Naughty- and TGIF <3

I’ve been sending Him naughty pictures again here and there, when i get a chance. I’m still working everyday so there really isn’t much by way of opportunity but every so often before or after a shower i get just a few extra minutes, and then …..

We decided last week that the kink and high protocol would be kept to the weekend hours when we have more time and energy, the rest of the week will have a much more low key feel. It will help me keep my mind in a better space not on the ready and expecting to be available for ‘something’ at any moment through the week.

It’s not a part time D/s, it’s more high protocol/low protocol periods of time. The basics are always in place ….. rules for my health and basic interactions don’t change, it’s basically just the kink. I imagine you know what i mean!

Anyway, He’s let me use one of those pics as the ‘theme’ for my front page as of last night. Not sure if He is going to have it taken down today, He said He would sleep on it. *wink* (Obviously it’s not that naughty, it is still my site, the basic feel has not changed).

It’s Friday again, i wonder if ‘high protocol’ will be asked for again?? I guess we’ll see on both those points!

Happy Kinking everyone, TGIF!! ❤

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Is it Friday yet …. ?

I’m lucky that i can afford to work part time and i’m lucky that the Bear has no problem with that idea, He actually encourages it!

Lately however one of my part time commitments has become full time and for a couple of months now i haven’t had that break that i enjoy and frankly, count on! My body is rebelling, the viruses are taking hold (i forgot about the kiwi for a couple of weeks, now i’m paying for it!) and i’m just beat!

I can usually shake it off by mid morning but it is getting to be more difficult everyday. The extra time during the day was also nice when filled with tasks and orders that continued that dominant energy that brings a content smile to my face. It’s easier to feel ‘in it’ when you are actively doing something! *raspberries* Not to mention sexier!

One more month til summer break and i am starting to count the days …. well sort of, when they are not blending together!

 

Why (consensual) ‘sex slave’? – My female perspective.

I’ve been reading and searching this out for a while now and there is a very consistent undercurrent to any of the healthy relationships i have read, including my own. I know there are many other parts to any relationship but this is just one of the small parts with a big effect.

You may wonder from the outside looking in, or maybe even from the inside trying to figure out why you have chosen this lifestyle, why in the world a woman would choose to do such a thing.

Well, for those whom this lifestyle works the answer is easy. Being posed and dressed and ordered and ‘used’ in a sexy or sexual way helps to increase our body image and sexual self esteem. The more we get put into these situations the more comfortable they become and the more comfortable WE become in our own skin.

Sexual self esteem and a positive body image are large components of good mental health especially if you are a sex positive person, as we obviously are! It helps to release stress and relax sore muscles. It allows positive chemicals to flow through the body which obviously helps your mental health in ALL other issues. And it’s all natural ….

You might wonder how you can keep up such a level of activity and the truth is we all go through active periods and then not so active periods. Those also happen to be the times we feel more agitated, more stressed and more desperate to get our ‘D/s’ back!

The more ‘life’ is going on around us the more we want to be ‘bothered’ with the orders and seemingly wasted moments kneeling and posing and being told to keep up with tasks. The more we want to be prepped and inspected and kept to a certain level of ritual and protocol.

The more we want to be ‘sexual slaves, trained and used’!

It gives us an emotional high, a boost in self esteem and of course self confidence and faith in our own abilities comes along with that. Treat me like your sex slave and i have the strength to take on the world ….

So why wouldn’t i want to do that? Assuming you enjoy sex you get more and more easily turned on and ready the more often you practice it. The more heavily you can feel the PE over the entire day the more able and ready you are to take on everything else. (Can we say 24/7 anyone?)

Once you’ve opened Pandora’s Box anything less than that feels like a black hole ….

Cappan via Getty Images
Cappan via Getty Images

Sex slave falls squarely under selfcare ….. Just thinking out loud.

 

Vocalizing – Relearning how to be His toy.

whisperOne of the things i have to work on, get back into, is vocalizing my pleasure when we are playing or just touching at all. I know this is one thing that the Bear really enjoys, listening to how He’s making me feel and react!

I’ve said before i’m normally very much in my head, it’s how i work. The whole point of doing these things is to get me out of my head and quite literally into His arms!

The more i am vocal and react to His touches the more He does and frankly, the more i get! If i keep my pleasure essentially to myself by not making any noise, He loses interest and play time is over.

We’ve been having more time and more energy so we have been doing more play …. BUT with this cold of mine it has been difficult to make any sounds that don’t come out either a high pitched squeak or a croak!  *chuckle* Not totally sexy!

On a serious note, it has made me realize how much out of practice i am …. i know He likes my sounds and i know they always heighten things for me as well, i just need to get back into the habit of allowing them to come out more quickly. I don’t mean screams, just moans of pleasure will do  …. *wink*

Fresh and new

Spring has things growing and looking fresh. Seems spring has brought the Bear out of hibernation as well!!

Like many of us, the person who wanted to start a D/s connection in our marriage was me. Bear was interested and has been learning along the way but it has mostly felt like i was the one pushing forward.

Just a little aside here, when it comes to home and life and being my rock, the Bear has always been there. It has never been necessary to learn and work on those areas because those He does very naturally. I have had the weight of the world on my shoulders in one way or another since the day we met, He has always been the one who helps me carry it. Kink and sex however …. that’s where i needed a change.

When life gives me a minute to breathe, i like to add some kink and domination to help give my mind, and body, a break. I’ve mentioned before that i have many ‘slave’ (in a kinky D/s context) like qualities so tapping into that mindset with rules and orders really helps me to let go and relax. I know it sounds backwards doesn’t it? Being enslaved and ordered about makes me free … *chuckle*

When i tap into that mindset that everything is about Him, His orders and nothing is about me it also means that i can let go of the responsibilities of life. I can’t be there forever, that wouldn’t be fair. We got into this life together, we brought children into our world and all the other things like a home, pets, work etc. We did this together relying on BOTH of our abilities and strength, to check out now and make Him soley responsible would be unfair and irresponsible to me. Remember, i fall very much on the dominant side of things when it comes to life and all things NOT kinky. That would be why we chose D/s and not M/s.

Anyhow, back to the reason i started this post ….

Bear seems to have awaken from hibernation! He is making comments and giving orders without any nudge from me. He is tapping into my slave side and into the things HE wants to see. It’s feeling more and more natural and most importantly to me, like it’s His and His alone! *grin

He has always felt that unless He could put on a huge production it wasn’t going to work and He best just stay away from it. He sees now that the smallest of things done on a regular basis can carry this feeling and special connection a long way. It gives me a break that i so desperately need at times. And now it really does feel like i’m just obeying Him, not something He’s doing because i wanted Him to.

Yes i know it’s only BDSM and sex but with all the stress in life it’s a real privilege to have something you can tap into to help ease the responsibility of the everyday. I’ve said before BDSM is my brain vacation, it allows me to keep being strong and moving mountains for those who rely on ME to be their rock.

Bear has carried this family of ours in many respects since the beginning, now He’s carrying my sex life and part of my mental well-being as well. Now … i need to work on my ‘sexy’, He told me to do a few things ‘sexy’ for Him over the weekend and i’m afraid i’m a bit rusty!! 😛

***** ***** *****

Sorry Bear! I will strive to do better. Thank you for all your efforts, you have most definitely figured out how to play your ***** ! *wink*

Love You, Sir! ❤

Stolen moments

When life gets busy sometimes all you have is a few minutes in time before you need to be back at doing whatever it is life throws your way.

A few moments in time is sometimes all you need ….

This morning, before the kids wake and chores need doing we sat and had our coffee together. Him on the couch, me on the floor in front.

Seemingly out of no where He decided He wanted a different view. So this morning, for a few moments in time, He posed me for His pleasure while He drank His coffee and admired the view.

A few touches, a few strokes on my skin ….

Now He’s off doing the things that like to swell up around us but He’s still with me and i’m still with Him!

A few moments in time can be all it takes ….. if you let it! ❤

Happy Sunday 🙂

A good day to be me …

The rain has finally let up, for now. The gardens need tending and flowers need buying and planting.

The morning started off a bit slow, i’m still fighting this cold and night time coughing fits are making it hard to sleep. We had breakfast and then kind of vegged on the couch a bit in between laundry. Eventually got up the energy for a shower and off we went.

A trip to the nursery for the first few signs of colour. We picked up a few hanging pots ready to pretty up the driveway and a few plants to go in the ground. I think this year i’m going to try and grow a few veggies again, last year was a bit of a bust!

Bear decided to surprise me with lunch out. A place we go to from time to time and lunch always fills me up for the day and evening! A few veggies to snack on tonight and we will call it a day! *giggle*

Just getting ready to head out with the dogs, walk off some of those extras from lunch time …. i’m still a bit tired and not at 100% so it might not be too long a walk but i’ll try. Maybe when we get back i’ll get those plants in the ground.

I like my garden, it makes me smile. Bear likes my smile.

For most hours of the day my D/s life isn’t much different than anyone else’s.

I have been making myself known lately and He has been responding in kind. The flow of energy is back where we like it.

It’s a good day to be me …. *wink*

Well now ….

I’ve been looking at this all wrong.

Trying so hard to be submissive not pushy … and i have started looking around. I have been looking at sites that document ‘submissives’ and ‘slaves’ as they find their way through the process.

Guess what i found?

Being me and doing/starting stuff is not un-submissive ….. it’s actually what everyone else is trying to figure out how to do.

This is a very simplified version of what needs to be done but of course that’s what i do. I take issues and make them ‘easy’. Manageable …

Turns out the best way for me to excel at being D/s, M/s is to simply be me ….

How about that …. i’ve been doing it all wrong all along. I should just be me! 😉 LoL

Communication, learning styles and getting physical!

There is a really stark difference between the way i learn and communicate and the way Bear does. I have learned this over the last 7 years mainly, it’s certainly one of the things we got out of starting D/s.

Although we’ve always had a great relationship it never occurred to me before that i could count on Him to not only help but at times simply ‘do’. I’m not one to count on anyone so the idea was very foreign to me, kind of still is! *chuckle* I’m getting through it and i’m learning to count on Him but i do still get tangled up at times, in my head mainly but also physically these days!

You see we both know how to communicate with words obviously but as far as ‘learning’, I learn through words and reading/writing … but Bear learns through actions and doing!

I can read and visualize, internalize and then problem solve. Naturally that’s also the way i default to, to teach/explain. When i’m tired and down on energy i go into ‘auto mode’ like most of us do i would think. This is when i need Him to take the reigns the most but this is also the time i negate to communicate the way He needs most.

Kind of doubles an issue that really shouldn’t even be one, but we are all human aren’t we and stress and exhaustion will cause issues no matter how connected and committed you are.

I can ‘tell’ Him what i need till i’m blue in the face but the fact is that it really never registers when i do it that way. It’s the way His is, it’s how He’s wired. Doesn’t really make much sense to get frustrated or upset by it. Especially now that i know this! LoL

If i need or want His attention i simply need to position myself accordingly, physically. This is why all the posturing and rituals work well for the Bear. The second i do that He automatically starts whatever it is i need, instinctively it seems. Seems simple enough, wouldn’t you say?

The problem is when i’m ‘down’ and lacking energy i lack the motivation to put myself into those positions. I lack the energy to start! I get stuck in my head and there i stay … words, thoughts, ideas whirl around and next thing you know it’s bed time!

So this is where we’ve been stuck for a while and of course all it does is lessen the spark i need to continue on. The more time i spend inside my head the less i want to be ‘out’! *chuckle* Add this darn cold that has me run down and i really have no umph ….

I over did it this weekend with yard work, my cold is back with a vengeance, not that it went anywhere but now i’m having a hard time breathing too! No oxygen means no energy to a body that was already depleted. *chuckle*

Never a dull moment around these parts.

As much as i don’t have the energy to do anything physical right now i also have no reserves left not to! So sometime soon, when He next touches me or stands before me i am going to take the opportunity to submit. However i can and in whatever position is appropriate, physically …. Sometimes my submission is more forced (by myself) than natural perhaps but that’s okay!

There is no doubt in my mind that this post might not kick start whatever it is i need *chuckle* but when He sees me in a position He recognizes, He will pick me up and take the weight off my shoulders. Submission needs to be done in a way that works for Him, otherwise it’s just me imposing my will, not yielding to His.

Happy Monday!! ❤

Today – personal post

I’ve been frustrated lately, bordering on angry.

Maybe more than bordering.

I haven’t been feeling very well and now a virus to boot!

We’ve got plans for tonight, friend’s anniversary party and i don’t feel much like going.

I have wanted less and less to do with socializing lately. I feel like it’s more of a chore again than ‘fun’. Not sure why that is, could be peri-menopause, could just be that i’ve had enough for now and need a break from it.

Could be that i’m not getting any ‘respite’ and so i haven’t got the energy to keep going.

My mind is cluttered, it never stops. There is no room left for fun and games. No room for patience either TBH.

I’m working full time right now which doesn’t allow for ‘tasks’ or rituals during the day hours. He is not doing anything when it comes to ‘rituals’ in the evenings either.

There are physical manifestations of His dominance from Him, don’t get me wrong, He is trying to keep the energy. He’s not including ME physically though and as a result i’m moving further and further away from responding.

So i’m getting frustrated …. just because i’m submissive to Him doesn’t mean i don’t get angry.

I get that no one can be ‘on’ all the time but i’m too tired to be the one starting this time.

I’m very good at feeding His DOM and i know that’s important but right now i haven’t got that spark left inside of me. This has been going on for a long while and i’m on empty again i guess you could say.

May is mental health month and BDSM and sex helps my mental health. I know that’s not an unusual concept!

He’s not used to me being quiet and reserved but my ‘bunny’ has gone to bed. I don’t feel good (physically) and i haven’t the energy to be ‘happy’. I am still trying my best to be actively submissive.

Best I can do right now is keep my commentary to myself. I have a wicked and dark sense of humour. I’m witty, quick and mean.  Conversations around the dinner table have been interesting lately, the boys are just as wicked! LoL I guess we all need to blow off some steam, good thing no one else can hear us! 😛

I’m naturally introverted and i like being alone. All in all i’m not looking forward to going out tonight. For extroverts being out and socializing energizes them, for introverts it depletes us. It’s not that i’m worried or anxious, i just don’t ‘like’ it.

Normally i tap into ‘bunny’ and i practically do hop around and wiggle every where i go, but like i said, bunny is asleep. I haven’t the right energy to enjoy being out right now and i feel like h3ll.

TAG Sir ….. it’s your turn.

*** writing things out always gets them out of my head. No need to commiserate with me, no worries.

Time for some tylenol because my fever is back and a workout, that always helps too! 😉

*** Oh right, i wrote this because i was frazzled and decided to sit on the floor to ‘ground’ myself. It worked, all this came out and now i have the ‘feel’ at least of being at His feet.

… perhaps the workout should wait til the tylenol kicks in or ….