Sub Drop

These past weeks I have been lucky enough to have most of the day to myself. In these hours I have chosen to work on my active submission.

I’ve done things to enhance my mindset and have done things that I know enhance His. It has really been great, we are both (i think) very much engaged in the dominant/submissive vibe and comfortable doing so.

Today however, i have to work all day and so the kink and BDSM is on hold.

I can feel myself slipping into sub drop, the scattered, anxious energy of trying to figure out what to do next. It’s like having no direction …. It is uncomfortable and stressful.

This is what D/s takes away for me. This is why our dynamic works well, but it does have consequences sometimes. Like ‘sub drop’ when you aren’t prepared for the change of energy dictated by ‘life’!

I haven’t experienced anything like this in years …. fortunately i know just what to do about it, just as soon as He gets home. ❤

Happy Monday! 🙂

Beats me …. ??

One thing I have learned from going through the process of trying to figure out our ‘dynamic’ is that the sooner you stop trying to label it and fit in, the faster you find your groove and have a chance at being happy!

If I was just starting out and looking for a partner specific to BDSM I suppose it would be a bit different but I can’t see myself ever doing that anyway. (Not that I am in the market for anything!! just musing.) Bear and I fell into this lifestyle, we didn’t set out to ‘be’ anything.

He was kinky from the beginning, He just didn’t know it! *wink* Heck, i was too, i just didn’t have a name for it! The first half of our life together saw a few kinky times but mostly just regular everyday life, especially after the kids came around. Sleep was not a thing i knew and i swear just thinking about touching me would send secret signals through the air to wake the kids!!! I’m not even kidding here …. *ugh*

It was 8 years before i was able to start sleeping through the night and have both energy and appetite for something ‘more’.  I also went off birth control and started the beginnings of peri-menopause (pretty sure). The words ‘randy teenager’ come to mind!! *chuckle* Poor Bear really didn’t know what happened …. 😉

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Our relationship has been a progression. For the sake of some clarity I’ll say that we started off pretty primal in nature. Biting and scratching and just raw energy was the main way of being together. Again, we didn’t label it but the animal in both of us was usually the main event!

After using some of the energy up i started to switch over to CNC. I didn’t say it at the time but the dialogue in my head was normally in that direction. It makes sense really, it does tend to lend itself to many of the same actions in a primal joining. What it did do however was tap into the submissive part of the equation.

It wasn’t too long after that when the energy became more ‘slave’ like for me but we found it a bit to one sided. It didn’t give the Bear the responses He needed and so it fizzled out. It wasn’t until we explored and added masochism to the mix that it became more exciting, for us.

As of now, we both enjoy the s&m aspects of our relationship but unfortunately we don’t get to play as hard as we would like. A side note, s&m for us doesn’t need to involve sex. For me at least, it’s another level of trust but also relaxation! I would caution however that there is a fine line between healthy s&m and self harm. Some may not agree but that is both my opinion and experience.

Now – i’ve gotten my mind on another branch entirely so i think i will end this post here.

Our evolution has continued and maybe i’ll be able to get back to this train of thought later! Happy Thursday all! ❤

 

Asking is not demanding; teasing is encouraged!

He likes it when I come on to Him, in a certain way of course, not demanding but more like ‘needing’.

He always has.

He likes it when i tease Him, within reason of course or He puts His big ‘ole bear paw down! *raspberries*

He always has.

He likes it when i’m naughty, not bad naughty but in a sexual way. *wink*

He always has.

If I want more fun in this dynamic and more “Him” the way i crave – i simply need to get out of my own way! *wink*

He likes a sexy, confident, determined submissive who knows her own mind and needs. I just need to remember to show them!

Asking is NOT demanding; teasing is very much welcomed …..

Still kickin’

I’m still here, still kickin’ around as they say! Things are busy with home life but all in all things are okay.

Kink and D/s is good although a bit less than what i would like, but – what else is new?? *chuckle* Kinky sex is good and it helps to keep us connected but it is not quite enough. For both of us – we could easily fall into a more over all intense, kinky, TPE relationship on most days, but right now the privacy is simply not here.

I say on most days because truthfully life is just that way. I don’t think you can have a full, well rounded life and have only one aspect to it. That’s my opinion, not based on any studies so no need to tell me that ….. *raspberries* I am not a *one trick pony* and that includes my personality and personal life experiences.

Our life is 24/7, 365 for nearly 25 years now (23 married), it most certainly is not all about one thing. I’m not saying things are lacking, don’t get me wrong, just not quite what we aspire to.

The boys are doing well and i think i may be finally on track to figuring out what’s going on with me, physically. That would be another reason why i think Bear is more in ‘care taker’ mode and less in ‘master’. I appreciate that, i can’t say i always like it, but i appreciate it. That’s His main concern after all isn’t it? Taking care of His submissive ….

For anyone following both, i hope to update the other site soon. There are many, many new things and like i mentioned already, hopefully some light at the end of this very long tunnel!

Take care and be well! ❤

 

 

 

My apologies

I used to do 6 to 8 posts per week, now i’m lucky to do a post every 6 to 8 weeks!! :/

For anyone who may be wondering … life is good and things are going very well in regards to our dynamic as well. We have added a bit more kink (still shy on the impact play due to noise concerns) and fun to our days and that helps with the over all feel/enjoyment of the every day!

I normally take my summers off but due to the covid crises, i have decided to stay open and help the parents in need of childcare while they slowly return to normal work hours. It has hindered some of the things we were hoping to delve into kink wise but over all i’m not feeling cheated, and that’s a good thing!

I think that generally the reason for our success is that i have embraced the type of dominant He wants to be and i have found a nice rhythm in my submission to match. Most importantly – when He adjusts His dominance to suit my energy in submission, i no longer feel like it’s ‘not real’ …. or whatever the tape playing in the heads of submissives wanting to please. *wink*

Life is about learning, growing, changing and just living your best life.

So too is this relationship dynamic.

Happy Friday all! Be well ❤

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Photo by Vlad Bagacian on Pexels.com

So far …

These few weeks back to work have been interesting. Trying to keep up with the ‘dynamic’ energy that we want and keep up with life and responsibilities has not been easy!

For the most part however, Bear seems to be more tuned into His dominant side than He has been in a long time. I don’t think it’s just in my mind although i admit that the shift in thinking for me has been a huge help as well.

Life hasn’t changed much and responsibilities have not lessened, neither has the stress! LoL For some reason however, i think we both have found a nice balance again. There have been a few bumps along the road these two weeks but all in all i feel more connected to my ‘s’ side than i have in a long while as well!

He’s using the ‘tools in His tool box’ more without overthinking it or hesitation and i’m using my communication more without doing the same! So far, it feels really good!

Happy Friday! ❤

One thing …..

Just one thing is all it takes sometimes.

He left me one thing to do today, one task for His pleasure. Already my energy has changed and i’m searching to please Him.

He’s not even here! *giggle*

Sometimes all it takes is just one thing …..

No I can’t show you, it’s a bit naughty. *wink*

It didn’t take long and it wasn’t difficult to achieve, but it was His task and with it He has claimed me again!

 

I can throw Him off His throne.

There is something delicate about a dominant that cares, really cares, about the person He is with and the job He is doing.

I think the mainstream term is ‘gas lighting’, I call it manipulation but either way ….

It may be on purpose but I think sometimes it’s just a reaction, a negative reaction to a hard lived life.

The point remains, a submissive can easily dethrone a caring dominant – and a caring dominant can easily be dethroned. That’s where time, wisdom and understanding of your submissive comes into play. The sign of an experienced dominant – OR an experienced submissive!

How do you suppose the Dom learned in the first place?

Yin and Yang – balance – what He holds I yield and what I hold He learns.

Simple, right?? LoL

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Today is a new day.

Having Bear go back to work has s-l-o-w-e-d any obvious kink/D/s to a crawl. Not gone completely, maybe about 60% of the days, but there have been a few factors against us. The days that did involve a more obvious power exchange were still shorter periods of time/intensity than what we had originally discussed. Not that it was a surprise, obviously things changed so plans changed too!

The thing that makes my head spin a bit is that most of the time the PE aspects/orders occur for the time period when he is away! I get it, he’s trying to keep me engaged and occupied while he is away and i appreciate that …… it does feel a bit Bipolar when he gets home and it’s ‘married business/responsibilities’ as usual!

To me one key aspect of being happy in this dynamic is being mindful of what i do have and not focusing only on what i’m not getting that i wish i had. It’s not an easy thing to do, when you have ideas and fantasies and nothing but time to think on them ….. *chuckle* but i am trying!!

Now, i know that i could simply act or do certain things that would probably kick start things at home too. The responsibility for this is not all on his shoulders, it is a two way street and in my opinion that means i need to feed this too.

Like i said though, things get in the way.    *Men may want to skip ahead, female problems ahead! 😛 LoL*

Primarily, i have been in a flareup now for a few weeks/month and i haven’t much energy or ability to do much by the end of day! The couple nights i had hoped to ‘reach over to his side of the bed’ i started bleeding, or so i thought and then it stopped! Gotta love peri-menopause …. never know when/never know how much or how long. The week before things start is always a bad week and now that i’m already in a flare …. yeah it’s been fun! *sarcasm* I have had more kinky plans squashed because of the guessing game that is my cycle these days. Yes, I know you can still if you want to but when i start, it’s like a damn has been broken, not to mention the muscles/cramps become intolerable. Anyhow ….

Yesterday I spent the entire day on the couch, not because of covid, because i am not well. I had plenty of things i wanted to get to but none got done! Sitting around of course just makes me more tired and more sore and the cycle worsens. My ‘everything’ still hurts today but i can’t spend another day on the couch so i’m putting on my submissive thinking cap and trying to figure out what i can do to please him.

Not sure if sex will be on or off the table by the time he gets in, like i said things change in an instant! Sometimes (usually) back again too! *shakes head* But i’m sure i can think of something else he’d enjoy.

He doesn’t expect me to be a service submissive and it’s not like i don’t normally have everything clean and organized, meals made and home well taken care of. All that stuff is just done by whomever happens to be home and able and yes it’s usually me these days but it’s not part of our D/s. It’s simply life responsibilities … plus i might be a bit particular and have some OCD. (No comment needed if you read this, Bear!)

With any luck i’ll get my workout in and get some extra things done. I’m not ‘dressing up’ because we have a chiropractor appointment when he gets in, not really a place to wear a dress! lol The weather has been cold and wet and that keeps my raynaud’s on high making me too cold for that anyway.

Like i said, it’s not easy but i’m trying to focus on what i have and what i can do. Not sure what that will end up being yet but it HAS to be better than sitting on the couch getting more sore and tired!

Happy Friday! ❤