Still on ice!

I wasn’t going to post this here but since it is an area where normal life and D/s cross I thought that perhaps I should let you see the what and hows.

I remember in the beginning trying to figure out how people came up with rules and why some seemed so strange to me or even unfair at times. The thing is that without all the information you really don’t know the truth.

Outside of your basic kinky rules about orgasms, play etc. everything else I found said you needed to get to know your submissive and what their needs were before you made up rules. Those rules should make sense and be valid in order to be important and followed.

And that’s where it was left! *chuckle* Well how do you go about finding something that is rule worthy? I would say if it’s needed for the health and well-being of your submissive than it is rule worthy.

You know the hidden need I wrote about but if you would like a deeper understanding you can find the what and how here.

As always, no matter what you do it must be consensual.

***** To all of you who have offered support and concern, this might help clear up a few things too. Thank you for all your helpful encouragement, it makes the world a better place to know others are out there who care!  ❤

 

 

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Most submissive …

I’ve always been a strong, sensible person. I have always been too stubborn to give in or give up.

I’ve known my own strength, both in good and bad, for some time now.

I am not weak, I am not meek, and I am not mild! LoL

Do you know when I feel my submission most?

It’s not when I’m vulnerable and needy.  Those are not really qualities I dwell in, not much and not often. It’s true because the things I say and do with Him come from a place of strength, not worry and fear and even vulnerability.

Like a wolf on my back showing my neck to Him, I am not in fear, I am in strength and security for I hold no doubts. I have complete trust and for me at least, that has no place for fear.

The time I feel my submission the most is when I look around and say to myself:

‘I could, but I choose not to, I choose to follow’.

strength

Yup, quiet is best.

Have you ever found yourself in the situation where it’s time to do something, something you had helped plan out and agreed to. Something that you knew was for the best, something you needed and wanted but ….. right now, well right now you just don’t feel like it.

So you drag your feet and you make faces and you pout. You manage to get far enough to at least start things …. with His strength and consistency, you go.

You get there but it’s still not quite right, not in your head, not with your spirit. So now what?

Well there are words, most certainly those are important and those work! Never forget your words.

But right now however … in a compromising position, waiting for the ritual to change over from day to evening and your head’s just not in it. It shows in your movements, he sees it no doubt.

He touches, you move. He touches again, you move again, closer more obvious ….

It’s like He reads your mind, no words just feelings and actions ….

***** ***** *****

I did this today, we did this today. Sometimes the mind isn’t following what the heart wants, so we adapt.

I swear He reads me like a book … well, not a book, that wouldn’t work! LoL

He reads me like a dancer reads His partner. I move, He sees and compensates.

I needed more, I got more. No words …. just moved.

He saw me and brought me back to what i needed, back to Him. No words were spoken and I can bet you that if they had been things would have been confused and my thoughts would be much different from what they are right now.

I trusted Him with what i have already given, i leaned into my submission and waited for Him to take care of me.

He did.

***** *****

I think when you live in a 24/7/365 situation there are going to be times when one partner is more ready than the other. We don’t have time to prepare for our ‘date’.

 

 

Why rules …. in pain … rambling ….

Just a jumbled mess of thoughts today, and hurried at that!

I’ve been working out again like was the plan, I’m feeling great mentally …. I even tried ‘testing’ His resolve of the rule! Eeep!  Hey, i might be a bunny but i’m part human too, what can i say!?!?! LoL

It was a holiday long weekend so my thoughts were that it counts as a ‘weekend’ so no workout required. He didn’t agree *raspberries*, said i was welcome to test ‘my’ theory if i liked and then started to list off possible repercussions for said action, or in this case inaction! …. EVIL …..

I am noticing my knees and wrists are acting up all the time … UGH It could be coincidence OR it could be because of the extra physical activity. I’m NOT interested in stopping so I’m currently trying ice after the workouts to see if it makes a difference. Cross your fingers and wish me luck, please!!!

Working out isn’t just good for your physical health it works wonders for your mental health as well. I haven’t actually changed much physically i’m sure, not since a few weeks ago but there haven’t been any negative comments from me since starting! Not out loud, not in my head and no scrunchy noses when i catch myself in the mirror either.

I haven’t had thoughts of ‘starving myself’ to get what i want either. Anorexia and i go way back ….. she can stay in the past as far as i’m concerned!!

So no, I don’t want to have to stop again.

I like this rule, i like that He’s sticking to it … even when i do get a bit testy …. i like that He’s got my back!

Ayway, done with ice on knees, time to do the wrists, kind of hard to type that way!! 😛 Then shower and work!

TTFN! ❤

 

Communication

I’ve been thinking on this one for a while now but just hadn’t had the time to write it. Now that i do, i find myself distracted ….. so i hope i can make some sense!! *giggle*

One thing i remember very distinctly in the beginning of our journey was conversations with other submissives trying to get their husbands (or occasionally wives) to do some research, do some reading generally and come up to par to where they were. Most often it was the submissive that had started the search in my circles, and they were leaps and bounds ahead of their partners.

Often times the dominant would drag their feet when it came to doing the work. This left the submissive frustrated and even angry at times. Why commit to something and then not do the work? I get that the end of a long work day is not when you want to have to start ‘studying’ but how else is this to work?

I found myself in the same boat, more or less. I did the reading, the research, the thinking ….. that’s the way I work anyway. I read and research the hell out of anything i want to learn or accomplish. Books, words, concepts set to type …. this is my preferred method of learning and communicating.

As it turns out, it’s not the Bears! *chuckle*

The sheer number of posts on this site probably tells you already that the written word is my friend. It’s the way i like to do and process things. It’s my way ….

The Bear on the other hand is more of a hands on type of person and learner. He also communicates that way much more naturally than in words.

THIS was one of the reasons that had been playing on my mind in regards to the site. I started it to communicate with Him, but this is not the way He communicates well. I write it and then assume He will get it, register the information and then do something with it.

He reads it and enjoys it but sooner or later, before the day’s crazy is done the information is lost to Him. It’s not His way.

When he wants something from me He doesn’t write it or even speak it really. He touches, in a certain way, with a certain energy and i know. He looks at me in a certain way, the look is what communicates, the touch is what communicates, the way He holds His body …. this is His way.

I know this, and I know that when I meet Him in this i always get what i need too. It’s funny at times how long it takes for something to go from your brain to really knowing it.

I’m a ‘thinker’, always stuck inside my head but He is more of a ‘feeling’ personality. He is learning to communicate to me in my way and i’m remembering to communicate to Him in His. i try to remember that if i need Him to see me quickly i need to go to Him in feelings and actions, not words.

I touch, i lean in or i just kneel and wait. Funny enough in those moments my needs are met almost immediately, with no hesitation and no misunderstanding. His way ….

What I have learned here is that these things are not ‘topping’ or what have you, there is no need for guilt. In our home this is just simply His preferred method of communicating.

If i try something He feels poorly timed or inappropriate for whatever reason He still tells me no. Believe me He is most certainly in control, He’s just doing it His way.

That is the point after all, isn’t it? To learn to be HIS submissive, not anyone else’s.

We are very different people but i think over the years we have both learned and become better by simply watching and listening to the other.

I have taught Him things i know and He has taught me to tap into my feelings and natural rhythm. When i stop thinking i stop worrying too. i feel and move and connect with the energy and world, and most importantly with Him.

i give over my way and follow His, and all of a sudden i am freer. 

…. it’s more than kink and spankings, and i hope this made some sense! *chuckle*

Bear has me under His spell today even though He is currently miles away!

Happy Monday! ❤

 

Musical Friday! ;)

Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire ~ Garth Brooks, “In Pieces”

Some of you who have been around for a long while know that I love to ‘speak through music’. I’ve mentioned before that I dissect song lyrics like others do Shakespeare ….

I read a post over at His.minnie that reminded of this song! It’s long been one of my favourites and so today I will share it with you.

We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall 

This was me, but now …

There’s this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly higher and higher
I can’t abide
Standing outside the fire 

Unfortunately I couldn’t find an original video in good shape but if you get a chance, do look it up!

I used this as my theme song you could say when transitioning from my narcissistic family to my life now. It works equally well with our relationships as minnie has so nicely put into words! *wink*

“Standing Outside The Fire”

We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk the tables being turned

We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always comes with getting burned

But you’ve got to be tough when consumed by desire
‘Cause it’s not enough just to stand outside the fire

We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall

We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all

They’re so hell-bent on giving ,walking a wire
Convinced it’s not living if you stand outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire

There’s this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly higher and higher
I can’t abide
Standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire

Now I’ve got a CD to go find! Yes, I DO still use those …. *chuckle*

Happy Friday!! ❤

Plan change

Sometimes things don’t go according to plan, no matter how much you want to follow through with your rules and protocols, sometimes you just can’t.

Consistency is important for me to feel like this thing is for real, I’m also a bit of a perfectionist and so not doing what I’m supposed to be doing usually plays on my mind.

Last night while we were trying to accomplish the evening ritual of changing from my work clothes to my comfy clothes, with Sir’s help *wink*, I had to quit! UGH

I have some physical issues that like to rear their ugly head from time to time, I’ve been doing okay for a few weeks now but yesterday as time wore on I got sore! Really sore …. I was favouring my left leg/knee and eventually after being left to ‘wait’ for a few minutes I just simply couldn’t put any weight on my leg what so ever! I couldn’t shift my weight from one side to the other to assistant in the ‘panty removing ritual’.

I was in so much pain that I had tears running down my cheeks …. that was the end of that ritual!

He sat me down, helped to remove what was left of my clothes and helped me put on some pj’s. I eventually hobbled down to the couch and grabbed some ice …. that was the end for the night!

The things we have in place are important to help the balance and peaceful feeling around here and this is one that helps the transition from work time to home time. For some reason I’m not feeling cheated by not being able to complete it.

I would have expected to run it over and over in my mind, fret that the ritual wasn’t done and that the power/submission wouldn’t be there, wouldn’t be affirmed as is our way! But it wasn’t like that at all.

I was left with an easy peaceful feeling actually, I just simply followed His lead. This is what He wanted, this is what He decided. I didn’t over think it or worry, I just followed.

My submission isn’t felt as an overwhelming, frenzied feeling. Not like in the beginning. It’s not an overly emotional response, normally *wink*, it’s just this. An easy simple way of trusting Him to do what is right, what I need in any given situation. Even if what I need is to not follow through …

***** ***** *****

Putting Him in charge of my workouts has given me extra motivation to keep going. I don’t find myself coming up with excuses not to continue but …. I have to temper that enthusiasm with the knowledge that if I hurt myself I will be in some BIG TROUBLE!

Still pretty sore today, I’ll have to see how far I can make it in my workout ….

I am very much looking forward to our transitional time today though!!

 

One of my hidden needs …

This is something that had been in the back of my mind for a while but for some reason never came to be. Until now …

Since just after Christmas I have been having a really hard time physically, well it started before that really. This was something that had been going on more or less since August. I was feeling pretty awful most days and could barely function by the end of the holidays. I have spent the better part of this year barely getting by so my working out was becoming less and less.

When I don’t get to move about and workout I start to feel pretty low when it comes to my body image. Complaints and scrunchy faces were becoming pretty common place whenever I caught a glimpse of myself and no amount of ‘you look great’ was helping.

Now, in the perfect submissive world in my head He would have noticed and done something about it. Truth is though, I normally am very good about getting my physical activity in whenever my body allows. As far as He was concerned, if I wasn’t doing it it was because I wasn’t able to …. no amount of anything can fix that. *shrug*

The other truth is that I had fallen into a self-defeating state of just not really trying anymore lest I found out that today really was a bad day and I really couldn’t do it. You don’t have to face that reality if you don’t even bother to try! After so many bad days I was starting to basically give in.  I knew I needed some extra motivation to get back in the game.

Anything that is ‘commanded’ by Him gets done without question and to the best of my ability, so why wasn’t He just taking control of it!?!?! Easy …. I hadn’t asked. Like I said in my previous post, we normally know what our needs are, sometimes before they do. Let’s face it, He had no way of knowing the real reason when my past record was very much the opposite!

This was one of those things that was just getting pushed aside because I had gotten in the habit of ignoring my needs.  Yes this one could have been handled but once you get into the habit of keeping quiet it can be hard to switch gears from possible and impossible. I wasn’t even considering that there could be help …

So here we are … like I said, back to basics. That means I’m in the mindset of actually thinking about what I need. *chuckle* The mind is a curious thing!

As it stands I now have a set rule for working out and a goal to reach. This comes with possible discipline if I choose to be lazy about it. If it’s a real physical issue I can let Him know and He will decide what to do instead. It has given me my motivation and even though it’s been a very short while I already find my mood and overall attitude towards my body, and life much brighter! *smiles*

With chronic pain your mental outlook plays a big part in how your day goes. I’m always in a good mood overall BUT I feel like I’ve got my mojo back …. *wink*

 

1001 – The journey continues …

It’s interesting to me that the site itself brought me to crossroads as life too has done the same. Some things I knew already and some kind of snuck up on me when I started having more brain power and time to dedicate to our dynamic. It has been toned down considerably in regards to routines and rituals for some time now due to family needs. Some of you who have followed the bunny trail know just what I’m talking about, it has been a long hard road but it seems that for now it is stable enough that I can start concentrating on my needs, our needs as a couple and not just as parents.

For clarity sake I will tell you that noise became a huge factor in some mental health issues as well as any sort of posturing/kneeling etc. Time and privacy are still non-existent which obviously makes the first issue even harder to escape!

I have come to the realization that I have been putting my needs aside for some time now without sharing them with my Dom, my husband. Why?? Easy, there was simply no way to have them met, not more than what we had already managed anyway. Needs or not they really became more of a fantasy than anything else for a while.

As things are settling down and my mind is relaxing into being His submissive I’m starting to notice things that are missing, things that I need more of or just more obvious but …. I was still just pushing them aside. My mind hadn’t switched it from ‘this is impossible’ to ‘I have a need, I have to address it with my Sir’.

Eventually they started coming out in my writing but not really very clearly otherwise. By that I mean, not in a way that the Bear can recognize. He and I have very different ways of processing information and although He enjoys my writing He does not really use it as a way of understanding and acknowledging my wants, needs or desires. This is just simply not His way.

So we are going back to the beginning, sort to speak, and starting over with conversations and decisions. One of the rituals we do have is after work where He ‘helps’ to remove my panties. I normally pick sexy interesting ones to please him but this week it was a very basic pair. He commented that He enjoyed the simplicity of the choice I made for Him. I commented it felt appropriate to signify the back to basics place we find ourselves.

I need to remember to communicate in a way in which He will be able to process and not so much in mine. That said, I will be asking that He remember to acknowledge the information in a way in which I can process. We are very different creatures in our communication, that will likely be the topic of my next post. That or how I’m actually getting His attention. *wink*

It’s not always the dominant that notices the issue first. Since the submissive is usually the one with the need I would venture a guess that it’s most often obvious to us first. That active choice of submission is bringing it to them ……

So what do you all think, a worthy read?