I’ve been thinking on this one for a while now but just hadn’t had the time to write it. Now that i do, i find myself distracted ….. so i hope i can make some sense!! *giggle*
One thing i remember very distinctly in the beginning of our journey was conversations with other submissives trying to get their husbands (or occasionally wives) to do some research, do some reading generally and come up to par to where they were. Most often it was the submissive that had started the search in my circles, and they were leaps and bounds ahead of their partners.
Often times the dominant would drag their feet when it came to doing the work. This left the submissive frustrated and even angry at times. Why commit to something and then not do the work? I get that the end of a long work day is not when you want to have to start ‘studying’ but how else is this to work?
I found myself in the same boat, more or less. I did the reading, the research, the thinking ….. that’s the way I work anyway. I read and research the hell out of anything i want to learn or accomplish. Books, words, concepts set to type …. this is my preferred method of learning and communicating.
As it turns out, it’s not the Bears! *chuckle*
The sheer number of posts on this site probably tells you already that the written word is my friend. It’s the way i like to do and process things. It’s my way ….
The Bear on the other hand is more of a hands on type of person and learner. He also communicates that way much more naturally than in words.
THIS was one of the reasons that had been playing on my mind in regards to the site. I started it to communicate with Him, but this is not the way He communicates well. I write it and then assume He will get it, register the information and then do something with it.
He reads it and enjoys it but sooner or later, before the day’s crazy is done the information is lost to Him. It’s not His way.
When he wants something from me He doesn’t write it or even speak it really. He touches, in a certain way, with a certain energy and i know. He looks at me in a certain way, the look is what communicates, the touch is what communicates, the way He holds His body …. this is His way.
I know this, and I know that when I meet Him in this i always get what i need too. It’s funny at times how long it takes for something to go from your brain to really knowing it.
I’m a ‘thinker’, always stuck inside my head but He is more of a ‘feeling’ personality. He is learning to communicate to me in my way and i’m remembering to communicate to Him in His. i try to remember that if i need Him to see me quickly i need to go to Him in feelings and actions, not words.
I touch, i lean in or i just kneel and wait. Funny enough in those moments my needs are met almost immediately, with no hesitation and no misunderstanding. His way ….
What I have learned here is that these things are not ‘topping’ or what have you, there is no need for guilt. In our home this is just simply His preferred method of communicating.
If i try something He feels poorly timed or inappropriate for whatever reason He still tells me no. Believe me He is most certainly in control, He’s just doing it His way.
That is the point after all, isn’t it? To learn to be HIS submissive, not anyone else’s.
We are very different people but i think over the years we have both learned and become better by simply watching and listening to the other.
I have taught Him things i know and He has taught me to tap into my feelings and natural rhythm. When i stop thinking i stop worrying too. i feel and move and connect with the energy and world, and most importantly with Him.
i give over my way and follow His, and all of a sudden i am freer.
…. it’s more than kink and spankings, and i hope this made some sense! *chuckle*
Bear has me under His spell today even though He is currently miles away!
Happy Monday! ❤
nijntje & The Bear 