Life is perfect

My relationship with the Bear is perfect! Well, okay maybe not ‘perfect’ but it’s perfect for me, for us.

I may be His submissive but that doesn’t mean i’m stuck dealing with things that bother me or i can’t accept, it doesn’t mean He gets to do whatever He wants without consequence.

Our relationship started in a vanilla sense and many of these limits were already figured out i suppose, but i can’t see me settling for something even if we had only ever been D/s. Does that mean that’s i’m not actually submissive to Him? No, i don’t think so but it does mean that He respects me and my needs and emotions just as much as He wants me to respect Him/His.

Our wants and needs line up pretty well, i guess almost 25 years together will do that to you! *chuckle* I don’t think there is anything He wants that i’m not okay with anyway but if there was i know He would have more respect for me than to disregard my emotional needs and go on with it.

Being my dominant is not about what He wants, it’s about what i need. My needs come first, then He gets whatever it is He wants ….

I might be submissive to my husband but i’m not in any other sense. I can tell you from experience that when i’m in a dominant role the primary objective is NEVER what i want, it’s the needs and requirements of the things/people i have taken responsibility for. It’s only after that has been satisfied that i get to do what i ‘want’.

This D/s relationship is no different. With great power comes great responsibility …..


Humiliation? or just sexy?

I read this a few weeks ago and it got me thinking, like usual right!?!? *chuckle* Anyway, it is very much kink inspired and so if you are not here for the nitty gritty of it all please feel free to skip this post!

If you are, perhaps you should take a gander before you read my thoughts so that you know where i’m coming from. 🙂

I’ve been given a reprieve from my debauchery — for the morning at least, as I’ve been granted time to myself and promised a casual time with Amanda at the cafe for brunch. So already this Saturday a.m. I’ve taken a leisurely bath, and I spent good time washing and pampering my hair, which had […]

via hurt so good — slave shae

Shae is in a situation where she is ‘owned’. Now, i could use the same words as she does, owned, used etc. but to me it simply doesn’t have the same feel of humiliation as it seems to elicit in her. I have a theory ….

My submission and my ‘use’ is all done within a loving and completely committed relationship. Mine is done within a marriage that not only encompasses sex and ‘slavery’ but also includes the commitments of everyday life, home, cars, and children. For a lack of better explanation mine doesn’t seem as linear, mine is more far reaching and perhaps more fulfilling? Not a judgement, just a ponder …

When i am ‘of use’ to my dominant i feel the subspace and the high but what i don’t feel is that i’m ‘only‘ a vessel for His pleasure. To me the experience, no matter how primal or single minded, is always reciprocal. He doesn’t just do it to me, He does it ‘for me’ …. and i know i have many more ‘uses’ than just that one in this life we share.

Is that perhaps why our view and feeling on the matter is different? Is it because i’m inside a marriage that has commitments and carries on with or without the dynamic that i don’t feel humiliated by the fun we have?

Or is it just a ‘me’ thing?? A rabbit thing? *chuckle*

let me count the ways

Not all of the ways He dominates are obvious or intense. Some of the most poignant are, i think, very obscure to most, benign almost.

The weather is warm and my clothing shows that, and my shoulders are bare.

My hair is more than shoulder length now, longer than i have ever had it in my life really. It has a wavy texture and a slight curl on the ends, it’s very fine.

Not me, but it almost could be! *wink*

It rubs up against my shoulders and back with every move when i am wearing it down. Every rub reminds me that it’s this length because HE chose it. I am this way because He chose it. 

It might not seem like intense play, but in my mind …. it is!

(I like having it like this, now … don’t get me wrong, it’s just not likely anything i would have ever managed on my own. For myself.)

Today …

Today, i’m not really feeling submissive. It’s okay, i don’t think it’s a big deal really, i think that’s the way real life goes for some of us.

I have lots to do around here and ‘mental health fires’ to put out and manage. Plans need to be made and steps going forward need to be thought through and put into action.

I have things and people to take control for and lead. Does that sound like a ‘submissive’ mind space to you? *chuckle*

Just because i’m a take charge kind of person and i have lots of responsibilities on my shoulders doesn’t mean i can’t still be submissive to Him. It just means i’m wearing a different shirt right now. *wink*

Just because i’m His submissive doesn’t mean i can’t take charge in other areas as well, it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing and it doesn’t make it any less committed or connected. It just means we both know how to adapt and move forward in a way that best suits us and the people dependent on us.

So no, right now i’m not in any sort of submissive space, but once He’s home ….  then i can drop the armor and be His once more.


I like taking charge, i also like being His …. maybe i’m greedy but i’ll take both, thank you! *wink*


Just once

I don’t fit in, i never have and that’s okay, truly.

I have no intention of fitting in or trying to be someone else’s idea of a …. whatever.

I can’t deny though, that just once it would be nice to find someone else, like me. Like me here, in ‘sub’ land so i could have a conversation and maybe compare notes.

Is that too much to ask … ???




I heard this some time ago and I find it eerily comforting.

I think it explains the what, ‘silence’, and the how to escape it. I think in one manner or another this is what we all feel when we don’t feel connected.

I will be back to this, there are many, many words in my head ….. but the Bear is home with dinner and so I will go! Wish you a good weekend and please ……

DON’T be silent.


Blog Comment, turned post!

I was answering a comment and as usual came up with more detailed information that might be of interest or value for everyone to read. So, I have decided to tweak it and place it here.


As to my recent attempts of describing my ‘sub type’, it’s more an exercise to explain rather than discover. I know who and what I am and really have no problem with either, but I’m not sure those reading understand who I am, really. The labels come with ‘understandings’ that makes every word I use misunderstood in the sense *I* mean it.

For example, Alpha Submissive, I have used that one as well in the past, turns out I was wrong in that one. An Alpha submissive can only exist in a poly relationship where two or more submissives are present. I know it is a term liberally used now a days but it is in fact, wrong.

The other term I picked up on, and some points of interest I use are of Makai’s Warrior Princess (that most basic description is probably the closest truthfully, the small part you will find on my ‘about’ page) but if you look deeper there is a lot of other information and ‘goings on’ that I don’t agree with. A point recently brought out by a friend of mine, and so it spurred this attempt at explaining once more.

It’s not for my sake, it’s for the sake of my readers. Personally I prefer the idea of a wolf pack, He is the alpha male and I the alpha female. Both have responsibilities and power in the pack, both dominant, more primal. That’s how we live anyway, I can just never seem to get the idea across.

Now that I’ve written you a post, cheers!! *giggle* Maybe I’ll copy and paste this as a post of its own. 🙂

And so I did …. LoL Please, feel free to ask questions. Happy Thursday!

The post about that Warrior Princess I alluded to is here, do take a look. There are a lot of valuable points there if you happen to subscribe to that idea.

My Fist attempt at describing our primal wolf like connection is here.

Me, stubborn? Nah!

When we first started down this path I was the one to ask the Bear to try out this ‘lifestyle’. It was shortly after we had already decided to play around in the bedroom with some of these concepts and rituals. I was enjoying the quiet my mind felt when we played that way and I remembered some reading I had done early on, by a dominant, of how things really worked 24/7.  Curious to see if I could keep that quiet a bit longer through my days, I asked.

I was always the one in charge of everything before. It made sense, I was home, I was the mom and the kids and their issues really was my area of expertise. It fits perfectly with my personality type anyway, the planner, the organizer, the one with the direction and determination to keep things moving. Before I stayed home to work I ran a billing and accounting department for a couple of internet companies, I know money, I know budgets and I know how to make a long-term plan.

Everything from vacations, to finances to kids and school and home. All of it was on my shoulders, alone. Needless to say it was a bit of pressure being always on when I had another perfectly capable adult standing next to me. When the boys were younger it wasn’t such a big deal but as they grew and their issues grew I became more and more wrapped up in my head, every second planning and thinking. It was never-ending and I was getting exhausted.

I felt like a single mom (not that there is anything wrong with that) and I wanted Him to start helping to pull some of that weight.

The Bear had one condition, just one really. He would only take on this new lifestyle on a trial run IF He was given full control over taking care of me. *Apparently* I’m stubborn and don’t know when to quit, I do too much and push myself too far …. not sure where He gets that idea from!?!

My point here is that His FIRST PRIORITY is my welfare, period. If He can’t keep me happy, safe and balanced in this He will not do it. (No, I’m not saying my happiness is in His hands, well yes but no. No one is charged with making you happy, you make yourself happy, it comes from within, but just for the sake of the post … we’ll say it this way.)

If your dom/me doesn’t find that to be a priority of theirs than perhaps the relationship is not one you want. If you’re looking to play around and that’s all than have at it. It’s no different from ‘vanilla’ casual sex relationships, but if you want more, get more, or leave.

There are people out there that want to keep it causal, there are people out there who want to be treated poorly, there are people out there who really do enjoy being miserable. They are happy in their constant state of angst, so let them be.

To the rest of you, if that’s not what you want than don’t settle, there is more and you can do more. If the current ‘community’ outlets are not allowing for that than move else where. There are enough of you, move your platform and do your own thing. The current platforms started somewhere …. you can to.

I know some of you have lost a friend recently and this by no means has anything to do with that so I hope my song choice doesn’t offend. 

You can’t ‘save’ everyone, not everyone wants to be ‘saved’. This is not a new concept.

Live and Let Die – PAUL McCARTNEY & WINGS

So to my friends out there trying to make a difference or getting wrapped up in the fact that some simply don’t want to hear you, let them go.


I wasn’t going to but …

This is one of my favourite artists and I think a lot of people reference him but really don’t know what he’s saying.

Personally I think he’s brilliant, I think he has had a lot to work through in life and I think he’s showing people the way out of h3ll. Or trying to ….

This is my ‘go to’ song when things get hard and I need a boost to my energy levels to keep fighting. And I will always keep fighting. So here’s today’s song:

“I’m not afraid (I’m not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that you’re not alone
Holler if you feel like you’ve been down the same road (same road)”

“Not Afraid”

I’m not afraid (I’m not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that you’re not alone
Holler if you feel like you’ve been down the same road (same road)Yeah, it’s been a ride
I guess I had to, go to that place, to get to this one
Now some of you, might still be in that place
If you’re trying to get out, just follow me
I’ll get you there

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay ’em
But you won’t take the sting out these words before I say ’em
‘Cause ain’t no way I’mma let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say I’mma do something I do it,
I don’t give a damn what you think,
I’m doing this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, it’s gassed up, if it thinks it’s stopping me
I’mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I’m tearing down your balcony
No ifs, ands or buts, don’t try to ask him why or how can he
From “Infinite” down to the last “Relapse” album
He’s still shitting, whether he’s on salary paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shits his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He’s married to the game, like a “fuck you” for Christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the Earth, he’s got the urge
To pull his dick from the dirt, and fuck the whole universe

I’m not afraid (I’m not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that you’re not alone
Holler if you feel like you’ve been down the same road (same road)

Okay quit playing with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn’t have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it’s a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth,
For that fuck your feelings/fillings,
Instead of getting crowned you’re getting capped
And to the fans, I’ll never let you down again, I’m back
I promise to never go back on that promise,
in fact let’s be honest,
that last “Relapse” CD was eh
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I ain’t going back to that now
All I’m trying to say is get back, click-clack, blow
‘Cause I ain’t playing around
It’s a game called circle and I don’t know how, I’m way too up to back down
But I think I’m still trying to figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn’t, this fucking black cloud
Still follows me around but it’s time to exorcise these demons
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!

I’m not afraid (I’m not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that you’re not alone
Holler if you feel like you’ve been down the same road (same road)

And I just can’t keep living this way
So starting today, I’m breaking out of this cage
I’m standing up, I’mma face my demons
I’m manning up, I’mma hold my ground
I’ve had enough, now I’m so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now! (now)

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally
For you, so I could come back a brand-new me you helped see me through
And don’t even realize what you did, ’cause believe me you
I’ve been through the ringer, but they could do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers
And drop dead, no more beef lingers
No more drama from now on, I wanna promise
To focus solely on handling my responsibilities as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof, like my daughters
And raise it, you couldn’t lift a single shingle on it!
‘Cause the way I feel, I’m strong enough to go to the club
Or the corner pub, and lift the whole liquor counter up
‘Cause I’m raising the bar
I’d shoot for the moon but I’m too busy gazing at stars
I feel amazing and I’m…

I’m not afraid (I’m not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that you’re not alone
Holler if you feel like you’ve been down the same road (same road)