Ready in my winter nest, Bear! Come on in ….

…. in my mind anyway!

Just putting myself into my nest, mentally, makes everything a bit smoother! Hopefully it lasts long enough to make it through til the quiet hits! 😉

I’ll sit ‘in here’ even while things go on around me ….

…. it’s all about perspective!

Instead of worrying so over what I don’t want, I will focus on what i can do until it quiets down again.

I’m not going to worry about having to be out and social,

i’m going to focus on pleasing Him.

This part i never get tired of, and when He tells me He’s pleased, well ….

not much can trump a ‘good girl’ can it??

Perspective ….

dom-and-his-sub.jpeg-w=627 For right now i’m choosing this one. ❤

One more day til holidays!

Not much in the mood for writing lately ….

This guy was kind of famous around these parts.

This is about how excited i am lately about the holidays and people ….. it’s not a religious song btw. *wink* not really …..

I have a belief that we, humans, are capable of greatness but i also don’t think it will ever really happen.

Here’s to the few who might, like me, still be trying to make this world a great one.

There’s a blaze of light in every word
It doesn’t matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

I need a break from humans, and the holiday season is just ramping up. I’m not the slightest bit excited …. Kitten wrote a little post on the winter nest, i like that idea!  LoL If it was deep in the woods somewhere with no one around and no ‘connections’ …. that would be best.

You can’t say things like these, people assume there is something wrong. That you are upset or depressed or something. I’m not, i’m just not in the mood. Not in the mood to ‘play nice’ and be smiley and make everyone else feel good.

That’s what I normally do, I take care that everyone around me has a good time, has what they need. Has the shoulder they need to rely on or the guidance they require to keep moving. I add strength to those who need it, provide some ideas and a plan for those who are looking.

I do things without being asked and I do it mostly in the background. I don’t need credit or attention but I am always there.

When I don’t feel like playing nice … well I keep that to myself. I don’t need people around me, I don’t need family, friends and good times. That confuses people because of course that’s what ‘everyone’ wants, right? Yeah not so much.

INTJ, that’s me. Not much there that doesn’t fit. I’m different and people think they know, think they ‘are too’ but they are not.

This year i’m feeling less connected to ‘them’ and more inside my head right now. I like that, it’s not an ‘issue’ it’s just me. I don’t want to explain so I hide it and i go along with what society thinks i should be doing at parties.

But I am not looking forward to it.

The Bear is the people person, and it’s His family and friends we will be seeing so i’ll go along, put on a happy face and play nice. the boys will cut out early i’m sure … lucky them.

FWIW this is one of my favourite winter songs …. it’s not about anything bad, leave it alone people … take it in context, it’s 1940’s style flirting. That’s all!

‘rant’ over …. ciao!

Middle ground

Life on the other side of this swing has been pretty awful lately.

Life on this side of the swing has been pretty fricken good!

(*not the boys, but the people/doctors i’ve been dealing with)

***** ***** *****

My youngest has been acting up a bit these past couple of weeks.

The Bear and i have taken some liberties these past few weeks.

The house is still never our own, we do run the risk of something being heard.

We are still keeping things mostly tame and using things that are ‘quieter’ when we do bump things up ….

***** ***** *****

We changed his meds slightly, but they really shouldn’t have effected him this way. We are hoping perhaps they just make him tired so we are changing when he takes them. Let’s hope that’s all it is!

***** ***** *****

We ramp things up and he ‘ramps’ things up in his behaviours, in a bad way ….

Do we need to go back to the middle? To keep everyone balanced?

I really hope not!

double-elliptical pendulum motion

Photo Credit

I really enjoy the motions of playing on the edges ……

Playing on the edge helps to manage the other side of the swinging pendulum of life.

In a mood …

I’m in a bad mood today, I’m not sure why but i am.

It didn’t start off that way, i was in a good mood this morning, tired but good! I haven’t been sleeping well lately and that probably has a lot to do with it.

We’ve also been getting deeper and deeper into this connection and my mental sub space. I think i might finally be coming down from the ‘weekend’! I don’t mean that the time and energy isn’t there, i mean the actual chemical down from all the ‘attention’ Bear has been giving me.

I had the middle of the day to myself today, i kept trying to get a nap in because i am just completely exhausted. Naps are not usual for me but i think today it would be wise ….

Every time i started to doze off someone or something would wake me. I think i’m MORE tired now then i was before i tried to get some rest! UGH

I’ve got two very busy hours of work this afternoon and i’m just holding my breath that i manage without too much fuss!

Then i think i will ‘crash’ into a nice, fuzzy, warm Bear! ❤

When you’re tired everything seems to hurt more ……


His ‘Evilness’ is a vampire ….

This post is BDSM specific. It’s an understanding of how His dominance works when it comes to play and BDSM. It’s my learning of my dominant and how He likes things to work. It’s me learning to be His sexual and BDSM submissive.
I’m learning that my dominant likes to play by the vampire rules. *chuckle* No i don’t mean He likes to bite and draw blood, although He does enjoy using His teeth! No, what i mean is that He likes to wait for an invitation …..
It’s also fair game if you invite them in. An invitation can be revoked later, but a single invitation is considered “open until specifically revoked”, meaning that these beings can come and go as they please once invited.
What this means to me is that if *i* want to be His in that way i need to somehow extend the invitation. He is making me ask, making me beg for it if that makes it better or sexier in the mind! *wink*  More in keeping with your understanding of D/s …. He’s making me work for it! Ugh ……. such Evil!
I guess it’s His way of ensuring that what He’s doing is consensual and still very much the way i want to be His and please. It’s a way of knowing that i enjoy His Evil side no matter how ‘wrong’ it might appear from the outside looking in.
Once I have opened the door however ……
Although He is not the one to start things very often He sure seems to enjoy every moment from the invite forward! At first this felt like i was the one who wanted and needed to play this way and He was simply going along for my sake. I don’t believe that to be true any longer. Like i said, vampire rules, He can’t play until i invite it.
It might seem contrary or strange, especially if you read all the books and fantasies but i think it’s pretty practical actually. It certainly gives Him the information on where my mind is and where my energies are …. Let’s Him know how and what i need.
He still decides what to do about it, when and how much … although i dare say that me finally giving in to dominance HIS way has certainly unleashed the beast!
Learning how to be His submissive is learning how to do things His way, without second guessing, without wondering if i’m still topping, without wondering if He really does want to do this for Himself. Without not trusting Him …..
My husband has always been a romantic, how appropriate it is that He has taken His ‘Evil’ side and lined it up with another romanticized version of what we do …. *wink*
I’ve learned a lot in the past two months of how it is He likes to lead and me to follow in this …. i hope He’s finding me more and more pleasing all the time! ❤
Vampire ….. go figure!

Making concessions – a ramble and a story – a rambling story! LoL

It’s Christmas time and with that comes lots of stress and running for most. Errands, plans, gifts and get togethers …. it’s a never-ending ride. Not to mention the cleaning and decorating and getting ready for guests. Oh my!

When i was young i hated the Christmas season. To much ado about nothing if you asked me. The running and showing off for the sake of others made me shiver in distaste. You see, when my parents moved from their home to here they had money to spare, once they got here however language barriers and racism made things difficult.

We got to the point that there really wasn’t much to go around but for some reason they felt the need to ‘keep up appearances’. Neither of my parents are good with money or budgets, that didn’t help. I don’t think I need to explain where that ended up.

They had also decided that my youngest brother was ‘a good singer’, he was going to be ‘somebody’ some day. For some reason it’s around Christmas time that I remember the hours and days of them forcing him to sing and practice and show off to others, even though he was shy and hated every minute! You didn’t dare disappoint the parents though ….

Once I got my own home and family, and after a couple of years of watching the Bear’s family and distancing myself from mine, Christmas turned into a big deal for me. I would spend hours on the decorating of the tree alone. Weeks in preparation for new cookie and dessert recipes to make, everything was over the top and ‘just so’.

When the kids got big enough i had ‘my’ tree and they had theirs to decorate. Eventually when they got bigger still they would move things an ‘my’ tree to see how long it would take me to notice once i walked in the room. I always noticed instantly BTW! 😛

Eventually though I got to the point that i really wanted nothing to do with decorating, or gifts or baking. NOTHING to do with any of it. I’m sure peri-menopause had a lot to do with that, my mood would sometimes just be down in the dumps no matter how i tried to bounce out of it. It was no use, i was just not caring …. about anything really.

At that point i no longer wanted a tree, or anything to do with Christmas at all. The Bear insisted on having a tree and would bring one home every year. Every year i would do my best to put on a happy face and decorate, for Him. I no longer did the rest of the house, that was decorated for winter and He agreed, but the tree He wanted. *shrug* Okay ….

A couple of years ago He finally conceded, for me. I no longer spend weeks looking for recipes, i no longer decorate for Christmas at all. Most gifts are just money anyway, all the family kids are too big to want reasonable gifts and i’m not buying anyone a cell phone or Xbox one …

My mood bounced back after some time but my want to make Christmas a big deal never has. I’m not stopping anyone from doing it i just have no desire to do it myself. He gave it a couple of years but after seeing no change in me He decided to let it go.

He might have all the control in this dynamic but that doesn’t mean that my thoughts and feelings on a thing are irrelevant, and sometimes they even trump His.

I dare say that if we were in any other relationship this might have turned into a yearly fight instead. Here though it’s just Him taking care of me, even when the ‘thing’ is not His first choice.

Our trial run, so far.

We are a good way through our trial run of the new additions to our regular routine. A couple of things have been ‘bumped up’ a bit to add to our dynamic and over all feel of D/s. So far so good, but we have had to make a few changes without delay …. such is life, right?

We wanted a trial run to see if it was actually feasible and i think we picked probably the busiest time of year to try it!! *chuckle* We didn’t really take that into consideration but it has certainly shown us the worst case scenario, time wise and for extras added on top of regular day-to-day stuff!

I guess if it works now it should work pretty much any time. It was tempting to ask for more in the beginning but i’m glad i kept my suggestions simple. *smiles* Some days Sir adds more and some days, when we are both exhausted it stays simple. Either way i feel the connection is made obvious and it also has a built-in time slot for turning an everyday conversation into a power exchange one.

I like that it makes things ‘settled’ for me and shows Him exactly what i might need clarification on.

I also like that He is the one to initiate both of these things, it makes me feel like ‘me’ and ‘this dynamic’ are important enough to put energy into, plus i see the look in His eyes! 😉  The look that says ‘I’m doing this because you are Mine and that’s all the reason I need’!

The physical positioning of these things fuels His dominance, the fact that He’s the one ‘speaking it’ fuels my submission. Doing it even when i’m too tired, distracted or not ‘in the mood’, well that just reinforces it for both of us!

I’m not saying that it’s not welcome, i’m not often ‘not ready’, but some times aches and pains or exhaustion does come into play. Thinking about getting into or holding a position until He joins me might feel daunting at times BUT those are the days that i appreciate His consistency the most. Those are the days that prove to both of us that this is more than just a game, that we are both invested even when it doesn’t feel so sexy or ‘hot’!

Those are the days that i ultimately find the most comfort in submitting to Him. That’s when i need Him in control the most. 😀

Happy Wednesday! ❤


What would*you* like to know?

I haven’t got much to write about these days. Nothing i haven’t already written over the past few years and i am not really one to repeat myself. So, what do you guys want to know. Anyone have a question or opinion that they would like to hear about?

Maybe i can get inspired! *chuckle*

I’ve been thinking about a review on the weighted princess plugs …..

I just haven’t had the push to write here lately, been doing some else where. I’d like a brighter, easier topic for a while.

Balance, …… you know!

Suggestions or questions?

Hopeless (expletive deleted) Romantic — Owning It Outright

Lost adrift in sweet dreams of her. Soaring and wheeling sky high in auroral romance bright. Unashamed and unrepentant. Lingering in bliss. Abiding in light. Invoking cliches without a care. Not even bothering to rhyme anymore. As happy soul as I can can be. Puzzle Me. Honey Bee. There. That rhymes.

via Hopeless (expletive deleted) Romantic — Owning It Outright

I find myself in a wonderfully good mood despite all the ‘other’ stuff in life right now. Then I read this …. yup, it explains it.

I imagine most of you already know this wonderful writer, but if you don’t … check it out! 😀

I think i’ll just let this be the ‘record’ that plays on and on in my head today. Well that and the ‘naughty rabbit’ bits …. *raspberries* LoL