I’m afraid we’re hooked!

I’ve been busy … very, very busy.

Work and kids and anxiety and panic and all that stuff that you really just can’t explain fully! Not unless you’ve lived it … at least i don’t think so.

D/s has been ‘low key’ and i think that’s being generous. Honestly, I was just starting to think that perhaps it was time to ‘put it on hold’. We’ve never done that, not in the nearly 10 years that we’ve striven. But it’s true, i did consider it.

Just as i was starting to wonder about the whole thing He started to make things more overt, to assert His dominance again.

3023441-PFAEUZYM-7I could have been petty or faught back or whatever, it has been some time of relative silence after all. I chose not to, i chose to engage. For as much as He offers and as much as He takes – I’m here!

Between work and stress and my physical flares i admit i haven’t got much in me, not physically anyway but i am trying. He’s been sick as well so it’s not like either of us are full of energy and spunk! *chuckle*

But we are crawling our way back to that connection we want, we miss. It’s hard without the S&M. We are both very much linked that way, it has become bloody obvious now! It’s like our life line now.

Some things you just can’t go back on i guess!

i thought i wanted to become D/s …

In the beginning of all this excitement and whirlwind of a journey i thought i wanted to become D/s. i know now that it’s not true!

‘Becoming’ something to me sounds like you are moving in the direction of something that has been predetermined in space and time. Something that has parameters and rules, ways of being.

i’ve always been an ‘outside the box’ sort of person. Trying to fit into something that wasn’t of my mind or soul simply doesn’t work for me. The entire thing feels like putting on a show. That is not who i am.

Trying to ‘be D/s’ always seemed to lead to let downs and frustrations because it simply didn’t work in our life, in our time and schedule etc. It was someone else’s version of how life should be you see, it works for them and where they are in life but you can’t fit a square peg into a round hole, can you?? not very well.

So some years ago i decided i no longer wanted to ‘become D/s’, instead i decided that D/s could become part of us! It was no longer about following a set schedule or ways of doing things. It was no longer about chasing a feeling and/or maintaining a mind space.

No more, shoulda, coulda, woulda ….

I think there is a real difference between doing this with someone you live with 24/7 and doing this with someone outside of your home/life.

To me it’s the difference between dating and married. Not trying to be offensive to anyone, just trying for simplicity.

When you go on a date you are ready, you are prepared, you are focused and you are planning on giving your date all of your attention. You dress to impress and you have already prepared yourself mentally for that time together, whatever it is you’re doing. In this case BDSM or D/s activities. If for some reason you are not prepared you cancel or postpone.

When you are married/live together however there is not usually a division between getting stuff done and preparing to be Dom or sub. Yes you can set time aside for these things, plan date nights etc. but truthfully, life tends to grab a hold of a lot of that time and energy. You share all aspects of life which means you are both stressed or overwhelmed AT THE SAME TIME!

A live in partner sees all of you, 24/7, not just your best foot forward like when you are dating, like when you are mentally and physically prepared to be together.

I’m not saying that there isn’t a great amount of connection and closeness/knowledge of your partner in those relationships, i’m just saying that the depth of it all is still different. There are things that come up when you are 24/7 in the same space that just don’t happen when you are not.

We called it rose coloured glasses …. to me that’s what ‘becoming D/s‘ felt like. There was no room for a Master who just wasn’t feeling it today and couldn’t find the energy to Dom.  The idea that i didn’t feel ‘submissive’ today meant that something must be wrong or maybe it wasn’t for me after all …. or worse, we ‘lost it‘.

Even in a 24/7 relationship you go through different thoughts, feelings and emotions. It’s called life.

So no, we didn’t become 24/7 D/s …. it simply became part of us. That differentiation was freeing to me!

 

 

Not exactly what it seems, this D/s.

I’ve been a bit flustered as of late. I think that’s probably the best descriptor. Some of it in the previous post and some of it here as well. Some of it i haven’t even begun to put down in writing.

There is a lot going on in my mind right now but ‘submissive’ is not really something on the forefront. Not in the kinky, posturing sort of way anyhow. The more frustrated I get the more stupid little things irritate me. Things He does make me grit my teeth and bite my tongue …. and not so much because of D/s but more because I know it’s not right.

I think when you get into a 24/7 D/s relationship it really isn’t all that different from any other committed relationship for the most part. We’re not kinking it up 24/7, as nice as it may sound it is simply not possible.

We are parents first and foremost, the kids need our time and attention. Next is jobs of course, and then pets …. time, money, emotional struggles both ours or someone close. All of that doesn’t go away because you adopt D/s as a lifestyle. Not when you live together!

But the D/s shouldn’t go away either, just because of ‘life’ stuff, because that stuff will always be there.

So I texted Him and told Him that I didn’t want any ‘kinky stuff’ today. The things that usually keep me thinking of Him and us in that way are today just an irritation. My body is not having any of it and my mind is ready to spin out of control.

He agreed …

He is still He and i am still me but today i need to keep it low key, for my own peace. Sometimes peace comes inside D/s and sometimes it comes from outside in a manner of speaking.

Today i just need to STOP.

He doesn’t point fingers, complain or blame. He stays and holds things steady, He waits for me to be ready. He supports and He watches. And when the time is right He starts again.

That’s what makes Him a dominant, not the ropes ….. *wink*

Oh geez, it’s only Tuesday!?!?! UGH

 

D/s and Nietzsche pt. 2 – My Dominant

Since i mused from my ‘side’ of the slash on how things seem to match up with the progression of self, i thought i’d do the same for what i see happening/ed in the bear!

When i met the Bear i knew right away that He was someone i could count on, but He was young as was i and we both still had much growing and maturing to do. He was very much in the camel stage of life, doing and working and not really one to turn others away, at any cost.

I was probably already starting to turn to the lion but children came along and then ‘mom’ took over, everything else really does fade into the background, doesn’t it? It’s a very good time to have a camel by your side, to help carry the load, … and help He did! *smiles*

As time went on and children grew my lion stage came into full force, picking up from where it had left off in my teens years, always fighting the good fight! This is where eventually the Bear got lost i would say, where He started to fade into the background and one reason why D/s was very good for us.

Through the conversations, tears and screams of making this dynamic work, Bear has become much more the lion. Not just at home but in life. The confidence and strength it takes for a person to stand on their own and do what’s right has grown inside and it shows through very clearly these days. At home, at work, with friends and relatives. I think all can see it now.

As i mentioned in the previous post, this has allowed me to grow into the child stage. (Sounds funny doesn’t it? Grow into a child? *giggle*)

For the record, the ‘child’ that i call Bear, the part that compliments the bunny, peeks through on a very regular basis! *wink*  Makes sense i suppose, since the rabbit never seems to run out of energy! *raspberries*

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(That’s the Energizer bunny, in case you’ve been under a rock! not my creation )

Rx BDSM (ii)

A few days ago Bear was inspired and decided to play with me before bed. I use the term play because to me that’s what it is. It’s not pretend but it’s not serious and it’s not just sex. It’s more than sex, at least it is to me.

Sex is great of course, but in and of itself it simply doesn’t have the same over all effect on me as BDSM does. The difference? Well to me the act and energy are different and BDSM will very often not include the normal sexual acts …. if that makes sense to you all.

It’s very sexual in nature, at least it was this time, but it’s not the PIV in two or three positions until orgasm. It’s just different, so to me it’s play. He is playing my body like a toy to be used and enjoyed and of course treasured and well taken care of!

So, for the last few days i’ve been more interested in getting things clean and tidy and to His liking. My personal energy in doing these things has a different feel to it, sure the actions are the same but in my mind i see them differently, less bothersome.

My attitude/energy as well has changed. I’m more relaxed, more energetic, more at peace in my own mind.

Once i am able to tap into this energy THEN spankings help to maintain it (still not possible here but hey! one can hope … ) and domestic services are more submissive feeling and even sexual service for *Him* alone runs through my mind.

It’s more difficult at times to concentrate on what i need to be doing granted, but it’s well worth the bother!! 😛

I’m quite certain that He enjoys having me chase and tease and just generally pursue Him as well! He likes telling me ‘no’ just to watch me pout. Then, changing direction and taking me at will …..

sexiest-vampires-ever-ftr1

Ahhhh, told you, distracted! 😛 LoL

 

Is it real?? or play ….

I had started this conversation but i stumbled upon this:

Reality Check

 ‘essay by Anton

His website, although i’m not certain it’s still active:

Consensual Dominance

Theory and Practical Advice for Doing it Well

It explains well the contradictions we find ourselves in when we ‘play’ the way we do and why it’s no less real than any other aspect of our lives. Why we can be queen of His world one day, and a piece of property on another, and both be very much real.

I hope you read the essay if you have had this question, it really is well written. 🙂 He explains why it requires a deep understanding of self, and honesty ….

Enjoy! ❤

What kind of submissive are you?

I’m thinking back over things i have read and people i have known, conversations … One thing that became very clear with time was that there are many different kinds of submissives. None better or more committed, simply different.

I’m not even going to attempt to cover them all, or all the nuances, that would simply be too much to cover in one post. I have been thinking of just a few ideas that are on very different ends of the submissive spectrum.

Keep in mind that this train of thought/post is all very general in nature … so here we go!time

Some time ago i read a post by a friend that covered the idea that her submission was very much linked to her sexuality/sex.  I don’t think that’s a very odd idea at all, i think it may be more common place than she might have thought.

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I think one ‘type’ would be a sex/BDSM submissive, like what she was talking about. This is where i fit and i’ll be back to this at the end.

Next i guess i would consider the ‘spanko‘. To me this is where spankings for poor behaviour and maintenance are used as a method to tap into the submissive feelings and to help stay there. It may or may not include other forms of kink but the thing keeping the dynamic flowing is primarily spanking. DD would fall very nicely into this category i would think. (Yes there is much more to be said, like i mentioned – very general.)

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For me, spankings alone don’t do it, even when we did have the opportunity to do so. They help certainly but it’s just not the same. It begins to feel more like a game or a chore than submissive. I don’t get in trouble, i’m too much of a ‘dominant type’ in life to allow it of myself, doesn’t leave much for Him to correct! 😛 

The last i’m going to muse about would be the service submissive. This could be anything from domestic duties to sexual service and all things in between. What or how the submissive serves is much less important than the fact that they are serving and getting noticed or even rewarded for it. Being of service and doing a good job of it is the main objective, to please and be pleasing.

Again, it doesn’t do it for me. I am constantly of service but it comes more from my dominant side than it does from anything submissive feeling. I serve and continue to serve because it’s my duty, because i excepted responsibility for things/kids/husband/house/job etc. etc. and to not live up to my commitments is simply not in my wheelhouse.

I always go above and beyond and watch over everyone in my world, not to do so would make me absolutely bonkers!! If anything, being His submissive makes me take on less, not more. I don’t do it to be noticed or pleasing, i do it because i know no other way …. i could go on but i did say ‘general’. LoL  

I would consider myself a sexual/BDSM submissive. The thing that keeps me tapped into that warm subby glow, that calm relaxed vibe, the ‘yum’ of being His is sex and BDSM. Without those two things on a fairly regular bases i really do lose that submissive feeling. (For the record, i don’t think kinky sex and BDSM are the same and they do not need to happen together.)

 

Now i still do what i need to do, take care of all the regular tasks/chores, mind my manners and act respectfully BUT i do that anyway!

What i don’t do is rely on Him for much, i tap back into my own natural flow, especially when things get hectic and busy, and i rely on myself to get things done and organized. I take on the responsibilities, the planning, the weight and the stress …. i do it alone and i carry on. If you are like me, a sex/BDSM submissive, do you find this to be true as well??

Personality aside (brat/little/pet) what kind of submissive are you???

Hurts so good?!?!

That’s not actually the case, not right now anyway!

I’ve been hurtin’ a lot lately but none of it consensual and none of it good. There are new followers again and i thought i’d leave you that bread crumb should you choose to know more.

My brain and body are on overdrive and i could use a little hurtin’, but the one of my choosing, not this one! *chuckle*

Kink has definitely been on the back burner lately, both due to this and due to lack of energy. I haven’t started anything and neither has He.

The privacy issue is still a problem and with the current state of things with the youngest, we seem to be going backwards instead of forward and onward ….

I’m still in good spirits and i’ve always got a smile on but i’d be lying if i said it wasn’t frustrating and well, exhausting! Mentally and physically.

**** See, this is what BDSM helps with for me. Getting started these days physically is more of a challenge but once things start flowing everything changes, becomes easier. My body temperature regulates, my (non consensual) pain lessens and the longer the session the better i feel overall.

It relaxes both my body/muscles and my mind, it alleviates some of the exhaustion of the everyday and seems to rejuvenate, both mentally and physically.

I call it ‘play’ because well, unlike some of the other possibilities for impact, like punishment or maintenance etc., this is for fun. It provides a service and is for a reason, as i just explained, but it’s not ‘to keep me in line’ or behaving or whatever the reason you might choose. It’s just to keep me relaxed and happy.

Like you would ‘play’ soccer or volleyball to keep you mentally and physically healthy, i ‘play’ out a scene for the same reasons. It has rules and parameters, checks and balances to make sure both sides are getting what they need, it’s hopefully enjoyable to all players and keeps you coming back for more.

It’s addictive in the same way that playing sports, running, or going to the gym can be and you don’t feel ‘right’ when you have had to miss out.

***** now i’m going to be rambling *****

I haven’t the opportunity for an all out scene these days because we don’t frequent dungeons and we have no privacy at home. I am a masochist though and if my body wasn’t so ‘beat up’ i would probably take up kick boxing while i waited for BDSM to once again be on the horizon. As it stands, i work out whenever i can manage.

The kneeling and waiting and focus you get from a higher protocol relationship can be somewhat duplicated through yoga or meditation. Honestly/realistically the energy source in all of these is you (the submissive) and so is the choice to tap into it or not. It is all about relaxing the mind, being in the moment and tapping into the energy …. i enjoy these activities when i can as well.

Bondage, well this one is a favourite of mine and doesn’t make much noise. My wrists are not ‘happy’ right now but looser bondage gives the impression without the unwanted pain. My ankles are okay atm, so use them, and a nice thick collar and leash always fit the bill ….. there are many ways to do bondage and accommodate injury or disability, you simply need to look and learn. This one is on you, Bear.

*****

When i get down on kinky energy, Bear gets down on kinky energy. I wish I could say He starts things on His own but He doesn’t. It would be nice if He took initiative that way, but He doesn’t, it’s just not His way.

He ‘doms’ by taking care of me, watching what i need (besides kink) and taking care of that without needing to be asked or told.

When it comes to kink, He’s like a kid in a candy store when i invite Him in and say ‘wanna play’? But if i don’t He just keeps His eyes on the everyday and carries on.

I know He wouldn’t be happy to let it all go, His ‘happy’ is not there when we can’t play. Just because He never seems to want to start things doesn’t mean He’s not a dom/sadist, He’s just a lazy one??? (sorry Bear, don’t know a better way to say it) when it comes to play time. He also seems to focus more on the road blocks than i do, i’m more inventive you could say! *raspberries*

This is a type of D/s by the way, can’t remember the exact ‘label’ (imagine that, me ignoring labels! LoL ) but it is a relationship type that falls under the D/s M/s umbrella. Perhaps not what some of us envisioned but submission is to be done according the the dom’s wants, right?

Anyhow, i’ll leave you with this, today’s theme … for me anyway!

What is a ‘scene’?

** to us of course, everyone has their own needs and wants.

After the beginning of an interesting conversation, this topic just hasn’t left my mind. The only way to clear it for me is, you guessed it, write it out!

The Bear and i don’t do role playing, it just doesn’t work for us. When we are engaged in BDSM we need it all to be real, to be authentic in order for it to be comfortable for us. Some like to play around with different situations and scenarios and that’s a personal choice, but just not ours.

Sometimes we play around to fulfill His needs, i enjoy that because it gives me a real sense of submission and a sense of serving Him. Just as spanking and impact play frees me from the stress of the every day, impact play frees His stress too. It’s always consensual and yes, there have been times when i have told Him that i just wasn’t ready or ‘up to it’. The choice of how to proceed was His of course but never has He insisted when my mind or body wasn’t up to it. That’s what makes Him a dominant, not the idea of making someone do something they clearly don’t want, but anyway ….

Sometimes we play to fulfill my needs. Just as spanking by hand or by paddle etc. builds endorphins and helps to free stressful energy, so too does a flogger on my back or legs, a cane on the more private and intimate places etc. The build up of energy is the same, the sensations of relaxation or pain/pleasure mix are the same just in a different spot. I find it all encompassing and it relaxes my entire body, not just my backside! *giggle*

When we have the opportunity to play ‘well’ i’m usually left floaty (subspace) and not really able to function on my own. Aftercare is where He now takes me to bed, or a warm safe space where i can rest, have water and warm up. A ‘good’ scene will bring the chemicals in my body to a certain state where i need to physically ‘come down’ from. This normally involves thirst, cooling of my body giving me the chills, and more often then not the re-balancing of chemicals will give me the shakes.

Sometimes sex is involved but most often it’s something that happens after IF i’m able and ready. My state takes priority over anything He may want at this stage and if sex needs to wait then He will make that call. Normally after a short rest i’m more than ready but you just never know!

Everything we do is because we enjoy it, it’s for a reason and serves a purpose. We don’t pretend that i’ve been captured or that i’m a naughty school girl. That is just not part of our kink. Just as spanking serves a purpose for some, the play we engage in provides a respite and a refresh before having to take on the world once more.

BDSM is my spa day! 😉 Anyone else …. ??

Today’s mood :)

I do crinkle my nose, He does tuck me in …. and the little rabbit is always around these days. 🙂
Enjoy …
Will you count me in?
I’ve been awake for a while now
You’ve got me feelin’ like a child now
‘Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tingles in a silly place
It starts in my toes, and I crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile, please, stay for a while now
Just take your time wherever you go
The rain is fallin’ on my window pane
But we are hidin’ in a safer place
Under covers stayin’ dry and warm
You give me feelings that I adore
It starts in my toes, make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes I always know
That you make me smile, please, stay for a while now
Just take your time wherever you go
But what am I gonna say?
When you make me feel this way
I just, mmm
And it starts in my toes, makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes I always know
That you make me smile, please, stay for a while now
Just take your time wherever you go
I’ve been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
‘Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I’m comfortable enough to feel your warmth
It starts in my soul, and I lose all control
When you kiss my nose, the feelin’ shows
‘Cause you make me smile, baby, just take your time now
Holdin’ me tight
Wherever, wherever, wherever you go
Wherever, wherever, wherever you go
Wherever you go I always know
‘Cause you make me smile, even just for a while
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Colbie Caillat / Jason Reeves
Bubbly lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC