Wonder and Gratitude

What a wonderful year we have shared. I can’t say that we have ever been closer or happier then we are right now, and that says a lot because we had always had the relationship everyone else wanted. We’ve always cared for each other but the depth of understanding and acceptance has been so much enhanced with all the honesty and communication needed to carry on this way.

For me the biggest changes have been opening up to you without fear of burdening you or overwhelming you with the depth of my thoughts and feelings. I’ve always seen things just a bit differently then most and now I can completely explain to you how I think, and you truly want to listen and understand. I finally belong somewhere, I belong to you.

My steps are lighter now because I have you to help carry the weight of responsibilities. The biggest fundamental change is that I feel no guilt in laying it all down at your feet when it becomes too much. The idea that you want this responsibility still finds me in awe of your strength and compassion.

Now and Forever Yours with Love and Gratitude ….   ❤

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Role Playing – why I don’t

One thing I’ve never been able to get into is role playing in the bedroom, or anywhere for that matter. I’ve tried a couple times, nothing too outrages but still found no enjoyment in it what so ever. Quite the contrary, trying to be someone I’m not was just awkward and anything said in the moment was kept in my mind for ages it seemed. Playing at being in trouble of some sort lead to you saying things that would apply in that type of situation and then me not being able to let them go from my thoughts for quite some time after. I knew it was in play and it really hadn’t happened and you really hadn’t felt that way but I still couldn’t escape it …

Maybe it’s because I’ve always believed in say what you mean and mean what you say or maybe it’s because my mind likes to travel at 100 miles a minute but either way role playing just doesn’t work for me.

Nothing about our relationship feels like a game to me, nothing about it feels like a role to me and trying to add that into our dynamic just does not work to our benefit. Whatever you want to try, whatever you want to do and how ever you want to go about it is your right, I’ve already given that over. No need now to pretend it wasn’t agreed upon or that I’m not a willing participant in whatever it is you have chosen to do.

I guess I believe that if I/We wouldn’t do it as ourselves then we probably shouldn’t be doing it as someone else. D/s or BDSM shouldn’t give you permission to do things you would otherwise take issue with, the repercussions could be bigger then one would think.

 

 

Holiday Family & Friends (and some D/s)

I’m pretty lucky in my life, most of the time I do not have much drama to deal with, even during the holidays. Not that people don’t do things in my family like everyone else’s, and things don’t happen in my family like everyone else’s, I have just decided long ago that there were two paths I could take….

One would be where I allowed their issues and ideas to become my problem, then comes stress or a fight and unhappiness; and the other is where I make a decision about what is necessary and what I need to do and stick to it, be happy with it regardless and move on regardless of what happens next!

Now I’m not saying I don’t try to be hospitable and make all my guests comfortable to the best of my ability, but what I am saying is that I am not going to let someone else’s ideals or insecurities/hangups about whatever situation ruin my holiday, or Sir’s. There is no reason why you can’t try to accommodate someone within reason. I try not to take it personally (even if they may be trying to get my goat) and simply be a good host. However, I also will not take on their issues and allow myself to get worked up or upset because of it. Some people in my life revel in the stressful and crazy, not me! I will do what I can within reason and then I will move on and get past it, hopefully they can too.

Remember the post on limits for all relationships? Here we go again, it’s true. D/s might just be the best way one can run their life, in all aspects. Is there anything wrong with dealing with everyone in a truthful, honest, kind and respectful manner? Hold up your end of the relationship and do your best, if something happens you don’t like call ‘yellow’ figuratively and work it out, if it has gone too far call ‘red’ figuratively and stop all further play…

Okay so part two…..

In all of the above it is also necessary for me to not dwell on the past. Whatever someone may have said or done in the past has to be forgiven, or moved past. If it is not it will undoubtedly cause an issue somewhere throughout the evening. I need to be honest enough to take that into account and to plan ahead for the inevitable. It is not them I can control it is me, it is not them I can count on, it is me and it is not them that make me upset, it is me….

 

Holidays as your Submissive Sir

The closer we get to the holidays the more I am looking forward to just concentrating on being your submissive – not just your wife. I feel that it is a gift to both of us ….

I know there are still responsibilities that need to be handled but I am very much looking forward to spending that extra time with you. Kinky or not I’m hoping to feel you watching me, touching me and just simply showing me what you want and need in any situation and that no matter how busy, I still belong to you.

I look forward to feeling your leash on me, even when it is just a metaphorical one …. until later!   😉

Love You Always   ❤

 

 

D/s and snowflakes

I ran into some resistance a little while back when I was asking for a definition of what is D/s. Or at least what is it to our group of friends … In order to be able to properly discuss the dynamic and help each other with questions and problems along the way I feel it would be useful to know what exactly it is we are asking each other.

Although everyone’s life is slightly different and everyone’s dynamic is slightly different the core of the D/s dynamic is the same, at least it is in my opinion or we have nothing to pull from in the discussion. Just like snowflakes that originate from a grain of sand in the centre and then branch out and form in a manner that suits them in their time and circumstance so too do our dynamics start from a core set of values and then branch out into our own beautiful forms …

So this is what I consider D/s …

  • The honest communication and attentive listening that is required to truly get to know each other and understand each other.
  • The desire to please each other and be respectful of each other in thoughts and actions.
  • The trust that is built up and unshakable because of the above…

Having these core values allows the submissive to follow the dominant without question or worry because both parties have each others best interests at heart and the dominant has all the information required to lead.

The way your dominant leads is where the snowflake starts to form. The way you follow and how you interact on a daily basis is where your snowflake starts to form, but the core is the same.

If you are honest and communicate well with each other there is no need for arguments and hurt feelings. There is no second guessing or wondering if everything is okay or if you should do more or less etc. Everything is out in the open, everyone gets a fair say and everyone’s  feelings and needs are taken into account before the final decision is made on whatever the subject is. Once the decision is made the dominant leads and the submissive follows and you are D/s.

If I hear that your D/s is not well or in need of building up then this is what I think you are referring to. If you mean that you haven’t had enough kink or BDSM lately then that is another conversation all together in my opinion. Some D/s relationships have no kink involved, and some have the kink on the back burner for one reason or another. It doesn’t mean your D/s is lacking or failing. If one of you is still leading and one of you is still following and you are communicating honestly, respectfully and with trust then you are still D/s, your D/s is still flourishing and your snowflake is just as beautiful as everyone else’s.

In Need

I am having this need to be used by you.

I need you to grab me and spin me around, dress me up then pin me down.

Take me, use me, hold me and kiss me …

Pull my hair and grab me roughly.

Show me the animal inside that just can’t get enough of me.

Make me crawl for you, make me crawl to you ….

Fill my mind with so much you that nothing else stands a chance.

I want to get lost in your darkest self ….

Completely consumed.

 

 

Play me like a rag doll ..

I am seriously not liking being under the weather! I know I probably haven’t got the energy right now to even hold myself up for very long in the evenings but I am seriously missing my cuffs and chains.

I think I’d be happy just having them on and watching TV at your feet Sir … I’m starting to feel a bit out of sorts.

Or whatever else you decided would please you ….  I do like being your rag doll.

 

Journey to becoming nijntje …

I feel like we’ve been doing this dance a long time now Sir. For a long while I was dancing alone, practicing the steps but they were going unnoticed. Eventually you started to drift away, you got deaf to the music I guess ….. it was nothing more then back ground noise and you tuned me out. I guess I was left with a decision to make, let the music die or turn it up ….

 

I can’t say I understood just how much these things I read about would effect you. I thought the kneeling and collars and such were all very cute and great to incorporate into our kinky play time but I really didn’t think they would hold such a high value in your eyes.

Since the beginning I have treated you with respect, always tried to be honest and never wanted to hurt your feelings. I always picked my words wisely, I know how what you say and hurt someone and I’ve always believed in being kind; but still you drifted away….. I never tried to be better then you and I have always put your needs first. Some how in there you got the idea that I was better then you? Too strong to need anyone, even you?

The entire time when I was trying to handle everything and make it easy for you I think I was actually tearing you down and making you feel redundant maybe? I know you started to resent me, even if it was at an unconscious level, but you did. I could feel it in the way you talked and walked around me, or cursed under your breath. Those were not good days, those were the days that made me search for the answer ….

You weren’t the only one changing, I started to get mouthy with you, I was lashing out in anger to cover my hurt. My moment of crisis was when I realized I was planning my day without a thought to what would please you most….After almost 18 years of thinking of you I had just made a decision without putting you first. I was immediately so uncomfortable I was crawling out of my own skin. Something had to change and I knew it had to be me.

I know you were very uncomfortable the first few times I knelt for you, you likely didn’t think you deserved the honour. It was a strange time for both of us. I had just realized I needed more from you and you were just getting the message that I did need you. I think it was the first time I actually told you out loud that I valued your opinion and needed your support. I’m not sure if you really believed it but I know you do now!

The more I am honest with you and give my problems over to you the stronger you get. The more I let you help me and take over the less stressed you seem to be. The more I trust you to take responsibility the faster you rise to the challenge. The moral of this story is that me doing everything was not making you happy, me letting you do your job does. The kneeling, the collar, the sitting at your feet and all the rest simply shows you I still need you to guide me and I think that is what you really enjoy about the gestures.

 

 

I was dancing alone for so long and when it comes right down to it, it was my own fault.

All I had to do was ask you to join me ….

 

Things I want – your dominance pt.2

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I want you to tell me ‘no’ when you know it’s the right thing to do. Don’t second guess yourself or worry about me getting upset, just do it. I have already trusted you to know the answer, don’t let my cute little bunny nose wiggle my way out of it…

I want you to keep using me for your pleasure; there is something hugely satisfying about knowing it’s me, my body that is creating that ecstasy for you. I want to feel like without me a huge part of your enjoyment would not be happening.

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I want you to take a good hard look at what you really do want. Are you getting it all, do you want more? I want to give that to you whatever it is. I want you to really think about it and come up with some ideas to try.  Turn me into your ultimate fantasy, please!

I want you to create a scene and push my limits. I feel like I’m ready for you to take me there, where ever there is. I want you to go as far as you like, as far as you want to try. I know me safe words, don’t be shy … I want to try for you.

And I miss my leash Sir!   ❤