Kink or self-harm?

A personal reflection.

I think it’s important to be honest with oneself when practicing certain kinky activities. I have just had to reflect on this topic and I admit that when you are in the midst of subspace it can be hard to tell the difference or perhaps more accurately, admit the difference.

Our kinky life has been taken up a notch, or okay many notches as of late and it has been a wonderful enhancement to our every day life. It has also allowed me to fall deeper into an almost constant subspace. Unfortunately, one of these kinky activities had started to cause some major physical discomfort.

As a masochist the idea of ‘suffering’ for my Dom is a huge appeal however there is a time when the suffering goes from kinky to unsafe or harmful to self.

I’ll spare you the details of the actual kinky activity but as much as my submissive self wanted to continue and please and well, suffer (in a consensual and masochistic way), my adult and responsible self knew it was time to take a break!

In my view kink should not cause real damage to your mind or body. Having also been one to use self harm in the past to deal with my issues I can assure you that there is a very real difference!

So I used my safewords. It’s a very real way for Bear to know the difference between being in the moment, and being in peril. The activity is for now at a full stop, as much as my submissive self might want to continue my reason tells me I should not.

Bear would never allow me to anyway, not now that He knows ….. There will be assessment and evaluation I’m sure and if we do continue in any capacity with this kink it will be well monitored by Him. 🙂

Kink is a fun and healthy expression of self.

Harming oneself is not. Be mindful out there friends.

The irony of denial LoL

Do you ever just read something that is so ridiculous it just makes you laugh!?! It’s bigoted and one-sided all while missing the obvious parallels with that which it denounces! LMAO

I’m sorry, but I find things and blogs like these (w)ho[l]ly hilarious!

I’m not going into detail here but let’s just say that it’s funny to me that a blog that is against BDSM, D/s and M/s happens to be a great source of inspiration for just that sort of dynamic! Just because you don’t use cuffs doesn’t make you any different from me.

If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck …. and spanks like a duck and uses sex and nakedness as training tools ….

Does it really have the right to denounce us BDSM-ers??

Just some thoughts on a Thursday! ❤ Be well 🙂

Mindfulness – Maintaining that D/s connection pt.2

After communication, communication, communication …. *wink* the next thing I personally find useful in maintaining our connection is practicing mindfulness. Again, I know this is nothing new or revolutionary BUT it is something that I have noticed works very well in a very short period of time. Assuming one is willing of course, but then isn’t that the whole point of submission? A willingness to do so for/to another?

I enjoy the art of kneeling. Sadly I don’t get to do so very much for/in front of the Bear these days. Our life, schedule and lack of privacy don’t really allow for it.

When I do get to practice kneeling I find it very relaxing. It allows me to focus my mind and my energy, it relaxes my thoughts and it soothes my aching muscles and joints! Yes I’m serious, it does help with ALL of that and so much more. For me even just 10 or 15 minutes of kneeling practice changes my entire state of mind and energy. But lets take a closer look, shall we?

These are some of the basic positions you can read about, you can find them and descriptions of each pretty easily. How to do them, when to use them even when and what parts of play or ‘training’ they are best suited to. They are found anywhere from sites of weekend BDSM-ers to full on Gor.

With that much versatility, there must be something to it, don’t you think?? *chuckle*

Now look at these poses:

These are just a few, you will find all sorts of standing, laying, kneeling, etc. you just need to look. These too are practiced for peace of mind, focus, strength, calm, relaxation and so on …

The difference between the two for me is really the intended outcome. When I workout for myself I call it yoga. When I need a boost of submissive energy .. we add a few kinky accessories and we call it kneeling. Collars, cuffs and clips (pain of some sort) is my go to. It helps my submissive mindset greatly when it is ‘ordered’ by my dominant, and many times picture(s) of proof is also required. 

It’s simple, it’s easy and it can be done discreetly and quickly no matter who is at home or how short on time I happen to be. It’s all part of a list of submissive triggers that I worked out for myself and we then discussed and worked into the everyday.

An added note here, there are times when I’m just not in the mood – those are the moments that require the most mindfulness but also submission! Active submission I guess you’d call it for that’s when it becomes clear and established that He is He, and I am His. If I want this lifestyle than I want it all the time and not just when convenient or satisfying a horny need.  

Those are also the moments that tend to have the biggest impact on my submission! *wink*

Hey look at that! I think I’m getting a bit more focused and less slightly less scattered! LoL 

Evolution

i have 15 to 20 well deserved stripes on my backside.

Over the years i think that we have moved from kinky, to D/s, to M/s and all along there has been a strong undertone of DD.

It makes sense really, they are all related (whether or not folks want to admit it)!

I think we have fallen into a truly comfortable harmony right now and I can’t wait to see where the journey takes us next.

As our kinks evolve, so too does our relationship and our dynamic.

Happy wicked Wednesday! *wink*

Beats me …. ??

One thing I have learned from going through the process of trying to figure out our ‘dynamic’ is that the sooner you stop trying to label it and fit in, the faster you find your groove and have a chance at being happy!

If I was just starting out and looking for a partner specific to BDSM I suppose it would be a bit different but I can’t see myself ever doing that anyway. (Not that I am in the market for anything!! just musing.) Bear and I fell into this lifestyle, we didn’t set out to ‘be’ anything.

He was kinky from the beginning, He just didn’t know it! *wink* Heck, i was too, i just didn’t have a name for it! The first half of our life together saw a few kinky times but mostly just regular everyday life, especially after the kids came around. Sleep was not a thing i knew and i swear just thinking about touching me would send secret signals through the air to wake the kids!!! I’m not even kidding here …. *ugh*

It was 8 years before i was able to start sleeping through the night and have both energy and appetite for something ‘more’.  I also went off birth control and started the beginnings of peri-menopause (pretty sure). The words ‘randy teenager’ come to mind!! *chuckle* Poor Bear really didn’t know what happened …. 😉

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Our relationship has been a progression. For the sake of some clarity I’ll say that we started off pretty primal in nature. Biting and scratching and just raw energy was the main way of being together. Again, we didn’t label it but the animal in both of us was usually the main event!

After using some of the energy up i started to switch over to CNC. I didn’t say it at the time but the dialogue in my head was normally in that direction. It makes sense really, it does tend to lend itself to many of the same actions in a primal joining. What it did do however was tap into the submissive part of the equation.

It wasn’t too long after that when the energy became more ‘slave’ like for me but we found it a bit to one sided. It didn’t give the Bear the responses He needed and so it fizzled out. It wasn’t until we explored and added masochism to the mix that it became more exciting, for us.

As of now, we both enjoy the s&m aspects of our relationship but unfortunately we don’t get to play as hard as we would like. A side note, s&m for us doesn’t need to involve sex. For me at least, it’s another level of trust but also relaxation! I would caution however that there is a fine line between healthy s&m and self harm. Some may not agree but that is both my opinion and experience.

Now – i’ve gotten my mind on another branch entirely so i think i will end this post here.

Our evolution has continued and maybe i’ll be able to get back to this train of thought later! Happy Thursday all! ❤

 

Asking is not demanding; teasing is encouraged!

He likes it when I come on to Him, in a certain way of course, not demanding but more like ‘needing’.

He always has.

He likes it when i tease Him, within reason of course or He puts His big ‘ole bear paw down! *raspberries*

He always has.

He likes it when i’m naughty, not bad naughty but in a sexual way. *wink*

He always has.

If I want more fun in this dynamic and more “Him” the way i crave – i simply need to get out of my own way! *wink*

He likes a sexy, confident, determined submissive who knows her own mind and needs. I just need to remember to show them!

Asking is NOT demanding; teasing is very much welcomed …..

My apologies

I used to do 6 to 8 posts per week, now i’m lucky to do a post every 6 to 8 weeks!! :/

For anyone who may be wondering … life is good and things are going very well in regards to our dynamic as well. We have added a bit more kink (still shy on the impact play due to noise concerns) and fun to our days and that helps with the over all feel/enjoyment of the every day!

I normally take my summers off but due to the covid crises, i have decided to stay open and help the parents in need of childcare while they slowly return to normal work hours. It has hindered some of the things we were hoping to delve into kink wise but over all i’m not feeling cheated, and that’s a good thing!

I think that generally the reason for our success is that i have embraced the type of dominant He wants to be and i have found a nice rhythm in my submission to match. Most importantly – when He adjusts His dominance to suit my energy in submission, i no longer feel like it’s ‘not real’ …. or whatever the tape playing in the heads of submissives wanting to please. *wink*

Life is about learning, growing, changing and just living your best life.

So too is this relationship dynamic.

Happy Friday all! Be well ❤

person holding yellow flower
Photo by Vlad Bagacian on Pexels.com

Ahhhhhh menopause! (and D/s)

I’d love to say that nothing ever gets in the way of these wonderful, kinky escapades of ours … well, i’d love to say that, but it’s simply not true!!

One of the ‘rules’ we have during the summer months is dresses and no panties (unless i ask and there is a reason) when i am not working and when i am with the Bear. I’m fine with it, to be truthful it really doesn’t bother me at all, never has. If anything HAVING to wear undergarments is more of an issue than not having to!

The ‘ladies’ up top are much to proud for me to be bra-less, I do that at home (which yes, i prefer) but not when i go out unless i’m wearing something with a ‘shelfbra’ or something similar. Bear is not one to share and He has no intention of letting anyone see quite that much of His rabbit!!

So to today – i was/am very much in the midst of my subby/slave mindspace and so the pragmatic things that contradict the ‘rules’ seem to be slipping my mind! *raspberries* Enter menopause ….

Well, peri-menopause to be specific. A few years back i noticed (men, you may shield your eyes now ) that when i’m out in some extreme heat and humid conditions i start to sweat profusely. Sounds relatively normal, no? Well, probably not where you would be thinking. I start sweating like crazy between* my* legs* …urmmm, yup, that part! *ugh*

So, today, being all in the *** *** *** mindset, i went ahead and got dressed and ready for my day and didn’t even think to remember some under shorts or panties or something even though we were going to be out in the heat for a bit of time. Granted it shouldn’t have been that long and probably would have just served as a reminder but we ran into a neighbour who had a story to tell and so ….. well there we sat.

Soon i was trying to keep my legs together hoping the lines of sweat weren’t too obvious – then i was ‘casually‘ looking down hoping there was no pooling under my feet!! :O UGH!!! Finally we got on our way when i whispered (shouted) ‘i need to get to the CAR’!!!

Found a towel we keep there for ‘plug’ days and tried to be discreet about the bath i was trying to dry up from ….

*sigh* what a day! Someone once yelled at me because i was discussing menopause on a D/s forum – they said it had nothing to do with D/s. LMAO Yeah, right!

Needless to say i now need to try to get back into the right frame of mind to carry on. It could be a ‘buzz kill’ but i’m not about to let it!

 

So far …

These few weeks back to work have been interesting. Trying to keep up with the ‘dynamic’ energy that we want and keep up with life and responsibilities has not been easy!

For the most part however, Bear seems to be more tuned into His dominant side than He has been in a long time. I don’t think it’s just in my mind although i admit that the shift in thinking for me has been a huge help as well.

Life hasn’t changed much and responsibilities have not lessened, neither has the stress! LoL For some reason however, i think we both have found a nice balance again. There have been a few bumps along the road these two weeks but all in all i feel more connected to my ‘s’ side than i have in a long while as well!

He’s using the ‘tools in His tool box’ more without overthinking it or hesitation and i’m using my communication more without doing the same! So far, it feels really good!

Happy Friday! ❤