Missing you today …

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Still have a headache, still have a bit of a cold, not much on my mind Sir but spending some time with you … ❤

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

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Humm, interesting development

So, I’ve never been the type to rely on or look to(?) someone else. Not entirely sure how to state that, I will try to explain. It has kind of got me off guard and honestly not sure if I like it …

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Up until this point and with every single person I have ever met I have never once felt anything less than dominant. I’m not saying disrespectful, or better than anyone, or full of myself or anything of that nature, I mean dominant, truly dominant not a shouting, my way or the highway want-to-be.

So today I found myself in a situation that I recognized another dominant personality (male) and my instincts went to a very submissive way of being. I’m not sure exactly how to describe it, I wasn’t turned on or looking for help or anything it was just a calm (?) understanding and made me want to listen (?). That’s not to say that I don’t normally listen to people who are intelligent and having something to say, it was a different kind of listen (?).

I really have no clue how to describe this. I didn’t feel like I had to be my regular kick @ss self, like it would be fine to let my guard down. Outside of Sir I truly NEVER let my guard down.

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Anyone know what I’m trying to explain? Anyone know what the heck I’m talking about?

Is it because I instinctively recognized another personality that would also be respectful and true (a DOM), or is it just because I know Sir will fix it if something goes wrong? Or have I lost my edge …?

I may have dropped my walls for Sir a long time ago but the outside world has never seen my self …. what the heck is going on here?

Love You Sir ❤

 

 

Silly Rabbit!

Image result for kneeling submissiveI was so busy doing and trying to be good. I was so busy keeping up with actions and making sure things were taken care of that I forgot to kneel and present myself to my Master and wait for guidance.

This silly rabbit forgot to ask ….

It really is so much easier if I just remember to let you handle it Sir, this silly rabbit is sorry ….

Patient, strong, determined ….. no matter how silly the rabbit, the Bear is undeterred.

Love You Always Sir ❤

Starting to ….

Feeling like I’m wandering, aimlessly, just biding time ….

Out here, alone, making my own way, doing my own thing ….

Carrying the load again, just watching and waiting to be taken ….

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Drifting …. not belonging

I’m starting to feel responsible for my own way, my own issues and my own heart. I’m getting bottled up, I don’t like it Sir!

The little things I’ve asked of you are the things that keep me balanced. I feel like I am following through with all the things that keep you feeling fulfilled and balanced and like yourself, but I’m running out of steam Sir …

Maybe you don’t need the little things I’ve asked for to keep you feeling in control, but I do. I need something …. what that something is, that’s up to you but I am starting to feel defeated in this.

I don’t want to push your buttons or get into trouble to feel a stronger hold, that’s not my style but I do need to feel you in some way …. I don’t have issues, I don’t get stressed, I don’t need hand holding so outside of the small rituals I feel like I’m getting nothing. You’ve taken most of them away ….

I don’t want to belong to myself, I want to be owned by you ….. Help please? I was my own for too long, I need to rest now …

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Love You Sir ❤

Feisty bunny … ready or not!

Feeling a bit feisty today Sir, feeling a bit wound …. ??

Getting close to that ‘time’ and it always seems to make me more wanting. I guess I get a little squirrelly in the head, not a good state for a good little bunny! 😉  lol

Image result for wound up I can’t lie, I do enjoy the playful teasing and ‘poking the Bear’. That is one thing that has definitely changed since we started this … whatever it is … thing.

I know you will put me in my place if I over step and you know that I’m only teasing in fun and will stop if you don’t like it, no confusion, no misunderstanding!

The smirk on my face and twinkle in my eyes is a dead give away, and the grin on your face is unmistakable … and so is ‘the look’ if it’s going too far for your liking.

I think the difference between real sass and just playful teasing is obvious, playful stops in a heartbeat if the Bear looks unhappy …playful also doesn’t start if the Bear is not in the mood, playful is with permission and still abides by the morals and values that are ever-present … playful has no hurtful intent and if I’m honest with myself I know the difference, no question. Not that I’ve ever been purposely hurtful, it’s just not my style.

So i guess if you’re in the mood tonight we might just find out if a smart @ss bunny ends up with an @ss that smarts!!! LOL Image result for cartoon spanking funny

Love You Sir ❤

 

 

The joys of Menopause, and sex!

The title is sarcastic, just in case there is any confusion. This has been a particularly tough month(s). My body has had just about enough torment with the nursing home ‘sleeping’, Rotti carrying and now trying to play catch up on my healing with work and the wonderful monthly cycle accompanied by menopause. In the words of a friend of mine “I’m one hot mess!”

I have always had a bad back and the monthly routine was always a bit sore and painful in my lower back, until things started and then within a day or so the back pain would subside and I would feel ‘normal’ again. My normal is much different then most I can assure you, but normal for me none the less.

The last few years have been a roller coaster of good months and then some very bad months, at times simply trying to stand straight or walk is a huge problem, or sitting for that matter! Basically pain all day every day for months on end. So now you have some back ground …

This month with all the other physical issues my lower back has been seriously affected. I normally get some spotting on and off for a week before anything starts and some seriously heavy pain in my lower back to accompany it. When the spotting stops, the pain lessens and so on … normally lasts a few hours off and on for a few days then we’re good for a week til things start …. then rinse and repeat! lol

Well we do normally get to play in between and nothing major happens, I take a little bit of time to relax those abdominal muscles, ease into it if you will and once things get going all is well … but not this time! Sir and I were in the middle of some intimate time and then all of a sudden it felt like I just got knifed, from the inside, right where He was … if you get my drift. I screamed out, not in a good way and ended up scratching Him quite severely due to the pain, I was in tears and I am not one to cry.

The pain did subside but needless to say the mood was pretty much shot and well it was time for bed by then ….

The day/evening had been a bit of a confusing time for me not quite understanding what Sir wanted/needed from me and I think (hope) if I had had more time to get into the ‘mood’ it might not have been quite so serious. Sir gets His idea in His head as to how He wants the evening to go and that’s great but with no warning, or ‘seduction’ or any sort of communication of wants and needs it can sometimes be hard for me to switch gears so quickly.

Moral of the story, I unfortunately don’t come with an on/off switch Sir …. and I think sometimes you think you are being obvious but you are not, not to me anyway. I don’t want or need for you to give away all your secret plans but a few minutes of teasing or flirting or just plain ‘giving orders’ would be a great way to get me turned on and waiting, and hopefully make these physical issues less of a problem.

I hope this isn’t too confusing ….

Love You Sir ❤

 

His From the Beginning

In the 21 years that we have been together I think I have been to the grocery store less than a handful of times by myself, and I have gone pretty much every week. Sir always drives ….

In 21 years I have slept by myself twice, a couple of years a ago Sir told me to go on a trip away with a friend, we were gone 2 nights. He knew I needed the time for a variety of reasons, too many and too much to go into detail but He did and so I went. The twice includes the nights at the hospital when having the boys, He stayed with me both times …. the first time I was stuck in the hospital longer due to complications, He still stayed.

Promotions have been turned down for family, we have plenty of time to be away when the boys are bigger and no longer at home. It has even been discussed that if His job still wants Him overseas then I will simply quit mine and go along …

We have sat together for dinner every single night in the past 15 years outside of illness. Shift work used to be a problem but it has been straight days and Monday to Friday almost exclusively for 15 years and counting. If working a weekend was not avoidable we were always home for dinner.

One never goes out without the other, if family or friends see us alone they know that something is ‘wrong’. We go for a walk together almost every night weather and health permitting.

I don’t ever remember going anywhere or doing anything without first asking Him what He thought and if it was okay. I have cooked supper pretty much every day we have been together unless we decided together to go somewhere or order in, unless Sir decided on His own He wanted something different.

We have always talked about everything and made every decision together, Sir has always had final say, even if He didn’t realize it. I have never bought anything without His knowing and before D/s I would actually buy less, He didn’t realize I was waiting on approval. (Neither did I, in a real sense.)

Outside of the menopausal/breakdown-ish time of about 6 months in our lives when my mind was just a bit crazy and Sir was so distant, I have never yelled, been angry or been rude to my husband, I had never disregarded His wishes and I had never, or have never since, not thought of Him first. (I yelled at Him once …. )

I remember distinctly my first and only time when my mind said ‘I wonder what He would like, you know what, I don’t care … it was the lowest low for me and I was almost physically sick with the realization. It was just weeks before bringing this idea to Him because that’s when I knew something was off for me. And that’s when I knew something had to change …. so I researched, tried to figure out what was going wrong and why we were drifting apart.

Some where in my ‘travels’ I realized that He didn’t think I needed Him, that He didn’t think He was important, D/s makes Him know the truth.

I don’t know what you want to call what we were before, to me the only real change is that now we have a ‘name’ and Sir can be certain because we also have some symbols to prove it and serve as a reminder.

He has always been Him and I have always been me with Him …. You might say we have been lucky, I say we have choosen wisely, prioritized …..

Love You Sir ❤