My apologies

I used to do 6 to 8 posts per week, now i’m lucky to do a post every 6 to 8 weeks!! :/

For anyone who may be wondering … life is good and things are going very well in regards to our dynamic as well. We have added a bit more kink (still shy on the impact play due to noise concerns) and fun to our days and that helps with the over all feel/enjoyment of the every day!

I normally take my summers off but due to the covid crises, i have decided to stay open and help the parents in need of childcare while they slowly return to normal work hours. It has hindered some of the things we were hoping to delve into kink wise but over all i’m not feeling cheated, and that’s a good thing!

I think that generally the reason for our success is that i have embraced the type of dominant He wants to be and i have found a nice rhythm in my submission to match. Most importantly – when He adjusts His dominance to suit my energy in submission, i no longer feel like it’s ‘not real’ …. or whatever the tape playing in the heads of submissives wanting to please. *wink*

Life is about learning, growing, changing and just living your best life.

So too is this relationship dynamic.

Happy Friday all! Be well ❤

person holding yellow flower
Photo by Vlad Bagacian on Pexels.com

Ahhhhhh menopause! (and D/s)

I’d love to say that nothing ever gets in the way of these wonderful, kinky escapades of ours … well, i’d love to say that, but it’s simply not true!!

One of the ‘rules’ we have during the summer months is dresses and no panties (unless i ask and there is a reason) when i am not working and when i am with the Bear. I’m fine with it, to be truthful it really doesn’t bother me at all, never has. If anything HAVING to wear undergarments is more of an issue than not having to!

The ‘ladies’ up top are much to proud for me to be bra-less, I do that at home (which yes, i prefer) but not when i go out unless i’m wearing something with a ‘shelfbra’ or something similar. Bear is not one to share and He has no intention of letting anyone see quite that much of His rabbit!!

So to today – i was/am very much in the midst of my subby/slave mindspace and so the pragmatic things that contradict the ‘rules’ seem to be slipping my mind! *raspberries* Enter menopause ….

Well, peri-menopause to be specific. A few years back i noticed (men, you may shield your eyes now ) that when i’m out in some extreme heat and humid conditions i start to sweat profusely. Sounds relatively normal, no? Well, probably not where you would be thinking. I start sweating like crazy between* my* legs* …urmmm, yup, that part! *ugh*

So, today, being all in the *** *** *** mindset, i went ahead and got dressed and ready for my day and didn’t even think to remember some under shorts or panties or something even though we were going to be out in the heat for a bit of time. Granted it shouldn’t have been that long and probably would have just served as a reminder but we ran into a neighbour who had a story to tell and so ….. well there we sat.

Soon i was trying to keep my legs together hoping the lines of sweat weren’t too obvious – then i was ‘casually‘ looking down hoping there was no pooling under my feet!! :O UGH!!! Finally we got on our way when i whispered (shouted) ‘i need to get to the CAR’!!!

Found a towel we keep there for ‘plug’ days and tried to be discreet about the bath i was trying to dry up from ….

*sigh* what a day! Someone once yelled at me because i was discussing menopause on a D/s forum – they said it had nothing to do with D/s. LMAO Yeah, right!

Needless to say i now need to try to get back into the right frame of mind to carry on. It could be a ‘buzz kill’ but i’m not about to let it!

 

So far …

These few weeks back to work have been interesting. Trying to keep up with the ‘dynamic’ energy that we want and keep up with life and responsibilities has not been easy!

For the most part however, Bear seems to be more tuned into His dominant side than He has been in a long time. I don’t think it’s just in my mind although i admit that the shift in thinking for me has been a huge help as well.

Life hasn’t changed much and responsibilities have not lessened, neither has the stress! LoL For some reason however, i think we both have found a nice balance again. There have been a few bumps along the road these two weeks but all in all i feel more connected to my ‘s’ side than i have in a long while as well!

He’s using the ‘tools in His tool box’ more without overthinking it or hesitation and i’m using my communication more without doing the same! So far, it feels really good!

Happy Friday! ❤

Today is a new day.

Having Bear go back to work has s-l-o-w-e-d any obvious kink/D/s to a crawl. Not gone completely, maybe about 60% of the days, but there have been a few factors against us. The days that did involve a more obvious power exchange were still shorter periods of time/intensity than what we had originally discussed. Not that it was a surprise, obviously things changed so plans changed too!

The thing that makes my head spin a bit is that most of the time the PE aspects/orders occur for the time period when he is away! I get it, he’s trying to keep me engaged and occupied while he is away and i appreciate that …… it does feel a bit Bipolar when he gets home and it’s ‘married business/responsibilities’ as usual!

To me one key aspect of being happy in this dynamic is being mindful of what i do have and not focusing only on what i’m not getting that i wish i had. It’s not an easy thing to do, when you have ideas and fantasies and nothing but time to think on them ….. *chuckle* but i am trying!!

Now, i know that i could simply act or do certain things that would probably kick start things at home too. The responsibility for this is not all on his shoulders, it is a two way street and in my opinion that means i need to feed this too.

Like i said though, things get in the way.    *Men may want to skip ahead, female problems ahead! 😛 LoL*

Primarily, i have been in a flareup now for a few weeks/month and i haven’t much energy or ability to do much by the end of day! The couple nights i had hoped to ‘reach over to his side of the bed’ i started bleeding, or so i thought and then it stopped! Gotta love peri-menopause …. never know when/never know how much or how long. The week before things start is always a bad week and now that i’m already in a flare …. yeah it’s been fun! *sarcasm* I have had more kinky plans squashed because of the guessing game that is my cycle these days. Yes, I know you can still if you want to but when i start, it’s like a damn has been broken, not to mention the muscles/cramps become intolerable. Anyhow ….

Yesterday I spent the entire day on the couch, not because of covid, because i am not well. I had plenty of things i wanted to get to but none got done! Sitting around of course just makes me more tired and more sore and the cycle worsens. My ‘everything’ still hurts today but i can’t spend another day on the couch so i’m putting on my submissive thinking cap and trying to figure out what i can do to please him.

Not sure if sex will be on or off the table by the time he gets in, like i said things change in an instant! Sometimes (usually) back again too! *shakes head* But i’m sure i can think of something else he’d enjoy.

He doesn’t expect me to be a service submissive and it’s not like i don’t normally have everything clean and organized, meals made and home well taken care of. All that stuff is just done by whomever happens to be home and able and yes it’s usually me these days but it’s not part of our D/s. It’s simply life responsibilities … plus i might be a bit particular and have some OCD. (No comment needed if you read this, Bear!)

With any luck i’ll get my workout in and get some extra things done. I’m not ‘dressing up’ because we have a chiropractor appointment when he gets in, not really a place to wear a dress! lol The weather has been cold and wet and that keeps my raynaud’s on high making me too cold for that anyway.

Like i said, it’s not easy but i’m trying to focus on what i have and what i can do. Not sure what that will end up being yet but it HAS to be better than sitting on the couch getting more sore and tired!

Happy Friday! ❤

 

 

Seems He has a rule ….

A couple of weeks ago Bear decided that He needed to swat my backside, out of the blue i might add, just like that!

I was a bit surprised i admit, it wasn’t His usual playful demeanor. He seemed to actually have an opinion on something that He decided He didn’t like. Humm

Now you see, i don’t often do things that He disapproves of. I have my own set of ‘rules’ let’s say that i follow of my own accord, life rules. To be honest it doesn’t really leave much for Him to have to ‘handle’, if you get my drift. Lately however i have/had become a bit lax on one of my values. Not a lot but occasionally, when someone or something was really irritating i would say a swear word. :O

If you have read much of anything here you probably already know that i don’t use swears/profanity, it’s simply not my style. But like i said, i let one slip out and He did NOT approve!

Now I generally use the term D/s and not M/s but the truth is that He really doesn’t need my approval or input to make a choice/new rule like this. Yes, I do still have the opportunity to state my case and He will listen and take it under advisement but unless it’s something valid than it really doesn’t matter. Not in this type of case anyway!

So it seems i have a new rule …. I have ‘always been a lady and that’s the way He prefers it’, so swearing (unless it’s under the circumstance of begging/pleading for release 😉 THAT circumstance is fine! 😛 ) is no longer tolerated!

That’s fine with me, He’s right, I had gotten away from my core set of values and it’s time to get back to where i belong! Profanity does have a time and place, i know that to be true, but just because i am annoyed or bothered by something is not a good enough reason.  Not for me, and not for Him!

*** Just to be clear, this is not a statement on how anyone else should live their lives, it’s simply a choice that we have made.

Just a thought ….

Boy, I haven’t done one of these in a very long while! *chuckle*

I think it has more to do with ‘trusting, telling and asking’ than it has to do with ‘waiting … and for Him to swoop down and all knowingly ‘fix it’ … ‘

Submission isn’t about waiting for Him to figure it all out, it’s about exploring the truth, knowing yourself and being honest about your needs. Then …. laying it all out on the line and trusting that He will take that knowledge and then take care of you/things properly.

Don’t you think?? Just a thought …..

‘Active submission’ – my answer was yes, but not like you would think, probably ….

I tend to be very pragmatic, it gets me into ‘trouble’ at times, not that I care much! *chuckle*

The idea that anyone is or always has been ‘one way’ and can’t be changed is silly. It always has been to me.

Life is a training exercise and we have all been trained to be the way we are by one method or another. With the right tools/skills anyone can train anyone to be whatever it is they choose.

This may fly in the face of all the ‘true’ or ‘real’ advocates but so be it. And it doesn’t matter much what side of the ‘slash’ you fall on.

‘Can a master be trained by a submissive?’

The most accepted term for it in the ‘community’ that I have heard is active submission:

Some personal truths

BDSM and impact play keep me ‘sexy’, sexy keeps me interested in intimacy.

I read somewhere that the true (yes, take that with a grain of salt) definition of a masochist is someone who gets no sexual satisfaction without pain.

For some time now I’ve had no interest in sex and it’s mainly to do with the fact that we have NO opportunity for BDSM and impact play.

Maybe that’s a bit of a misstatement, I am interested in sex I’m just not in the slightest turned on.

Once in a very long while when He gets a chance and I get the slightest bit of pain, like a quick swat on the butt, there is a charge of energy that flows …. and all of a sudden these little bunny ears perk up. I know it’s pretty much the same for Him.

Once in a while when He has the energy and thought to add a bit of naughty dominance to my day, same thing, the bunny ears start paying attention at least for a moment.

Without the impact play, bondage or kink, i’m simply not interested in sex.

Yes sure He is still the Dom and i’m still His submissive, sure if He wanted something from me He could have it but that’s not really the way it’s suppose to feel, is it? So he hasn’t ‘asked’ for anything because He’s just as off as i am.

I know that your sexual impulses ebb and flow just like everything else in life but i can’t help but think that i’m much more likely to be ‘flowing’ LoL if we had the opportunity to play.

My sexual impulses are linked to my masochism and His are linked to His sadism.

Fine kettle of fish we’ve gotten ourselves into ….

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My ‘submission’ was and is a dominant act.

** A re-blog of thoughts gone bye …. to make the comment in my last post perhaps a bit clearer.**

Confusing? It shouldn’t be. In my view the main responsibility of a dominant is to identify and provide for the needs of those whom they have made themselves responsible.

While in the dominant role at home it became obvious that my husband needed to be in charge in order to feel fulfilled in His role. Where is it written that a dominant can’t choose to let someone else take the lead?

He is capable, responsible, steady, strong and willing. Contrary to some comments and posts I have read, I believe that the privilege to lead is earned not a given …. every leadership role I have been in has been earned, to me this is no different.

I mentioned the other day I’m not entirely sure I have a ‘submissive mindset’ and this is what I was referring to. I made a dominant decision to let Him lead, to give Him the information, respect and responsibility for things inside our home and family. My responsibility now is to be sure to follow through, and so I do.

I’m not saying I don’t get anything out of it, quite the contrary! Having someone to take the burden is obviously a wonderful turn of events and I can tell you I’m enjoying it immensely! 😉

Perhaps this is why I really don’t struggle with ‘submission’, to me it’s a welcome respite from all the other times when I am in the leadership role.

Love You Always Sir ❤