kink vs. submission

Submission is more than just being given orders or getting spanked, submission is a personal set of values I believe. Submission is not to be taken, or ordered or managed by another – it is our own.

Is this perhaps the dividing line between submissive and slave? Besides the kink and intensity etc. …. is this the line?

Thoughts?

*** by ‘our own’ I mean something that we crave to do not something that we falter at and need corrections or discipline to accomplish. It is not a struggle to follow through, it’s more of a craving to do so.

My question is implying that a slave is more than kink, and in turn more submissive than a sub. Does this make sense at all?

Not invested, I suppose.

It’s been some time since I’ve really had the need or want to blog here. Bear stopped reading a couple years back and with no real interaction with my readers, well I got bored.

There is plenty of traffic on the site but just no comments which leaves me feeling rather talked out! I started this site back in 2015 and I have covered pretty much all there is that I am willing to share. Pretty much …. *smiles*

I could go back and reread my posts, add things that I have changed in or matured about but I just don’t have the inspiration to do so. Well, not till now anyway. I’ve started speaking to someone who is reading old blog posts of mine, yikes! LoL It’s got me thinking ‘what in the world did I write back then? I sure hope he’s not reading a rant!” *chuckle* Hopefully if there is something a bit off the wall he will ask.

Like I mentioned, Bear stopped reading the posts some time ago. It’s not because he’s not invested in the dynamic it’s just because that’s not the way he learns or shares information! Writing/reading is MY thing not his. Part of succeeding in this dynamic is learning and accepting the methods of the other person and working together for a common goal.

I still write to set things straight in my head and then I find a good time to approach him to talk. He doesn’t put me off, he sits and makes the time to listen. I try to remember to do just a few thoughts at a time because that’s what he prefers but I admit it can be difficult! lol He likes to sit and digest the information before moving forward … there is nothing wrong with that, it’s very much one of the best ways to approach things. I just happen to run a bit faster up in here! *chuckle* One of the reasons why I need BDSM to relax this head of mine.

I’m not entirely sure where I was going with this post, a bit of a ramble I guess. I’ve given up on labels and such. If you’ve followed for a while you already know I try not to use them any but if I had to I’d say we are very much into an M/s type relationship these days.

I think it’s where we were always heading it just took time to get comfortable in our roles. That’s a lot of responsibility and patience on both parts to get here, or so that is my opinion. Rushing things a few times over the years just became overwhelming to both of us so we learned to slow down. Now it just happens.

So, how are you all doing?

~n

Kink or self-harm?

A personal reflection.

I think it’s important to be honest with oneself when practicing certain kinky activities. I have just had to reflect on this topic and I admit that when you are in the midst of subspace it can be hard to tell the difference or perhaps more accurately, admit the difference.

Our kinky life has been taken up a notch, or okay many notches as of late and it has been a wonderful enhancement to our every day life. It has also allowed me to fall deeper into an almost constant subspace. Unfortunately, one of these kinky activities had started to cause some major physical discomfort.

As a masochist the idea of ‘suffering’ for my Dom is a huge appeal however there is a time when the suffering goes from kinky to unsafe or harmful to self.

I’ll spare you the details of the actual kinky activity but as much as my submissive self wanted to continue and please and well, suffer (in a consensual and masochistic way), my adult and responsible self knew it was time to take a break!

In my view kink should not cause real damage to your mind or body. Having also been one to use self harm in the past to deal with my issues I can assure you that there is a very real difference!

So I used my safewords. It’s a very real way for Bear to know the difference between being in the moment, and being in peril. The activity is for now at a full stop, as much as my submissive self might want to continue my reason tells me I should not.

Bear would never allow me to anyway, not now that He knows ….. There will be assessment and evaluation I’m sure and if we do continue in any capacity with this kink it will be well monitored by Him. 🙂

Kink is a fun and healthy expression of self.

Harming oneself is not. Be mindful out there friends.

Looking for …..

Does anyone here know where I might find some good information on a brat/brat tamer dynamic?

I suppose S.A.M. (smart @ss masochist) would also be something of interest. Bear and I are evolving, again, and I think I may be ready to try to tap into this aspect of BDSM.

I’m not talking about being rude or disrespectful or disregarding rules – more of a warrior needing conquer not simply submitting. That said, a little bit of naughty is always fun! *wink*

Chime in, send a link, whatever you may have is appreciated!

Thanks!!!

Two week trial

Part of our dynamic involves constant exploration, why not? Sometimes it’s sex and kink that we put a trial period on and sometimes it’s more. Like an idea or feeling that we are trying to capture with rituals and rules to help create – whatever it is we are after!

We are going to start just that again now. As I’ve written, things are a bit bland in our kinky life and we both are craving something more deliberate, more intense. We’ve sat down a few times over the past week to brainstorm together about what feeling it is we want to achieve and what triggers we have that help us do just that.

I crave a more intense BDSM aspect to my dynamic, Bear does too I think, but noise and lack of privacy are still very much a problem! My son’s mental health is no longer an issue (thankfully) but Covid has made it that we are NEVER alone! LoL Much like many of you I’m sure! That means that the things we are trying out are not necessarily exactly what we would like our dynamic to look like, but they are hopefully good enough for now.

There is no such thing as ‘perfect’, we put that notion aside long ago so we could focus on simply being happy! So we’ll start a 2 weeks trial period on a few ideas and see where it takes us. We want only a few changes right now, not a whole list all at once. Too much, too fast is just not the way to find a rhythm that works for us. It gets complicated and a bit too frenzied to really understand and appreciate the implications and if it’s something we want to keep or toss!

The thought is that 2 weeks is just long enough to see if it’s do-able, if it’s effective, or if it’s simply too much or doesn’t work on the psyche the way we hope. There will be no changes or backing out, or adding to during the 2 weeks. Changes will be made afterwards in order to give things a real chance! Of course – if it’s obvious that something is a ‘hard no’ for either of us than it will be reassessed and stopped, or whatever the appropriate measure.

So wish me luck! ❤

The irony of denial LoL

Do you ever just read something that is so ridiculous it just makes you laugh!?! It’s bigoted and one-sided all while missing the obvious parallels with that which it denounces! LMAO

I’m sorry, but I find things and blogs like these (w)ho[l]ly hilarious!

I’m not going into detail here but let’s just say that it’s funny to me that a blog that is against BDSM, D/s and M/s happens to be a great source of inspiration for just that sort of dynamic! Just because you don’t use cuffs doesn’t make you any different from me.

If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck …. and spanks like a duck and uses sex and nakedness as training tools ….

Does it really have the right to denounce us BDSM-ers??

Just some thoughts on a Thursday! ❤ Be well 🙂

Mindfulness – Maintaining that D/s connection pt.2

After communication, communication, communication …. *wink* the next thing I personally find useful in maintaining our connection is practicing mindfulness. Again, I know this is nothing new or revolutionary BUT it is something that I have noticed works very well in a very short period of time. Assuming one is willing of course, but then isn’t that the whole point of submission? A willingness to do so for/to another?

I enjoy the art of kneeling. Sadly I don’t get to do so very much for/in front of the Bear these days. Our life, schedule and lack of privacy don’t really allow for it.

When I do get to practice kneeling I find it very relaxing. It allows me to focus my mind and my energy, it relaxes my thoughts and it soothes my aching muscles and joints! Yes I’m serious, it does help with ALL of that and so much more. For me even just 10 or 15 minutes of kneeling practice changes my entire state of mind and energy. But lets take a closer look, shall we?

These are some of the basic positions you can read about, you can find them and descriptions of each pretty easily. How to do them, when to use them even when and what parts of play or ‘training’ they are best suited to. They are found anywhere from sites of weekend BDSM-ers to full on Gor.

With that much versatility, there must be something to it, don’t you think?? *chuckle*

Now look at these poses:

These are just a few, you will find all sorts of standing, laying, kneeling, etc. you just need to look. These too are practiced for peace of mind, focus, strength, calm, relaxation and so on …

The difference between the two for me is really the intended outcome. When I workout for myself I call it yoga. When I need a boost of submissive energy .. we add a few kinky accessories and we call it kneeling. Collars, cuffs and clips (pain of some sort) is my go to. It helps my submissive mindset greatly when it is ‘ordered’ by my dominant, and many times picture(s) of proof is also required. 

It’s simple, it’s easy and it can be done discreetly and quickly no matter who is at home or how short on time I happen to be. It’s all part of a list of submissive triggers that I worked out for myself and we then discussed and worked into the everyday.

An added note here, there are times when I’m just not in the mood – those are the moments that require the most mindfulness but also submission! Active submission I guess you’d call it for that’s when it becomes clear and established that He is He, and I am His. If I want this lifestyle than I want it all the time and not just when convenient or satisfying a horny need.  

Those are also the moments that tend to have the biggest impact on my submission! *wink*

Hey look at that! I think I’m getting a bit more focused and less slightly less scattered! LoL 

Maintaining that D/s connection in the every day. Pt. 1

I haven’t written anything in a while and I fear I may be a bit out of practice! I guess you poor souls are about to find out with me! *chuckle*

In the last post I received a couple of comments that were pretty similar. The basic idea was, I think, how have we managed our dynamic this past year with all the ups and downs of a pandemic! How do we keep things engaged in the every day.

In the beginning I think I had an idea that once D/s always D/s but that meant that there was a certain ‘energy’ that I was looking to have ALL THE TIME. The truth is that having a full time, live in relationship AND practicing this dynamic is not really what I had envisioned during the frenzied beginning of exploration. 

To start – I don’t feel ‘submissive’ all the time. If you have been with me for a while you already know that my overall personality tends to be much more in the dominant category. I have tried on and been called many labels over the last few years from ‘Warrior Princess’ to ‘Alfa Submissive’ etc. etc.

Those all have some truth to them but they also don’t really fit. LoL I’ve never been one for labels but I do know that they provide a good starting point for conversation and understanding. As an old friend used to say, the devil is in the details after all! The point is, no I don’t feel that submissive vibe all the time and that’s okay! I don’t need to.

What I have learned is to tap into my own wants and needs and to relay them to my dominant, The Bear! I’ve learned to recognize and honour the feelings I experience and put those into the wants or needs categories, then act on those thoughts and feelings by bringing them to my dominant. 

Submission (and His understanding and support) has taught me to be okay with having needs and being okay with asking to have them met! Go, figure …. you can actually do that in a healthy relationship and it won’t be seen as a weakness!

Life long ago taught me that it takes more strength to ask for help and depend on someone else and submission taught me how to act on that.  

*******

I think my thoughts went a bit off the rails here! LoL But, not a bad first day back?!? 

I’ll be back to the original idea/question – I promise. First let’s see how this one is received *wink*

Happy Thursday! ❤ 

Most important submissive phrase

‘Can you help me, please?’

Hello everyone! It has been a long while, some of you who follow my other site know why already.

I’m not sure how often I’ll be back here or if at all for now. I have started the slow process of getting back to writing, I know it’s good for my head but I’m not sure if I have anything worth sharing here. If you have any questions, any comments, any musing etc. feel free to drop a comment. Maybe you will inspire a post! LoL I did have this one thought though … 

The most important phrase that I, as His submissive, have learned is to ask for help! Right now especially I’m finding it to be crucial. 

The kink, the BDSM, the masochist in me and the sadist in Him. Those are all important in our dynamic for certain BUT learning to ask for help, learning I can ask for help, learning that I can completely depend on Him. 

That’s what really makes this dynamic special. 

Happy Friday! I have missed you ….