Okay so the truth about why a dominant at heart turned ‘submissive’ at home before any of the reality of what it really was sunk in. At first all the terms and rules and posturing was strictly sexually based. Yup, that’s it … nothing more and nothing less.
I already had a partner that was committed, and supportive and had my back, I already had all my other needs of life taken care of, but one, sex! We have always gotten along well, we have always communicated, we have always worked as a team, appreciated each others differences and held each others best interests at heart. All of that was already there and no label required. Sir has always been the only one I can count on to take care of me, no matter what else is going on in life. He is the only one that doesn’t let me down.
When the kids were little and time was short and birth control was in the picture my sex drive was also much lower. It was 8 years after having my first child that I finally got to sleep through the night. Eight years of sleeplessness and working full-time and taking care of eventually two toddlers ….. Energy was at an all time low, birth control squashed any amount of sex drive I had and sleep was a luxury. Sex was just not on the radar.
I had daydreams of just being ‘taken’, rough and fast with no more foreplay than ‘come here’. Hot, rough and primal was all I had time or energy for anyway. Unfortunately that was not part of our relationship at the time and I just got less and less sure of myself as time went on, so I said nothing …
Eventually the kids started sleeping (Yays!!) and we made arrangements so that I no longer needed birth control, my sleep got better and my sex drive did too, and then came perimenopause … for me it too ramped up my sex drive, or I suppose it might have just been going off birth control, who knows, probably both!
Anyway, the stories about sex and D/s were an easy way to get the picture across to Sir about what I was wanting and missing in life. As much as I like dominating out there in the real world doing it in bed does not turn me on. Finding lots and lots of stories and accounts is not difficult so the terms and dynamic became something we started talking about and pursuing.
I am sure, confident, capable and strong; if kneeling was what it took to get ‘off’ then that was what I was going to do. It really was an easy step, we already had the trust, respect, communication, love and honesty ….. so why not? I took a leap of faith.
So there you have it, that’s how it started. Sir was awfully uncomfortable the first few times because seeing me in a submissive state was just very unusual and far-fetched, even if it was just sexual it was certainly pushing His limits to say the least. He has since learned that He has a very sadistic side that compliments my masochistic need quite nicely but that might be a story for another day! 😉
We started slow and simple and took time to enjoy each and every mile stone…. and we are still changing and moving forward. Rome wasn’t built in a day ….
It is ironic though that our first sexual encounter was on a pool table, ….. in a pool hall …. LOL
Some how we went backwards before we moved forward!
Love You Sir ❤ or was it on the bar?!?!?!
nijntje & The Bear 
This is great. I think it’s important that you have trust and respect first. How else would you be able to be submissive? It’s funny how life sort of steered you in this direction.
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Not sure if it was life or a need and perhaps a small amount of manipulation?
When you think through and assess every detail before you start, the ball really is in your court, isn’t it? I do believe that’s why the scholars will tell you that the submissive actually holds all the power …. 😉
LOL Not that anyone here wants to hear that … but like I said, I’m much more muchier now …. and maybe a bit mad! hehehe
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To be honest, after having gone through it, I feel that the power is actually split equally. The difference being the roles played. It’s an intense mental game where each has a role. There is perceived power with the dominant, but in reality it is (or should) be shared through communication. I can contrast it with my wife who will not share that kind of power, and tell you that it simply doesn’t work. There is no dominant because there is no submissive. She will not play the mental game.
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Yes I’d agree that many relationships are fairly equally shared. I believe that the partners play off each other, the more one gives the more the other can have etc …
And I also agree that if the submissive isn’t willing to play then there is no dominant.
(Sorry for the delay in response, I’m a bit under the weather.)
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