A big difference – a bit of a brain cell download

The difference between real and role play, for me.

I’m not entirely sure if this will come out as a coherent post but I feel I need to get it out of my head so here goes. It might be a bit confusing to some of you because it goes against everything I normally talk about, sort of! LoL

The idea of being ‘molded’ into the perfect ‘slave’. (BTW I really hate that term, it undermines everything real slaves went through to me but that’s another thought.) I know that when given the opportunity I really do enjoy that type of dynamic, for a while. This wouldn’t however be something that I consider ‘real life’.

Given the opportunity to slip away into this space where I get to be and act in such a way that is completely controlled by the Bear is a very good way for me to ‘check out’ of reality for a while and simply be. It’s calming, its relaxing and it’s a safe space done with someone you trust.

See, I haven’t got a thing against playing this way, but that’s all it would be, to me …. It’s play, it’s a fantasy, an escape from reality BUT it’s not real life. It would be a role I take on for a short while, just long enough to be rid of stress and worry.

For those who play online only, or have contact with their doms or subs maybe once per week, or once per month, I can certainly see the appeal of playing this way. But THIS does not translate well to a full-time 24/7 relationship where you live together, play together and share all other responsibilities like kids, work, house, etc. That would be where everyone says ‘real life’ gets in the way of their dynamic.

I enjoy the role, I won’t deny it but that’s all it is, it’s a role, it’s not something that I get molded into 24/7. When things were good we played this way from Friday night to Sunday, mid day. It gave just enough time to ‘come down’ and talk and regroup for Monday morning.

When life got complicated we went back to basics, I wrote about the ‘rules‘ so you know what I mean. Now a days we use trigger words to tell each other what we want/need and when opportunity shows itself we try to take advantage.

The core of the relationship is always the same, the important stuff never goes by the way side but the fantasy we like to play at is put in that category for us, a fantasy.

Being at someone’s beck and call 24/7 and pushing all your own wants and needs out of your mind is not a mentally healthy way to be. It’s a co-dependent relationship at best and very mentally hurtful at its worst.

It’s a great mental break, I’ll give you that. It’s no different from role-playing in one of those video games but you leave most of it behind when you shut the game down. You don’t continue with that persona. Yes, parts will be with you because they are just who you are and it works well with your day-to-day, but not everything.

If I was to play video games I’m sure I’d pick the kick ass warrior with sword and shield and take out the bad guys one by one, BUT in the real world I don’t really chop people in half!

See, part real, part fantasy. Fun yes but not something that I could, or should continue 24/7 ….


This is part of who I am. Does that make my submission a fake role I play? No, but it does need to be put in perspective. Checking out of reality for a while and letting Him take it all on is a great vacation but eventually we all have to return to ‘work’ don’t we?

It doesn’t make it fake but it does speak to the idea of being realistic with your rules and expectations, from both side.

I understand the concept and I love being bound and at His mercy, completely from time to time. That would not go over very well in the middle of my work day however or if something comes up in life while He is not here, would it?

So why would He, or I, want to have me mentally bound 24/7?

A role to be molded into?


I am His submissive but I can’t say that I am ‘a’ submissive, perhaps that’s why sometimes things really make we wonder if I want to remove the word from this site entirely.

The idea that I couldn’t speak my mind simply to keep Him in an unending state of Masterly bliss confounds me.

What joy is there in being able to say you are the leader of something that has no will power of its own anyway? Something that never thinks for itself, never has original ideas or could never provide a worthy opponent.

I often take the lead in the real world, make decisions and help those in need of guidance but I admit that when I find myself in the midst of a bunch of ‘yes men’ it loses it’s luster very quickly.

There is no real ‘boost’ when I can see that if not me it could easily be someone else, anyone could lead that ship ….. there is no challenge.

So tell me Sir, would you rather mold me into my ‘proper role’, or would you rather continue with this …..


No need to answer Sir, I know what happens when I seem tame! LoL

Happy Monday! ❤


it’s a compliment …

I’ve spent my life being talked about, it’s true. I rarely notice until someone else brings it to my attention, I really do choose to be oblivious most times, that wasn’t just a post idea, it’s my truth.

I surround myself with people and ideas that bring me up, make me well, make me whole. The rest, well I really have no need or time for them, I put them where they belong, in the trash bin.

One thing that I have noticed is that normally the ‘trash talk’ comes from those that simply haven’t got the self-respect and self-confidence that I have. It’s the ones who are unhappy and unfulfilled for some reason that find the need to start sh*t.

People who are happy and secure in themselves and in their lives have no need to try to bring others down simply for the sake of making them feel bad. Why would you?

So, it’s a compliment! If others feel the need to try to bring you down simply because you are you it only means that they are jealous … in some way and for some reason. They want something you have and they can’t seem to reach … quite …. that … high.

Instead of asking for help they bully!

They don’t make me mad, I feel sorry for them, but I won’t waste my time feeling stressed.

Say what you like, I really don’t care BUT if you start to hurt someone in the process … well you best be sure you know what you are getting yourself into. It’s not really their life you’re ruining, it’s your own you’re wasting. Choose wisely … put your energy where it belongs, in fixing your own issues!

Consensual Domination/submission?

** Written 2 1/2 years ago and unfortunately still valid today! **

So at which point do we cross over from consensual domination and submission to being simply immature and selfish. Sometimes even bordering on oppressive … I thought women having to play dumb went out in the 50s and 60s! Would you be upset with me for simply doing something to the best of my ability?

I thought one of the joys of these relationships was that we helped each other to be better than what we are alone! Wanting the best for each other despite our own wants and never putting our own selfish desires ahead of the other person is what makes us stand apart from the vanilla world.

If that’s the case, why in the world would you want me to pretend to be less than what I am just so that you looked better? Isn’t that the definition of a bully?

(Not about my relationship, just an idea that was going around on a ‘submissive’ site I was part of. I can’t get behind that concept at all!)

I like it

** This was one of the reasons I started this site 2 1/2 years ago, to show that you don’t need to put yourself lower than anyone else in order to be a good submissive. The idea that I should lower my self and my capabilities just so a ‘dom’ could feel better about themselves was ridiculous to me, and it still is.

The theme at the time was that the submissive felt bad because she won a board game while playing against friends and her dom. She knew he would be upset and even went on to preach that she should have known better than to do her best, she should have let him win. What?!?!?

The people around at the time were more than happy to agree and even chastise her for being too smart ….. LOL right! If you are not strong enough to take me on don’t pretend that’s my problem …. that’s your issue, not mine!

That is not dominant, that’s domineering ….

Unfortunately it seems that the idea is still out there and still bringing down the spirits of strong and independent people who also want to enjoy the benefits of submitting to their mates!

I guess a rabbit’s work is never done! **


Has the rabbit lost her marbles??

I thought I should give you a quick run down of what’s going on.  I was going to keep this private but I think I should put it up here (*with their permission*) for you folks to better understand. I’m sure you’ve noticed thesocialbutterfly2017 that has been commenting on my blog.
Her god-daughter is a submissive, butterfly is not, but her god daughter ‘lily’ got in with a bad crowd on-line a few years ago. She was ‘beat up’ pretty badly for being a ‘bad sub’, all the stuff I’ve been writing about.
Anyhow, god mother started following me a bit ago to try to figure all this out, she is not kinky or a sub, she had no clue.
Since leaving twitter (the place where lily was and got in with a bad ‘dom’) lily has been stalked by this dom that she refused. He and his ‘people’ online started stalking not only her but also her family and friends, anyone they could reach. Their internet accounts were hacked, things were posted on their behave etc etc. A nightmare as you can imagine, it’s all on the socialbutterfly2017 blog if you’re interested.
Long story short(er) this dom/stalker writes ‘children’s stories’ on line and he hints and steals from private and personal info he has hacked and writes them into these children stories about ‘Lila’.
Lately Lila stories now have hints of warriors, dragons and silly rabbits! LoL I admit I’m flattered BUT Suzanne (the butterfly) and Lily are not. Lily has been with someone else for some time, she is expecting her first child and this man still won’t stop stalking and writing.
Suzanne is dealing with a husband suffering from dementia, I don’t need to tell you that both of their plates are very full.
I started commenting on Suzanne’s blogs about all of this a few weeks ago and I figured he would take the bait, and he did. As far as I’m concerned he’s outed himself very nicely. If he thinks writing stories about rabbits is going to stop me from helping these two, well he is very sadly mistaken.
So far I think the ladies are feeling more empowered and more accepted than they were before I started. I have no intention of stopping until he does. *wink*
That’s about it …
Now you’re all caught up!

Rabbit tails …. LoL

Have you ever heard of the mighty rabbit? Tales of its power spread far and wide! People have been talking about it for ages, apparently it’s quite the creature!

I admit I was a bit surprised (not really, played out as planned but this ‘flows’ better) to see that even now, in this day and age, the mighty creature still holds an audience! *chuckle*

People have found it fascinating for years, apparently its life is so interesting that they can’t help but talk about it! I admit though, this is the first time it’s been on an international platform. Quite the honour, thank you!

Oh, hold on … wait a minute! It HAS been written about before …

Oh well, apparently you STILL have NO honour …. LMAO

Ever noticed my avatar before? Here it is ….

TGIF Folks, hope you are having as much fun as I am today! *grin*


Bad submissive?

I’ve never made a secret about the fact that I view myself as a dominant soul, submission is something I give to only one man.

Out in the world I would say that I was much more dominant than the Bear. I’m the one who takes things head on, charges ahead, tries to pave new roads in thinking and actions. That’s my forte, that’s where I feel most alive, most me. I don’t run around telling people I’m ‘dominant’ and telling them they need my help, it’s the opposite actually.

I lead by example, I lead by doing and taking care of business. I lead by being responsible and putting the needs of others ahead of my own wants. I lead by understanding the responsibility I am taking on when I give my word and I lead by never going back on that. To me that is the definition of a dominant soul, that is why people come to me, not the other way around.

And then the Bear comes home. Do you suppose He’s going to find me sitting quietly by the door, hands in my lap and waiting for instructions? LOL Do you suppose that the fiery spirit and warrior attitude simply vanish? Yeah right!

I have scared the crap out of plenty of men in my life time, before the Bear, none of them were strong enough to stand straight and face me head on. I would say that’s why I never would have thought I would find myself in this situation now.

I wasn’t loud or rude and I didn’t argue or fight, I didn’t have to, I don’t have to. People sense the energy with which you approach them. Always confident, strong and head held high. I don’t run from a fight but I don’t pick them either. I learn and watch before I make a conclusion and speak, but when I speak its with authority and confidence. There are very few people who earn my respect, my standards are very high, but that doesn’t mean I don’t carry myself properly and act respectfully toward them. It’s not because they are deserving it, it’s because I am.

I am not going to sit quietly by if I disagree with something, I will speak up and I will stand my ground. I very rarely lose my temper, I control myself … but when I do, oh boy the house shakes! Everyone runs for cover because they know that if I have gotten to that point than there is REAL trouble ahead.

AND …… He is strong enough to face all of this on a daily basis and take on the responsibility for being my dominant. Certainly not a job for the faint of heart! *wink*

A friend wrote just recently that she was told that made her a ‘bad submissive’.

Check it out if you get a chance, I think she might be able to benefit from a second opinion!

The Bear says one of the best parts of being my dominant is that it makes Him better every day. It pushes Him to expect more of Himself and BE MORE to be able to properly care for me, and for us. The Bear takes His responsibility seriously, He doesn’t say I’m a bad submissive, he simply becomes a stronger Man.

So what do you say? Am I a bad submissive, or am I simply a warrior not fooled by fools and not controlled by the ‘boys’ pretending to be more ….

(A bit of a rant in response to things I have been witnessing.)