(I thought I should explain so no one worried.)
I’ve found myself recently with plenty of available brain power and nothing with which to keep occupied. Of course this leads the bunny to start thinking, and over thinking and plotting ….. etc. etc. ….
I’ve always had a huge imagination and normally I can keep the buffer between real and perceived in check. Lately the line has been getting a bit blurry … perhaps knowing the Bear will always catch me has given me a bit too much ‘puff and stuff’.
Does an action need to be kink inspired in order to be dominant? Does it need to involve plugs and clamps in order to be considered dominant?
The things I have been reading on lately involve mostly submissives being cared for and calmed through butt plugs, nipple clamps and bondage of some sort …. Tasks and orders are given in a kink inspired manner in order to help them keep their minds and spirits in a happy place, fair enough.
The fact however is that if I am worried or upset or frustrated the last thing I want is for my Sir to give me kink inspired orders to ‘fix’ the situation.
When I am in need of His support He takes care of me and makes sure I know He is with me in a different manner. I get told to wear His ring around my neck if He is not with me, I get His hand on the small of my back and a kiss on the forehead when He is here, I get words of support in my ear and I get told to give my frustrations over to Him and He will take them off my shoulders.
I get told how strong I am and that I can ‘do this’ or I get told to let go and He will carry me. I get told to put my hand on my face and pretend it is His if He is away and when He’s home I get told to come and sit so He can put His arms around me a while ….
I don’t get told to go get plugged or clamped because He knows that when I’m actually in need of care that would set me off on the wrong path. That would frankly piss me off and make me wonder why the heck He has sex on the brain when I need support and a strong hand to guide me now …
The only time I want kink inspired ‘help/care’ is when everything else is already fine and balanced and He keeps it that way for me by the dominant acts that are appropriate for me.
Apparently not having a plug in my arse has left a bored bunny plenty of room to put my head in it instead! Fortunately it was made apparent to me just what I was sounding like very quickly through some email correspondence. That’s why I’m taking a break from Neverland for a short bit to focus on and remember what MY needs actually are and what I have right here, in my world.
Learning new things and ideas is great but it is important the one does not forget who they really are in the process ….
So I ask you again, does an act of dominance need to be kinky in some way every time in order to be considered effective and 24/7?
What if it’s only kink based some times and calm, strong and controlled for the rest ….. ? Is that any less dominant? Is that any less consistent? Is that any less 24/7 … ?
Pulling my head out of my arse now Sir! Thank you for your patience ….
Love You Always Sir ❤
nijntje & The Bear 
What you just described is the reason I’ve often felt hopeless about finding a life partner who really clicks with me. I need the kinky bits. They are fun and I like getting juicy and melty and floaty. BUT, without an underlying and overlying base of good old fashioned reality based conversation, compassion, chivalry, common sense, mutual respect, and friendship, the kinky stuff never comes into play and is irrelevant.
For me, the measure of a good Dominant is largely the degree to which they are comfortable being normal. It’s more about someone’s ability to be a stabilizing force, an intelligent sounding board, a person comfortable with who they are so that there is no *need* to demonstrate Dominance through masks of kink, but rather sometimes the ability to demonstrate dominance through knowing when to just be a supportive partner.
The pitfalls for me have been finding someone who is fully capable of going full tilt and affecting me to an insane degree without losing their humanity and authenticity. I’m with you. Anyone who thinks the way to deal with the complexity of my psychology is to throw kinky commands my way instead of bringing the real will grate on my last nerve. Sure, there are some situations where that is the answer, but more often than not it’s just adding a layer of adrenalized distraction to the issue.
It’s icing. It isn’t meat and potatoes.
Finding the person who embodies that has proven to be challenging. I kept finding scared men dressing up as Dominants, afraid to let the mask fall away ~or~ people who were intimidated by my strength and brains and couldn’t meet me there head on through conversation and demonstration of fitness for the job.
I’m reminded of photos I gathered yesterday of the connection between the Obamas… chivalry, forehead kisses and fist bumps. That’s where it’s at for me.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. They always resonate. Xox
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Thank you! And YES, that’s it exactly ….
The Bear is happy to step back and let me shine when I need to, He’s happy to step up and take control and protect me when I need Him to, but most of the time He is happy to walk beside me and support whatever path I happen to be on.
So in those moments when He does choose to put His hand around my neck ….. well, I’m done and melting in a heartbeat!
Thanks for your support! It’s always nice to feel understood. XO 😀
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“It’s icing. It isn’t meat and potatoes.”
That is a great summation. If you spend 5% of your life on something actively “kinky”, I’m amazed. Someone either has way to much free time or really, really puts it first in their lives. (Note that I don’t count something such as wearing a collar or whatnot in this equation.) Consider a week. Break it down and you’ll quickly see my point.
It is the support, care, watching over and overall compassion in the other 95%+ that gets you to the respected point that allows you to dominate in a whole different way during that other 5%. Never write off how much the day to day mundane counts.
Sounds as though you have the reality that others often describe as their fantasy.
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Thank you C, that’s pretty much what I was thinking too.
You know what they say about idle hands …. time for me to occupy my mind elsewhere for a bit and perhaps save myself any more holes to climb out of for a while! 😉
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Maybe have a broader focus. You are a leader within the pack. You have to focus on little details at some moments but then take in the global view the next. Pull back more and soak in that broader view.
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I cannot see myself giving you kinky orders when I know you are not”right” . I always make sure you are in a good place before I give any orders. You are mine to take care of and it would be very irresponsible of me to not know that things were good. For me that responsibility comes first and foremost. I cannot order something that does not feel right just because, that is not who I am. There is no pretend, this is real life. I would certainly never give that up for only the kink. It would not fulfill me. I need that first,always! You are more mine each time I see you shine. You make me very proud nijntje.
Sir
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That would be why I belong to you Sir, only and forever you .. ❤ ❤
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