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So what’s it like ….

I guess I have decided to put into words what it’s like to be in my shoes. The ways in which I try to actively submit to my husband and encourage His dominance in a sexual sense, and the ways that things can sometimes get derailed or feeling daunting even for an optimistic bunny like me.

Feel free to chime in here Sir on any and all points. I know sometimes we think we have covered all the bases only to find on closer inspection that we have missed something after all.

I know that a relationship, any relationship is a two-way street. My actions and reactions are every bit as important as following orders and taking directions. I have no problem stepping up from time to time and getting the flirting and ideas rolling for a nice fun turn in the bedroom. Sex and the amount of sex is not usually an issue here in our home.

I will take toys out of the toy box and leave them on the bed, or in the room for Sir to find. I will lay beside them and explain how each of them makes me feel and makes me squirm and whine …. hopefully for His pleasure.

I send dirty little texts letting Him know where my mind has wandered and what fantasy might be keeping me from concentrating on work. I have a very vivid and lively imagination …. the result is pretty much what you would want or expect!

Although all of these things are fun and certainly enjoyable it is not however a way for me to get to that place where my limits are pushed, my mind is cleared of all other distractions and I’m floating in and out of subspace with only my Master there to keep me safe and bring me back to planet earth when all is said and done. That is the connection that I’m having trouble maintaining ….. or more honestly, getting.

When we get into it the sex is amazing for sure but the lost, quiet and calm feeling of being pushed mentally and physically is not there. I am very much a person who lives inside their own head, I’m a dominant in all aspects of the word and I take over and take control in life easily and without missing a step.

The biggest reason that I took on being His submissive was because Sir was just going on autopilot. I’m not sure He knew just how much, but I could see it … not miserable with me, with us, but He just wasn’t being fulfilled. I didn’t get the impression that He was happy in life in general and most of that was because I was so strong that I was leaving no room for HIM. I might be more than capable of DOMMEing this but He is not happy in the submissive role.

Part of this personality of mine, that not many seem to share, is that I’m quite happy living in these apparent contradictions without much fuss! I don’t really expect that to be fully understood but just take my word for it, I can be both dominant and HIS submissive at the same time, it really comes very naturally to me. I did the work, I changed my mindset and now I go too Him for help and guidance on instinct instead of off on my own. I’m sure this would not be the case with anyone else but I have changed that for myself with Sir and for us it works.

What this does leave however is me needing Sir to calm my mind and ease my demons when they get tightly wrapped up in my head. As I said, I live in my head, it’s always going … 24/7/365 unless Sir provides me with some respite.

So back to the original thought, don’t ask me what got me started on this but the idea was that I have no problem flirting, or asking, or actively pursuing Sir and showing Him just how much I want and need His touch and having that in our lives is not at all an issue.

What I am missing and can’t now do on my own (or more accurately won’t do on my own because to me it would put me squarely back in the driver’s seat) is the mental vacation I get from BDSM, bondage and impact play. That is now one of my needs and like all other needs I now go to Him for help and guidance. This takes effort and initiative on His part, it doesn’t have to be complicated but it does need to be from Him to me.  After a while, a long while, I start to feel like I’m not worth the effort or just too much trouble … or maybe just plain off my rocker and that’s why He doesn’t get it or do it!

I don’t think that’s really the way of it, I can see the effect it has on Him too when we get a chance to connect that way … but when I’m running on empty and wound tighter than tight my mind goes to these places.

It’s not the props or sex that I’m missing, it’s that energy that says He’s here for ME now and He’s going to claim me and take care of me … as his own even if it is just His hand on my neck and it only lasts a few minutes. I really can go from bigger than life to in His pocket in seconds, when He takes me there …

This note is for you Sir, I know that this format sometimes plays tricks with your mindset but it really is from me to you. We’ve discussed all of this before, I’m just not sure if I’ve connected all the dots quite like this before … maybe I haven’t. 

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

Excited!

I’m not generally one to let my emotions get away from me and I normally tend to have no expectations as to not lead to let downs … as bad/sad as that may sound it’s really not. What I mean to say is that I have standards and expect to be treated in a respectful and ‘proper’ manner but I’m not grandiose or delusional.

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I like to find joy in simple things and when it comes to Sir I have no problem falling very quickly at His feet … 😀

It’s not all about jet planes and million dollar red rooms … sometimes the best things are fairly easy to accomplish if you just give it a chance! I’m feeling delightfully optimistic … about peanut butter and jelly! 😉

That’s all I have to say for now … 😀

Love You Always my Wonderful Sir ❤

I read once …

I was looking around at different sites some time ago to see how others navigate this crazy world of ours, not just D/s but in general. I like to read to begin with, although I prefer paper to pc … but either way I like to look around and take note. You just never know when you might find something worth remembering.

I came across a site that was basically called being submissive is hard … or something to that effect. That’s fair enough so I wanted to see what they had to say. It turns out that this person (female) was having a very difficult time coming to terms with what the dominant was requiring of her, and the lack of time and attention that He was apparently able to give was one of the major issues. She needed more and his schedule simply didn’t provide for that right now.

So far all sounds pretty normal and although not the best situation we can all understand that it happens from time to time …. until I read that she was submissive number 4 of 5! What!?!?!

So this ‘dominant’ doesn’t have the time to give her the attention and care she requires but feels it’s right to take on 5 submissives at once ….. and none of you think that perhaps you are being used??? and not in the hot, kinky way that we like ….? I know this is just my opinion here but a dominant has responsibilities to provide what he/she agreed to in the first place. If they are not living up to their end of the bargain than they have no right to your submission. No wonder you’re having such a hard time being submissive and being happy ….

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Just because you are submissive, or whatever your choice of words, doesn’t mean you lose all your thought process and responsibility for yourself, your life and your actions there in. Think people! If it feels like you are just being used, you probably are! If you are good with that than carry on, but if you are not than do something about it ….

It’s that type of thing that makes me feel like I need to keep writing this blog, because although I am His submissive I am not abused, or unhappy or any worse off than any other strong, liberal and free woman out there! I’m probably better off than most …. Being His has made me stronger still, you can tell by my words I’m sure how oppressed and meek and mild I am! Not!

I will do whatever my husband wants, whenever He wants and for as long and as often as He wants because He takes damn good care of me. If you don’t feel cared for than you haven’t gotten yourself a dominant …. no matter what they want you to call them.

Love You Sir ❤

I believe in Santa Claus …

This song has been with me since I was very young. It is a Christmas song but the ideals and integrity that are in these words are very much what I grew up with.

I didn’t have the best childhood and I certainly didn’t have any support or care at home, but I had Kenny …. and in this case Dolly too! 😀

I have always found comfort and solace in my music and this song might be one of the reasons why, I really have tried to live my life just like this since I was very young and still do:

“I Believe In Santa Claus”
(with Dolly Parton)

I believe in Santa Claus
I believe in Santa Claus
I believe there’s always hope when all seems lost
And I believe in Santa Claus
I believe in Santa Claus, I’ll tell you why I do
‘Cause I believe that dreams and plans and wishes can come true
I believe in miracles, I believe in magic too
Oh I believe in Santa Claus and I believe in youI believe in family, in country and in smiles
I believe in turnin’ negatives to positives in life
I believe in lookin’ farther up the farther down we get
I believe when someone hurts us we should forgive and forget

And I believe in Santa Claus
I believe in Santa Claus
I believe love should prevail at any cost
And I believe in Santa Claus

I believe in saying what you mean and meaning what you say
I believe a better attitude can make a better way
And I believe in viewing life as a journey that we’re on
And lookin’ at our troubles as another stepping stone

And I believe that everything in life is what it’s meant to be
I believe there is a God somewhere although he’s hard to see
I believe I am so therefore I should do all that I can
To be a better piece in the puzzle of God’s plan

And I believe in Santa Claus
I believe in Santa Claus
I believe there’s always hope when all seems lost
And I believe in Santa Claus

Let the little children sing it

I believe in Santa Claus, I believe in Santa Claus
I believe in Santa Claus, I believe in Santa Claus

Let the whole world sing it with us

I believe in Santa Claus, I believe in Santa Claus
I believe in Santa Claus, I believe in Santa Claus

Let the whole world sing it with us

I believe in Santa Claus
I believe in Santa Claus
I believe there’s always hope when all seems lost
I believe in Santa Claus

Obviously it’s not the Santa part I believe in – but the rest of the words I strive to live by!
Sir came home and put my favourite Christmas CD on … ❤ I can’t help help but smile, laugh, sing and dance along! LOL
Even my teen boys will tell you that Kenny is a great artist with lots of good things to say and that you can learn from his words! 😉
‘Tis the season …. 😀
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A thank you and an apology in advance! :D

Sir has implemented a new rule this week, although I have just the slightest hint of guilt that enters my mind it really is fleeting and a far cry from where we, well I started!

Obviously I have had some serious physical pain to deal with lately and my muscles by the end of the day are sore and I feel exhausted. The rule is that at the end of every day and before I change into my ‘comfy clothes’ I am to wait for Sir naked in the bedroom and tell Him which part of me hurts the most. I will then get a rub down to help ease the pain and relax me. The feel of His hands on my skin is also a huge bonus, there really isn’t much that I like better than being touched by Him. 😀

This might not seem like much to most people but the idea of having someone do something for me and being comfortable asking is a huge step for me. I’m sure it’s a by-product of my childhood and it is/was very much ingrained into my personality and attitude.

So thank you Sir for helping me ease my pain, both physical and emotional!

Now however I’m going to have to apologize in advance! 😉 They have started playing the Christmas songs on the radio Sir ….. and ever since we started this dynamic I have been way more silly and goofy and happy in general! So much so that when a song comes on that I like I will drop everything and start singing and dancing. Well the simple, positive and happy vibe of Christmas songs is one of my favourite things to sing along to! LOL

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I can get to be pretty loud in my excitement, and I know I’m not exactly the best singer …..! 😛 At least I know you like to watch me dance …. teehee

Love you Always Sir! ❤

 

Is the grass ever really greener …. ?

I wrote a post some time ago about comparing and I have had an idea running in and out of my mind about keeping score … I haven’t had the time or the where with all to put it into words just yet but now I have another ‘grass is always greener’ idea that has popped in …. if I don’t get something down, I’m going to lose track!

The culmination of these things however I think is all the same …. it seems to me that some people tend to be so stuck in chasing the dream and chasing the fantasy that they don’t realize what is sitting right in front of them is every bit what they want and likely more that what the other side of the fence is offering. The off-limits, best behaviour, excitement that comes from a new and unknown relationship is great but the fact is that if you stop putting that energy and excitement and acceptance into where you are that new and exciting adventure on the other side of the fence will in fact turn into the same grass you have here and now. As a friend of mine said not to long ago, “how many steps do you have to take before you realize it was just a can of paint?”

The new ‘partner’ is exciting because you choose to make it so, the actions are sweet or hot because you choose to make it so. You are likely putting a lot of time, energy and belief into this thing you want to participate in so badly, how much are you putting into your current/old side of the fence?

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If you pursue your mate/wife/husband with the same excitement and enthusiasm as you chose to put towards this new person I can bet you that the pay off will be something pretty great! If you put your judgement aside and put every action into the best possible light at the same time you are on your best behaviour and actively trying to please and win the heart of that person than I have a hard time believing that for the most part your partner won’t be at least intrigued and possibly even happily swept off their feet with joy!

Likewise, once the world, work, life, bills, money and responsibility hit your new and exciting fantasy you might find it also becomes lacking and a bit less green! That is of course assuming that the fantasy ever makes it to 24/7 ….

You want a better life, make it happen! The fantasy is great because of the time and effort you have provided for it, your current life could be too. If that is truly not the case, than let it go! That person you are lying to (besides yourself) deserves the truth.

As Sir so eloquently put it ‘The grass is only as green as you chose to make it’!

Sir had yard work to do and because of the temperature and my raynaud’s I was not allowed to go outside, so I got a chance to finish this one …. 😀 At some point I may be able to write how all of this comes together or matters to me ….  but for now my basic thoughts will have to do! 

Part of that personality I was talking about is the fact that I believe nothing is unattainable with the right amount of effort, persistence and mostly the right attitude! 

Night All!

Thank you for doing the yard work Sir! ❤ I’m still not happy about staying in though …. UGH! LOL

Busy Bunny!

I have been so busy that I really haven’t had time to put anything down in writing! The thoughts are still going through my mind but the time to sit and post is just not here.

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Instead of getting slower after this week I have actually gotten busier with work. This wasn’t the plan but after a few conversations with Sir it was decided that for now it was the right choice to make, so be it!

Some of the new rituals and tasks are also taking up some of my day whenever I can fit them in and so unfortunately the blog is currently at the bottom of the list. I admit that I have time at the end of the day to sit and write but frankly once Sir walks through the door all my thoughts and attentions are on Him. The idea of being on the laptop instead of at His feet is not at all appealing! 😛 LOL

Hopefully this week will prove helpful in setting myself a new schedule with which everything can be accomplished, if not my time will be spent on Sir. I will do my best to be back here as quickly as possible Dear Readers! For now, I’m already 10 minutes late …..

Happy Tuesday All!

Love You Always my Wonderful Sir ❤