Month: July 2019

Musing -on nakedness

If and when the house is ever our own …. i don’t think that being ‘made’ to run around naked all day, everyday would be very ‘submissive making’ to me.

I find that ‘naked’ is a very easy and natural state for me. I hate having to wear under garments TBH and when i am working or when the boys are out of their rooms, *chuckle* the first thing i want to do when i’m able is to shed them!

If it’s cold than clothing is something i want but a warm furry blanket is just as well if you ask me. Even better to be truthful because i just love the feel of fur on my skin. Just fake fur, i don’t subscribe to killing things for their ‘coats’. The synthetics now are so convincing there really is no point to it.

No, i think that being made to wear things is more ‘sub making’ than to not … especially if those things are leather or chain, tight and obvious. Yup, i think that would be much more effective. *smiles*

Ciao!

What’s in a name …. a re-blog for anyone new-ish and wondering!

I’ve been asked a few times over the years what does nijntje mean. I was just asked again and so I thought I’d write it out and give a little more explanation as to why we went this way.

nijntje – *9 – cha* is a Dutch term commonly used as an endearment, literally translated it means ‘little rabbit’

When we first started down this road and were looking for information and a community to learn from it seemed that everyone had a name. It hadn’t been something that occurred to us before finding the chat site but afterwards it made sense. It was an easy way to know when “Sir” was addressing me and when Hubby was instead. At first with the introduction of the labels we had decided to ‘play’ on weekends because that was when we had more time to concentrate and learn our roles. It wasn’t that I was opposed to doing it full-time it was just less stress, but should Sir want me during the week then the name would be a dead give away. Most of what we incorporated with these labels was kink and sex at the time, I guess that was the part of the ‘dynamic’ we hadn’t naturally figured out on our own.

We had dedicated a good amount of time to that site and it very quickly became obvious that we were working backwards from the typical couple on the site. Most were bedroom D/s and working on bringing it out. We were out of the bedroom and working on the kink …. even though we hadn’t realized that our relationship had a ‘name’! *chuckle*

Anyway, it very quickly became that I only ever called Him ‘Sir’ – weekends, weekdays, it didn’t much matter. The more I used Sir the more He began using nijntje and eventually it was decided that one – we liked it that way, it fit very nicely and two – our given names would actually become like ‘safe words’ of a sort. Basically if one of us was slipping into ‘vanilla’ land, getting snippy or irritated, not listening or simply not behaving in any one of the things we had discussed and wanted to work on, the other would use the given name in order to quickly and easily bring attention to it. It also meant that communicating this around others was no problem, no one would blink because we used our own names!

side note – Sir doesn’t want me to use Sir around others unless it flows easily like ‘yes Sir’ for example would be fine but calling out “Sir” across the room to get His attention would be odd around others, that’s when I use Mr. ____ instead, of course we have evolved to use Bear quite often now a days.

So that’s it, nijntje was picked because it was culturally appropriate and as a reminder, Bear didn’t come along until a while later. I started using Bear when all the walls crumbled and the trust reached 100%, no safety gear, no net ….

Love You Always Bear! ❤

Think fast, rabbit!

One of the ‘fun’ things about trying to do D/s with others (kids) in the house is that sometimes you get caught with your proverbial pants down!

One of the rules Bear has for me is about panties and ‘jewelry’ when i am not working. If you want more details you can read kinky orders – more than just sex and in for a penny, in for a pound.  Details are all there, or as detailed as i get anyway!! LoL

Now this all sounds great but the reality is i don’t want to ruin my clothing by over scrubbing or my furniture with coconut oil. When possible i will lift my dress and sit on a towel.

Well, the other day i had left the towel on the couch because of course life gets busy and things need doing. Towels was not the first thing on my mind. If i know i’m off to do something i will grab the towel and put it away, but sometimes you simply get interrupted.

My oldest comes into the family room and is getting ready to sit, where i had been earlier, and notices the towel on the seat.

“Ummm, why is there a towel on the couch”?

Yikes … time to think fast! “Oh, the cat was inside, she likes to sit there so i put it down just in case. She’s back outside now though, so you can take it off”.

“Oh, okay …”

Crisis averted! 😉 It helps that most of that story is true, the cat(s) do come inside and we do put things down to keep the furniture from getting wrecked, it just wasn’t the case THIS time! LoL

Don’t find that in most M/s manuals, do you?? *chuckle*

 

Peri-menopause, sex, D/s and where it all began!

Seems things are coming back around, i’m not sure, it could just be that i’ve got some extra time these days and/or that i made my ‘resolution‘ and i’ve been sticking to it, or that mental health for everyone seems to be ‘ok’ and we are taking liberties  …. BUT it seems my sex drive is back into high gear! *chuckle*

In the beginning of our journey i’m going to have to say that this ‘journey’ into menopause had a lot to do with why we started this in the first place.

  • increase sex drive
  • decrease ‘giving a cr@p’
  • decrease verbal ‘filter’
  • increase feelings of ‘why am i ‘settling’ instead of getting what i need and want’??

And BOOM! A revelation, i enjoy kink and i’m not waiting any longer! *raspberries* I’m not the type to not act on what i want but the responsibilities of life up until then had been such that me and sex and selfcare had always taken a back seat.

Like most of us, i spent my time taking care of my kids, my husband, my extended family, my job … EVERYTHING but me. I didn’t honestly realize how much i was carrying and how exhausting it was becoming until one day it all just sort of came together.

Unlike those who found D/s or M/s because they wanted to pay more attention and care to their S.O. i actually found D/s so that more care could be put towards ME!

This might not be the way marriage is looked at by all but to me it’s no different than married D/s if you take away the kinky bits.

I remember sometime ago talking to a friend who is also into the lifestyle and at one point through the conversation (we were new to the scene) he mentioned that i needed to remember to think of Bear in my plans and ideas. I was thinking on vacationing and such and he mentioned that i should strive to include things that the Bear might like as well.

I found it a bit odd truthfully and a bit confusing at first. Since the day we met my first concern has always been to make sure we were doing things that He too would like and in a way that would please Him. The Bear has always been my first thought before planning and doing anything …. why would i need to ‘remember’ that?

Then it occurred to me, that’s not the ‘normal’ way of it. I started to notice then how many couples around me never really gave their partner much thought when they were planning or doing things. I started to notice that most actions were ‘me first’ and the rest later.

My experience had always been the opposite. But now i’ve gotten way off topic!! LoL

ANYHOW – with peri-menopause came a huge increase in sex drive and a huge decrease in self denial. For a very long time sex was the main thing on my mind, i swear i was like a horny teenage boy, one track mind and no intention of trying to think about anything else! *chuckle* Fun times indeed!

After a while things started to normalize (darn) but i’m noticing another *change* because that happens often with the menoBeast. Physical issues/symptoms are changing and so is my drive. It’s not that i’ve ever had a low libido but when it ramps up, look out!

The timing is good as far as other responsibilities are concerned and i’m enjoying as much as i can. I’ve embraced putting myself out there and just ‘doing’ and Bear has embraced giving me tasks and things to ‘remember Him by’. There are still things i’d like to experience but i don’t feel like i’m missing anything right now.

Life is still full of responsibility and interruption but we’re making the best of any free moment and we’re just enjoying our life and our dynamic. And the sex has been pretty damn good too!! LoL

Probably not what you’re used to reading when you search D/s but there you have it!

Bear went and got poison ivy again …. seems i must be immune! Or just very good at some how avoiding all His spots …. *chuckle*

❤ n

Monday morning(s)

I’m having my coffee and watching the news with a distinctive *cling* now and again.

The metal on my cuffs is crashing up against my porcelain of my cup. It’s warm enough that i have a bit of a hot sweaty feeling around my wrists, ankles and neck … *smiles*

There is no way i don’t notice the feeling, no way i don’t feel Him with me even though He’s back to work.

In about 20 minutes time i need to go and wake the kids so i’m enjoying whatever few minutes i have left. I’ll have to go get properly dressed (!LoL) and put the cuffs and collar away, replace them with the much more subtle ones i wear daily.

This morning He wanted me to know He’s still here, so this morning He left me His command.

No, it’s not the story book version of a power exchange, but it’s real and it works for us.

Happy Monday! ❤

let me count the ways

Not all of the ways He dominates are obvious or intense. Some of the most poignant are, i think, very obscure to most, benign almost.

The weather is warm and my clothing shows that, and my shoulders are bare.

My hair is more than shoulder length now, longer than i have ever had it in my life really. It has a wavy texture and a slight curl on the ends, it’s very fine.

Not me, but it almost could be! *wink*

It rubs up against my shoulders and back with every move when i am wearing it down. Every rub reminds me that it’s this length because HE chose it. I am this way because He chose it. 

It might not seem like intense play, but in my mind …. it is!

(I like having it like this, now … don’t get me wrong, it’s just not likely anything i would have ever managed on my own. For myself.)

Today …

Today, i’m not really feeling submissive. It’s okay, i don’t think it’s a big deal really, i think that’s the way real life goes for some of us.

I have lots to do around here and ‘mental health fires’ to put out and manage. Plans need to be made and steps going forward need to be thought through and put into action.

I have things and people to take control for and lead. Does that sound like a ‘submissive’ mind space to you? *chuckle*

Just because i’m a take charge kind of person and i have lots of responsibilities on my shoulders doesn’t mean i can’t still be submissive to Him. It just means i’m wearing a different shirt right now. *wink*

Just because i’m His submissive doesn’t mean i can’t take charge in other areas as well, it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing and it doesn’t make it any less committed or connected. It just means we both know how to adapt and move forward in a way that best suits us and the people dependent on us.

So no, right now i’m not in any sort of submissive space, but once He’s home ….  then i can drop the armor and be His once more.

Balance.

I like taking charge, i also like being His …. maybe i’m greedy but i’ll take both, thank you! *wink*

 

Just once

I don’t fit in, i never have and that’s okay, truly.

I have no intention of fitting in or trying to be someone else’s idea of a …. whatever.

I can’t deny though, that just once it would be nice to find someone else, like me. Like me here, in ‘sub’ land so i could have a conversation and maybe compare notes.

Is that too much to ask … ???

 

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Toys

Like many of you we are in the middle of a heatwave. I should be outside taking care of some gardening, we had a big change to the yard recently and an area that was very shaded before is now full sun. Any of you gardeners out there know what a chore that is, to change things around!

But that heat and humidity is keeping these bones inside for now. One big rule around here is that i’m not to ‘over do it’ as the Bear likes to say and He’s already made it a point of saying it again this morning, twice!

So since i’m on the topic of toys …. *grin* I thought i’d talk about another one of our new purchases. This flogger is the furry one i was talking about last time, i thought i’d give you all a better view. i really am enjoying it!

The other is our ‘rug beater’, not a toy to be taken lightly! Our quest to find toys that were impactful but quiet has lead to this one. It has quickly become a favourite for Bear!! UGH

It doesn’t seem heavy and is very easy to swing ….. or so Bear seems to think so, it’s not heavy and so it doesn’t tire you out. Lucky me … *raspberries*

It is slightly more noisy than the cane but not by much. It’s a thuddy sound so it doesn’t ‘travel’ if you too are looking for more quiet toys. Of course that means ‘i’ need to stay quiet too!! Like other toys this one can be made to be thuddy, it has just enough weight for that, but used slightly whip like it can leave a serious sting, and mark!

Like the flogger, the quality is good and the price, fantastic!