Life is perfect

My relationship with the Bear is perfect! Well, okay maybe not ‘perfect’ but it’s perfect for me, for us.

I may be His submissive but that doesn’t mean i’m stuck dealing with things that bother me or i can’t accept, it doesn’t mean He gets to do whatever He wants without consequence.

Our relationship started in a vanilla sense and many of these limits were already figured out i suppose, but i can’t see me settling for something even if we had only ever been D/s. Does that mean that’s i’m not actually submissive to Him? No, i don’t think so but it does mean that He respects me and my needs and emotions just as much as He wants me to respect Him/His.

Our wants and needs line up pretty well, i guess almost 25 years together will do that to you! *chuckle* I don’t think there is anything He wants that i’m not okay with anyway but if there was i know He would have more respect for me than to disregard my emotional needs and go on with it.

Being my dominant is not about what He wants, it’s about what i need. My needs come first, then He gets whatever it is He wants ….

I might be submissive to my husband but i’m not in any other sense. I can tell you from experience that when i’m in a dominant role the primary objective is NEVER what i want, it’s the needs and requirements of the things/people i have taken responsibility for. It’s only after that has been satisfied that i get to do what i ‘want’.

This D/s relationship is no different. With great power comes great responsibility …..

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Humiliation? or just sexy?

I read this a few weeks ago and it got me thinking, like usual right!?!? *chuckle* Anyway, it is very much kink inspired and so if you are not here for the nitty gritty of it all please feel free to skip this post!

If you are, perhaps you should take a gander before you read my thoughts so that you know where i’m coming from. 🙂

I’ve been given a reprieve from my debauchery — for the morning at least, as I’ve been granted time to myself and promised a casual time with Amanda at the cafe for brunch. So already this Saturday a.m. I’ve taken a leisurely bath, and I spent good time washing and pampering my hair, which had […]

via hurt so good — slave shae

Shae is in a situation where she is ‘owned’. Now, i could use the same words as she does, owned, used etc. but to me it simply doesn’t have the same feel of humiliation as it seems to elicit in her. I have a theory ….

My submission and my ‘use’ is all done within a loving and completely committed relationship. Mine is done within a marriage that not only encompasses sex and ‘slavery’ but also includes the commitments of everyday life, home, cars, and children. For a lack of better explanation mine doesn’t seem as linear, mine is more far reaching and perhaps more fulfilling? Not a judgement, just a ponder …

When i am ‘of use’ to my dominant i feel the subspace and the high but what i don’t feel is that i’m ‘only‘ a vessel for His pleasure. To me the experience, no matter how primal or single minded, is always reciprocal. He doesn’t just do it to me, He does it ‘for me’ …. and i know i have many more ‘uses’ than just that one in this life we share.

Is that perhaps why our view and feeling on the matter is different? Is it because i’m inside a marriage that has commitments and carries on with or without the dynamic that i don’t feel humiliated by the fun we have?

Or is it just a ‘me’ thing?? A rabbit thing? *chuckle*

Real life D/s

Following orders when you are in the middle of a scene is easy. Following orders when you are in high protocol situations is easy. Remembering that feeling of following in the real world can sometimes catch me off guard, and that’s when it’s the most real.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that we went a long time having to keep our kink to a minimum. Situations arose that made it next to impossible to practice much by way of protocol or obvious actions, and that’s okay, but that also left a very obvious feel in the smaller things that happen in the day to day.

I’m not only His nijntje, i’m also a mom. As a mom i want to make sure i show my boys how to be a positive member of society. I want to teach them kindness and responsibility etc. …. and i want to teach them to be helpful.

Some time ago, before we were able to play much, we had bought a new mattress for our bed. Now Bear was getting ready to remove the old one and replace it with the new one all by Himself. Since the youngest was just across the hall and doing nothing but web surfing, i piped up. *chuckle*

I told him to come on over and help his dad with the change over. The Bear has been having trouble with His hip and me, well i can’t always be as helpful as i would like!

Very quickly from behind me i heard … ‘Uh, no …!’ That caught me off guard BUT He is the Boss, not just when we play but 24/7 …. so although a bit confused i didn’t argue or question it, i just told the youngest ‘never mind, seems dad’s got it‘ and went in to see Him.

20190504_092743Probably not what i want the youngest to run into when helping dad change the mattress!! *giggle*

Ah yes, good call Bear! *wink*

Being in that following mode is easy when you get to play and practice and carry on. It’s much easier to be in that mindset when you are on a bit of a ‘high’ but it’s important to remember it when you don’t get to play.

To me, this is the real D/s, the one that happens when you don’t get to get your kink on, when you are just you …

❤ Ciao!

Have you had any ‘vanilla’ situations like this? When you simply follow without questions and then have an ‘ahhh’ moment afterwards? Or is it only rabbits that get into this silliness???

He said, no.

I don’t often talk about my chronic issues on this blog, not in any great detail, but today the power exchange and the vanilla world come together in a way that i can’t really explain on the other one.

I have a few things i battle daily and fibro and CTD (connective tissue disease) are only the tip of the iceberg but they have been at me with a vengeance recently and affecting my routine/life! Moving is becoming increasingly difficult and i’ve had to take pain medications which i really don’t like to do.

This gets in the way of my rule of daily exercise. It’s one of the rules Bear has for my own well being and was put in place of my own asking. When i don’t work out i don’t feel well, mentally or physically. Setting Him in charge means i don’t make excuses and talk myself out of it, so i don’t put myself into a dangerous downward spiral. But there is more ….

Setting Him in charge also means that i don’t set myself up for harm. He knows how rough the last couple of weeks have been for me and how rough the last few days in particular have been. When i told Him how i was feeling today He instantly told me ‘no workout’.

Personally i knew i probably should skip today, not only are my legs/knees aching but now my ankles are sore as well. Really sore, and i’ve got bruising that is appearing around my ankles and up that area of my leg. I haven’t hit anything, i don’t know where they are coming from but they are in line with the most intense areas of pain. I was still debating whether or not i should workout ….. i don’t like having to give in. Doing too much has always been a bigger issue for me than not doing.

But He said no, so i’m writing this out, my body is still screaming at me and i’m going to give up typing for now because my legs and lower joints are not the only ones affected unfortunately. But i wanted to depict how D/s and vanilla collide and why they work well together.

He might not be able to do much about my pain but He can keep me from hurting myself further. My submission alleviates my perfectionism, following orders seems to do away with the guilt i would feel otherwise for sitting today out!

 

Musing -on nakedness

If and when the house is ever our own …. i don’t think that being ‘made’ to run around naked all day, everyday would be very ‘submissive making’ to me.

I find that ‘naked’ is a very easy and natural state for me. I hate having to wear under garments TBH and when i am working or when the boys are out of their rooms, *chuckle* the first thing i want to do when i’m able is to shed them!

If it’s cold than clothing is something i want but a warm furry blanket is just as well if you ask me. Even better to be truthful because i just love the feel of fur on my skin. Just fake fur, i don’t subscribe to killing things for their ‘coats’. The synthetics now are so convincing there really is no point to it.

No, i think that being made to wear things is more ‘sub making’ than to not … especially if those things are leather or chain, tight and obvious. Yup, i think that would be much more effective. *smiles*

Ciao!

What’s in a name …. a re-blog for anyone new-ish and wondering!

I’ve been asked a few times over the years what does nijntje mean. I was just asked again and so I thought I’d write it out and give a little more explanation as to why we went this way.

nijntje – *9 – cha* is a Dutch term commonly used as an endearment, literally translated it means ‘little rabbit’

When we first started down this road and were looking for information and a community to learn from it seemed that everyone had a name. It hadn’t been something that occurred to us before finding the chat site but afterwards it made sense. It was an easy way to know when “Sir” was addressing me and when Hubby was instead. At first with the introduction of the labels we had decided to ‘play’ on weekends because that was when we had more time to concentrate and learn our roles. It wasn’t that I was opposed to doing it full-time it was just less stress, but should Sir want me during the week then the name would be a dead give away. Most of what we incorporated with these labels was kink and sex at the time, I guess that was the part of the ‘dynamic’ we hadn’t naturally figured out on our own.

We had dedicated a good amount of time to that site and it very quickly became obvious that we were working backwards from the typical couple on the site. Most were bedroom D/s and working on bringing it out. We were out of the bedroom and working on the kink …. even though we hadn’t realized that our relationship had a ‘name’! *chuckle*

Anyway, it very quickly became that I only ever called Him ‘Sir’ – weekends, weekdays, it didn’t much matter. The more I used Sir the more He began using nijntje and eventually it was decided that one – we liked it that way, it fit very nicely and two – our given names would actually become like ‘safe words’ of a sort. Basically if one of us was slipping into ‘vanilla’ land, getting snippy or irritated, not listening or simply not behaving in any one of the things we had discussed and wanted to work on, the other would use the given name in order to quickly and easily bring attention to it. It also meant that communicating this around others was no problem, no one would blink because we used our own names!

side note – Sir doesn’t want me to use Sir around others unless it flows easily like ‘yes Sir’ for example would be fine but calling out “Sir” across the room to get His attention would be odd around others, that’s when I use Mr. ____ instead, of course we have evolved to use Bear quite often now a days.

So that’s it, nijntje was picked because it was culturally appropriate and as a reminder, Bear didn’t come along until a while later. I started using Bear when all the walls crumbled and the trust reached 100%, no safety gear, no net ….

Love You Always Bear! ❤

Think fast, rabbit!

One of the ‘fun’ things about trying to do D/s with others (kids) in the house is that sometimes you get caught with your proverbial pants down!

One of the rules Bear has for me is about panties and ‘jewelry’ when i am not working. If you want more details you can read kinky orders – more than just sex and in for a penny, in for a pound.  Details are all there, or as detailed as i get anyway!! LoL

Now this all sounds great but the reality is i don’t want to ruin my clothing by over scrubbing or my furniture with coconut oil. When possible i will lift my dress and sit on a towel.

Well, the other day i had left the towel on the couch because of course life gets busy and things need doing. Towels was not the first thing on my mind. If i know i’m off to do something i will grab the towel and put it away, but sometimes you simply get interrupted.

My oldest comes into the family room and is getting ready to sit, where i had been earlier, and notices the towel on the seat.

“Ummm, why is there a towel on the couch”?

Yikes … time to think fast! “Oh, the cat was inside, she likes to sit there so i put it down just in case. She’s back outside now though, so you can take it off”.

“Oh, okay …”

Crisis averted! 😉 It helps that most of that story is true, the cat(s) do come inside and we do put things down to keep the furniture from getting wrecked, it just wasn’t the case THIS time! LoL

Don’t find that in most M/s manuals, do you?? *chuckle*

 

Peri-menopause, sex, D/s and where it all began!

Seems things are coming back around, i’m not sure, it could just be that i’ve got some extra time these days and/or that i made my ‘resolution‘ and i’ve been sticking to it, or that mental health for everyone seems to be ‘ok’ and we are taking liberties  …. BUT it seems my sex drive is back into high gear! *chuckle*

In the beginning of our journey i’m going to have to say that this ‘journey’ into menopause had a lot to do with why we started this in the first place.

  • increase sex drive
  • decrease ‘giving a cr@p’
  • decrease verbal ‘filter’
  • increase feelings of ‘why am i ‘settling’ instead of getting what i need and want’??

And BOOM! A revelation, i enjoy kink and i’m not waiting any longer! *raspberries* I’m not the type to not act on what i want but the responsibilities of life up until then had been such that me and sex and selfcare had always taken a back seat.

Like most of us, i spent my time taking care of my kids, my husband, my extended family, my job … EVERYTHING but me. I didn’t honestly realize how much i was carrying and how exhausting it was becoming until one day it all just sort of came together.

Unlike those who found D/s or M/s because they wanted to pay more attention and care to their S.O. i actually found D/s so that more care could be put towards ME!

This might not be the way marriage is looked at by all but to me it’s no different than married D/s if you take away the kinky bits.

I remember sometime ago talking to a friend who is also into the lifestyle and at one point through the conversation (we were new to the scene) he mentioned that i needed to remember to think of Bear in my plans and ideas. I was thinking on vacationing and such and he mentioned that i should strive to include things that the Bear might like as well.

I found it a bit odd truthfully and a bit confusing at first. Since the day we met my first concern has always been to make sure we were doing things that He too would like and in a way that would please Him. The Bear has always been my first thought before planning and doing anything …. why would i need to ‘remember’ that?

Then it occurred to me, that’s not the ‘normal’ way of it. I started to notice then how many couples around me never really gave their partner much thought when they were planning or doing things. I started to notice that most actions were ‘me first’ and the rest later.

My experience had always been the opposite. But now i’ve gotten way off topic!! LoL

ANYHOW – with peri-menopause came a huge increase in sex drive and a huge decrease in self denial. For a very long time sex was the main thing on my mind, i swear i was like a horny teenage boy, one track mind and no intention of trying to think about anything else! *chuckle* Fun times indeed!

After a while things started to normalize (darn) but i’m noticing another *change* because that happens often with the menoBeast. Physical issues/symptoms are changing and so is my drive. It’s not that i’ve ever had a low libido but when it ramps up, look out!

The timing is good as far as other responsibilities are concerned and i’m enjoying as much as i can. I’ve embraced putting myself out there and just ‘doing’ and Bear has embraced giving me tasks and things to ‘remember Him by’. There are still things i’d like to experience but i don’t feel like i’m missing anything right now.

Life is still full of responsibility and interruption but we’re making the best of any free moment and we’re just enjoying our life and our dynamic. And the sex has been pretty damn good too!! LoL

Probably not what you’re used to reading when you search D/s but there you have it!

Bear went and got poison ivy again …. seems i must be immune! Or just very good at some how avoiding all His spots …. *chuckle*

❤ n

Monday morning(s)

I’m having my coffee and watching the news with a distinctive *cling* now and again.

The metal on my cuffs is crashing up against my porcelain of my cup. It’s warm enough that i have a bit of a hot sweaty feeling around my wrists, ankles and neck … *smiles*

There is no way i don’t notice the feeling, no way i don’t feel Him with me even though He’s back to work.

In about 20 minutes time i need to go and wake the kids so i’m enjoying whatever few minutes i have left. I’ll have to go get properly dressed (!LoL) and put the cuffs and collar away, replace them with the much more subtle ones i wear daily.

This morning He wanted me to know He’s still here, so this morning He left me His command.

No, it’s not the story book version of a power exchange, but it’s real and it works for us.

Happy Monday! ❤