Brain download, enter at your own risk! *chuckle*
I’ve been thinking about these two things for a little while now. Two things that I have written about but I don’t know if I was able to get the entire story across. I’m not sure if everyone reading has had all the important details in order to fully understand what I am trying to blog about so I guess you can call this a bit of a ‘catch all’. If this brings up any questions please feel free to ask!
Firstly, no I am not writing about catching up on orgasms, well sort of but not really!
One post I wrote and also some comments that I have made out there in blog land are based on a post I wrote about different types of orgasms and specifically different types for me! I’m still not going into details of how but I am going to try to explain the change in intensity, again for me.
When we were younger and before kids came around, I had already started on the path of noticing that for me there are a variety of intensities of orgasms. ALL of them very good, I’m not complaining, this is just explaining. Starting with the most subtle, warm feeling but quiet ones (not my norm), to the more vocal and physical ones. I was never the quiet type but sometimes I swear Sir really should have been wearing ear protection for His own safety! Some times however, there was a hint of the ones I would find … this one is all-encompassing! This one started to be the ‘norm’ after we started playing around with BDSM.
This one, the ‘one’ I keep referring to, the one that escapes us as of late, is Earth shattering in its finality. I completely lose all control, screaming, crying, laughter …. shaking, convulsions even. My health and well-being are completely in the arms of the Bear. He needs to keep me safe, keep me from hurting myself, from falling and even keep me breathing! Explosion of energy really is the best way to describe it, my body in convulsions and red like a tomato. Really!
He needs to calm me down, check and remind me to breathe, cool me off and hold me until I stop shaking. Eventually I will stop shaking and catch my breath, probably face covered in tears that ran out uncontrolled and laughter escaping here and there. The idea of the lunatic in a ‘B’ movie comes to mind. I really have lost all my senses …. it’s that powerful.
I could never do this while ‘away’, and not while anyone is home either! Well we have tried, early mornings and out in the garage, and I have tried to keep quiet. (Yeah, didn’t work!) The problem with outside is that it’s either too hot, or too cold and with my physical issues even if I wanted to brave it Sir won’t allow it. The nice days of course will find neighbours out and about gardening, dog walks etc. So not the ideal situation. We have managed a couple of times but obviously not much.
When we play with BDSM I require the same intensity and feel to be satisfied completely there as well. Needless to say that is also very loud and in our current position hard to come by. The energy from either of those things to me is the same, a pretty powerful ‘O’ I would say.
Now as to why we can never seem to get around to it. Not the site I normally go into these details but in hopes of letting you understand …
A few years ago we starting experiencing some serious mental health issues with my oldest. Things became very hard to deal with around here and even violent in some cases. Obviously our focus started turning towards the boys and not so much our sex life. Probably not as much as it should have, but that’s for another time.
We did eventually get some help, he was put on some medication and his mood swings were manged. He went through counselling for a while and things have leveled off. All of the hectic energy and traumatic days triggered something in the youngest however.
He has always had issues to over come but we manged them quite nicely with support and understanding from me. I became his advocate a very long time ago and I stayed home shortly after he was born because the boys were having issues and because it just worked best for us.
Long story short, the youngest managed in the world with no one being any the wiser right into high school. Everyone knew there was something he had that made him more in tune and more perceptive than those around him but that was where it stayed. Enter these hard days at home for the better part of 2 1/2 years and then one very @sshole of a teacher and his life went very sideways.
Again, the short of it, he spent the better part of a year locked up in the house. If we did mange to get him out the door it was with one of us and for a very short period of time. He is now on anti anxiety medication and to help with OCD and since February has manged to go back to school for half days! YAY!! I can not begin to tell you the relief we have felt to see both boys getting back to ‘normal’.
I was very much his life line in all of this and anything even remotely looking like I wasn’t the kick ass warrior he was used to would be a potential trigger. I stopped wearing my more distinctive collar in the evenings, I stooped sitting at His feet, I stopped any sort of ‘play’ that made any noise because you were guaranteed door slams that moment and behaviours that indicated he had been triggered for days after. Needless to say our sex life became secondary to their mental well-being. The intensity of the ‘O’ was simply not possible with him always home.
They did get out once per week when The Walking Dead played because the boys have always gone to Gramma’s to watch the episodes together. Not much time to get BDSM, maintenance spankings and magnificent ‘O’ in … LoL That’s not even accounting for cold and flu season and my various physical issues that like to make appearances at the most inopportune moments!!
So yes we get to play, some … and we get lots of sex and ‘normal’ orgasms but that one that releases all the pent of energy and stress that we have been under is very hard to find as is any BDSM play!
The house is very literally never our own when the Bear can be here too. We even went as far as to set me up working part-time and planning for days off for the Bear. We could play while the boys were at school and no one would know. The problem was that first one boy stayed out of school and then the second stayed out of school. Eventually BOTH boys were out of school and me running around trying to figure out what to do with them and how to get them back to life.
OUR time never happened, and so here we are.
We’re hoping they are getting back on track and hoping our boys will be okay. The oldest has had enough issues with school that he will not be going back. On line work for now and possibly finishing up high school at the college, I guess we’ll see. The youngest is set up for two morning classes and two online from home classes in the afternoon. He still never goes anywhere but we are hoping that will come, soon.
BTW The Walking Dead needs to be starting up again soon, doesn’t it??? PLEASE!! *chuckle*
So I think that’s the short and long of it. If something doesn’t make sense please ask. It’s not that we don’t want to play, or can’t figure each other out, it’s simply that life will not allow it. So the Bear and I wait ….. we play some but just not at the same intensity.
BDSM and that magic ‘O’ are my stress relievers and I have enough stress on a daily basis to really notice when I can’t play. Not that way, not right now. We’ve started adding things back in and taking it slow so to not trigger anything. Patience indeed.
My youngest and I were chatting and bantering back and forth as we normally do and eventually the conversation went to music, again fairly common around here. He mentioned Pink Floyd …. okay, all ears!!
nijntje & The Bear 