In for a penny, in for a pound!

So after the last post I have come to the conclusion that I should probably elaborate a bit on the rule and the way in which it plays out in a real life, daily basis.

Anyone not interested in the kinky details of toys and how to’s might want to cut out now!

I had a few comments and a few questions that I would like to address here as a post of its own. I would also like to add a few things that I have learned/experienced along the way. Feel free to ask or comment at the end if there is anything you would like to know.

I don’t write frivolous details about my sex life but that doesn’t mean I won’t answer honest, valid questions. Anyway … here goes.

The questions were:

Do I wear one when out with friends for drinks or shopping etc.? 

Short answer, yes! I wear one at home or out and about all the time unless Sir has decided that I shouldn’t. The only times that it’s guaranteed not to be in is when I am working or sleeping. That said, if I am having an issue that needs attention I will bring it to Him and He then decides what to do about it.

Sometimes cramps or illness will mean that the plug is not worn because the idea here is to be a useful reminder not a torment added on top of an already taxing time!

Funerals or church events are a no, because it’s just disrespectful in our minds.

If the event is not too long than it’s fair game as well, re-lubing is the main issue, if there is no where I can take care of it or no way to do that than it’s a no because harm is not the point! Normally 2 1/2 hours would be the max, then it starts to pinch and pull where it shouldn’t. I have been doing this for a while though, in the beginning you may want to keep your timing shorter. The size and type of plug and lube will also play into the length of time you should go.

The other time I don’t wear one is if it’s a thing in which I find myself in a dominant position. For example when my brother needs guidance and he’s coming over for my opinion and support. I don’t want my mind split between submissive and dominant, the task at hand is simply too important. Once the life task is done, then the plug can be used. I understand that’s not necessarily an issue for everyone, but details was the idea here, so details you shall have!

The bit i find uncomfy is the jewel that sits outside. It feels like it cuts into your bum, even though it isn’t …

It is most certainly the lube. I use coconut oil for anal and sometimes simply rubbing it around the outer lip, skin contact area, does the trick! If you don’t feel like washing and starting over again! Still though, a few hours and even the inside will dry out … so beware!

I didn’t start off as an all day thing, that causes issues with your soft tissues and makes the ordeal painful and anal sex horrid!

If you are interested I would suggest starting off with an hour daily, than perhaps 1 hour twice daily, than a couple to 3 hours and work your way up etc. You may even need a day off in between to let your body heal. If it hurts, stop!

Too much too fast is NOT your friend. Even if you don’t think you need too I would suggest re-lube every couple of hours at most and glass and metal toys are the best. The others get an odor that you can’t really get rid of, who wants that in their drawer?? and they also start to pinch and pull much quicker! They are good for shorter wear but maybe keep them in their drawer when thinking of all day.

Be careful, … I found the first day or two were no big deal but when I went at it too fast from the beginning the second or third day was when trouble hit! By then the tissue was so swollen and irritated that it was very sore. Even the smallest of plugs was painful, not in a good way! It seems fine, until it isn’t!

Which toys/plugs to use? 

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We use a wide variety of them, mostly glass or metal. Like I mentioned earlier the others seem to hold an odor after a while and it really is difficult to be rid of it. Makes you wonder what else they might be holding on to!

I have read that sticking with one size and shape too long can start to mess around with your muscles and how they work. I don’t know about you but I have no need for incontinence so … I will normally get ordered to switch them out one for another from time to time. Some are longer with wider bases and some are narrower, the metal ones normally have the narrow tighter base while the glass are wider and sometimes fatter over all. Keep switching them up, keep the muscles from getting lazy! *wink*

When you are out … 

If you are out and about wearing a plug and especially with coconut oil as the lubricant (or at home)  be careful of sitting down! I will normally wear a dress or skirt and no panties (that’s a rule) BUT the oil will leak onto your clothes while you are sitting in the car ride or in a chair waiting. The first time out was interesting I can tell you!

I have taken to bringing a towel along for car rides, I can lift my dress and sit on the towel so neither my clothes or my leather seats get gummed up or stained. If going out else where I will normally get permission for panties because the oil will seep through and leave a very obvious spot BUT the panties seem to be enough to stop that from happening.

A laundry bar used before throwing it all in the wash makes quick work of the stain for you BTW!

At home .. 

On lazy day Sundays or evenings I will normally wear yoga pants or track pants. Assuming you haven’t gone crazy with the coconut oil the pants will keep it from staining the furniture. Again, the laundry bar will take care of the strain but be sure to pretreat or your workout wear will have a dark spot on it that make you look like you pee’d yourself next time you are at the gym! *wink*

In conclusion:

The larger, wider plugs tend to cause issues that require ‘rest’ sooner than the rest. We are all different so be sure to pay attention to your body first and formost.

You want to be rid of the pinching, irritated feeling, you probably need more lubrication.

Start slow, even if you think it’s okay … it won’t bother you until it BOTHERS YOU and then you have a few days of healing to do.

If you have been out of the habit for a while, even a short while, consider yourself ‘new’ at it again. Your body muscle memory will very quickly go back to square one. Honour your body and take your time.

This is supposed to make you mindful not miserable! 

Speaking of in for a pound!! …….. I had more to tell you about a new set of metal princess plugs we found, but I have run out of time! They are weighted!! LoL Seriously …. it really is something else. *grin* Later!

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How to’s – Leadership (sorry to the dual followers!)

How to be a good leader, brought to you by my 15-year-old. *chuckle*

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Video game addition:

Now both of my boys are extremely smart but the youngest is by far the most mature. That has been obvious since the beginning. Their personalities are very different one from the other and although they obviously share the same lifestyle growing up it is very obvious that they are each their own person.

When playing video games the oldest knows and sees more than most, he is intelligent and calculating and just basically above those around him. I am not trying to start any ‘I’m better than you’ matches here so please don’t go there. It’s just a fact.

When things are not going his way he gets angry, and shouting and name calling even when he is really frustrated.

The point? He is smart enough to be a good leader and he knows enough to be a good leader BUT he does not lead well! Most often he has his mic muted because lord forbid anyone hear him but that also means he is getting no where fast, all by himself!

Now to the youngest. He is every bit as bright as his brother and every bit as far ahead of everyone else as well. The difference is he keeps his mic on. He laughs a bit and jokes a bit and then let’s everyone know where he is, what he sees and how he feels would best work for the troop to move forward.

The situation is the same, the adrenaline is the same (any of you who play know just how caught up you can get) but instead of getting angry, the youngest takes a breath, steps back, laughs a bit and *asks* for what he needs instead of shouting orders ….

Patience, humour, humility and manners …. a good leader.

Cheers!

~n

 

Kinky orders – more than just sex

I think I’ve made it fairly clear the amount of pain I deal with on a regular basis and just how doing too much makes me pay for it, big time!

One of the things that stops me from over doing it is the fact that I know Sir is not happy about it! It’s not so much the idea of a punishment that stops me, it’s the fact that I now know He is not happy or impressed when I push too far. He is actually quite upset by it.

I suppose its like feeling you have failed to take care of the one you are responsible for. I know that’s the way I feel in my dominant role with everyone else! I have no intention of hurting Him on purpose so even though my natural tendency would be to push forward and keep going, my submission causes me to think twice and stop when needed, BEFORE I would have done so on my own. What can I say, I’m a masochist all the way around! *chuckle*

Now to the kinky orders …. One of the things that Sir orders is that I’m to wear, ummm, ‘jewelry’ when I am not working. After work, weekends and holidays … pretty much all the time but work and sleep!

I have the day off today so I am resting and stretching and doing my exercises AND fitting in a bit of cleaning and tidying when I feel up to it.

Moving about makes His jewelry a bit more obvious! *chuckle* That simple reminder is enough to tell me to slow down just as I’m ready to push a bit further!

It’s not difficult or time-consuming for Him to do and say this but it is a big reminder of His dominance over me and it does keep me safe! So much more than just kink and a turn on ….

When He has more time He sends orders of what to wear and when to change one for another, we have a large group of them. When He is short on time there might only be one chosen for the day but it’s still an order from Him and it still keeps me mindful.

Dominance doesn’t need to be complicated and it most certainly is more than just kinky sex for us. It just needs to be consistant, even just the small things!

Who knows, maybe if the house is ever our own I’ll get to run around in a tail, dancing and cleaning as I go!! *giggle*

Happy Friday!

Love You Always, Sir! ❤

Last night/pain relief – benefits of submission

The Bear finally made it home, after a long day and busy evening we finally got some time for us.

Both being tired and sore we decided to lay in bed a while before actual sleep. The hot tub warmed me through which was nice but my muscles were still very sore. Trying to lay in bed hurt, just trying to relax my muscles so that the bed could hold me made me cringe and squeak. Not sure how to describe it better I guess, my body is in a constant tense state. It’s the only way to manage the pain.

Anyway, the Bear decided to rub me down, try to relax some of those muscles slowly and hopefully let me get comfortable enough to sleep. I can be in enough pain even just lying there that it is hard to get to sleep. Breathing hurts ….

One thing led to another and the more into His touch I got the more I could breathe easier and begin to enjoy it. One thing led to another and eventually we were connecting more deeply. I’m sure you get my point.

We didn’t have the opportunity for impact play of any sort, just some hair pulling and biting but I did eventually get to the point where I was completely engulfed in just being His. You know that half here, half gone feeling when you are into that ‘space’. Nothing much matters and nothing much is about you? You’re floating about almost oblivious of time and space …. that thing!

This brings me to the point of this post, I didn’t have the chance for impact play which always helps and I was nowhere near orgasm when we called it a night BUT simply being able to access that space in my mind was enough to get this flowing.

By the time I rolled over to try to get some sleep, my first instinct was to hold my breath because I knew how my body was going to hurt. To my relief I *could* breathe and exhale without the crazy pain that had followed me all day!

It didn’t take away all the issue, I’m not saying that, but it did turn it into a minor annoyance instead of pain that would keep me up for hours until I passed out from exhaustion.

I’ve had issues for years, I know it wasn’t just the act of having sex that helped me. The act of complete submission brings about enough of a change that it very literally helps to be rid of my pain. I imagine it has something to do with the chemicals released when I reach that place in my mind.

Anyone else?

I’m not in the habit of writing about my sex life and that’s still not what this is about. My hope here was to maybe touch on some issues and subjects that are involved with D/s, BDSM and the dynamic we share. Something I find both interesting and helpful, educational. Pain relief without the drugs seems like a good reason to share.

Feed back appreciated!

Stereotypes

Personally I hate stereotypes (sorry). Maybe it’s because I’ve been the subject of enough of them, maybe because I have fought against enough of them, maybe because I now find myself fighting them for my kids … likely all of those things I suppose.

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I wear many hats in my day, depending on what’s going on around me and what’s most important on the to-do list. Each one of those stations requires a specific set of skills but that doesn’t mean I don’t posses others. I’m simply tapping into the ones that are required here and now.

Some of this might be my personality type, most of it might just be individual to me, who knows. I have been called many things in my life but the one constant is ‘different’. I suppose some people might be put off by that but frankly I revel in it.

My oldest once asked me what the worst thing was that someone could say to me. I told him ‘to be called normal’. *chuckle* I’m not like anyone else and I really have never wanted to fit in. I’m fine with that, even more than fine, I’m proud of that!

It leaves a certain distaste for stereotypes!

I like to look further, dig deeper and view people for who they are and not what they look like, where they come from, or who they are related to. It takes more time and more brain power but to me, it’s still the right way to be.

Ironic since I now find myself in a quasi battle for submission and the fact that it does not equal quiet, meek and without power. Don’t you think …. ?

It still takes two – part deux

Had a couple of dance themed conversations today and so I thought I’d carry on that way! LoL

Today as much as I would like to spend the entire evening flirting with the Bear, schedules are not allowing for that. So, naughty bunnies are not easily dissuaded!

I let the Bear know that perhaps I would be waiting for Him in the hot tub for when He finally did make it home, naked! *giggle* It was a good dance conversation …. !

Of course the Bear took that idea and decided to add a few orders of naughtiness of His own to go along with my comment.

“It takes two to make a thing go right … It takes two to make it out of sight!” 

Time to dance … *chuckle*

Right about now
You are about to be possessed
By the sounds of
MC Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock
Hit it!
It takes two to make a thing go right
It takes two to make it outta sight
It takes two to make a thing go right
It takes two to make it outta sight
Hit it!
I wanna rock right now
I’m Rob Base and I came to get down
I’m not internationally known
But I’m known to rock the microphone
Because I get stupid, I mean outrageous
Stay away from me if you’re contagious
‘Cause I’m the winner, no, I’m not a loser
To be an MC is what I choose-a
Ladies love me, girls adore me
I mean even the ones who never saw me
Like the way that I rhyme at a show
The reason why, man, I don’t know
So let’s go, ’cause
It takes two to make a thing go right
It takes two to make it outta sight
It takes two to make a thing go right
It takes two to make it outta sight
Hit it!
My name is Rob, I gotta real funky concept
Listen up, ’cause I’m gonna keep you in step
I got an idea
That I wanna share
You don’t like it, so what, I don’t care
I’m number-one, the uno, I like comp
Bring all the suckers ’cause all them I’ll stomp
Bold and black but I won’t protect
All of my followers ’cause all I want is respect
I’m not a doctor, put them in rapture
A slick brother that can easy outfox ya
‘Cause I’m Rob, the last name Base, yeah
And on the mike, I’m known to be the freshest
So let’s start, it shouldn’t be too hard
I’m not a sucker so I don’t need a bodyguard
I won’t fess, wear a bulletproof vest
Don’t smoke buddha, can’t stand sess, yes
It takes two to make a thing go right
It takes two to make it outta sight
It takes two to make a thing go right
It takes two to make it outta sight
Hit it!
The situation that the Base is in
I’m kinda stingy that’s why I don’t wanna lend
A funky rhyme to a foe or a good friend
But listen up ’cause I want you to comprehend
‘Cause I’m the leader, the man superior
I take care of ya and then ya get wearier
So just sit, my rhymes are not counterfeit
The record sells which makes this one a hit
It won’t hurt to listen to Red Alert
Take off your shirt, make sure it don’t hit the dirt
I like the kids, the guys, the girls
I want the ducats ’cause this is Rob Base’s world
I’m on a mission, ya better just listen
To my rhymes ’cause I’m all about dissin’ ’cause
It takes two to make a thing go right
It takes two to make it outta sight
It takes two to make a thing go right
It takes two to make it outta sight
Hit it!
I stand alone, don’t need anyone
‘Cause I’m Rob, just came to have fun
Don’t need friends that act like foes
‘Cause I’m Rob Base, the one who knows
About things that make ya get weary
Don’t cheer me, just hear me
Out ’cause I got the clout, shout (ho!)
Before I turn the party out
I won’t stutter, project my voice, speak clearly
So you can be my choice on stage
Or on record, go to the Wiz and select it
Take it off the rack, if it’s wack put it back
I like the Whopper, fuck the Big Mac
If you want static, so let’s go
So, throw up your hands, go for what you know
Bro’, I got an ego
Yo, talkin’ to me, no, oh?
‘Cause Rob is in the front, EZ Rock is on the backup
We’re not soft, so you better just slack up
‘Cause I’m cool, calm just like a breeze
Rock the mike with the help of E-Z Rock
On the set, the music plays
Only cuts the records that I say
It takes two to make a thing go right
It takes two to make it outta sight
It takes two to make a thing go right
It takes two to make it outta sight
All right now
E-Z Rock now, when I count to three, I want you to get busy, you ready now?
One, two, three, get loose now!
It takes two to make
It takes two to make
It takes two to make, it takes two to make

It still takes two …

I sent Him some naughtiness ….

He came back with some Evil-e tasks …

Sometimes the line between punishment and reward can be a bit elusive …  *chuckle*

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We’ve been busy lately with the kids, work and taxes, Oh Joy! LoL Sir hasn’t been feeling great and well, neither have I really.

Our energy levels are low and sometimes it’s all we can do to stay awake long enough to hit the pillow!

There is nothing amiss but I do feel like we need a kick start so ….. This morning I was up to some naughtiness with my good morning message. This morning the Evil-e was sparked. Music-Girl-First-Love-Fire-Wallpaper

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I don’t think anyone is ever ‘on’ all the time but that doesn’t mean it’s ‘off’ either. It’s just there below the surface waiting for a spark!

It seems I may have started a fire today! *giggle*

Happy Tuesday!

Submission builds strength

I read this blog post a little bit ago and I really wanted to use it as a jumping point for my own revelation years ago. 

I can’t place the next memory on my submissive timeline, aside from it being before the next phase of my life. It is one of the most important lessons I had to learn in both my kink and vanilla life. The memory of asking Sir for help when I was at my most vulnerable still […]

via Sometimes asking for help is the bravest move you can make. — A Leap of Faith

Much like this story describes, one of the most powerful lessons that I have learned from submitting to the Bear is the strength that there is in asking for help.

My life has never been an easy one. Many years ago, before I had a choice, I was left to deal with many domineering and even narcissistic characters. I was too young to do anything about it, but I was already wise enough to know it wasn’t right and that I deserved better.

As time passed and experiences molded me into the person I was to become I learned that the only way to be certain you didn’t get abused or let down was to rely on no one. I’ve tried to live my life to be the best person I can be and I have always endeavoured to do the best I can for others. I’ve always tried to be the person others can rely on for help and guidance BUT I have never relied on anyone else myself.

The Bear and I have always had a wonderful marriage, we have always gotten along well and held each others best interest as the priority but what I could never do was ask for help …. a by-product of my youth.

Deep down I understood asking for help as failure, a short coming, making me weak. Asking for help when I was a child led to ridicule or worse, ammunition for a future date, and they were ruthless and relentless. I didn’t view it that way when others asked me for help but that awful nagging feeling for myself just wouldn’t be shaken.

So, as we learned and played and got deeper into BDSM, our communication had to become deeper and more specific. When you are blindfolded and tied up and asked to do something you just can’t manage you have no choice but to ask for help. You have no choice but to admit when something is not right or when you simply can’t go on alone …

Speaking up and asking became a natural thing. After a few times it became obvious that I wasn’t any less strong in his eyes, it became obvious that He didn’t hold any less respect for me and it became obvious that I wasn’t any less independent or self-sufficient!  Well I’ll be ….

What DID happen was that I learned I had someone I could count on, for ANYTHING, in my corner. I learned that I didn’t always need to be strong, and wise, and right, and at this thing we call life ALONE! I learned that I could maintain my respect even though I asked for help. I learned that He wouldn’t ridicule me and He wouldn’t use it against me in my weakest hours … I learned to trust.

Since then I have learned to trust humans just a bit more. I have learned that even I can ask for help, and as a result I haven’t been made weak, I’ve become even stronger still.

I’ve always been strong alone, but now ….. now I’m never alone! For someone like me, to really truly know this and feel it is huge!

Asking for help doesn’t make me weak, it’s empowering!

Love You always, Sir! ❤