I’ve always walked straight and tall, that was always my way. I was stubborn and strong and not about to let anyone get the better of me. So I walked straight, looked people in the eye and never backed down. I always walked alone.
I saw something in you when we met and I knew that you were the one, I don’t know what exactly or how to explain it but I saw it. Although I was nice to everyone I never let anyone close to my heart. I didn’t trust, I didn’t feel much of anything unless you count hurt and empty. I used many self-destructive ways of dealing with my pain but none of them ever made it go away.
Before I met you I had already decided I was not going to bother with relationships, they all ended in disaster and not worth the heart-break. Family, friendships or romantic, it didn’t matter, I was done. I knew a lot of people, had a lot of acquaintances and most probably even thought we were friends but I couldn’t let anyone in. I couldn’t let anyone get close, not close enough for me to actually care. Then along came you ….
Some how you managed to find a way into my heart, I still have no clue how that happened but I’m glad it did. I guess I knew the type of person you are from the beginning. I’ve never worried about being hurt by you, or let down, or used. I’ve never worried that you would put yourself a head of me and I’ve never had to worry about what you might do.
What you did was open my heart. You made me see value in who I am. Because of you I am now self-confident in everything, not just strong or stubborn but I know I AM worth something. I have always been able to look at my self in the mirror when related to my behaviour, but not everything else. Now I can …
Because of you I like me! Because of you I got the strength I needed to trust people who were worth it and cut out the ones who were not. I am comfortable asking for what I want because I know I am worth it, whatever it is. I am a good person and I am worth your time. I have many strengths and you have made me proud of all of them.
There are so many things you do for me I don’t even know where to go next. I am happy with myself, I’m happy with my life. I can be happy and not worry that it will just get ripped out from under me. I am content and at peace. I don’t worry about walking around with my armor because I don’t need it anymore.
You have given me a safe place to open my heart and express myself freely. I can be me, without fear, without judgement, without pain. I can be open, and honest and feel loved and cared for. I can take a breath and I can count on you. Because of you I can be vulnerable, because of you I have given myself the right to feel.
Always and only You. ❤
Well depending on who you listen to you might have heard that your DOM needs to (or will) have a set of rules and regulations for you to follow. In many cases I’m sure that’s true. Some may even have page upon page of rules and particulars that they want fulfilled. So what if yours is just not the writing out rules kind of guy or gal?
Does the fact that your DOM doesn’t require you to follow a large list of rules make him/her less dominant? Does it mean perhaps that they don’t want to be in control after all? Does it mean that they are really just not that invested in having this whole dynamic after all? Well I think that could be a possibility but it’s not necessarily the only reason.
A dominant is just a person after all (although you are so much more Sir! LOL) and just like other people they each have their own personalities and needs. Why wouldn’t they? Maybe you have someone who is very much invested in this dynamic but they are simply not the rules and lists kind of person. Perhaps their needs are on a much broader spectrum then one could write out on paper? Maybe it’s more a general over all feeling of respect and kindness that they are searching for as opposed to a bunch of physical actions.
I personally don’t have a large list of rules and regulations set out to be followed each and everyday. Most of the rules are for play or kink and certainly not the basis of this wonderful dynamic. The previous post has given some insight to the things I do for Sir but most of those were/are either self-imposed or mentioned by me in hopes to further our feeling of DOM and sub. Sir always has been of very few words. I guess he subscribes to the idea that actions speak louder than words and if you truly do love and respect someone you don’t need rules on paper to know how to behave.
If you want to find out what simply makes them happy then just pay attention. I’m pretty sure a smile or look of contentment will give you all the information you need to know that whatever you did was good and you should probably keep doing it. If you would like more input from them then ask. When I started this blog I asked Sir if he would like me to journal this way. I explained to him why I thought he would enjoy it more than what we were doing and then I waited for him to give me an answer. Obviously he decided to try it and has since decided this is the way he wants it done. So what if the idea was mine, the decision was his.
Just because you had an expectation of how your DOM should act does not mean that he/she will. If you want them to lead then they will lead THEIR WAY not yours. If you would like to do more for them, then do it! If it’s something you’re not sure of then ask permission. Any way they chose to lead is up to them ….. if you truly want to give over all control, then stop trying to take it back.
Set your expectations aside, communicate your needs respectfully and follow your heart.
Love You Sir ❤
Funny thing is before you knew I was waiting for permission I always waited anyway!
So many times you must have thought I was just crazy, running around stores trying things on or finding the right size and colour of home decor but I would never actually buy anything.
I would find exactly what I liked and what I really wanted and I would show you. Most times you would look and say it was nice or what not, but very rarely did you come right out and tell me I should get it! So I would put it back ….
You never required me to ask, but I just really NEEDED your permission anyway. Now that I do ask you out right ….
I thought I would write out some of the symbolic things We/I do to show you my submission. I believe this are important for us due to the fact that my behaviour towards you is and has been good from the beginning. I also have an extremely dominant personality so I can only imagine the idea of me submitting was quite the shock to you.
My submission had been self-imposed for years before you ever realized what was going on. Never really having another committed relationship quite like ours you really have/had nothing to compare it to. Perhaps we fell into the ‘vanilla’ lifestyle after so many years simply because you didn’t know my desire to please you. I am assuming that you really didn’t have much to change because my decisions were always based on what I thought you wanted anyway.
I feel that for the most part my behaviour really hasn’t changed except for the communicating even more clearly (or perhaps just more honestly) then before. Because you had not yet agreed to be my Dominant I felt guilty about possibly hurting your feelings or adding too much to your ‘plate’. I didn’t want to burden you with all my ‘stuff’ and I didn’t think you really wanted that anyway. I’m glad you have shown me differently! 😀
So the list goes as such:
- I wear your bracelet 24/7
- I wear the panties of your choosing Monday to Friday for work and none on weekends or holidays
- after work you bend me over your knee to reconnect and afterwards place my day collar around my neck while I kneel for you
- when you are home and whenever possible I kneel/sit at your feet (just sitting around, watching TV etc)
- I prepare your coffee every evening so that it will be ready for you in the morning
- at bed time I wait kneeling naked by the bed for you to prepare yourself and you then present me with my night/play collar which I sleep in (What you do with me then is of your choosing :))
- I always sleep naked, if I need to wear anything I must first get your permission (due to temp.)
- I always make your dinner and I always ask what you would like for dinner (I don’t make things you don’t like or haven’t given permission to try)
- I do my exercises every Monday to Thursday for an hour
- I journal every Monday to Thursday to let you know what is on my mind – how I’m feeling
- our Friday afternoon ritual in preparation for the weekend 😉
- our Friday night ritual and I make no plans of my own from Friday to Sunday (I don’t make plans without asking you anyway)
- I wait at your feet Saturday and Sunday morning if you are up before doing anything – you let me know when I’m allowed to get my coffee and start my day, and make your breakfast
- we walk hand in hand when we are out and if I would like to see something I must first ask to step away (or you come with me)
- you open all doors when we are together
- you order for me at restaurants (I do get to choose what I would like)
- you decide if and when I can have an alcoholic drink
- you have final say about everything we do, and where we go (I do make suggestions)
- you pick which collar I will wear on weekends depending on where we are, some are more obvious than others
- I dress in a manner that I think you will find pleasing but I will change if you want something different
- I put funky colours in my hair because I know you want it that way
- if you call me I drop whatever I’m doing and I go to you, if you are speaking to me you get my full attention (may need to work a little harder on this one lately)
- you have always signed off on all purchases
- I bring you my emotional baggage and let you help me deal with it (not symbolic I guess it’s just a requirement now and a weight off my shoulders)
- and I call you Sir every chance I get, i do not use your given name and you do not use mine
- all the kinky stuff
- all the personal grooming in preparation for play, or just because you like it that way
A lot of these behaviours anyway were in place for me since the beginning but now you see them and know why I do them. Some more obvious ones like collars and kneeling have helped to point the others out more clearly I think. And although no one ever wants to really use it, the fact that you have the right to choose a punishment should something be amiss also makes you feel more like you really are in control.
These are the things that I think help you, these are the ones I see and that I can remember at this time. Looking forward to your thoughts Sir!
I have always loved the old school romance stories of the dapper gentleman who was well-mannered and in full control of his life, and the strong opinionated lady who didn’t quite get along with the rest of society and the ton. She was too intelligent, too self-sufficient and not at all the quiet, shy and meek creature all the other gents took for wives!
This gentleman however was strong enough and sure enough in himself to let her be her true self! He had no need to change or stifle that firecracker he had fallen in love with and to hell with what the ton thought anyway!
He lets her run and ‘play’ in life as much or as little as she needs. He is content to let her speak and let her have her way, most of the time. 😉 She is in control of her life but the reality is without his strength or protection she wouldn’t have a safe place to run in. When He has decided she has over stepped it only takes a look to bring her back.
The outward illusion might be that she does as she pleases but the reality is that he is in complete control. She belongs to Him mind, body and soul. He doesn’t run around shouting orders or making rules, he doesn’t have to. His power over her is much deeper than anything you could put down on paper anyway.
He knows as well as she does that a true Dominant doesn’t need to spell out rules and regulations. Just his presence is enough to inspire her to follow and to be on her best behaviour. He speaks when he needs too, and she follows, just a whisper from Him is all it takes. The rest of the time he is happy to watch her grow and excel. She is His after all, why wouldn’t he take pride in her accomplishments, in her freedom, in her spirit?
He is her gentleman and she is His lady.