s simply another aspect of my personality.
This leads me to our type of D/s, the one that may be short on representation. You guys tell me …. *wink*
I live and work in a dominant way, i don’t need to be held and guided through things, i don’t often require assistance at all. Bear doesn’t try to ‘teach’ or ‘shelter’ me, He doesn’t have to and He’s fully aware of that fact. We have set life up so that He has control over things and we do have rules that help to promote that but it’s all really symbolic most of the time.
When D/s really becomes the center of things outside the bedroom is when i lean into Him. He doesn’t follow me around trying to see when i need something and when i don’t. He knows i generally ‘have this’ and to try and chase me around or guess would be time consuming and frankly, exhausting!
This is where my strength comes in, this is that part where people say submission takes strength and work, at least it is for me. This is where my evolution led, this is why years ago i wouldn’t have done it, i wouldn’t have been able to. Now however, with His strength and His patience and His guidance over the years …. now, if i am in need of Him i go to Him, i lean in and He takes over.
It’s quick, it’s simple and almost always unspoken. Bear is a visual communicator and i have learned that so i remember and i make use of it.
It may not be as obvious as those who need to be told and controlled all the time but in my view just because i don’t need rules on how to get the house clean or when to go to bed doesn’t mean i’m any less in this dance of D/s.
When i need Him i go to Him, He takes hold and takes over, every time, without fail. Simple …. but i can’t sit back and wait, that’s just not the way it works. If i don’t have the submissive spirit to go to Him in the first place than my need will likely go unmet, at least until it’s been much too long and i’m already in a bad space in my mind. So why wait?
Happy Friday! ❤