No, It’s not sweet ….

I can’t do anything without the first and main thought being about how it is going to affect Him ….

I can’t *not* think about Him in every decision i make.

Sounds cute and sweet, i know, but it’s not.

I *can’t* get excited about anything unless He seems pleased and excited too …

Sounds perfect except that He does not say much and His excitement levels are not obvious. He thinks they are, but they are not to me. Not the way I register excitement anyway ….

It’s in everything i do and every move i make. It has been for many, many years now. It’s a bit disturbing actually, psychologically speaking.

No, there is nothing wrong. I was just looking around trying to figure out if i wanted to change things and redecorate a bit and then my mind went straight to ‘what would he like’. even though i know he really doesn’t care too much and He likes everything i do anyway.

Thinking of Him first ‘so much’ tends to complicate things that shouldn’t be complicated. It’s not good enough He likes it, He needs to ‘really like it’ for my brain to be okay with it. See … not so cute after all.

He consumes my every thought ….

I like philosophical and intellectual looks at life and times. If you are out there friend and feel up to it, I do miss our ‘conversations’. I haven’t wanted to tax your mind with emails, or mine with calls. LoL Figures doesn’t it? *chuckle* Can’t be too easy ….

 

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‘Boob’ day!

Verb[edit]

boob (third-person singular simple present boobspresent participle boobingsimple past and past participle boobed)

  1. To behave stupidly; to act like a boob. quotations ▼
  2. (informal, intransitive) To make a mistake

If I understand correctly, Friday is ‘boob’ day! I would say this ‘boob’ is the cutest I could post …. she certainly seems to be mistaken in her size! LoL

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She just fits, don’t you think?? LoL

Happy Friday All! 😉

Rx BDSM

A primal scream releases cortisol.

Cortisol is a stress chemical that reacts with our hormones.

When we release cortisol we feel less stress, our body and mind feels better.

We enjoy BDSM, so ……

Scream my friends! We are not ‘odd’, perhaps we are just ‘better adjusted’! 😉

*** BTW this is fact, not fiction! ***

 

Inner demons

Being shackled in His chains helps me to control the demons I have had to cage inside.

The tighter He binds me, the less the demons can over take my mind.

The stronger His control over my body, the stronger my control over my mind.

His chains give me shelter, they provide me with rest,

So that i might fight another day.

That’s my reason for bondage,

That’s my BDSM.

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*** inspired by reading The Lonely Author ***

 

 

A time and place

After reading something this morning and then going about my business, getting things straightened around and clean I realized that I have been lying to you all. Well sort of, and not on purpose but I don’t think the entire picture is very clear!

As I was walking around doing things that needed doing and humming about I was thinking how delicious it would be to be ‘of service’ *wink* for the Bear. I’m feeling pretty good and pretty balanced and I know He has been working hard both at home and at work. I know that He is tired at the end of the day but still has some stress to work out, who doesn’t, right?

So it would be just wonderful to be His, just for Him without having to worry about me. Not that He wouldn’t be attentive and worry anyway, He’s not like that, but I think you might know what I’m getting at. Make the evening just for Him! No thought or worry about my orgasms, just Him ….

Then it occurred to me. If you’ve been reading my posts on chastity and denial you’d likely think that is NOT something I would ever want. I’ve only really been touching on half of the story.

I think the difference is the wording and intent behind the action. The timing is also very important to make things ‘right’ in this for us.

Firstly, the intent is never to deny me after purposefully edging. The intent is never to deny me at all. I think of it more as taking turns, not denial or chastity. I’m not saying that I’m not at all turned on, something about watching the primal force that comes over Him and watching Him enjoy Himself is very appealing, but my focus is just simply not on me at all. Not at the beginning or the middle, or the end. My focus is always on Him so I don’t feel denied.  Quite the contrary, I feel very content and well used and owned, but happy!

The second thing to take into consideration is timing. When life is stressful and I’m already wired and tense is NOT the time to do this. When the balance is not right within me I just haven’t got it to give, mentally or emotionally. When I’m in need of my own release because life is already stressful enough the last thing I want is to be denied.

So yes as I’m humming about the house before my work day starts, and I’m day dreaming about being His play thing, it occurred to me that it’s not about the orgasms or the denial. It’s about your perspective AND it’s about the right time and place.

Now just don’t tell the Bear! I want to surprise Him with an offer for some stress relief tonight! *wink*

Before and After D/s

I’ve got some time on my hands, the weather is crappy and my body aches. Not that sexy ache, the OMG someone put me out of my misery ache! *chuckle* Much different!

I’m trying not to do too much but there are still a few rules in place that need to be followed. One is about cleaning and tidying the kitchen. I hate a messy kitchen so the rule really was more a need of mine than a want of His, but it is a rule now regardless of how it came about. If things get to be too much I can speak up and He will decide what to do, or not do for the day but that rarely if ever happens. It just bothers me that much!

So it got me to thinking of before and after …… the way things get done is the same, although i was starting to slack off some on days and then feeling terrible about seeing it a mess when He got home later! UGH But anyway, before and after!

Before the kitchen would be clean (mostly) and it was nothing but a chore. It took a lot out of me some days, it was a pain, really! On bad days just trying to get that done will be enough to exhaust me, needless to say i do not look forward to it. Or didn’t ….

After, I look at the kitchen and I can’t wait to get on with it! After the kids have been fed and the morning well on its way of course. I’m a bit obsessive so everything needs to be just so, show room ready! I don’t enjoy it exactly but I do look forward to having Him see what a good job has been done!

I look forward because of knowing that He is paying attention, I know it will get noticed. I know He will see that I did it for Him as well as me, to please so that He can have a nice and enjoyable home to come to at the end of a long day. I know He knows it can be hard on me, I know He knows that I am waiting for Him to say ‘good girl’ in some way or another.

Being acknowledged and appreciated for even the most mundane of things. Being seen.

Then I remember to make sure He knows He is seen by me, too!

 

Sharing ideas

This has never been a forte of mine, here on the blog.

I have no problem giving more details or sharing more details when talking to someone. It’s not that I’m against sharing ideas, i just never feel they are relevant or required here on the blog i guess.

I don’t share sex stories and i don’t read sex stories (in case anyone ever wondered why i may comment on some of your blog posts but not some others!) To us those things of ours are private and to be kept private. That is our preference, i’m not judging others i’m just doing my blog, my way.

I will give technical details if asked, i will share experiences that might help someone else learn or understand but anything else is just ours. I hope that makes sense.

What I can share are the nonsexual things we have done to keep the dynamic flowing. This particular tidbit just came to mind to perhaps spur on the imagination of some others! *wink*

One of the things we have used as part of the bedtime routine was a collar with D ring and leash ….. it can be done in a very quiet but sensual way. The collar first can be put on as quickly (on those days that you just can’t do more) or slowly and sensualy as your day permits.  The leash easily attached, again as playful or simply as you like, and can vary day-to-day!

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The leash is easily unhooked allowing for safety always. In the middle of the night should something happen you do not want to be fighting with getting free!

The click of the leash being so close to your body almost seems to run right through you and it triggers a serious submissive mindset for me. An automatic calm starts to flow from head to toe and there is no mistake I belong to Him.

It’s long enough that I can roll from side to side and even sit up and reach the night table for a drink.  I wouldn’t suggest starting out mid-week, it does take a few days to get used to. Once you do, I found it easy to sleep with and any notice of it in the middle of the night just reaffirmed our connection anyway. Made those nights of not being able to sleep a bit more restful regardless.

Now, I do have some serious ‘pet’ tendencies so a collar and leash is no humiliation or issue. I’d run around like that all day long if i could! *giggle*

Hope it inspires some imaginative routines of your own!

 

 

 

Monday Madness

Back to work Monday just like everyone else. I have a certain ‘hop’ in my step as every bunny should! *wink*

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We’ve been taking advantage of any opportunity we can. Sometimes just a few minutes and some times we get lucky and have a bit more fun.

I’m really hoping this time it works out and we can continue …..

For those not long here or perhaps missed it the first time, we had to stop or severely cut back on kink and kinky protocols because it was triggering my youngest son. Even behind closed doors, any noise that could be heard was a trigger.  Needless to say it didn’t leave much that we could do that involved noise or impact.

I’m not quiet and I enjoy a certain level of impact and instruments that are not quiet. We went through a learning curve, trying to come up with quieter alternatives but ….. it’s just not the same.

Anyhow, we are trying to add some more kink and taking some liberties. Still monitoring the noise but we are adding a few things. The intensity is still lower than what i/we would like but at least it’s something!

4374be306cd756776a851cf6e5a0a0e8--sexy-sayings-spank-meI’m also becoming much more forward in what I need from Him. I guess this will just have to run its course and we will see what happens. There is a whole post here in this thought but i’ll pass on it for now.

On another note, He likes to play predator/prey and I have NO prey drive what so ever! LoL I am a total rope bunny however, so I have asked to incorporate tight bondage into that scenario. It will give me something to ‘fight’ against without hurting myself.

Let me explain, The Bear is much larger than i but if we were to get into a physical ‘struggle’ I would likely hurt Him or break an arm or a leg trying to get away. May be part of my mental makeup or it might be remnants of my childhood, likely both. I don’t get subdued, i never give up, never give in …. fight to the death mentality.

So yeah, actually causing hurt is not His intent or my kink.

We’ve tried a few times recently and I just can’t get into it. It feels fake and needless to say we both lose interest very quickly. *shrug*

So that’s my Monday …. still waiting for the day the kids actually leave the house, at the same time and for more than a few minutes! Until then we’ll keep thinking outside the box and sneaking in whatever we can.

Wish us luck that the youngest doesn’t get triggered. It caused me a lot of guilt last time around. That might be part of why I had backed off on ‘asking’ too. A mother’s priority is her kids, not kink.

 

 

Sunday, funday … waiting for the Bear!

Took the test again, Sir! Just to see if anything changed. A few things have but not much. I think the two main changes are 98% switch and only 91% submissive. I’m pretty sure that the results are because I used a 24/7 approach where the questions included vanilla life situations as well. 😀

Old test results are here for anyone interested. Do you check things out like this from time to time just for fun? Or to maybe make you think on how life has changed?

I was mostly interested to see where I sat on the ‘prey’ idea, because i read an interesting account by Kisungura AND because the Bear really likes that scenario but it is not something that comes easy to me. My score on that was only 39%, I think that makes sense. Something to work on if it pleases Him, I will do my best! *wink*

== Results from bdsmtest.org ==
100% Rope bunny
98% Switch
95% Masochist
91% Submissive
89% Degradee
75% Pet
64% Slave
60% Exhibitionist
57% Voyeur
54% Primal (Hunter)
54% Experimentalist
48% Vanilla
39% Primal (Prey)
37% Brat
25% Boy/Girl
4% Dominant
2% Sadist
2% Brat tamer
1% Daddy/Mommy
1% Ageplayer
0% Rigger
0% Degrader
0% Owner
0% Master/Mistress
0% Non-monogamist

The battle, it’s in my brain.

Don’t know if I’m explaining this in a way that makes sense to anyone else but these words are for me. To get them out of my head and to remind myself of what the truth is, for me.

The battle between submissive to Him and being my dominant self is in my head.

The tones of voice are the same. The actions and reactions outwardly look the same. The words chosen are the same ….. the patience, the manners and the acceptance of His decision, all are the same!

I think a comment made just a bit ago on one of my posts says it all. The difference is being a partner and not just along for the ride. Sharing responsibility not just depending on the other to solve it all …

When nothing needs tending or fixing or changing. When nothing needs correcting or reminding or guiding. When nothing is out-of-place ….. and no play time has been had in a while, …. no ‘maintenance’ as they call it.

That’s when my brain starts to wonder. Am I leading? Am I following?  Is He?

Our play time is not just stress relief but it’s also a reminder that He ‘has this’, that He can take on whatever comes next and that I am not alone. It’s a fun and physical way to make that connection. It’s the most basic form and the most effective, for us.

When life steals that from me I have a harder time asking, because that’s when it feels different, that’s when I get unsure. I know the answer, i wrote it. Ask anyway …… it’s just getting past that mental block that’s hard.

But a bunny never stops. So ‘i got over myself’ *wink* and asked anyway.

Being submissive to Him is easy, getting out of my head, now that’s another matter entirely.

** Please don’t give me a bunch of comments about how being submissive is hard work, I get that. My experience is that submitting to the Bear has never been a problem. That is not where ‘my’ battle lies.**