You see, if my needs are not being met than i have no want, or need to chase after him like his little *blank blank*.
Perhaps it is time to start taking care of my damn self, that’s much more natural to me anyway.
He used to ‘read’ me religiously, like a bible he wanted to learn. A thing to be understood, revered and worshiped.
Now …. now he would rather play Bejeweled or some dumb shit on his phone. I am not one to beg, not like this.
I know how to get him engaged, it’s what i’ve written about for almost 4 years now, but it has to be more than one sided.
I am frustrated and irritated and pretty much over trying.
He won’t read this anyway and i haven’t much going on with comments and the like. Perhaps it’s time to throw in the towel as they say.
When i hope and expect than i get angry and disappointed. If i don’t care or want than life goes on and i’m okay.
You know the definition of insanity, right? I may be crazy but i’m not insane, nor stupid.
I have so many other things going on, and i’m in constant pain. I don’t have the energy to carry this alone. *shrug*
“I’m not foolin’ myself.”
nijntje & The Bear 
Oh my, I am so sorry. Sending you hugs and prayers. I have been there myself and it is not fun. Chin up! It will get better.
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N,
Sorry that I haven’t been commenting. I have been reading, but I am not feeling well and I have to think very hard when I dive into the dominance submission discussions. As far as this post today, we’ve all been there, some of us more than others. I have several posts on frustration regarding my feelings when I think Storm should be initiating ttwd type things more than he is…….. dang is that stressful. We both hate those arguments, but we try to get back on track. I think you will, too. Just keep communicating your needs with him. I hope you get some pain relief soon, too. Hugs, Windy
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Thanks Windy! Some days i’m pretty fuzzy in the head with all this stuff that’s going on. Its frustrating for sure, as i’m sure you can tell from my post.
I wanted some spanking time to help with my pain and my mind, He had other plans. I knew that the window of privacy was very short, He really didn’t realize.
i was right of course, the day went from ‘ours’ to ‘not’ in no time and then the opportunity lost, again. For how long? I don’t know, 6 months, 12 maybe 18???
I just knew it was going to be like that and i should have just said something, but in my current state that patient and pliable submissive is hiding, and hard to tap into on days like these. *sigh* Anyway ….. *hugs* back my friend!
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Been at this point so many times I’ve lost count. Just have to keep plugging away, wabbit.
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I complain about this same issue all the time. It felt like I was the only one interested so I stopped initiating or indicating I was interested in anything. Since then (excluding his submissive weeks), we have had one minor flogging. It wasn’t enough to be called a scene or even play, and it was the only bit of D/s HD engaged in. *sigh* I wish I had some advice to offer, but I haven’t figured out how to deal with this either. The frustration is wearing after a while, I know. 😦
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Yeah, we get ourselves into a cycle and then it’s hard to step out of it!
This time it’s my own fault though, He keeps trying and i just pulled further and further away! It’s not my usual response but this pain is just kicking my @ss lately!
I’m consciously getting myself reengaged and it’s going in the right direction already, thank goodness! No impact play of course, that window has sailed for now, but i’m responding!
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I am glad things are looking up! 🙂
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Thank you!
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