Just one more day to go!

The last few days the Bear has been rubbing my body and helping me relax for quite some time every night. Last night I was surprised with the much larger and obvious collar to sleep in, it was a bit to get used to but had a nice relaxing and calming effect. 

I find myself moving back towards crawling towards Him, rubbing against Him and just settling back into the passenger side of this ride, it’s truly heavenly!

My sleep is still broken but better and my dreams are turning towards serving and pleasing my Sir.

Most of those things dreamt will have to wait πŸ˜‰ the house is much too busy still but it is fun to fantasize! Hurry up 5:30 …. πŸ˜€

Thank you for bringing me back to myself!

Love You Always Sir ❀

Not feeling it

Lately I feel like I’m walking in the middle of the road – I don’t like it!

As someone pointed out feelings are flighty and subject to change at any time, let’s hope that holds true!

Currently I feel like a grape, waiting …..

I need to know which side you want me to walk on.

You know what the worst part is? Throw out the kink and there would be no question ….

Hurry up Friday!

I’ve been in a bit of a trance lately, but not a submissive one, a dominant one! There are things in life that fall squarely in my court and many of them are happening now! I always have Sir’s support and if in doubt He still gets last say but it is very rare that I am in doubt of what needs doing and how.

I’ve been having a difficult time sleeping, most nights are broken sleep at best, normally I roll around a few hours each time. I’ve never been a good sleeper and my physical state is not helping one bit.

I’ve been having strange dreams when I do sleep, dreams about my grandmother, she passed away last July. Some are just random, some are reliving one of two specific situations, I’m not sure why. I seem to be taking inventory of all my mistakes of the past ….. who knows why? *shrug*

One night after finally falling asleep in the wee hours of the morning I dreamt that Sir removed my cuffs …. they don’t come off. Humm ….

On Friday I’m starting my holidays, I’m hoping to be able to bump up the structure and ritualistic acts of submission to get me out of my head and provide some respite! The things requiring my attention should be all squared away by then, here’s hoping!

Time to get an ice pack! Happy Tuesday! πŸ˜€

Kinky or not kinky?

More questions, or part of …..

“…hearing about what first got you into this lifestyle would be good…did you always know you were a little kinky? πŸ™‚

Does sex on a pool table count as kinky or is it simply sex in a ‘different’ kind of place?

Does it matter if that table is in a pool hall ….?!?!

I did have some pretty sharp claws and I have always been a biter. Does that make it kinky?

On the bar was the first time with Sir but I couldn’t reach anything to bite or scratch! πŸ˜‰ LOL

What say you?!?


Reader Question ….

“I’ll admit to have yet to go thru all your archived posts, however, I’m always interested in hearing how people lost their virginity and the evolution of their sexuality, even prior to that.
If you’ve done such a blog, PLS let me know the link.”

Well! lol This might be a bit of a long post and might not be exactly what you would expect from little old me! πŸ˜‰ In a nut shell, my first time with sexual intercourse was completely planned and really held no emotional significance to me what so ever. Yup, it’s true ….

Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t promiscuous or anything like that, I haven’t had a variety of partners (if you do that’s your prerogative, I didn’t) and I was actually engaged to the guy at the time. Obviously that didn’t work out ….

I have always been very aware of my sexuality and I never did buy in to the idea that men were studs for embracing theirs and woman were whores! Sorry, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander! Again, I don’t believe in promiscuity but with my own husband, darn straight I’m going to enjoy myself and be proud to.

Anyway, I was engaged and we obviously decided not to wait mostly because I was curious and viewed it as very much a science experiment. I had read and researched all sorts of biology books (no not porn) and knew pretty much all there was to know scientifically speaking but one never really knows the feel of something until you do it, do you? It wasn’t a bad experience and I had no onset of emotion or guilt or anything like that. I did end up a bit perplexed when he commented that if he hadn’t known better he would not have guessed it was my first time (besides the obvious bleeding) because I ‘actually moved and made noises, didn’t just lay there’. I couldn’t understand why one wouldn’t ‘get into it’, what would be the point otherwise?!?! That was the first time I realized I might be just a bit different at this than most.

I have posted before about my lack of ’emotion’ when it came to the world, due to my past and all of this happened in that time period. I had accepted the engagement because I really never thought life would be any more than a hollow shell for me. He was a nice guy, treated me like a queen and did provide a sense of safety that I had never seen anywhere else in my life. A lot of the self harm issues were coming to an end around now and a lot of growth was going on within me, I was 18, so I did eventually decide I would rather be alone than numb so I broke it off.

What I didn’t realize until many years later (like just recently) was that my favourite part about the first time was the pain! So I guess masochist has been part of me from the beginning.

Not much happened after that until I met my husband and Sir πŸ˜€ I had done my experiment now I was waiting for the right one, although before I met Him I had decided it would never happen. I had very much resigned myself to the idea of being alone! Until along came the Bear ……

I told you D/s turned me into a girl, well the Bear turned me into a girl long before D/s! I’ve never let anyone inside my world before and 43 years later (on this Earth, not married years! lol) I still have no need to let anyone else get close, outside of my boys of course.

Not sure if that answers your question, it doesn’t really answer the evolution but certainly the loss of virginity. I have never really had many ‘hard limits’ and assuming it’s safe I’m normally game to try most things once! πŸ˜‰ What are my limits you’ll ask …. condensed version is:

No sharing

No ‘showers’ of any sort

No cutting/blood (triggers)

No fire/burning (triggers)

I think that’s enough openness for one day! πŸ˜‰

Happy Friday All!

A picture says ….

Sir has taken to photographs lately, mostly at my request but He has indulged me and I think He is enjoying it. I will admit the photos I like are much different than the ones He does!!! πŸ˜›

I have never been one to be overly comfortable with being in pictures but over the years the very few I have seen didn’t turn out too badly, the ones I am seeing now however …..

Not too shabby for someone my age with two teenage kids! LOL Heck, not too shabby at any age I think! πŸ˜€

Thank you for indulging me Sir, I have never been ashamed of my body exactly but I never thought I would feel this good! πŸ˜‰

Love You Always! ❀

I’m still dominant

When we first started with D/s and trying to understand what and how we would go about it my husband was very unsure. I am and always have been a dominant personality so to try to understand how or why I would want a dominant myself was really an interesting contradiction.

I don’t mean domineering or what you would consider a ‘vanilla nagging wife’. I mean dominant, all the same qualities that you look for in your own Dom/Sir/Master/Mistress. I still have those qualities, they haven’t changed and I use that part of me all the time. It’s also why I have very high standards of my own dominant, I have been told that is unfair in the past and that my husband should lead simply because it’s His right, because that’s what we decided …. yeah that doesn’t fly here. I wish submissives out there, especially single or looking ones would use these standards too but that is another post entirely!

Anyhow back to why this appealed to me outside of the sex of course, we’ve covered that as far as I’m willing to go! πŸ˜‰ But why move into a 24/7 relationship and not just play kinky on the weekend?

Well the answer came to me by way of a song, that’s not unusual, music has been important to me since day one, it has always given me the words when I didn’t have them or at the very least the ‘feel’ …

I listened to every word carefully and I knew that’s what Sir has been saying to me since the beginning even if He didn’t have the words either. So I played it for Him and I asked Him. I told Him my idea of a dominant, my need was to have someone who wanted it all, and who then would pick me back up and put me back together …. because I started packing it up by the age of 4, the armor came around age 8 and taking care of those around me ever since left no room for my baggage. I needed someone as strong and as secure as me, I needed someone to do for me what I do for everyone else.

So I asked Him to listen and I asked Him to answer truthfully, and I said my idea of a dominant is much more about this than any kink or protocol. We could work on all of that! πŸ˜‰ Do you still want it all Sir?

Meet me where the sunlight ends
Meet me where the truth never bends
Bring all that you’re scared to defend

And lay it down when you walk through my door
Throw all of it out on the floor
Your sorrow, your beauty, your war
I want it all, I want it all

Bring your secrets, bring your scars
Bring your glory, all you are
Bring your daylight, bring your dark
Share your silence
And unpack your heart

Show me something the rest never seen
Give me all that you hope to receive
Your deepest regret dies with me

The days when you stumble and fall
The days when you grind to a crawl
The treasure that hides behind your walls
I want it all, yeah I want it all

Bring your secrets, bring your scars
Bring your glory, all you are
Bring your daylight, bring your dark
Share your silence
And unpack your heart
Then unpack your heart

Oh, I’m on your side
So shed your shadow
And watch it rise

Oh, I’m on your side
So shed your shadow
And watch it rise
Into your darkness
I’ll shine a light

Bring your secrets, bring your scars
Bring your glory, all you are
Bring your daylight, bring your dark
Share your silence

Bring your honor, bring your shame
All your madness, I will tame
Won’t you lay down, down your guard
Share your silence
And unpack your heart

Written by Derek Fuhrmann, Gregg Wattenberg, Todd Clark, Phillip Phillips β€’ Copyright Β© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group, Downtown Music Publishing
When I kneel for him all that pressure of the world goes away, even just for a little while. I can exhale because come what may He’s got me. Yes I’m still dominant but I’m also his ‘little girl’. πŸ˜€
The titles, pictures and crazy stories of red rooms was not what made Him want to own me, this idea was though! Being responsible for me is what drives Him, the kink is the icing on the cake! πŸ˜‰
Happy Hump Day!
Love You Always my Wonderful Sir ❀