Let’s get this straight. *personal rant*

If you are a self-righteous, sanctimonious j@ckAss who runs around constantly stating or insinuating that ‘nilla is not as good as you, as connected as you, as deep in meaning as you because you practice your version of BDSM than I will call you out on it, I will stand my ground and I will show the ridiculous hypocrisy of your ideals vs. your actions.

If your life preaching can’t stand the heat, perhaps it’s not as ‘right’ as you say it is.

Please, by all means have your opinions based on your life experiences but don’t run around preaching it as THE WAY of things. State it as YOUR experience, YOUR ‘nilla relationships, YOUR issues.

Most of the hate and intolerance I see comes from ‘lifestylers’. Hate towards each other, hate towards people who don’t fit their preferred way of doing things. Words like ‘true’ and ‘real’.. pressuring people into relationships and situations they don’t want because they are not ‘real’ or ‘good’ or ‘true’ if they don’t.

Hate towards the vanilla world. Vanilla is now a derogatory term?? Get over yourself. I know plenty of vanilla friends who live and love honestly and fully. They are connected, they are together without fear or shame. They are much more understanding and accepting than the part of the ‘community’ I have been made privy to.

*** Note: Not everyone in the community is like this, but there are many, many out there pressuring and oppressing. If that is what it now means to be kinky, to be a BDSMer, to be D/s than COUNT ME OUT! ***

I don’t give a rat’s ass what you call me or what you want to label me. I am strong, opinionated, feisty and a fighter. I am able to stand on my own two feet and I choose to be my husband’s submissive.

I DO NOT need to be quiet and keep my thoughts and needs to myself. I will NOT go quietly. I will be heard, I will be taken care of, I will voice my needs and I will be happy. I will not be forced into playing with others, I will not be forced into anything. If that doesn’t fit into your version of submissive so be it, but do not tell me or others that we are wrong, or that we are not good enough!

Michael Makai was right, the Warrior Princess will need to stand up and fight for the lifestyle. I wonder if he knew that the real fight was within the lifestyle itself?

**After an interesting read from a fellow respected blogger I felt it necessary to add that I neither read nor follow Makai’s way of thinking. The one sentiment referenced carried no more meaning than the sentence itself. **

This is a life style choice, it’s supposed to be fun, it’s supposed to be enjoyed. When it becomes miserable or mentally unhealthy than it’s time to stop.

This is not however a higher calling. It is not superior to any other lifestyle.

And Yes, this is MY OPINION. Unlike the things I have read, I’m not trying to preach or force it onto anyone.

19 thoughts on “Let’s get this straight. *personal rant*

  1. I have been steering clear of fetlife for a number of reasons but this is one of the main ones. “One twue way” sucks!
    I aspire to a 24/7 D/s relationship one day, but even that will need to be heavily weighted in vanilla because… Well… Life!!

    Warrior princess, keep fighting the good fight xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes ma’am, I will! Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, every little bit helps! ❀
      There are so many good people out there doing great things for the community, it's a shame when they get over shadowed by this type of bull!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. There is no shame in experience. There is no shame in having an opinion. It is certainly ok to prefer opinions based on experience and introspection. But……

    In a lot of areas of life I have met people who are really good at a given skill (or skills) and who have a lot to offer anyone willing to learn. Unfortunately I have also seen that many of them let their drive for excellence in an arena blind them. They miss a lot of obvious things as they proclaim their “true way”. Doesn’t matter if it’s cars, horses, welders, dominants, submissives or quilters, they each made a series of avoidable judgements. Saying this doesn’t lessen the value of the lessons they have to offer any more than it would indicate a need to wear the same color lucky underwear during a barrel race.

    Nothing wrong with learning from everyone around you. From the education you gain inputs for your own decisions. There is something wrong with anyone believing that they hold the only key or that those with questions are weak or offensive.

    (Hmm, head says I’m not making sense and should go. I hope everyone has had a good day.)


    1. I think I understand where you are going with this C, but feel free to come back and add if you feel it necessary once you can. Hope the head clears up quickly and the rest of your day is fruitful!

      There is something to be learned from any experience, but none are superior and none are the ‘only way’.


      1. Not good now but maybe better so let me add to your comment.

        Sometimes there is (almost always) only “one true way”, sometimes there is a “superior way” and sometimes it is a matter of preference.


        Try to drive a nail head first. Yep, there really is “one true way”.

        You can sit and pull on pants after putting both feet through (says the guy with occasional physical issues) but “one leg at the time” is a superior way.

        How you eat Oreos is probably a matter of preference. (This not being applicable if you try to eat in Grumpy.)

        It is important that one possess the patience and wisdom to divine what type of choice confronts them and act accordingly.

        Just my opinion.


      2. Alright C, interesting leap sideways, I can see where you are coming from. My post and subsequent comments were geared towards feelings, relationships and ways of coming together as a couple. Other life topics were not what I was getting at and I thought that was understood. I will strive to be more specific in the future! πŸ˜‰
        Glad to hear you are getting better, even if not there yet. Don’t forget to give yourself a break when needed.


      3. To many things going on today and a break from typing would have been wise. Sorry that I mixed topics. Airing my thoughts was a poor choice on the soapbox of another.

        Hope you you had a good day ma’am.


      4. Your thoughts are always laced with wisdom, no worries. People can still take good information from that! Hope you’re better today my my friend!


  3. Rant on, lil’Rabbit! I couldn’t agree with you more. Especially where you say, “When it becomes miserable or mentally unhealthy than it’s time to stop.” Far too often, people are continuing in something that is mentally unhealthy just because they ascribe to a certain “label”.

    Also, as to my opinion, vanilla and kink are a part of everyday life in the lifestyle. It’s like those soft serve cones, where the chocolate and vanilla are mixed. Both touch one another and taste good either together, or separate.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Cookie Monster! I really like that analogy, two things truly intertwined and simply better for it! Plus yummy! *wink*

      As to the other, as far as I’m concerned mental and emotional abuse don’t become irrelevant just because you put some letters behind it. Badgering and manipulating someone until they have no choice but to agree is not consent, it’s coercion. To me that is abuse of power, simply put abuse.


      1. Yep! Abuse of power it is. I’m actually working on a piece of prose regarding the topic of “servitude”. Hopefully it will be done in the next day or so.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Powerful post Nijntje.. What happens with S. is an expression of love and that is our dynamic. What form that love is expressed is our way, no one else’s. There is no line drawn through it stating ‘Nilla or Lifestyle. It is always love. ❀


    1. I’ve never understood why people in full time relationships had to label one day ‘this’ and one day ‘that’. I can’t turn my connection on and off like that, the kink is on top of the connection to us, not the whole thing.
      People being told that if they don’t engage in something it’s because their ‘nilla self is still too strong or is stopping them, that’s what has set me off. In any relationship manipulation of another is wrong, when they have made their feelings and needs quite clear. Hard limits are there for a reason, if you can’t respect that you don’t deserve to call yourself a ‘dom’ of any sort.


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