I’ve been thinking on this one for a while now but just hadn’t had the time to write it. Now that i do, i find myself distracted ….. so i hope i can make some sense!! *giggle*

One thing i remember very distinctly in the beginning of our journey was conversations with other submissives trying to get their husbands (or occasionally wives) to do some research, do some reading generally and come up to par to where they were. Most often it was the submissive that had started the search in my circles, and they were leaps and bounds ahead of their partners.

Often times the dominant would drag their feet when it came to doing the work. This left the submissive frustrated and even angry at times. Why commit to something and then not do the work? I get that the end of a long work day is not when you want to have to start ‘studying’ but how else is this to work?

I found myself in the same boat, more or less. I did the reading, the research, the thinking ….. that’s the way I work anyway. I read and research the hell out of anything i want to learn or accomplish. Books, words, concepts set to type …. this is my preferred method of learning and communicating.

As it turns out, it’s not the Bears! *chuckle*

The sheer number of posts on this site probably tells you already that the written word is my friend. It’s the way i like to do and process things. It’s my way ….

The Bear on the other hand is more of a hands on type of person and learner. He also communicates that way much more naturally than in words.

THIS was one of the reasons that had been playing on my mind in regards to the site. I started it to communicate with Him, but this is not the way He communicates well. I write it and then assume He will get it, register the information and then do something with it.

He reads it and enjoys it but sooner or later, before the day’s crazy is done the information is lost to Him. It’s not His way.

When he wants something from me He doesn’t write it or even speak it really. He touches, in a certain way, with a certain energy and i know. He looks at me in a certain way, the look is what communicates, the touch is what communicates, the way He holds His body …. this is His way.

I know this, and I know that when I meet Him in this i always get what i need too. It’s funny at times how long it takes for something to go from your brain to really knowing it.

I’m a ‘thinker’, always stuck inside my head but He is more of a ‘feeling’ personality. He is learning to communicate to me in my way and i’m remembering to communicate to Him in His. i try to remember that if i need Him to see me quickly i need to go to Him in feelings and actions, not words.

I touch, i lean in or i just kneel and wait. Funny enough in those moments my needs are met almost immediately, with no hesitation and no misunderstanding. His way ….

What I have learned here is that these things are not ‘topping’ or what have you, there is no need for guilt. In our home this is just simply His preferred method of communicating.

If i try something He feels poorly timed or inappropriate for whatever reason He still tells me no. Believe me He is most certainly in control, He’s just doing it His way.

That is the point after all, isn’t it? To learn to be HIS submissive, not anyone else’s.

We are very different people but i think over the years we have both learned and become better by simply watching and listening to the other.

I have taught Him things i know and He has taught me to tap into my feelings and natural rhythm. When i stop thinking i stop worrying too. i feel and move and connect with the energy and world, and most importantly with Him.

i give over my way and follow His, and all of a sudden i am freer. 

…. it’s more than kink and spankings, and i hope this made some sense! *chuckle*

Bear has me under His spell today even though He is currently miles away!

Happy Monday! ❤


9 thoughts on “Communication

  1. I think you and Bear are tuned into a deeper, more natural communication with each other. Hands on learning is the best for most men with any subject. This is the, “ I don’t need no stinkin’ manual,” approach to experential learning. However, as in my case, it was my girlfriend and later wife, that brought my attention to the art of love and natural relationships and at times she had to work at it to convince me to try it. The secret was her willingness to engage and persevere. Her research and investigation gave her the ammunition to relieve me of my doubts and so our relationship grew with deep set roots. Flexibility and agility in thinking and relating is critical for success. Now, all that is needed is looks and touches, even body posture can communicate things that words would only confuse. It is such a pure and natural way to live and you and the Bear are well tuned to it. I think that is a beautiful existence.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well, it appears I did make some sense after all! *giggle*

      I agree that hands on seems to be the method with most men, just the opposite of all the women trying to convince you! *wink* I study and show it to Him, He makes it His and here we are … just that simple and complicated all at once!

      I also think you’re right that once you get here words sometimes just confuse things. I’m getting back to having more free time, so i’m practicing just being His, quietly. Works best this way for us anyway. *smiles*

      “The secret was her willingness to engage and persevere.” I think Bear would agree! LoL Thank you Hyperion, it’s always a pleasure to see what you have to say!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The pleasure is all mine and it’s well grounded knowledge and experience you share that teaches all of us that we can live according to our true nature when we take the time to understand ourselves and the one we share our life with.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I do all the research and reading and delving into information too. HD reads and absorbs what I send him, but he isn’t one for doing the research on his own. Which likely part of the reason I always feel this is more for my benefit than something he actually wants…because he will research appliances and cars and the like! Just not kink or D/s.

    The hardest part, from my perspective, is realizing that we explore and learn and seek information in different ways. Like you, I write to express myself and I do a lot of reading. But that doesn’t mean others are wired the same way, and it can be frustrating.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I see what you’re saying, I can relate. Cars and appliances however are a right or wrong situation, they really are not up to interpretation. Relationships don’t come with a manual and research usually leads to more questions than it does answers. At least that’s my take on it.

      Yes that is the hard part and it’s why i wrote this and hoped it would shed some light for others as well. 🙂 I turned it into something less frustrating in my head and more of a learning opportunity and for me it helped.

      Liked by 1 person

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