Listen here …..

You see, if my needs are not being met than i have no want, or need to chase after him like his little *blank blank*.

Perhaps it is time to start taking care of my damn self, that’s much more natural to me anyway.

He used to ‘read’ me religiously, like a bible he wanted to learn. A thing to be understood, revered and worshiped.

Now …. now he would rather play Bejeweled or some dumb shit on his phone. I am not one to beg, not like this.

I know how to get him engaged, it’s what i’ve written about for almost 4 years now, but it has to be more than one sided.

I am frustrated and irritated and pretty much over trying.

He won’t read this anyway and i haven’t much going on with comments and the like. Perhaps it’s time to throw in the towel as they say.

When i hope and expect than i get angry and disappointed. If i don’t care or want than life goes on and i’m okay.

You know the definition of insanity, right? I may be crazy but i’m not insane, nor stupid.

I have so many other things going on, and i’m in constant pain. I don’t have the energy to carry this alone. *shrug*

“I’m not foolin’ myself.”

8 thoughts on “Listen here …..

  1. N,
    Sorry that I haven’t been commenting. I have been reading, but I am not feeling well and I have to think very hard when I dive into the dominance submission discussions. As far as this post today, we’ve all been there, some of us more than others. I have several posts on frustration regarding my feelings when I think Storm should be initiating ttwd type things more than he is…….. dang is that stressful. We both hate those arguments, but we try to get back on track. I think you will, too. Just keep communicating your needs with him. I hope you get some pain relief soon, too. Hugs, Windy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Windy! Some days i’m pretty fuzzy in the head with all this stuff that’s going on. Its frustrating for sure, as i’m sure you can tell from my post.
      I wanted some spanking time to help with my pain and my mind, He had other plans. I knew that the window of privacy was very short, He really didn’t realize.
      i was right of course, the day went from ‘ours’ to ‘not’ in no time and then the opportunity lost, again. For how long? I don’t know, 6 months, 12 maybe 18???
      I just knew it was going to be like that and i should have just said something, but in my current state that patient and pliable submissive is hiding, and hard to tap into on days like these. *sigh* Anyway ….. *hugs* back my friend!


  2. I complain about this same issue all the time. It felt like I was the only one interested so I stopped initiating or indicating I was interested in anything. Since then (excluding his submissive weeks), we have had one minor flogging. It wasn’t enough to be called a scene or even play, and it was the only bit of D/s HD engaged in. *sigh* I wish I had some advice to offer, but I haven’t figured out how to deal with this either. The frustration is wearing after a while, I know. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, we get ourselves into a cycle and then it’s hard to step out of it!

      This time it’s my own fault though, He keeps trying and i just pulled further and further away! It’s not my usual response but this pain is just kicking my @ss lately!

      I’m consciously getting myself reengaged and it’s going in the right direction already, thank goodness! No impact play of course, that window has sailed for now, but i’m responding!

      Liked by 2 people

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