Even when we’re low-key

My life might not be all kink and BDSM right now but it is still ‘us’. Coming back here and reconnecting with old friends, and some new, has reminded me of that.

What I like about having a Bear around is that I have the privilege of saying ‘i can’t right now. i need you to do it …’.

I have never in my life depended on, or trusted, anyone else with my needs, my wants, my anything. Once we added D/s to our lives that truly changed for me. I had already picked him, obviously because we had been married 15 years by that time. Life and stress had started taking its toll and we needed a change, we needed to reconnect. D/s did that.

So … we might not be all whips and chains right now but we are ‘WE’. And I still have someone I can go to when I – JUST – CAN’T – right now.

Tomorrow is a busy day, back to the hospital for treatment for W and standing by him in support for me. It’s the first time we are doing this as out patient and I’m not looking forward to trying to find my way around! LoL I’m pretty good at getting ‘turned around’ and not so great at find the right hall to go down or the right door to enter. That’s normally a ‘Bear problem’ but covid means only one of us can accompany W. Directions are not my forte, but being his mental health support system is.

Wish me luck! *smirk* Happy Thursday, friends. ❤

We’re home, well sort of …

We came home from the hospital on the 23rd, I’m glad to say that W is in remission. We have about 2 1/2 years of treatment ahead of us but all signs point to a full recovery!

I’m having a hard time wanting to write here but I figured since I started this story I owe you all at least some closure. I have yet to open my business up again, I have too many trips back and forth to the hospital ahead and the days and times would just not work with hospital appointments and the like. Not in my line of work anyway.

Bear has been the chauffer! LoL and the go-fer, personal shopper etc., etc. He needs something ‘to do’ in order to cope and I need him ‘to do’ in order for me to cope! *smiles* I guess we’re perfectly paired.

I slept at the hospital for 5 weeks, he travelled back and forth 2hrs each way daily for the last 4. Hospital food was not up to what W wanted so he made daily dinner runs as well! *chuckle* At least the kid kept eating …. that was a huge factor in helping him recover so we’re not complaining.

I miss my dynamic, or at least the pull or want for one but I can’t say my head is anywhere near that right now. It’s just not. We haven’t been intimate since before this all started, not sexually anyway, and I can’t say I’m much missing that right now either. I miss the idea of it occasionally but the thought of actually doing something about it is not enticing.

What does that mean? I don’t know, not very interested in that right now either! lol

My physical health has suffered, there is no doubt there, and my pain levels and hEDS flare(s) have been enough of a strain on my mind to keep everything else, except for W’s recovery, a hazy far off cloud. Will Bear and bunny come back around??

I don’t really have an answer for that, I know I have always put a lot of energy into keeping us ‘whole’ and I don’t have the reserves for that right now. I did have a dream that my ‘toys’ were all stolen and I was rather distraught. Maybe it’s a sign that I’m not ready to retire yet. Plus, I find myself here again too …. *shrug*

Anywho ….

Happy New Year, friends! ❤