Magic number ….? Three ?

Happy Friday!

D/s has turned me into a ‘girl’!

No I don’t mean little, or baby girl or anything like that, I mean I act on and think with my emotions when I am with Him. I act like ‘a girl”, female, based on emotion!

I’ve always taken my heart into account before acting but I have never been ruled by my heart. I have always thought things through first and depended on an impartial view to lead the direction of my actions. I have always relied on my mind first …..

Once I had children I did start to act more on my emotions and lead with them in some aspects when it came to the kids but not in any other aspect of life! It took a lot of self-healing to simply be able to accomplish that much. This warrior’s armor was quite impenetrable.

I’m not saying I had no emotions I simply didn’t allow them to rule my actions and I very rarely even tapped into them, for a lack of a better way of saying it. For simplicity sake I will explain it by saying that with Sir I believe now that I started in a submissive, D/s mindset of being open and fun and free and then slowly shut that down as life and time went on. When I met Him I hid nothing and held nothing back but as time went on I started to feel that it was not appropriate, not what He wanted and so I started to change that and became more independent and strong and eventually closing that part of myself off from Him too.

This wasn’t exactly out of character for me and as life became busier with kids and work and responsibilities the obviousness of it all got lost, until one day …. one day we woke up like most people do and realized that the kids could now be left on their own for a while and the fun easy feeling and excitement we once had seemed somehow dampened by something, just couldn’t put our finger on just what it was exactly.

Getting more sleep, finally and having more time, finally started to make things more obvious again. As I have posted before this is where the idea of bumping up the sex life came from, and the ideals of D/s fell into our laps!

The more I read the more I realized that this thing everyone seems to be ultimately looking for was we had all along, it was just slumbering in the back ground waiting for something to come and wake it back up again. We really only played with BDSM and power exchange a handful of times before it all became clear.

A friend had mentioned a certain movie to me a while back, a movie I really don’t care for but I recently discovered what it was he saw in that movie that appealed to him. I hadn’t been talking to him very long at that time so he really didn’t know too much about my marriage but what he saw in the scene is what we have.

I have many scars and wounds of the past and Sir knows each and every one of them. The length, the feel, the look and colour …. where they are and how long they have been there, everything. Honestly since He gets to see them from the outside He probably knows some of them better than I, He can see the ones on my back too, the ones I didn’t see coming and how they now affect my movements and over all look.  (Most of these scars are figurative in case that was not clear.)

This power exchange has brought us back to where we started only a bit wiser and a bit smarter about what we are doing and how. I’ve brought my emotions back to the forefront with Him, and now I’m a girl! I put my feelings out there for Him to see and deal with and I don’t think it all through first, no hiding or pretending.

And He makes me wear dresses too!!! 😛 *giggle*

Love You Always Sir! ❤

 

New way?

Feeling a bit sore, again …. no surprise there! Lots of things changing recently and the body needs some time to adjust and re-cooperate.

I missed out on the ‘centering’ and kneeling time I was thinking would happen last night. I assume the Bear decided the timing was bad and physically I was in no shape to try, at least I think that’s what He decided – he does still forget to communicate fully from time to time.

So today I’m having a rough start of it and I’m getting to feeling a bit short-tempered as well. Things are combining as they usually do and my body is about ready to call it quits, makes for a difficult time being patient. It’s not that I’m saying or doing anything out of the ordinary but I catch myself clenching my teeth ….. could be to deal with the pain of course but I know my normally happy-go-lucky self is not quite so smiley!   LOL
 So …. I’m looking for positions I think could provide the feeling without being too physically taxing.

Perhaps without all the rope work of the first because it is supposed to be a quick down shift of energy but cuffs and chains go on and off rather quickly.

Happy Tuesday!

Love You Always Sir! ❤

uno, dois, tres, quatro

Happy Monday Sir!

The weather is crappy but my shoes are working! 😉 I’ve been dancing all morning ….. You better look out Bear! You might be under a bunny attack!

Love You Always Sir! ❤

Perhaps I should clarify …

The idea I have that BDSM should not be a cover up for other mental and emotional issues/compulsions does not mean relationships and relationship types. It is not intended to be understood as a community, or support network situation. I’m talking about actual, physical actions like impact play or cutting etc.

These activities release chemicals into your system when done to a certain level that create a feel good outcome. Using just this type of physical trauma and chemical release to deal with mental health issues or compulsions does not ‘cure’, it simply covers up. This is the theme I have run into from time to time and the one I really disagree with.

Having relationships, partners and support from all areas in your life is healthy and needed be it in the BDSM community, work or family. They are all important and valuable. But that is not what I’m talking about here …

To use an example completely unrelated to dynamic in order to better explain …. a runner gets a certain ‘high’ that is useful in dealing with stress and anxiety but we do not make the assumption that the mental health issues are now solved. It is still important to pursue other forms of coping with and hopefully concurring the issues by getting to the root of the problem.

Or this might still be clear as mud.

Sensible Sunday Thoughts

** Warning, more against the grain attitude …. ***

Life is so much more than appearances.

If you are stuck in a ‘world’ where it’s all about what it looks like, how exactly it’s said and what’s your next line you are living more of a show than a life.

You are missing the point and most of what really truly matters in the end.

But than again …..

If you’re more interested in titles, appearances and winning contests just be sure you know what exactly it is you have.

There are so many more levels to life …… all the world a stage? No, not here it’s not.

Happy Sunday All!

 

BDSM is not a coping mechanism

I’ve read this in the past and just recently come across this idea again and I really have a hard time not chiming in so … here I go again.

I really honestly think that using BDSM as the only way to deal with your other mental and emotional issues, or any sort of M/s, D/s activity, is a terrible idea. I speak from personal experience as someone who has dealt with self harm and other mental health issues and someone who has studied and worked in the mental health field and has family members who still continue to have and deal with issues.

Practicing BDSM releases a variety of chemicals into your system that make you ‘feel good’, there is no doubt about that and the fact is that you can become addicted to and dependent on these chemicals in order to function, but is that really a good thing? Change the addiction to other drugs or alcohol and you know you are just heading for trouble so why would you think this to be any different?

Yes this is just my opinion based on my own experiences and knowledge but to me it seems to make sense to take care of your mental health in such a way that it can be sustained on its own, without these activities to keep you level. It makes me think what happens if and when I can no longer ‘play’ for whatever the reason? Am I doomed to spin out of control unless I find another partner? or another addiction to replace this one with? Is that really the healthiest way to take care of stress and emotional turmoil?

Submissive or not you should be able to stand tall and confident in your own skin, you should take steps to help yourself deal with whatever demons plague you, sometimes even professional help BEFORE you play with BDSM or any other such activity. You should be of sound mind before entering this type of relationship or any relationship for that matter.

A partner, friend or family member should never be made responsible for your mental health and happiness. No dominant can fix your life for you, they may make suggestions, yes call them ‘rules’ if you must but the one allowing it to be so is YOU and the one ultimately doing the work is YOU. So what happens if you find yourself without a dominant? You all of a sudden are lost. adrift, uncertain? You *gave* the power over to that dominant remember? Give the power to yourself …. allow yourself to take care of the issues first, then by all means play as hard and as long as you like, I do! 😉

I can sit quietly, alone in the dark and still be completely content and happy with myself. I can stand tall in the middle of a crowd and not hide. THAT’s why I play …

I’ve had my share of demons believe me, but this is not what I used to be rid of them.

Happy weekend all, take care of yourselves!

Love You Always Sir ❤

frowned-upon kinky

*giggle*

I had to post this, apparently that is one of the ways you can find my blog site! LOL

I don’t write about my sex life, certainly not in any detail, the pics I use are very mild and the language is not offensive in the least, I don’t think. The occasional word might appear but always with %*# thrown in to lessen the naughtiness of it all! 😛

Daytime TV has more graphic content now a days, not that I agree with that, but it just is what it is. So the idea that this site got picked up under ‘frowned-upon kinky’ really gave me a chuckle! So I thought I should try to be a bit more accommodating!

The birds are ‘blue footed boobies’ in case you are not familiar! Happy Thursday All!

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

Aftercare – not just for scening

One of the things I found in the beginning especially was that aftercare was not just necessary after a scene or intense play session.  Sometimes, most times? after care has much more to do with one’s mental and emotional state than it does the physical.

What I found interesting was that the things that played on my mind most were not necessarily the things you would have assumed when based on all the other kinky play we had already experienced, but the mind is an interesting thing isn’t it?

A large part of this equation of course is the fact that we have never (I have never) played the scene, had another DOM or dabbled in anything quite as kinky as the things we were experimenting with, again ‘bad’ as far as my brain was concerned even if some of it was mild in comparison to our other play.

Outside of my relationship with Sir and before D/s I was always VERY proper, a Lady in all respects, as much as I have always enjoyed sex I was never one to ask or flaunt my body in order to get His attention. I tried various times when we were younger but the result was not what I would have liked I suppose. Back then Sir was not quite as attentive and aware of things as He is now. Like I mentioned previously, I got into this ‘lifestyle’ originally as a way to enhance our sex life ….

Once I had children the ‘good girls don’t do that’ kicked into high gear! How could I possibly behave *that* way and look my children in the face every day? With no guidance or support in that sense from my husband I remained stuck in that mind-set. I’m not assigning blame here, don’t get me wrong I’m just trying to explain it in the most plain worded way I can without writing a book of all the subtleties and nuances. Had He known, had either of us known it would have been very different but at the time we didn’t.

So some of that was what had to be worked through in sex and play. It wasn’t a full on scene, it wasn’t even the most physically challenging things that caused the emotional overload. Some of the things were really quite mild like I said and caught me completely by surprise! Fortunately Sir was always ready and never questioned why I needed extra attention or support, He just did it. Again, feelings don’t need to make sense to be valid, they just ARE!

The point here is that both as a submissive and as a dominant you should be prepared to deal with things as they come up. Something that you think is mild might affect your partner on a deeper level than either of you expected. Feelings do not have to be rational to exist, they just do. No matter what your rational side is telling you, if your feelings are guiding you to an uncomfortable anxious space you need to make that clear to your dominant, and as a dominant you need to be prepared to comfort and sooth your submissive even if the ‘drop’ doesn’t make much sense to you. This part isn’t about you, at all.

It might mean sitting and cuddling for a while, it might mean being in constant contact through the day, it might mean just letting them know how wonderful they did and how proud you are, and likely all of the above!

Love You Always my Wonderful Sir ❤

Evil Evil Bear strikes again ….

…. and again, and again, and again ….. 😛

I shared this really *good* pic I found with the Bear, He said He thought it was funny! But, well, ummm, …..

I normally post something humorous on Monday about sitting gingerly on my chair but I think today I just won’t even bother to try to sit at all! *giggle*

Okay you win Bear! You’re the boss ….. Evil Evil Bear ❤