Pass the sword and shield, please Sir.

Putting on my war paint, again ….

Photo Credit 

The last few weeks have been quite the whirl wind. Trying to get myself ready to get back to work, trying to get the kids ready to get back to school, trying to get the school on board with the requirements of not just one child but two.

Everyone in a position of authority from last year has left and so the story starts all over again. I feel like I have traveled and emailed more times than I care to count only to find myself back at square one each time.

The mental state of the oldest is ‘okay’ but I can see how he is either lashing out or shutting down. I have a feeling that the best way to describe his issue is PTSD caused by excess emotional trauma due to the teachers at his school. He does okay everywhere else but get him anywhere near an educational facility and his panic is obvious …

He used to want to go to Harvard, he is more than smart enough, more than capable. To say this is disheartening is probably the understatement of the year.

The youngest, well, he is trying. He is making out okay with getting to school and managing the online work. Any change in schedule leads to panic and home he comes. The rest of the school day is a write off if it needs to be done in class. Good thing many courses have the work available on-line. Now I just need to be sure he doesn’t lose marks for not being in class doing the work.

He is refusing to go to his second class, the students are just simply to high energy and loud, he is unable to cope. The good news is that he has finally decided to see someone about it. With any luck we will find out if he does have Asperger’s (pretty confident here) and then get some support from both the doctors but also the school!

My family doctor has done as much as he can but is not qualified to give the final diagnosis. We have been treading water ever since he got back to school in February after being a ‘shut in’ for the better part of a year. So yes, long trip to get here, hoping for some relief now ….

Talking to people and trying to get them to understand feels like talking to the wall lately. I’m constantly explaining the same thing over, constantly carrying the brunt of the force to try to push forward and keep things going. It’s mind numbing having to do and say things over and over. It’s frustrating and frankly a pain in the ass! Did I mention I don’t like people-ing??

‘Gifted’ is not a gift, for any of us ….. we would all be happy being one of those ‘eccentric shut ins’, in many ways we already are!

I have been working from home mostly due to the kids and their needs for almost 17 years now. I am getting tired, I am ready to move on, my body can no longer handle the physical requirements of doing this.

The stress of being ‘on’ all the time has been building, obviously, and my body hurts.

The Bear and I have both been sick over the last 3 weeks now, trying to be rid of this ‘bug’ but of course busy schedules, lack of sleep and stress is not helping that along.

There has been no time or energy for play, no impact, no spankings, nothing to decompress. The house is always full and the time is always fleeting.

The best I can do right now is wipe away the war paint at the end of the night and snuggle into the furry Bear chest for a night’s sleep.

This too shall pass, right?