Bad submissive?

I’ve never made a secret about the fact that I view myself as a dominant soul, submission is something I give to only one man.

Out in the world I would say that I was much more dominant than the Bear. I’m the one who takes things head on, charges ahead, tries to pave new roads in thinking and actions. That’s my forte, that’s where I feel most alive, most me. I don’t run around telling people I’m ‘dominant’ and telling them they need my help, it’s the opposite actually.

I lead by example, I lead by doing and taking care of business. I lead by being responsible and putting the needs of others ahead of my own wants. I lead by understanding the responsibility I am taking on when I give my word and I lead by never going back on that. To me that is the definition of a dominant soul, that is why people come to me, not the other way around.

And then the Bear comes home. Do you suppose He’s going to find me sitting quietly by the door, hands in my lap and waiting for instructions? LOL Do you suppose that the fiery spirit and warrior attitude simply vanish? Yeah right!

I have scared the crap out of plenty of men in my life time, before the Bear, none of them were strong enough to stand straight and face me head on. I would say that’s why I never would have thought I would find myself in this situation now.

I wasn’t loud or rude and I didn’t argue or fight, I didn’t have to, I don’t have to. People sense the energy with which you approach them. Always confident, strong and head held high. I don’t run from a fight but I don’t pick them either. I learn and watch before I make a conclusion and speak, but when I speak its with authority and confidence. There are very few people who earn my respect, my standards are very high, but that doesn’t mean I don’t carry myself properly and act respectfully toward them. It’s not because they are deserving it, it’s because I am.

I am not going to sit quietly by if I disagree with something, I will speak up and I will stand my ground. I very rarely lose my temper, I control myself … but when I do, oh boy the house shakes! Everyone runs for cover because they know that if I have gotten to that point than there is REAL trouble ahead.

AND …… He is strong enough to face all of this on a daily basis and take on the responsibility for being my dominant. Certainly not a job for the faint of heart! *wink*

A friend wrote just recently that she was told that made her a ‘bad submissive’.

Check it out if you get a chance, I think she might be able to benefit from a second opinion!

The Bear says one of the best parts of being my dominant is that it makes Him better every day. It pushes Him to expect more of Himself and BE MORE to be able to properly care for me, and for us. The Bear takes His responsibility seriously, He doesn’t say I’m a bad submissive, he simply becomes a stronger Man.

So what do you say? Am I a bad submissive, or am I simply a warrior not fooled by fools and not controlled by the ‘boys’ pretending to be more ….

(A bit of a rant in response to things I have been witnessing.)


24 thoughts on “Bad submissive?

  1. Oh, I see so many people (on fetlife) expecting subs to be meek and mild in all aspects of their life. (unless they are brats, but…. That’s a whole ‘nother rant isn’t it?!)

    I think that makes you the best possible submissive. A strong independent person in your own right who chooses to allow one man take charge.

    You be you, you seem pretty awesome as you are

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!! πŸ˜€ I really appreciate your input here. I know that you have had experience with this type of online search and I hope your words will help her!

      That’s pretty much what happened to this lady, on line emotional abuse that turned to stalking because she was too strong to be ‘quiet’. they made her feel like she was the ‘bad sub’ because she wanted more, I hope she sees now … πŸ˜€


    1. You’re welcome! I want not only her and you to see, but anyone else out there trying to navigate this issue. Submissive does not mean doormat, and it’s about damn time the fakes out there figured that out. We don’t all need saving either ….

      In all honesty, if you take the kink out of it it really boils down to the old-fashioned idea of letting Him be the man of the house. A true gentleman who puts his responsibilities before his wants. Simple really … the rest only works if both parties are having fun! πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 2 people

  2. This may be offensive and perhaps other disagree (and that is okay), but I sincerely believe that a true submissive is independent and extremely strong. She/he has often endured many difficult trials that would defeat most. But the submissive stands strong and doesn’t give up. I had a dom once tell me that I was trying to top him from the bottom. I saw that as a compliment. πŸ™‚ Love the post, thank you for sharing again. xo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think that in many cases the submissive is extremely strong and it should never be looked at as a negative. That’s not to say you have to be … there are as many personalities as there are people, any one of them can make a ‘good submissive’ if they so choose.
      That’s why all of our relationships are unique, but none are better than others! πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Very true. I just can’t stand the inherently sexist attitude that many ‘doms’ have where they view submissive women as weak, frail and stupid. I am extremely submissive and I enjoy most sub fetishes but that is something that really irks me the wrong way.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I personally don’t consider those types ‘doms’, just because they gave themselves a title doesn’t make it true. *wink*
        Thanks again for chiming in!! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Lot of useful thought here and I have two options in how to think on it.

    First is that we aren’t to judge. If you have a healthy, happy relationship and he’s satisfied then you are doing it right.

    Second is that only a weak leader would want a weak follower. True leadership is (among other things) recognizing those who excel and promoting them while simultaneously supporting and building up those who follow. You would be a fairly gutless wonder child if you were afraid to have a strong, confident person submitting. It would mean that you knew that knew you could never earn their respect (the cornerstone of submission) and needed someone weaker.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you C, for once again sharing your wisdom.

      I hope they have decided to start stalking me too, they may just have bit off more than they can chew! *chuckle*

      ‘gutless wonder child’ indeed!


      1. My term for that sort. Doubt you will be stalked. You have seen (and know) the type. They crave silence because they lack sound, logically thoughts. The thought of a reasoned exchange of ideas horrifies them as they might be wrong. They don’t see a chance to learn or grow, only that they are wrong or their conclusion flawed. Sounds like a rather fragile leader doesn’t it. A sub with a voice would see the fragility and so they need the silence to maintain power and relevance. Coming here would prove what they fear most, a small one saying that “the emperor has no clothes”!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Well this particular stalker likes to stay silent and let the goons do the work. Big surprise to you I’m sure! *chuckle*
        I suppose however that there is no point in stalking to trying to intimidate someone who doesn’t care if you are here, or not!
        I’ll find out soon enough, once the next story is published! LoL


      3. Some folks wouldn’t understand a Mr. Crawford ma’am. I do and you soon will. Calm and quiet should never be equated with meek or incapable. Ever ponder that maturity and even disposition go hand in hand?


  4. There is a lot I do not know about this subject, still. However, I always thought that this is what would make me a ‘bad sub,’ should I ever make the leap.
    Being strong, independent and a little on the willful side, I felt it is not what would be expected but your blog has put me right, at least about where I stand. It is different for everyone I suspect but you should never be made to feel less in any kind of relationship. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It really gets me that the very community preaching acceptance and tolerance is the very same one being the most intolerant when it comes to people living their lives, their way.

      If you choose submission it would be on your terms, no one else’s. Not everyone has the same wants and needs, you should not be made to feel wrong because of it, just as you said.

      Some put BDSM above a relationship, some put relationship above BDSM. Both are right, both are just as good. It simply depends on you and your partner, and your needs. Period! πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I will NEVER again go to fetlife for these and other reasons. The DD that I just broke it off with never asked me to be a weakling. He guided and lead me to be stronger. When I was part of the workforce I held a position of some importance. I had people who reported to me and I reported only to the Department Chairman. Let me tell you that you don’t get to be an Administrative Assistant to the Dept Chair by being weak or rude ever. But for my Daddy I was able to be the middle (not little) girl that I need to be at home. He understood, appreciated and respected my submission!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve never been myself but i have heard some pretty scary stories!
      I know i’m glad i don’t have to deal with it, that I know for certain! πŸ™‚
      Welcome to the site, hope you enjoy.


  6. Reblogged this on Mind of Sir and commented:
    I don’t share others often, but this one hit home. The relationship of the author and her D is where I always saw Kitten and I in 20 years. It is so insightful.

    She has a lost of great articles on D/s and being married to her D and more. I wish I found the articles before I lost my Kitten


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