I’ve been frustrated lately, bordering on angry.
Maybe more than bordering.
I haven’t been feeling very well and now a virus to boot!
We’ve got plans for tonight, friend’s anniversary party and i don’t feel much like going.
I have wanted less and less to do with socializing lately. I feel like it’s more of a chore again than ‘fun’. Not sure why that is, could be peri-menopause, could just be that i’ve had enough for now and need a break from it.
Could be that i’m not getting any ‘respite’ and so i haven’t got the energy to keep going.
My mind is cluttered, it never stops. There is no room left for fun and games. No room for patience either TBH.
I’m working full time right now which doesn’t allow for ‘tasks’ or rituals during the day hours. He is not doing anything when it comes to ‘rituals’ in the evenings either.
There are physical manifestations of His dominance from Him, don’t get me wrong, He is trying to keep the energy. He’s not including ME physically though and as a result i’m moving further and further away from responding.
So i’m getting frustrated …. just because i’m submissive to Him doesn’t mean i don’t get angry.
I get that no one can be ‘on’ all the time but i’m too tired to be the one starting this time.
I’m very good at feeding His DOM and i know that’s important but right now i haven’t got that spark left inside of me. This has been going on for a long while and i’m on empty again i guess you could say.
May is mental health month and BDSM and sex helps my mental health. I know that’s not an unusual concept!
He’s not used to me being quiet and reserved but my ‘bunny’ has gone to bed. I don’t feel good (physically) and i haven’t the energy to be ‘happy’. I am still trying my best to be actively submissive.
Best I can do right now is keep my commentary to myself. I have a wicked and dark sense of humour. I’m witty, quick and mean. Conversations around the dinner table have been interesting lately, the boys are just as wicked! LoL I guess we all need to blow off some steam, good thing no one else can hear us! 😛
I’m naturally introverted and i like being alone. All in all i’m not looking forward to going out tonight. For extroverts being out and socializing energizes them, for introverts it depletes us. It’s not that i’m worried or anxious, i just don’t ‘like’ it.
Normally i tap into ‘bunny’ and i practically do hop around and wiggle every where i go, but like i said, bunny is asleep. I haven’t the right energy to enjoy being out right now and i feel like h3ll.
TAG Sir ….. it’s your turn.
*** writing things out always gets them out of my head. No need to commiserate with me, no worries.
Time for some tylenol because my fever is back and a workout, that always helps too! 😉
*** Oh right, i wrote this because i was frazzled and decided to sit on the floor to ‘ground’ myself. It worked, all this came out and now i have the ‘feel’ at least of being at His feet.
… perhaps the workout should wait til the tylenol kicks in or ….