Did you miss me??? *wink* PC has been on the fritz, got it fixed and now i’m back! Aren’t you all the lucky ones …. *chuckle*
I came back to a ‘funny’. At least i think it’s funny, i find the irony hilarious. Once i logged in i noticed that a search for ‘oppressed house woman’ had some how picked up my site! *chuckle* Now the irony in this does not escape me.
You see, if i take this idea apart and really think on it, the times that i truly felt oppressed would have to be before we started D/s! *wink*
After many years of marriage, and work, and kids and responsibilities i was starting to burn out. The kids were having some serious mental health issues and the responsibility for everything was on me, you know as a free thinking, independent and liberated woman.
I was starting to feel trapped, helpless and weighted down. I felt all alone with too much to handle and no one to go to. I felt I had no choice left in this world, it was all about what needed to be done and NOTHING about what I needed or wanted out of life.
‘I’ was disappearing, replaced by a machine that worked, and thought out problems, found solutions and implemented plans to get results …. for EVERYONE. Everyone else but me. I did not exist, I did not matter.
Complete Independence …. doesn’t it sound great!?!?
The scariest part of that is that I have always had a good marriage. We have always communicated well and gotten along even better. We have been best friends since the day we wed. Some how, still i found myself in this position. How could that be???
I think it’s the mentality that we get into …. the idea that as independent, self-reliant people, women, we can’t ask for help or defer to someone else. That somehow that will be, or at least will be seen as weak, or stepping backwards in the social steps we have taken forward.
That wasn’t really my problem, my problem is much more about my past than any social pressure. I really don’t allow that type of thing to rule my mind, it’s a personality thing, but I do however see it as just what i’ve explained in others.
Anyway, for one reason or another i found myself in that position and frankly completely disillusioned with the life i thought i had been able to build.
We started off our journey into D/s like many others I think, for the kinky sex. It didn’t take long for me to see that this was much more than just sex, if we wanted it to be, and it was also explaining how to get back to what we had somehow lost.
Now i don’t think D/s fixes everything, or anything really. I think that you can have the same results in many other relationship dynamics (if we can call them that). The truth is that the things that fix the problems are the same across the board.
It’s the time invested in the relationship, it’s the communication and the effort. The patience (every submissive has heard that preached over and over) and the motivation to keep moving forward, always. If you invest in each other and yourself, it works. If you let things slide and don’t make time it falls apart. Whether or not you want a power exchange relationship is up to you but the rest stays the same. As humans this is the way we work.
That would be the reason we hear that ‘every dynamic is different’ and that ‘ you have to take time and make it your own’. Even in the lifestyle there are varying degrees of power exchanges and they also tend to change and adjust depending on your ‘life’ at any given time.
So I guess what I’m saying is that if you find yourself in a position that seems to lessen your power exchange it doesn’t mean that you can’t still have that connection. You just need to be patient, keep talking, keep being open and moving forward, together.
If you find your partner doesn’t want a PE, use the same methods of relating to each other and you will still find your balance.
A relationship, ANY relationship is about time invested and compromise. No matter how long you have been together, when the energy stops the feelings stop.
This is all assuming you are both equality invested in the relationship and in keeping the relationship. If that’s not true than you have an entirely different set of issues to work through.
….. and even though we are working within a PE at the moment, I am most certainly not oppressed! Not any more ….