I’ve become aware of some posts on chastity recently that have me thinking. I know it is not something for me, I know it would not enhance my submission it would actually reverse that process. I’m pretty hard-core so it did take an awful long time to happen, emphasis on awful, but it did happen that way for me/us.
Ours/mine was long before ‘D/s’ activities were heard of or experienced but it happened none the less. It happened because of life and lack of time and miscommunication, but it happened.
As I have tried to explain before, despite being very dominant in the world when it came to marriage and The Bear I have always treated Him in a way that is very conducive to a D/s relationship. To me it was just a very old-fashioned ideal that appealed to me, not spankings and kink but just the respect and commitment and my man being a ‘Man’. I’ll probably get blasted for saying things like that now a days but it’s my life so I decide!
Anyway, all of that was already in place, for me anyway. I have also always had a very high sex drive, being ‘satisfied’ doesn’t turn me into a disinterested and less than polite wife, it actually makes me more interested in both pleasing Him and being ‘available’. Basically the more I get the more I want …. more closeness, more goofy, more playful and more of Him. I’m more of that ‘submissive’ everyone talks about trying to be.
Some of the years before we embarked on this leg of our journey saw sex and play become a distant memory. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, I’ve already written about that so I won’t again but it went on for a long time. I had my fair share of chastity I can tell you and it didn’t make me want Him more, well at the very beginning maybe, but eventually it just became an unattainable dream and simply pushed out of my mind. Sex became something I didn’t even bother to pursue any longer.
Now being ‘this way’ with The Bear is hardwired into me but after a very long time even I started to think of things other than ‘The Bear’ first! I started making choices that were not based on what He might like or He might find pleasing, it became ‘what do I want ….”? After more than 15 years of putting Him first I stopped. I put my feelings away and went back behind my wall, even with The Bear.
Enter D/s exploration here. Obviously there were other things at play here as well, communication being one of them BUT I wanted better sex! More sex! Sex in general …. For me good sex releases all sorts of pent-up energy and frustration, it leaves me much more able to be patient and kind and less interested in being selfish in the day-to-day interactions.
On my dominant side, the one that deals with the world, it makes me stronger and calmer and more able to handle any dragon that happens to be flying over head. The warrior holds her shield and sword tall and straight and ready to take on any challenge.
On my submissive side, the one only The Bear sees, it leaves me willing and able to be just for Him. To focus on doing anything and everything I can to be pleasing and helpful and His submissive in any way He chooses. It also allows me to feel His, completely, so that I can get past the wall the world sees and come and sit at His feet.
So my thoughts on chastity? I think if it works for you and enhances your connection, your relationship, your life, than I think you should go for it.
For some of us however it doesn’t enhance anything. For myself it actually reverses everything I’m trying to accomplish by going down this path in the first place. Just because others are doing it and talking about it doesn’t mean we have to. 😉
Love You Always EMS! ❤