Re-Blog: A submissive’s rules and their purpose — Musings of a Chaotic Mind

Not every D/s relationship actually deals with real discipline. Not every submissive wants or needs to be told to go to bed on time and eat three meals a day. The rules you have between a Dom and sub (or any variety of top and bottom) have to be accepted on both sides. A submissive […]

via A submissive’s rules and their purpose — Musings of a Chaotic Mind

As I wrote just a few days ago, we are ‘upping the ante‘ around here now that things have settled down. Part of that is implementing some rules and rituals that we are going to try to use more often out of the bedroom, hopefully not triggering any behaviours in the boys like last time!

I ran across this post and it’s a very well written and timely reminder of how to go about setting those things in place.

The part on arbitrary rules and how the author uses them to communicate feelings and needs when they can’t ‘speak’ them out loud is just wonderful. I thought it might be very helpful for those who also have a hard time communicating when times get complicated and feelings get on high alert!

Do check it out, Happy Saturday! ❤

My lucky day????

Akismet has protected your site from 6,666 spam comments already.

All these 6’s, maybe you should buy a lottery card, Sir!?!? *wink*

Just having some fun, hope you are all having a great day! *smiles* There isn’t much I can’t turn into a ‘good time’! 😛

The little things, some … wicked!

I keep saying that this relationship is so much more than sex and kink and there is no doubt in my mind many of you agree. Some times the sex and kink need to take a back seat to life and responsibility. As much as we miss having a kinky romp day in and day out we still feel a deep connection to each other. That said …..

We sat around last night and shopped for toys!! Yays! It has been a long time since we have had a chance to do that. Toys and kink in general has not really been at the forefront of our minds for a while. The situation at home didn’t allow alone time or liberties. The consequence to others of flirting and flaunting our kinky side was just much to great, and so it took a back seat, quiet and … mostly patient! *wink*

That’s not to say we had no play time, just much quieter and shorter than usual and anything out side of the bedroom was very, very subtle.

Things are straightening themselves out and the mental health of the boys is very stable and strong. All the emergencies are currently handled and we have a mental moment of peace.

So ……. *giggle* we have begun to take some liberties and with that comes a renewed interest in toys! So we did it, last night we ordered something new!

It has been such a long time that this type of excitement has been possible that i actually forgot about it!  It wasn’t until my 3rd cup of coffee that the thought hit me, WE ARE GETTING A NEW TOY! *grin*

Sounds silly to write a whole post on this i know but it’s much more than just a new toy. It’s about a refresh in our kink and a new chance to be ‘with’ each other again. It means we have the mental ‘okay’ to start to focus on sex and kink! Finally, without guilt or worry about what might happen and who might get hurt.

I’m not sure if i’m explaining this well but it means the chaos of life is settling down, that we can afford to think on kink!

No, it’s not the be all and end all – but here it means that a huge weight is lifting!

Happy Wicked Wednesday! 😉



Upping the ante

Things around here are pretty crazy lately. Very busy and full of ups and downs to make your head spin, so what does Sir decide to do?

Up the ante! *chuckle*

He has added, or mainly re-instituted things that we have used in the past but have been pushed aside due to time and energy restrictions. Now He has decided to bring them back to the surface. Now that things are ‘bonkers’ in my day-to-day!

You’d think this would just add stress and frustration, wouldn’t you? But it doesn’t … It actually adds some meaning and reason to life outside of the stressful events that plague us. It gives me a moment of ‘mental rest’ from the ‘everything else’ that needs my attention.

My leg is not quite well enough yet that I can kneel on it for any length of time but I do find myself day dreaming of kneeling quietly at His feet in the peace and serenity that comes from letting go and being His.

At your service Sir, gladly! ❤


Note to ‘self’, or in this case, Sir! *wink*

We had a wonderful Friday night, a very long day but a good one!

We got to go to a concert and watched my favourite band of all time. Well, a cover of them but a really good one celebrating 30 years!!

I got to wear my showy collar out!!! *grin* That was the first time that Sir has let me, I am pretty happy about that. I wore it like it was always there, no worry of even a second thought to what anyone would think actually. I really didn’t have a care in the world over it. It is a style that I embraced long before D/s anyway.


Good thing I wasn’t worried about it because they ended up having metal detectors on the way in! Whoa ??? *giggle*

It went off so I motioned to the collar, he said that’s fine but I had to move over a bit so they could use the wand to scan me, NOT that wand!!! Naughty readers …. 😛

All I could think afterwards was good thing I wasn’t ‘wearing’ anything else made of metal! *wink* That might have been a bit awkward!

Sir figured I had enough to deal with in trying to keep my scratch safe and from creating further damage so He opted for not having additional ‘jewelry’.

Mental note is that if we go out again and want to remain undetected it is best to remember to stick to glass …. *chuckle*

This concludes your public service announcements!

Happy Monday!!

Time and change – continued

I wrote a bit of how this journey of BDSM started for me, in my mind and what I needed for my body. If you haven’t, please catch up with part 1 here . I was going to leave it as stand alone but i decided i needed to add some to really make it understood from ‘my’ perspective.


Eventually it became clear to me that the way I needed the play was more along the lines of self harm than it was healthy and productive. *gasp*

The truth is that I was on a mission to take myself to the brink, and maybe just a bit beyond. There really was no satisfaction is playing like that outside of the same calm and satisfaction I got/get when I’m over doing it and basically hurting myself. *gasp again* I know, many might disagree but I know myself and my brain well. I know the truth that would be very, very easy to hide or deny.


Remember when I said the goal was not to move or make a sound? That was the same goal I had growing up, my father never once saw me flinch or cry ……. the energy i was tapping into was very similar, NOT what i wanted.

It wasn’t about a need or enjoyment, it was proving i could survive. That’s a very different beast.


The truth is that I hate bruises ….. in know, i know …. *gasp* that’s like ‘sacrilegious’ for a masochist to say isn’t it???

I like the impact, i like the feel, and i like having something to look at when i’m just freshly done playing. Something to ponder and remember ‘when i got that one’. A few remnants the next morning are a nice trigger for a memory of a good time but that’s where it ends.

I don’t want to see the bruises two days down the road, or two weeks. The colours as they get bigger and wider to work themselves out. They are ugly to me, they don’t look nice with my sexy panties or in my short shorts or swimsuit. When I did have them they were not reminders of a good time either, they were very much on the edge of the dark and quiet I can go to when I lose touch with ‘feeling’ at all. Much like the heavy play I was first getting into.

So we made a change ….

The goal changed from how much i could withstand to how much did i actually ‘want’ to experience? Instead of holding on mentally and physically to the very end, I started to simply enjoy where I was at in play no matter how ‘hard or soft’ that play might be. I wasn’t trying to prove survival anymore, I was just trying to relax and above all, enjoy.

We also learned that i could play very hard AND have little to no bruises the next day or two. We learned how to manipulate the situation so that the bruising became deep tissue instead of on the surface and we learned how to use ‘leather butt’ as a method of being able to play extremely hard with almost no lasting marks …. *wink*  As implied, this really only works around the backside and upper leg area, I still haven’t found a way to do that specifically on other parts of the body. I assume it’s because there is simply not enough mass in other areas for me to get to that state. If you have a secret to that, do let us know!!

Instead of needing almost an hour of warm up, up to two hours of heavy play and then a few hours of aftercare and rest, we found we could play and get most of what we wanted out of just a few hours in total. If we do get to playing ‘heavy’ as before, the goal in my soul is now mentally healthy but i know that the ‘day’ will be a write off, I am in such a state that i won’t be doing anything or going anywhere …. just relaxing and ‘floating’. These days are simply not possible right now so…..

What I want now.

Changing the play up has led to where we are now, most times, and to what the Bear finds most appealing about BDSM and impact play in particular.

I started to learn to ‘let go’, move and vocalize …… a whole new way of experiencing freedom is just ahead!

To be continued …..

Time and change

What I wanted,

What I want,

Where I might end up.


What I wanted, 

When I started this journey into BDSM and M/s or D/s or what have you, my way of thinking and looking at masochism and servitude through pain was much different than it is now.

I have read some where in kitten and Sirs site a very similar definition of what it was to serve in pain. If I find the post I’ll ask to link it, but anyway. At first the idea to me was to see how much I ‘could take’. The more I could withstand the better  ‘slave’ or submissive I was. This was all in my head, it was not Sir or His understanding, just me, but it was there.

I was really enjoying NOT enjoying or ‘suffering’ or …… something. I’m not sure how to describe it in a way that won’t take all night. To me more was more and more was never enough. There were a good number of bruises and marks back then, I wanted them and they were very much more ‘my’ need than His.

The goal was always to work the body up slowly but surely to a state that not much was ‘felt’ any longer. The pain threshold was so high that I was never the one to call it quits, the Bear was. He watched my body well and listened to my breathing and words, assuming I could still speak. He decided when enough was enough because it is His job to keep me safe after all. Even in my most deep and dark moments, because they were MY moments.

I don’t think this was ever a need of His, except to fulfill mine. It took a while to come to terms with that. How was I to ‘serve’ and ‘prove’ myself through masochism if not like this and not for Him?

Well the truth is that the ‘dance’ has at least two partners, and both need to have their needs met, even if they are not exactly the same at all times. It took a while to figure out that it was not me being greedy, it was Him fulfilling His job and responsibility towards me. Whao ….. mind blown! 😛 LoL

In all of this really heavy play my goal was to hold still and never make a sound, not really. We would play for and hour and a half to two hours and you would be lucky to hear much, until the end of course. In the end there were always the most delicious impact orgasms. I really never needed any sexual touching of any sort, pain and impact alone were/are some of the most intense moments that I know.

I do also crash to the ground and lose all sensibilities for a while when we play this way as well. So there is that bit and major aftercare to remember. Afterwards my soul seems to fly, I am light and care free, no stress can touch me and I am ready to take on the world no matter what it has to throw at me this time.

This kind of play is hard to come by these days …..

…… it’s also not the only play I have learned to enjoy.

out of time tonight! To Be Continued …..


Time for change

Are you afraid of what you will find?

Are you excited by the prospect and adventure?

I know what my outlook is …. *smirk*


I’ve been writing sightly differently lately to give you an idea of what my ‘hick ups’ and ‘just didn’t quite work out’s’ actually consist of but I admit they feel a lot like whining to me and don’t like the posts one bit.

I wanted to give an idea of what happens to stop our attempts at connecting on a BDSM level and I think I’ve done enough of that.

If you’ve followed along you now know that there is ‘something’ on a daily basis. I’m not exaggerating and it’s not like we don’t try hard enough or have a pessimistic outlook. No, it’s just ‘life’ as I have known it since the beginning of time.

But that’s besides the point ……


So Bear, up for the next adventure this rabbit has thought up!!?!?? *smirk*

Just how much trouble could it be to catch a rabbit with one good leg anyway??? *raspberries* Come on now ….

Fluff and stuff ….

Sitting on a Monday, got my feet up and trying to keep the weight off of my leg. Walking around, working for a couple of hours was enough this morning. The leg is aching but the bleeding has stopped. Still a bit open at the top but it seems to be coming along. With any luck I won’t get a call today and I’ll stay off of it more or less until 3 pm. Yay! That should help some, I’ve been icing it as well to keep the swelling down and using the band aids to pull it together, that seems to be helping too!

Trying to find something to keep me occupied, this sitting around business is not my forte!

I used to be able to talk to the Bear off and on during the day, that was nice, keep Him up to date with how I’m doing and make me feel connected. I guess that’s my biggest issue at the moment.

WP is a real pain in the rear and trying to read it on His cell phone is a real data hog. As a result He hasn’t been reading that way and well ….. we already know how that ended up. He used to read on His lunch or break, it was nice to know He was excited to see what I had to say. Now it kind of feels like I have no reason to post.

I’m sulking a bit I suppose, I got used to being spoiled and having His attention, having that connection and ability to flirt on and off during the day. I got used to being His priority, now I’m feeling a bit lonely.

Sure the messages back and forth had a wait time in between, He would sneak a look when He had a chance and get back to me. There was a bit of excitement in the wait and a lot of excitement when I heard the tone letting me know someone was texting.  Hopefully Bear!

Now there is nothingness.

Bunny …… no …… happy ….. *scrunchy face*

Maybe I’ll use my summer day collar today, the bigger one, at least until work time. Maybe the feel of it will help …. i’d ask Him, but i haven’t been able to reached Him in 3 hours, and it’s only 9:15 am. I guess it’s another busy day for Bear.

Happy Monday!