touché – lil’rabbit silliness

Poor Bear, don’t know how he puts up with me! 😉

Bear brought these home yesterday ….

me:    ‘ummm, so does this mean you have a harem now!?!? *giggle* 

It took him a minute but …

Bear:    ‘no, those are for you.’ *wink*

I *was* the one who asked for them …

me:    i guess than, i DO!!!    *giggle*    touché! 

Today is a new day.

Having Bear go back to work has s-l-o-w-e-d any obvious kink/D/s to a crawl. Not gone completely, maybe about 60% of the days, but there have been a few factors against us. The days that did involve a more obvious power exchange were still shorter periods of time/intensity than what we had originally discussed. Not that it was a surprise, obviously things changed so plans changed too!

The thing that makes my head spin a bit is that most of the time the PE aspects/orders occur for the time period when he is away! I get it, he’s trying to keep me engaged and occupied while he is away and i appreciate that …… it does feel a bit Bipolar when he gets home and it’s ‘married business/responsibilities’ as usual!

To me one key aspect of being happy in this dynamic is being mindful of what i do have and not focusing only on what i’m not getting that i wish i had. It’s not an easy thing to do, when you have ideas and fantasies and nothing but time to think on them ….. *chuckle* but i am trying!!

Now, i know that i could simply act or do certain things that would probably kick start things at home too. The responsibility for this is not all on his shoulders, it is a two way street and in my opinion that means i need to feed this too.

Like i said though, things get in the way.    *Men may want to skip ahead, female problems ahead! 😛 LoL*

Primarily, i have been in a flareup now for a few weeks/month and i haven’t much energy or ability to do much by the end of day! The couple nights i had hoped to ‘reach over to his side of the bed’ i started bleeding, or so i thought and then it stopped! Gotta love peri-menopause …. never know when/never know how much or how long. The week before things start is always a bad week and now that i’m already in a flare …. yeah it’s been fun! *sarcasm* I have had more kinky plans squashed because of the guessing game that is my cycle these days. Yes, I know you can still if you want to but when i start, it’s like a damn has been broken, not to mention the muscles/cramps become intolerable. Anyhow ….

Yesterday I spent the entire day on the couch, not because of covid, because i am not well. I had plenty of things i wanted to get to but none got done! Sitting around of course just makes me more tired and more sore and the cycle worsens. My ‘everything’ still hurts today but i can’t spend another day on the couch so i’m putting on my submissive thinking cap and trying to figure out what i can do to please him.

Not sure if sex will be on or off the table by the time he gets in, like i said things change in an instant! Sometimes (usually) back again too! *shakes head* But i’m sure i can think of something else he’d enjoy.

He doesn’t expect me to be a service submissive and it’s not like i don’t normally have everything clean and organized, meals made and home well taken care of. All that stuff is just done by whomever happens to be home and able and yes it’s usually me these days but it’s not part of our D/s. It’s simply life responsibilities … plus i might be a bit particular and have some OCD. (No comment needed if you read this, Bear!)

With any luck i’ll get my workout in and get some extra things done. I’m not ‘dressing up’ because we have a chiropractor appointment when he gets in, not really a place to wear a dress! lol The weather has been cold and wet and that keeps my raynaud’s on high making me too cold for that anyway.

Like i said, it’s not easy but i’m trying to focus on what i have and what i can do. Not sure what that will end up being yet but it HAS to be better than sitting on the couch getting more sore and tired!

Happy Friday! ❤

 

 

Happy Anniversary Bear – and mourning a great loss.

Yesterday marked 23 years officially together for Bear and I.  We celebrated much like we celebrate everything else, together. Really that’s all that matters.

A few weeks ago we lost one of the greats in my opinion, a great performer, role model and man. I don’t think many realized just what this man did to help others but I don’t really think he cared. He did it because he felt it was right, the rest as they say …. is history.

Why do I have these two songs? Well, the first helped to get me to where I am and the second I wanted to use for my 25th wedding anniversary because it mean a lot. But, it seems that ‘life’ has moved things ahead for me and so here we are.

Most of you probably won’t relate, but this man ‘raised me’ more than my parents did. I listened to his words even as a small child and they spoke to me, they made sense. As I got older I started to see something that gave me a deeper connection. It has taken me a month to even be able to post something about his passing.

I still don’t have the words but I thought I’d share his …..

Where I started …. where I ended up. I never truly thought it would happen – but 23 years later, here we are! ❤

Seems He has a rule ….

A couple of weeks ago Bear decided that He needed to swat my backside, out of the blue i might add, just like that!

I was a bit surprised i admit, it wasn’t His usual playful demeanor. He seemed to actually have an opinion on something that He decided He didn’t like. Humm

Now you see, i don’t often do things that He disapproves of. I have my own set of ‘rules’ let’s say that i follow of my own accord, life rules. To be honest it doesn’t really leave much for Him to have to ‘handle’, if you get my drift. Lately however i have/had become a bit lax on one of my values. Not a lot but occasionally, when someone or something was really irritating i would say a swear word. :O

If you have read much of anything here you probably already know that i don’t use swears/profanity, it’s simply not my style. But like i said, i let one slip out and He did NOT approve!

Now I generally use the term D/s and not M/s but the truth is that He really doesn’t need my approval or input to make a choice/new rule like this. Yes, I do still have the opportunity to state my case and He will listen and take it under advisement but unless it’s something valid than it really doesn’t matter. Not in this type of case anyway!

So it seems i have a new rule …. I have ‘always been a lady and that’s the way He prefers it’, so swearing (unless it’s under the circumstance of begging/pleading for release 😉 THAT circumstance is fine! 😛 ) is no longer tolerated!

That’s fine with me, He’s right, I had gotten away from my core set of values and it’s time to get back to where i belong! Profanity does have a time and place, i know that to be true, but just because i am annoyed or bothered by something is not a good enough reason.  Not for me, and not for Him!

*** Just to be clear, this is not a statement on how anyone else should live their lives, it’s simply a choice that we have made.

Well, that was fun.

Shame it didn’t last long!! 😛

Bear had been told last week Thursday that he was officially off work.

We did a bit of talking Thursday night and some more Friday to be sure we were on the same page with what our ‘dynamic’ hopes and dreams were for this upcoming free time! Yes, we have been doing this a long time now and Yes we do still check in every time something changes in life to make sure that we are both on the same page.

It’s not so much that I am trying to take the lead or influence, it’s more that if we have different unspoken ideas, well, i think we have all been down that road a time or two, haven’t we?? Generally it would lead to frustration, feelings of rejection or unworthiness, anger and worst of all – feeling like we really weren’t cut out for this and would never achieve what we had set out to do!! OYE!

Fortunately, at least for now (LoL) we have learned our lesson and we talk out the details. He still picks what direction we go and how fast or slow we get there BUT I offer input and opinions. It was a large hurdle for me to get past, the idea that I can speak up and if he decides to go with my input, it’s still D/s. He is still in charge and leading and we are still on the right path, for us!

So, that’s what we did …. and we got to enjoy a few days of a much more deliberate and mindful D/s relationship. We even managed to get in some impact play, it does still make me nervous with all the issues that have happened in the past and with my youngest still here but we are being careful! Most everything happened in the morning hours and the rest of the day was calmer and less obvious. It did give me a good idea of what and where he would like things to go when we finally have the room/privacy.

I was a lot more active in my submission and ‘offering’ of myself and ideas and it worked out very well. Another one of my hangups that I have worked to overcome. All I can say is that ‘right or wrong’ we are both much happier and it works out well for us. So I quit overthinking it! 😛 *chuckle*

And then Tuesday night his boss called and wanted to know if he was ready/willing to get back to work! Of course …. I can’t say it wasn’t disappointing but at least he has a job, right? At the moment, I don’t.

So here I am again, so far not much in the way of a ‘crash’ after getting my hopes up, which is good. He has been engaging with me from work, although very little because … well, he’s at work! 😛 LoL I think it has helped to ease things back to a bit ‘less’ more easily.

That’s about all from here! So, how are you guys??

*Laughing* But … seriously though!

I’ve mentioned that the Bear and I are getting back into a more intentional D/s for our daily routine. Part of what happens for me with a more obvious ‘power dynamic’ is a boost in sex drive! All good so far, right?

Well, as with all things in life this too has many variables that affect the way things turn out. One other issue that I have been dealing with for a ~ very ~ long ~ time ~ now is peri-menopause!

Any time now mother nature, we can be just done with all this …. 

So it brings me to the topic of morning sex! Being more deeply invested in our dynamic has me more deeply invested in my dreaming as well! *smirk* The hormones are definitely flowing BUT so too are the menopausal ones! These two things are most certainly linked in many ways but is my higher drive causing more peri-menopausal issues? Or is it just coincidence?

It feels like i’m trying to work out a ‘chicken or egg’ scenario!

All i know is that many mornings i wake from a long roller coaster ride of night sweats! I’ve written about it before, my sheets are literally soaked some days and i’m shifting between drenched in sweat – to freezing cold – to back to drenched!

I also wake with some naughty, naughty rabbit thoughts on my mind and my little paws can’t help but wander over to His side of the bed ….. *wink* In our dynamic that is completely permitted and i’m not sure if He enjoys the me chasing after Him or having the power to say ‘No‘ …… more!

Anyhow, it’s all fun and games and a complete D/s turn on UNTIL …….. i catch a whiff of myself! UGH

woman in gray tank top lying on bed
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

If it’s not one thing ….. it’s another! 😛

 

 

Just a thought ….

Boy, I haven’t done one of these in a very long while! *chuckle*

I think it has more to do with ‘trusting, telling and asking’ than it has to do with ‘waiting … and for Him to swoop down and all knowingly ‘fix it’ … ‘

Submission isn’t about waiting for Him to figure it all out, it’s about exploring the truth, knowing yourself and being honest about your needs. Then …. laying it all out on the line and trusting that He will take that knowledge and then take care of you/things properly.

Don’t you think?? Just a thought …..