life was hopping along quite nicely -M/s wise. things were progressing in the way we had wanted and this rabbit was pretty much content with everything DESPITE all the worries and anxieties over W’s condition.
i was still in a happy state.
these days however i find myself in a cloud. my brain is just not functioning properly most days, i have a hazy, dizzy, disoriented feel and i can hardly walk about some times without feeling like i may fall over! UGH
i don’t care about the house, much. i don’t care about the garden, much. i don’t care about reading up on things or writing for that matter! much like that cloud that covers my head, it covers my mood as well.
i don’t care about dynamics and i don’t care about sex! i’m hoping forcing myself to write may help – you’ll have to forgive me if the blog becomes somewhat boring! lol
i’ve written what seems like volumes of how this dynamic works and how it purrs along nicely when small, simple but consistent steps are taken. i know the way to get there – lord knows a lot of people seem to think so – according to my blog stats.
one foot in front of the other i suppose. i am however really starting to think that these hormone pills to help with my endometriosis are affecting my mood. depression is a side effect and i think it may be one here. i haven’t been this ‘bleh’ since the peri-menopause days when my hormones went bananas and i quit all things that mattered to me then, too.
Bear comes home and generally makes Himself busy. i’m not quite done work yet when He gets in so it makes sense. afterwards however, once the day is finally mine again He continues on His busy making spree. He says He loves me and misses me all the time – but then i can’t help feeling rather ignored.
chores, dinner, tv, bed. rinse and repeat.
BLEH!
❤ n
*** i’m not looking for advice. just need to start writing and hopefully clear my head!
nijntje & The Bear 
Yeah. I get it.
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*smiles* i thought you might! nice to see you back … i have thought about you over the months and years!
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Sending hugs! Glad you’re writing and hope it helps! Hormones/menopause/chronic illness can be such a drain!
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thank you for the hugs! All of it is a drain for sure! This is just such a bizarre state of mind – it’s rather confusing to me to be honest. I’m hoping that the redirection back to writing will help too! *smiles*
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Sending you hugs. Life can be a b…ch more often than not. And our bodies can betray us in so many ways.
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unfortunately, yes, yes it can – to both of those thoughts!
i need to get caught up on your blog, by the titles it seems you’re having a ‘moment’ yourself. hope you get some relief!
i will get caught up, once i can stand the screen for more than just a few moments!
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I’m glad you are still “here” on a number of levels though….
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i’m still fighting to get back … nice to see you writing again! give my head some time to get back on straight and i will get caught up with your blog too!
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You’ve missed nothing but I hope you’ll feel better soon. Please tell the gentleman “Hello”.
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Hello n,
I’ve been exactly where you are now. No amount of advice or suggestions helped; it was just a matter of time passing.
It seems to me that those of us in 24/7 D/s do have periods when nothing seems to run smoothly. For me it was two life/threatening illnesses and also menopause. Also moving and unpacking and setting up house in a new home.
Many years ago we had a very tough patch because Sir spent so much time working 12-15 hour days and I was the one making all the important decisions – a role I neither wanted nor liked. It actually took several years and countless counseling sessions to realize our love and dedication to each other was still there, just buried under piles of hurt feelings and other issues. We will celebrate our 30th anniversary in 4 days. It’s still not always easy but we are here for each other always.
This too shall pass. Stay strong and hopeful. Talk with B and discuss how you’re feeling. Remember his love and support is still there. Know that I’m thinking of you and hoping you’re soon back to yourself.
🩷 angel
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hi angel!
i remember reading about some of the trials you went through, i remember it was rough but i’m so glad to hear you made it to the other side!
congratulations on your 30!! we celebrated 27 in april 🙂
i’m hoping it passes before my surgery because that’s not till the end of august! UGH this cloud over my mind is frustrating and more odd than anything i’ve delt with before. clearly it’s affecting all aspects of my days …
anyhow nice to hear from you again. i think writing is helping so i’m going to keep trying that, when my head/eyes permit! lol
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