Life is perfect

My relationship with the Bear is perfect! Well, okay maybe not ‘perfect’ but it’s perfect for me, for us.

I may be His submissive but that doesn’t mean i’m stuck dealing with things that bother me or i can’t accept, it doesn’t mean He gets to do whatever He wants without consequence.

Our relationship started in a vanilla sense and many of these limits were already figured out i suppose, but i can’t see me settling for something even if we had only ever been D/s. Does that mean that’s i’m not actually submissive to Him? No, i don’t think so but it does mean that He respects me and my needs and emotions just as much as He wants me to respect Him/His.

Our wants and needs line up pretty well, i guess almost 25 years together will do that to you! *chuckle* I don’t think there is anything He wants that i’m not okay with anyway but if there was i know He would have more respect for me than to disregard my emotional needs and go on with it.

Being my dominant is not about what He wants, it’s about what i need. My needs come first, then He gets whatever it is He wants ….

I might be submissive to my husband but i’m not in any other sense. I can tell you from experience that when i’m in a dominant role the primary objective is NEVER what i want, it’s the needs and requirements of the things/people i have taken responsibility for. It’s only after that has been satisfied that i get to do what i ‘want’.

This D/s relationship is no different. With great power comes great responsibility …..

Advertisements

Humiliation? or just sexy?

I read this a few weeks ago and it got me thinking, like usual right!?!? *chuckle* Anyway, it is very much kink inspired and so if you are not here for the nitty gritty of it all please feel free to skip this post!

If you are, perhaps you should take a gander before you read my thoughts so that you know where i’m coming from. 🙂

I’ve been given a reprieve from my debauchery — for the morning at least, as I’ve been granted time to myself and promised a casual time with Amanda at the cafe for brunch. So already this Saturday a.m. I’ve taken a leisurely bath, and I spent good time washing and pampering my hair, which had […]

via hurt so good — slave shae

Shae is in a situation where she is ‘owned’. Now, i could use the same words as she does, owned, used etc. but to me it simply doesn’t have the same feel of humiliation as it seems to elicit in her. I have a theory ….

My submission and my ‘use’ is all done within a loving and completely committed relationship. Mine is done within a marriage that not only encompasses sex and ‘slavery’ but also includes the commitments of everyday life, home, cars, and children. For a lack of better explanation mine doesn’t seem as linear, mine is more far reaching and perhaps more fulfilling? Not a judgement, just a ponder …

When i am ‘of use’ to my dominant i feel the subspace and the high but what i don’t feel is that i’m ‘only‘ a vessel for His pleasure. To me the experience, no matter how primal or single minded, is always reciprocal. He doesn’t just do it to me, He does it ‘for me’ …. and i know i have many more ‘uses’ than just that one in this life we share.

Is that perhaps why our view and feeling on the matter is different? Is it because i’m inside a marriage that has commitments and carries on with or without the dynamic that i don’t feel humiliated by the fun we have?

Or is it just a ‘me’ thing?? A rabbit thing? *chuckle*

Real life D/s

Following orders when you are in the middle of a scene is easy. Following orders when you are in high protocol situations is easy. Remembering that feeling of following in the real world can sometimes catch me off guard, and that’s when it’s the most real.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that we went a long time having to keep our kink to a minimum. Situations arose that made it next to impossible to practice much by way of protocol or obvious actions, and that’s okay, but that also left a very obvious feel in the smaller things that happen in the day to day.

I’m not only His nijntje, i’m also a mom. As a mom i want to make sure i show my boys how to be a positive member of society. I want to teach them kindness and responsibility etc. …. and i want to teach them to be helpful.

Some time ago, before we were able to play much, we had bought a new mattress for our bed. Now Bear was getting ready to remove the old one and replace it with the new one all by Himself. Since the youngest was just across the hall and doing nothing but web surfing, i piped up. *chuckle*

I told him to come on over and help his dad with the change over. The Bear has been having trouble with His hip and me, well i can’t always be as helpful as i would like!

Very quickly from behind me i heard … ‘Uh, no …!’ That caught me off guard BUT He is the Boss, not just when we play but 24/7 …. so although a bit confused i didn’t argue or question it, i just told the youngest ‘never mind, seems dad’s got it‘ and went in to see Him.

20190504_092743Probably not what i want the youngest to run into when helping dad change the mattress!! *giggle*

Ah yes, good call Bear! *wink*

Being in that following mode is easy when you get to play and practice and carry on. It’s much easier to be in that mindset when you are on a bit of a ‘high’ but it’s important to remember it when you don’t get to play.

To me, this is the real D/s, the one that happens when you don’t get to get your kink on, when you are just you …

❤ Ciao!

Have you had any ‘vanilla’ situations like this? When you simply follow without questions and then have an ‘ahhh’ moment afterwards? Or is it only rabbits that get into this silliness???

He said, no.

I don’t often talk about my chronic issues on this blog, not in any great detail, but today the power exchange and the vanilla world come together in a way that i can’t really explain on the other one.

I have a few things i battle daily and fibro and CTD (connective tissue disease) are only the tip of the iceberg but they have been at me with a vengeance recently and affecting my routine/life! Moving is becoming increasingly difficult and i’ve had to take pain medications which i really don’t like to do.

This gets in the way of my rule of daily exercise. It’s one of the rules Bear has for my own well being and was put in place of my own asking. When i don’t work out i don’t feel well, mentally or physically. Setting Him in charge means i don’t make excuses and talk myself out of it, so i don’t put myself into a dangerous downward spiral. But there is more ….

Setting Him in charge also means that i don’t set myself up for harm. He knows how rough the last couple of weeks have been for me and how rough the last few days in particular have been. When i told Him how i was feeling today He instantly told me ‘no workout’.

Personally i knew i probably should skip today, not only are my legs/knees aching but now my ankles are sore as well. Really sore, and i’ve got bruising that is appearing around my ankles and up that area of my leg. I haven’t hit anything, i don’t know where they are coming from but they are in line with the most intense areas of pain. I was still debating whether or not i should workout ….. i don’t like having to give in. Doing too much has always been a bigger issue for me than not doing.

But He said no, so i’m writing this out, my body is still screaming at me and i’m going to give up typing for now because my legs and lower joints are not the only ones affected unfortunately. But i wanted to depict how D/s and vanilla collide and why they work well together.

He might not be able to do much about my pain but He can keep me from hurting myself further. My submission alleviates my perfectionism, following orders seems to do away with the guilt i would feel otherwise for sitting today out!

 

Peri-menopause, sex, D/s and where it all began!

Seems things are coming back around, i’m not sure, it could just be that i’ve got some extra time these days and/or that i made my ‘resolution‘ and i’ve been sticking to it, or that mental health for everyone seems to be ‘ok’ and we are taking liberties  …. BUT it seems my sex drive is back into high gear! *chuckle*

In the beginning of our journey i’m going to have to say that this ‘journey’ into menopause had a lot to do with why we started this in the first place.

  • increase sex drive
  • decrease ‘giving a cr@p’
  • decrease verbal ‘filter’
  • increase feelings of ‘why am i ‘settling’ instead of getting what i need and want’??

And BOOM! A revelation, i enjoy kink and i’m not waiting any longer! *raspberries* I’m not the type to not act on what i want but the responsibilities of life up until then had been such that me and sex and selfcare had always taken a back seat.

Like most of us, i spent my time taking care of my kids, my husband, my extended family, my job … EVERYTHING but me. I didn’t honestly realize how much i was carrying and how exhausting it was becoming until one day it all just sort of came together.

Unlike those who found D/s or M/s because they wanted to pay more attention and care to their S.O. i actually found D/s so that more care could be put towards ME!

This might not be the way marriage is looked at by all but to me it’s no different than married D/s if you take away the kinky bits.

I remember sometime ago talking to a friend who is also into the lifestyle and at one point through the conversation (we were new to the scene) he mentioned that i needed to remember to think of Bear in my plans and ideas. I was thinking on vacationing and such and he mentioned that i should strive to include things that the Bear might like as well.

I found it a bit odd truthfully and a bit confusing at first. Since the day we met my first concern has always been to make sure we were doing things that He too would like and in a way that would please Him. The Bear has always been my first thought before planning and doing anything …. why would i need to ‘remember’ that?

Then it occurred to me, that’s not the ‘normal’ way of it. I started to notice then how many couples around me never really gave their partner much thought when they were planning or doing things. I started to notice that most actions were ‘me first’ and the rest later.

My experience had always been the opposite. But now i’ve gotten way off topic!! LoL

ANYHOW – with peri-menopause came a huge increase in sex drive and a huge decrease in self denial. For a very long time sex was the main thing on my mind, i swear i was like a horny teenage boy, one track mind and no intention of trying to think about anything else! *chuckle* Fun times indeed!

After a while things started to normalize (darn) but i’m noticing another *change* because that happens often with the menoBeast. Physical issues/symptoms are changing and so is my drive. It’s not that i’ve ever had a low libido but when it ramps up, look out!

The timing is good as far as other responsibilities are concerned and i’m enjoying as much as i can. I’ve embraced putting myself out there and just ‘doing’ and Bear has embraced giving me tasks and things to ‘remember Him by’. There are still things i’d like to experience but i don’t feel like i’m missing anything right now.

Life is still full of responsibility and interruption but we’re making the best of any free moment and we’re just enjoying our life and our dynamic. And the sex has been pretty damn good too!! LoL

Probably not what you’re used to reading when you search D/s but there you have it!

Bear went and got poison ivy again …. seems i must be immune! Or just very good at some how avoiding all His spots …. *chuckle*

❤ n

Monday morning(s)

I’m having my coffee and watching the news with a distinctive *cling* now and again.

The metal on my cuffs is crashing up against my porcelain of my cup. It’s warm enough that i have a bit of a hot sweaty feeling around my wrists, ankles and neck … *smiles*

There is no way i don’t notice the feeling, no way i don’t feel Him with me even though He’s back to work.

In about 20 minutes time i need to go and wake the kids so i’m enjoying whatever few minutes i have left. I’ll have to go get properly dressed (!LoL) and put the cuffs and collar away, replace them with the much more subtle ones i wear daily.

This morning He wanted me to know He’s still here, so this morning He left me His command.

No, it’s not the story book version of a power exchange, but it’s real and it works for us.

Happy Monday! ❤

Submission in marriage, less of a commitment?

I ran across this thought and i wanted to address it here, from my point of view. Now it’s not and was not meant as a criticism to any one or any dynamic so i don’t want anyone to look at it that way, simply a question in hopes of understanding.

I believe the idea was that since you will always have the marriage to fall back on the domination and submission is more ‘play’ than real. In the life of those who chose to just be ‘owned’ by a Master or a Mistress with no other ties, is their submission more complete, more real? If the dynamic stops the relationship stops …. or so is the thought.

I can’t speak for everyone only myself of course but i imagine this really does depend on the person and just how far they are willing to go into the dynamic in the first place.

I would imagine that most couples, even married ones who get into this lifestyle do so in hopes of exploring all avenues of depth and emotion. Most of the ones i have been lucky to know have. That said, i personally don’t think many of us could turn back the clock without noticing a very big loss. Especially if you were lucky enough to find your rhythm, your balance, and enjoy the spoils of your labour for a while.

***Now this is just me, so don’t go getting your tail feather in a knot here …. ***

Personally i have always said, even before D/s, that should anything happen to the Bear, i would NEVER look for another relationship, another commitment. I’ve always joked that any sexual urges would be managed by whomever i fancied that day … and

**shhh, no, i don’t want to know your name, and no i don’t want your number ..**

Now, it seems that would fit quite nicely into a dynamic that is D/s or M/s only and nothing more. (don’t get offended, this is my view for my life) I don’t need ‘love’ in order to play around with BDSM and have sex, i really don’t. Once the ‘ownership’ ran it’s course you simply move on to where your new needs can be met.

No paper work, no kids to worry about, no family ties to complicate things. No joint bank accounts or mortgages etc.  And most importantly, no loss of love or marital commitment and all the comes with that.

As to marriage, for myself getting into a deeper area of ourselves and our connection like we have explored with this is not something you can simply tuck away and carry on from without some major side effects. I can’t just move on to the next adventure that will fulfill my needs and help to ease the loss of the first.

Getting into this inside my marriage to me is a bigger commitment than doing so outside of marriage. The repercussions of changing my mind are greater and therefore deserve more serious thought.

Losing a master is one thing, losing a Master, husband, life partner, best friend and father of my children ….. i’ll let you figure that out.

For some of us who get into this deep enough i believe that once you’ve opened pandora’s box you can never really go back. Not without feeling a huge loss.

 

 

‘Dynamic’ is in the eye of the beholder.

*** The term ‘sex slave’ here refers to someone who has not only consented but sought out this lifestyle. Although they live under a certain contract of sexual slavery they can leave at any time. This post is in no way meant to promote abuse or true slavery. It’s just kink. ***

You’ve heard of beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? The idea that you see what you wish to see, what’s beautiful to one may not be what’s beautiful to another and we all bring our own energy and perspective when it comes to deciding what is and what isn’t beautiful.

I believe that dynamic or vanilla can also fall under that same umbrella of thoughts, especially in a 24/7 relationship where you share more than just kink and play time together. In my case, a marriage.

I’ve been following along on a story of a full time ‘sex slave’, basically living the story book version of what many of us dream about, strive for, in our own marriages. Maybe not the exact content, but the idea that we can be M/s or D/s 24/7 without interruption.

Now, although i do tend to skip over anything that is erotica or sexually explicit for my own reasons, i have read some of her posts and do you know what i have found? Exactly what i have been surmising since the beginning. Submission and that feeling of being submissive and controlled in many instances comes from within. It’s a choice …

Many of the situations i have read from this person are not much different than mine. Not much different than the majority of the things i read from most bloggers i follow. The truth is the thing that changes the situation from vanilla to submissive is simply the twist she puts on it.

Now i’m not saying there aren’t any physical things being done that very much fall into the BDSM or D/s category, what i’m saying is that even in this ‘perfect’ setup much of the day is spent just like the rest of us. You know, with things to do, people to see and places  we would rather avoid but have no choice to be at. She is a 24/7 sex slave and still has all those same things going on in her day. She simply chooses to tap into her slave energy as she goes through them.

Many of the sexual encounters i have read are also very simple, the energy of being controlled or owned comes very much from her as well as her partner. It’s not solely what the Master or Mistress are doing, it’s also very much the story she is playing inside her head.

So as for me, i’m going to keep on the same path i chose to walk some time ago. If i’m not feeling overly submissive for some reason than i am going to look within. I’m going to speak my needs and wants (just as she does BTW) and i’m going to tap into my submission. I’m going to let Him know what i’m feeling and i’m going to just simply be, in the moment ….

It seems a vanilla encounter can become a D/s one if you simply put your mind to it! *wink*

I’m not saying give up on all the ‘bells and whistles’, oh no! Just enjoy the more simple times, who said they can’t be done in the spirit of D/s as well??

My mission in submission.

I think for me i need a mission in order to do this thing right. For me, this is how my submission works in a real sense, in the real world. The married with responsibilities world that doesn’t allow for kink and play every moment of the day.

I have always liked this song, there was something about it that i understood. Now i know what.

I want to be the one He dreams of, standing there, understanding everything about Him. His dreams, even the ones He thought He had to give up on or put away. I want to understand what makes Him tick, and then i want to do everything in my power to offer it to Him in any way i can.

It’s not always about kneeling or wearing collars, not here anyway, it goes much further than that. ❤

Tom Cochrane & Red Rider Lyrics

“Boy Inside The Man”

So long, so long, so long, he's been away
So long, so long, so long, he's back again

When I turned seventeen
We had passion, we had dreams
Thought the love we were fighting for
Was something holy, something more

When I turned twenty-one
We were outside on the run
When I walked out with my girl, hey
We went halfway around the world, around the world and that

I dreamed that I saw her standing there
They're running for the boy inside the man
I was hit hard by the light so bright it burned
And all at once I knew she'd understand (understand, understand)
Boy inside the man
The boy inside the man
When I turned twenty-five
We were hungry, we had drive
When I turned much older then
Ah 'cause the boy was lost in pride

Now I just turned thirty-one
And I have lost and I have won
Still I've kept my dreams alive
Ah 'cause the boy will never die, never die

And that I dreamed that I saw her standing there
They're running for the boy inside the man
I was hit hard by the light so bright it burned
And all at once I knew she'd understand (understand, understand)
The boy inside the man
The boy inside the man

Ah do you understand?

And that I dreamed that I saw her standing there
They're running for the boy inside the man
I was hit hard by the light so bright, it burned
And all at once I knew she'd understand (understand, understand)

And that I dreamed that I saw her standing there
They're running for the boy inside the man
I was hit hard by the light so bright, it burned
And all at once I knew she'd understand (understand, understand)

Boy inside the man (hit hard by the light so bright)
The boy inside the man (hit hard by the light so bright)
The boy inside the man (hit hard by the light so bright)
Boy inside the man yeah (hit hard by the light so bright)
The boy inside the man (hit hard by the light so bright)

So long, so long, so long, he's been away
So long, so long, so long, he's back again
So long, so long, so long, he's been away
So long, so long, so long, he's back again

Hey, let it, let it, hey
Hey, let it, let it be, let it be

Boy inside the man
Ah let it be, let it be

So long, so long, so long, you been away
So long, back again
So long, so long, so long, you been away
So long, so long, so long, you're back again 

Sister cool this face
As if it's carved in stone
Don't leave me in this place
Like a boy without a home
Like a boy without a home