More and more ..

I find myself in an interesting position, one that i’ve been in before. Since we both have the mental energy to focus a bit more on the fun and more obvious rituals for our dynamic we have added to it.

Sir wanted some suggestions on how to enhance two of the things that we do daily anyway, but just make them ‘more’.

Well, you don’t have to ask this rabbit twice! *smirk* There is never any shortage of ideas in this brain …. but these are not just kinky ideas, these are things that i also believe will work on His mindset and mine. Enhance the fun but also the over all feeling, the vibe that we move forward with.

We started with two things which i think is already a lot of change over night but since they are already established routines, just enhanced, i think it will be doable.  So far so good ….

Which leads me to this ‘place’ in time, a place we all go to now and then. The place where things are going well, the focus is where we want it to be and we are ready … to … run! Yeah, not this time. I have no interest in falling into a sub-frenzy ….

The things we are adding need to be things that can be maintained, no matter how busy or tired or whatever …. it needs to be consistent and non-negotiable, baring any major issue with illness of course. They need to be real, meaningful and help make a significant contribution to the strength of the dynamic that we want to maintain.

With all this in mind we have picked some meaningful but simple actions to incorporate. They can all be added to of course, when time and inspiration strikes Him! *wink* But they don’t need to be time-consuming or complicated, just repeated.

Sir likes visual representations of submission, it fuels His dominance and spirit. I’ve suggested just that type of thing and He has decided on what we will try for now. It’s on a two-week trial after which we will sit and review the rituals and decide together if anything needs to be changed.

I’m focusing on paying attention to how i feel and what works best. i’m focused on making sure to note anything that might take away from the experience and take away from helping me transition from kicking @ss all day, to just being His.

My physical issues need to be taken into account as well and i think two weeks will give an honest look at what is feasible and what really is not ….

I know my husband well, i’ve watched and learned His ways for over 20 years.

I’m now learning about my Dominant, and i’m learning about my submission, it’s a joint effort. Ever evolving.

wait-is-over

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Christmas Music?

Read a post this morning asking about a favourite …. if you had one. Well, since i hijacked all the music posts last year i think i’ll sit this one out. But …

I love this remake. It’s not about Santa or gingerbread but the message is still there and the style is one of my favs. Plus of course …. Kenny!! *big grin*

If you watch to the very end you will get a glimpse of what type of man he really is, that’s the truth of why i like him so much. 🙂  And this is certainly NOT overplayed … LoL

Hope you enjoy! ❤

A new kink?

We’ve been experimenting lately with new things and ideas, quieter things! *wink* I think i have found a new kink? Not sure if it qualifies as a new kink exactly or just an extension ….

I am getting quite the charge from having my upper arms caned!! Between my shoulder and elbow …. it leaves me in quite a state quite quickly. It starts to put me into subspace almost immediately and very sexually aroused.

Whoa …… ! I dare say that He took me to the brink of orgasm with that act alone. We didn’t push it any further, yet, time was short and so many things we wanted to try out … 😛 Besides, it’s fun to have something ‘new’ to look forward to for another day!

Anyone else have this?

Happy Monday!

The shackles are off!

I was just looking back over my posts and realized that it’s been a month since i said that we were going to be ‘upping the ante’ , boy how time flies!

I’m getting back into the grove of submission that i felt before we had to put the brakes on. For me that grove isn’t so much about following orders or getting my work done on time, it involves being open and more upfront about what i want and need.

My biggest hurdle when it comes to this dynamic is fighting the feeling between being open and topping. It’s not that i manipulate or push to get things my way, it’s just a feeling that i get.

I worry that me saying things will cause Him to do it my way, go along with what i’m saying …. I normally have some pretty good ideas and since i’m the one who likes to research and think and plan, well it’s not too often He decides against whatever it is i have mentioned. I have to work to remember that it’s not topping if He decides on His own to go that route. *wink*

Anyway, that translates to BDSM needs as well, i have an issue being able to voice my needs because i worry about topping. The problem with that is that if you are not speaking up, you are not really submitting your needs to your dominant, are you? That was one of the main hurdles i faced getting into this dynamic and exactly why we needed to start it in the first place!! *chuckle*

As time went on i got better and better at showing what i really wanted and needed, and i got better at knowing that He was still the one deciding what to do about it and when. And then life took a turn, things got complicated and my needs for BDSM had to be put mostly on hold. As did His ….

It’s been a bit more than a year now that we have had to seriously put the brakes on things. Stolen moments and small gestures have gotten us by but for the most part needs have gone unsaid. Until last month …

I was like re-learning how to open up again without feeling the guilt of leading. I’m getting that part of my submissive journey back again, and i’m enjoying it! Needless to say, the more i let that part of myself out the more He leads it!

It’s only been a month but i feel very comfortable and confident in what we are doing and where we are headed. No, things aren’t exactly the same as they were but i wouldn’t expect that anyway. Trials have caused us to grow as people and so the dynamic grows with them.

It’s not the same but i’ve never really been one to be nostalgic anyway.

As always, the submissive mindset i seek starts with me. It’s when i give my needs over to Him that He can start to lead it.

Shedding the shackles of life so that i can have His, instead …

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Down the rabbit hole we go!

We had a few good conversations this weekend, the first with the help of some Merlot but hey! It worked. The rest were completely sober, so no worries. *chuckle*

I’m starting to think that perhaps the Bear and i aren’t all that different in our needs after all. I may need it a bit more intense a bit more often, or maybe i should say first? I get to that point more quickly? His need for intensity generally follows mine, like we are on the same roller coaster but He is in the car just behind me when it comes to the flow of energy in this.

Everyone still following or have i lost you?

Anyway, i’m coming to the conclusion that His needs are well matched to mine *when* i make mine known. The intensity and force here is not something that is ‘on’ all the time, it’s just too strong to be able to function in a day in and day out scenario with kids, work, responsibilities that are not D/s only! So this part of me comes out to play once in a while when it’s safe to do so, when i know that life is settled enough that i can afford the time and energy on me. Makes sense?

Just like now …. everything in life seems to be on track. Things are balanced enough that i can take a break, so that’s where i’m at. I was the one who put the brakes on when it came to this because i had a very strong feeling that it was causing damage to the other aspects of our life, to our kids. It was making it difficult for me to concentrate on my responsibilities and it left me with a great deal of guilt.

Children’s needs and taking care of my family comes before my needs for control or lack there of in a kinky way. The plan for 5 minutes every hour is working wonders! I know i’m on top of everything and i know i’m not making any mistakes when it comes to paying attention this time so BDSM-ville is a go! With all its kinky bells and whistles.

I guess i forgot to clue Him in on just exactly how far down the rabbit hole i wanted to venture, that i was ready mentally and emotionally to go back there!

I have been having some wonderful chat conversations with a friend and it made me realize that i was ‘gagging myself’ as she likes to say. I had put a stop to needs and voicing needs while i was waiting for things to turn around at home. That was a long time practiced, now i need to practice talking again!

Spent a lot of time practicing to open up again this weekend. Yeah …. He’s definitely got me matched when i open the door! *wink*

It comes down to the same thing it always comes down to doesn’t it? Open, honest communication.

Today is Monday but I lucked out, i only have a few hours work today so i have plenty of time free. I’ve checked on the kids so the time for me is available. The Bears is making good use of that time and i’m filling in the blanks, because i am allowed and because He likes it.

Today He ordered clamps, two sets! Ouch! lol Once i had the youngest off to school the house was mine for an hour and a half. Clamps and a gag helped me to make the bed and tidy the room while naked. Once that task was complete i knelt to show thanks to His Evilness for the time He ordered. I took the liberty of taking a picture for Him since He wasn’t here to see it.

I needed to get dressed again and pick up the youngest from school but afterwards i was inspired enough to wash the rug that has been waiting for weeks, I organized a bit more of the decor and i can feel a certain ache every time i move! Those were tight clamps … *raspberries*

He mentioned yesterday that I was having the left over homemade soup for lunch today. I’m not sure if He was just thinking out loud or why He said it but in my mind it’s now an order, Soup for lunch it is ….

I’m sitting down now careful with how i move and what rubs where! He should be on lunch and we should have a few minutes to chat soon. Afterwards i’ll go clean up and organize the kitchen before finally getting ready for a few hours of work.

My mind is calm and the work seems less like work and more pleasing over all. I like the hints of pain here and there, they keep me calm, in my happy place.

Why does it work this way? I have no clue but i honestly don’t care. 15 more minutes until i take inventory of boys and life and then back to this feeling of harmony with the world around me. I can’t complain!

I get what i need when i can voice it, He’s always at the ready to join me. He won’t force something i don’t want or am not ready for, that’s what makes Him my dominant. Now i need to remember that and open up again.

Here we go!

 

 

 

 

Our Next hurdle

Some of you might be wondering what the heck just happened? I’m sure the Bear is a bit confused as well, so maybe this will help. Maybe this will help me to be able to put what’s in my head into words!

Firstly let me say that our day-to-day interactions are good, just as they should be. There are no issues with communicating daily events, what’s going on with the boys and any real things that i need His attention and help with. As far as life is concerned and having His strength and support in all things that matter, it’s there.

So what’s all the fuss about, right?

Well i think perhaps the way to explain it is an area where reality meets fantasy. To me anyway things can get to be quite hectic and stressful around these parts. In effect, I’m looking for a day or two of vacation from my head, an escape …. a few rituals here and there through the week to keep that charge of energy would be nice too. 

Yes, it’s all about the ‘for show’ parts of the dynamic. The issue gets doubled when you take into account that i have a fantastic memory and imagination, i’m a very creative soul.

During the week the Bear does all the things He needs to do as the leader in this home, He makes sure everything here is running smoothly and kept up with. If a problem arises He jumps to attention to fix it. All good right?

The Bear is up very early and off to work long before anyone else is up, He doesn’t see or have to deal with anyone. Well besides me occasionally! *smirk* It’s been like this for a long time.

I get the boys up and going, i take care of any melt downs that might be occurring. I take care of phone calls, emergencies, planning and setting up appointments. I take care of emails from school, i’ve even had to handle the police at the door a few times … on my own. Hectic, i told you!

By the time He gets home from work He gets the information but all the situations themselves have already been handled. We talk and we make sure we are both on the same page but i’m the one who has done it all, generally, because i’m the one who is here. If i didn’t work at home it might be different but this is the way it is and has been for over 17 years now.

Since things have settled just enough that i can pull some energy away from emergency deals and put it back into ‘us’ in a fun way, i have. I thought i had made my needs and wants clear but i’m not sure they are. The Bear is awful for asking …..

So here goes. During the week i make sure that things are handled and sorted before Friday afternoon, i make sure there is nothing that needs my time and attention that can’t wait until Monday morning and then …. I want and at this point NEED a brain vacation!

I need the things that are symbolic and ritualistic in nature, you know, the posing and kneeling and waiting  … some bondage, mental and physical to get me out of my head and into a relaxed state. I want to take the time to recharge, the way i recharge.

I don’t really want to think about anything, I want to be ‘at His service’ that’s all. Sexual yes of course, that’s the fun part right? But the mental game of owing and controlling as well with all the kinky games that are involved in that.

We still haven’t got the opportunity for some heavy impact play unfortunately, not with someone always home, so i’m looking to the mental aspects to give me a break. Think of all those books you’ve read where the submissive shows up at the house on Friday evening and is at the service of the Dominant until Sunday afternoon. With all the rules and rituals that go along with that …. the stuff that you probably couldn’t carry on in a real life setting. That stuff.

Yes that’s a lot of work for Him to do, but i work hard too. I work hard during the week to make sure that we have the opportunity to take some time away.

As to creativity, i have written a book on what works for this rabbit, no worries there!

When we do take the time we both feel recharged, not just me. It feed His energies and puts a hop in His step as well so i’m not exactly being selfish here.

This is the part He’s not really holding up. Creativity is not a strong suit for Him and apparently getting my thoughts out hasn’t been one for me.

Here we go with the damn labels again, but occasionally they do come in handy.

When it comes to being in the ‘mindset’ and really getting what i need to recharge i’m much more in the ‘slave’ category. Leading towards Gorean to be honest. Not full-time, but like i said, my brain vacation time for the weekend or a few hours or something …. the fantasy.

As i’ve mentioned before, The Bear tends to fall into the Daddy Dom category. Especially in the day-to-day dealings. The bedroom can be a bit different especially if inspiration has struck Him, but that doesn’t tend to follow outside.

So we have a bit of a personality conflict when it comes to ‘play’ outside of the bedroom.

He wants to cuddle, watch a movie and drink hot chocolate and i want to be the table He puts His feet on while He watches the movie! LoL He wants to hang out with His bunny but the warrior wants to be captured and chained.

Bunny is here all week, the warrior never gets taken down, never gets a real break from reality.

That’s what He was apologizing for …. not sure if this makes sense to anyone else. Not sure if anyone else has such stark differences in their needs, but that’s me. Probably a bit confusing but there it is.

 

Learning styles, communication styles and frustration.

Right now i’m trying very hard not to be a very frustrated rabbit.

Sir and i have VERY different personalities, exact opposites to be specific.

We also have VERY different communication styles and in turn learning styles. It doesn’t help that i never forget anything and can easily start from where i left off.

Since we are ramping things up again, or at least trying to … i’m ready to take off running and He is much more cautious and well, slow.

It feels like 6 years ago all over again and i’m really not happy about it.

It feels unfair, it feels like a lot of work and it feels sometimes like i’m not sure i want to do it all, all over again.

i was looking forward to this as a break from the stress and work and mental exhaustion of the every day battles i have faught for years. This was supposed to be my haven …. my escape.

It feels like everything i have learned, practiced and am being consistent in is being done for nothing.

I can easily stand up, pick up the reins and carry on by myself. i’m choosing to lay things down at His feet and i’m waiting ……

It’s unfair, life has always been unfair to me and now i’m fighting very hard to not get completely frustrated with the whole thing.

I have enough on my plate right now ….

ARGGHHHHH!

 

 

‘Bunny mode’

I’m finding myself in full ‘bunny mode’ more and more these days. This is the mindset i want to take into our conversations, this is the mindset in which i enjoy being His the most, usually.

‘Play’ is different, i don’t think bunny ‘plays’ ….

This is the state of mind that finds me the most relaxed and also the one that worries me when it comes to missing something.

So I have formulated a plan. I am going to take the first 5 minutes of every hour to think and reflect on what is going on and how things are going. I am going to take inventory of what needs doing and if anything needs my strength and attention. If something needs tending than I will, if not ….

Back to bunny! *grin*

My thinking is that this will allow enough attention to find anything subtle that I don’t want to miss. Anything obvious is still going to be obvious so …. yes it’s a lot of self-discipline and commitment but that’s never been a problem for me. Relaxing is more of a problem. If this can reassure my brain so that i can just be His, MOST of the time, than that’s fine with me.

If the problem is that i fear i won’t be dedicating enough time to the boys needs than i will find a way to ensure that i dedicate enough time. *That* problem can be easily solved. I like simple solutions. Where there is a will, there is a way …..

Sorry for the ‘mind trip’ folks! *chuckle*

Got to hop!!!