What do you mean? I don’t know, what do *you* mean?

Bear and I talk, all  the  time …. i mean like, really! All – the – time, and still there are moments where our ideas of what the other person means when they use a term or label couldn’t be further from what their reality is. Not only do i find this fascinating at times i also find it important to remember and understand!

After all this time together, and all this time together in D/s and BDSM, you’d think/assume that we would know just what the other means when they use these buzz words. That type of assumption can get you into some complicated and confusing situations!

Just this past weekend for example, Bear and i were on a short drive and since we were alone we struck up a BDSM conversation. No time wasted when you are busy in life and have very few private moments to spare! *wink* Since things are beginning to look more and more stable with the family we have started to allow ourselves to daydream about what we would like and what may be in the hopefully not so distant future.

The conversation lead to ‘play’ of course. I use the term a lot when i’m referring to BDSM and i guess i was thinking that He and i would have a very similar description of what that was, what that term meant, to us.

WRONG!!

Now, at some point when we were playing more and more often i think our definitions were pretty much identical, but over time and lack of practice (and discussion) things seemed to have shifted between His perception and mine. His definition was now much closer to the stolen moments we get. My definition is still much more of a manipulating of the body and sensation, pain and pleasure, endorphins, relaxation, exhaustion.  SUBSPACE ….. and in truth it doesn’t even need to involve sex.

I think the revelation that we were not at all on the same page with this was a bit of a shock, to both of us, but once we let that sink in for a while we were then able to move on to an honest conversation of where our differences in understanding were and what we needed/wanted to do about it.

The idea that honest communication is paramount in this is pretty well understood but do you really know what that communication needs to look like?

I think it’s too easy to get comfortable in things. Using these labels for a while makes you comfortable in just slipping them into our conversations for ease of understanding. As nice as it is to have a ‘lingo’ to fall back on, when you are dealing with something as intricate and personal as this, using the labels will often times confuse instead of enlighten.

True understanding comes from in-depth, honest, communication and it needs to be checked up on often.

As life changes, our dynamic changes and our needs and understandings change. None of it is right or wrong, none of it is more or less. It’s personal and it’s specific to us and where we are right now. And, it’s so very important that it’s not compared either.

***** ***** ***** ***** so in other news ……

Many of you probably realize by now that i don’t read erotic re-tells. What you might not understand is the main reason why. Besides having different preferences in reading materials, i also realized very early into this journey that those types of sites/stories made it really easy to compare my life, my story-line, to the ones i was reading.

People don’t write about the hiccups along the way in an erotic story, they don’t write that ‘today we did nothing D/s, we went to work, cleaned the house and fed the kids, watched some t.v because we were both so tired and then fell into bed, to sleep.’

Some write sites that encompass both but not in the same ‘fun’ post.  I read the real, down to earth posts, the ones that match up with my life, real life and i leave the stories to my imagination, because those are based on what i HAVE DONE and although it may leave me nostalgic (among other things! lol) it doesn’t leave me feeling like i’m less than, or missing anything.

A different kind of approach perhaps, an odd view, maybe …. but it works for me. 🙂

Colours of responsibility

Originally written a few years ago but it seems to be the theme for a current meme …. *wink*

I wanted to touch on a subject that doesn’t really make itself known in my world very often, but is so important to remember and put into the right light!

Sometime over our wonderful weekend together I had to use my safe word and I called red! Yup, I know …. wow! Now it wasn’t for a physical issue, no accident or anything like that but it was something I just couldn’t work through and so I used my word.

I’m not entirely sure what it was that was causing me to feel this way but no matter how much I tried I just couldn’t get my mind into what we were doing. I don’t mean I wasn’t interested or turned on enough, I mean I just was starting to feel very uncomfortable and wrong. There was no ‘real’ reason for the discomfort I was having but the fact is that it really doesn’t matter, does it?

I could have continued on, put on a brave face and just let things happen but emotionally that is NOT a good way to do things. Using your safe words is not a failure or let down, on either side. It doesn’t mean that you are not good together and it doesn’t mean that you are not trying hard enough …. I think using your safe words is actually a very powerful way of showing commitment and trust.

For all the kink and crazy things we do the last thing my dominant wants to do is hurt me in a real sense …. emotional hurt is just as important and damaging as physical hurt and sometimes even more so. It doesn’t matter if there is no obvious reason as to why it is happening, it still needs to be addressed.

Showing Him I trust Him enough to use my safe words when I need to or am in doubt only serves to strengthen our connection. It shows that I have trusted Him with all of me, all my thoughts and doubts and worries, … even the ones that don’t seem to make sense or might not be pleasing to deal with for Him. THAT is the point of being a dominant after all, to help and care for and provide for another not just when things are easy or sexy but also in their time of need.

Image result for happy couple together

So yes, I called ‘red’, things stopped instantly and within minutes we were talking it out. We both got to feel better and connected and it really wasn’t much time before we were having fun again.

If I hadn’t stopped I would likely be feeling anxious or wrong and doubting all sorts of things about myself and my marriage by now, instead I feel safe and loved and cared for. I have shown Him that He can trust me to be truthful and He has shown me that He can be trusted to care for me, all of me ….. no matter what, without anger, or frustration or hurt.

That’s why He’s my dominant, He has earned the title and continues to do so every day!

That’s why i’m His submissive, i have earned that too …. !

Love You Always my Wonderful ❤

Can you share?

I really like this, not something ‘like’ this, I know there are many but, I would like something ‘same’ or very similar.

I like the thickness and strength of the binding. I like the secure feeling of the whole thing. So …. do any of you have a resource you can link back???

Thank you! ❤ and TGIF!

I’ve never believed in luck, but …

rabbit-unlucky

We had a bit of fun last night, played around with a cool toy from Wicked Daddy’s online store and now I have awful pains in my abdomen. UGH

I’m very uncomfortable and I’m hoping it will pass as I get moving along today. I’ve been having a few other peri-menopause type symptoms (at least I think that’s the culprit) lately, soreness and lack of sleep to name a couple. Pain after sex is and could be the peri-menopause issue here, too.

I don’t believe in luck, and good luck has certainly never been a thing for me so …. doesn’t that mean I shouldn’t get stuck with bad luck either??

Enough already …… I want some peace, please!

Thank you universe, that is all.

*** for the record, I don’t believe the toy or how it is made has anything to do with this. It is a very fun and exciting thing to play with, when my body co-operates! ***

Dear Bear …

I could really use some assistance today Sir!

My upper back and shoulders could use your skill in flogging! *wink*

woman holding a whip

PHOTO

Or, you know, whatever your preference, of course Sir …

Perhaps a bit of brushing up on your skills before we get something new???

What do you think EMS!?!?

Please ….. *grin*

Love You Always, Sir! ❤

My ‘female’ orgasm(s) *chuckle*

I’m not sure if anyone else has ever experienced this, I know I haven’t seen it written this way so I will try my best to explain. This is not my usual topic so I’m not entirely sure how to approach it, please bear with me. I have read one description that sounded very similar but we never got further into the discussion. Anyway, here goes ….

Have you ever noticed that females can have multiple orgasms (I know I certainly can) while our male counter parts are usually set and ‘done’ with one? Sometimes if you’re young and lucky you can do more but it usually involves a break in between …. am I totally off the mark here or have you found this to be the general way of it?

BUT where there is a will, there is a way! *chuckle* For men a ruined orgasm allows for the release and some pleasure but the sexual brain and parts 😉 stay on the ready. This can take some practice to figure out but you can in effect orgasm and stay just as ready and able and interested as you were before hand. It’s the male version of multiple orgasms!  Nice right!

Generally speaking when a man has a full orgasm they are more or less ‘done’. The sexual interest drops, you are ready for a good rest and generally speaking the interest really doesn’t come back for 7 to 10 days … There are exceptions of course and the younger males are most certainly one of those exceptions but ….

When life and responsibilities and things get in the way you can bet that the interest will be low for 7 to 10 days give or take. I’m not saying they can’t be convinced, it’s just not really the first thing on their radar.

My experience has been the same with these different levels of my orgasms. In general I can have multiple orgasms and continue to be just as ready and just as interested. It makes me more ready to be at His service, keeps my spirits and mood up and I’m always thinking of how best to please Him. 🙂 Sex is first on my mind as well and it really doesn’t take much ‘convincing’ if you know what I mean.

I’m low on stress, it keeps my pain levels manageable and just a happy bunny in general (and not like the stickers, at least not at home *wink*). Having said that there is ‘the one’. Due to noise restrictions I don’t often get to experience that one. The walking dead has failed to take all the children out of the house so we need to be quiet! darn it!! 😛

Just to give you an idea of the power of it all, we ran into a neighbour  5 houses down who in conversation mentioned the couple having ‘fun’ that you can hear from time to time! Yikes! I managed to keep my composure and I’m sure he didn’t realize who it was because of the way it came about but still! We always have the windows closed …. the neighbourhood has lots of space in between properties, it really never occurred to me how loud I actually got! Poor Bear needs earplugs! But anyway ….

That one, ‘the one’, is what I would equate with the regular male orgasm. The one that makes you want to rest and the one that leaves you completely satisfied and ‘done’! I can not continue to orgasm after that …. it just won’t happen, done! Before this ‘one’ I can go on for days! ;P After that one I simply need to rest my body before I can orgasm again.

I find I can normally go 7 to 10 days myself as well with sex not being the priority. Now unlike the male submissive accounts that I have read, I don’t lose interest in pleasing and being there for the Bear I just don’t have an overwhelming need for sex!

I don’t feel frustrated and even angry like I do get when I have either no orgasms or if I try tease and denial. Tease and denial will actually make it so I lose the ability to orgasm when it’s time … go figure. It doesn’t make them better, it makes it worse for me.

Before starting to play with BDSM I figured the regular, multiple orgasms were it. I had never heard of a woman who had had an orgasm ‘good’ enough that made them basically act like a man! chuckle* Roll over, have a nap and I’ll see you in a week or so! (Just some humour folks, don’t go getting up in arms!)

I’m not saying that I need to orgasm each and every time, I’m just as happy to be there for Sir and let Him have His fun, just for Him, when He likes BUT it needs to be in the middle of me still being able to orgasm either small or BIG on a regular basis.

I started with the idea of moving my submission to the bedroom because I wanted more and better sex, not the other way around. Despite not having a label for it we started living this way a very long time ago outside the bedroom. Think Downton Abbey, I’ve always been strong and taken care of business but He has always been the one with final say, and respect is a given as far as I’m concerned, it shouldn’t require a label.

Anyhow, hope this makes sense ….

Me on ‘chastity’!

I’m a masochist, a proper orgasm usually involves some decent ‘play’! Time and opportunity have been lacking to say the least. I find in myself that there are different intensities or orgasm that I can achieve, the most common are the ones that I would equate to the male ‘ruined orgasm’. It’s there and it’s good but it is in NO WAY the final step. It leaves me still just as ready and willing to continue, maybe even more so.

I have read accounts of female submissives that are left needy and wanting and more than happy to chase after their man time and time again due to edging and denial. I would say that’s what these ‘ruined orgasms’ do for me. Tease and denial brings out the kick ass warrior who doesn’t take prisoners, as in the above video! 😉

This hasn’t happened on purpose, again, but I find myself once again testing the theory and once again down the same road. I’ve been hurting like an SOB, I haven’t had any real play time in what seems like forever and even the orgasms in between have been nonexistent. It’s been 3 weeks? 4 weeks? I really don’t know but I know it’s been a while.

I’m completely losing interest in sex and play and spankings …. I’ve got the flash of lightning in my eyes and I’m striking hard! My strikes are strategic and true and they bring down the strongest of men ….

Don’t they, Sir?

I’m not whiny or bitchy, loud or nagging. I don’t do anything that would be considered trouble, oh no! I’m straight and true and real. I hit hard and fast and there is nothing you can dispute or argue. Measured, calculated ass kicking ….

The sexual well-being of this bunny has been slacked on and the result is not a favourable one, at least I certainly don’t think so.

Sexual frustration doesn’t make me more ‘submissive’, it makes me want to punch a hole in the f’n wall! Literally, and it wouldn’t be the first time ….

Chastity? NO THANK YOU! I believe you have some catching up to do, Sir.

I might not have the opportunity for the perfect scenario but I’m sure there are lots of other things that can be done. ‘Small’ orgasms are better than no orgasms, unless you like this result? You’re the Boss ….

 

 

Shopping …

Humm, it appears the Bear has been shopping!

Without me! :O

I wonder what kind of naughtiness He’s been up to?? This is only the second time He has ever bought toys or things without me. The first time was at the very beginning of this adventure.

Normally we look at things of interest together or He tells me to buy some things to surprise Him with. Now He has my mind wandering …… oh boy! *eeek*

Two days of smiling … lucky me! I admit this is more of a grin! 😉 LoL

Happy Hump day! ❤

Children are wicked!

Just joking, sort of!

Sunday night came and went and we watched a show on TV. UGH

The youngest is now up and out of the house and the oldest now decides he wants to watch the show at home. With his girlfriend! *chuckle*

So not only are we not alone but we are also hosting! Good grief.

I was really looking forward to being able to play just a bit louder. I know I’m not the only one craving it either. Ever since we changed things up a bit and freed my brain to ‘play at will’ things have been exciting and dare I say we have both been a bit more feisty!

We still play a fair amount so it’s not that you need to feel too sorry for me, and it helps that the boy’s mental states seem to be balanced for now. It’s my mental state that needs to find balance at this point!

Perhaps balance isn’t the right term, I’m mentally good and happy and content so it’s not that. The thing I get from rough play and impact is that total release of pent-up energy.  Whether it be good or bad the energy starts to build and my body starts to tighten, my mind starts spinning like a top and the freight train of thoughts is non stop.

I remember in the beginning when we started experimenting with play and things were getting to the intensity that I needed, I had a feeling that I don’t ever remember having before!

Laying and resting and basking in some wonderful aftercare the Bear asked me what I was thinking. It took me aback because right at that moment there was nothing on my mind! Nothing! I literally burst out laughing almost reminiscent of the lunatics in movies.

Of course He was a bit amused but also a bit concerned. He asked again what was up? I had to tell Him that I don’t ever before in my life remember my mind being quiet, never!

edit ** Well maybe that’s a bit of a lie, I used to get ‘quiet’ when I was cutting but that’s not exactly safe, or sane is it? Although that wasn’t exactly quiet like this is, that was more of a trance. **

I’m a thinker, my mind is always going. I know everyone says that but go ahead and check out that personality I keep telling you about, it’s really something more! Anyway, this is the only thing I have ever found that actually completely relaxes me. After we get a chance to play at the levels I crave I can sleep and focus even better than before. It’s like all that energy has been released and I can start again, for a while, until things start to build up once more and then I find not having the opportunity to play even more frustrating.

I was not sure where this post was going to go, but ….. here we are! *chuckle*

So Bear, time to search for that second property?? *wink*

 

Pet Play? *wink* LoL

This has been a long time favourite, I’d say the signs were always there! *chuckle*

Happy Friday All!

Catch me if you can Bear! Or maybe …. I’ll catch you! *giggle*

A wild ride, over stony ground
Such a lust for life, the circus comes to town
We are the hungry ones, on a lightning raid
Just like a river runs, like a fire needs flame, oh
I burn for you
I gotta feel it in my blood, whoa oh
I need your touch, don’t need your love, whoa oh
(And I want, and I need)
(And I lust, animal)
(And I want, and I need)
(And I lust, animal)
Cry wolf, given mouth-to-mouth
Like a movin’ heartbeat in the witching hour
I’m runnin’ with the wind, a shadow in the dust
And like the drivin’ rain, yeah, like the restless rust
I never sleep
I gotta feel it in my blood, whoa oh
I need your touch, don’t need your love, whoa oh
(And I want, and I need)
(And I lust, animal)
(And I want, and I need)
(And I lust, animal) huh, ah
Cry wolf, baby, cry tough
Gonna hunt you like an, an, an, an, an animal
Gonna take your love and run
I gotta feel it in my blood, whoa oh
I need your touch, don’t need your love, whoa oh
(And I want, and I need)
(And I lust, animal)
(And I want, and I need)
(And I lust, animal)
tame me, tie me
(And I lust, animal) make me your animal
(And I want, and I need) show me, stroke me
(And I lust, animal) let me be your animal
and I want
(And I need, animal) ooh, ooh, ooh, animal (animal)
Songwriters: Richard John Cyril Allen / Stephen Maynard Clark / Philip Collen / Joseph Elliott / Robert John Mutt Lange / Richard Savage
Animal lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., BMG Rights Management US, LLC