This past week has brought me the words to finally, I think, explain something that I have been trying to put into words for some time now.
I had posted some time ago that my submission to my husband was in fact a dominant act. I’m not sure how many of you were here then or how many really grasped what I was trying to say. Attempting to embrace other ‘submissive type’ descriptions in order to make this make sense to the masses has added some confusion as to who I AM. Or so that is my impression. So I think I will try again.
Reading a well worded and thought-provoking post from A.C. at The Cracked Lens has sparked the inspiration to try this again. He explains how, in his opinion, a dominant should have a servant’s heart in order to best take care of those around them. This is something I completely agree with.
As someone who often finds themselves in a dominant position I have always found that my first concern is the health/welfare and needs of those I am responsible for. No matter what privileges are afforded to me I never feel right about partaking in any of them if I have not first seen to the needs of all those around me who have made these privileges possible. This is who I am. A dominant with the heart to serve, my family, my friends, my community.
One of the comments that came to light through A.C.’s post also spoke of a submissive/slave serving with dignity and not being prideful in their way of life. I will let you find that on your own should you choose, but it did also spark the second half of this post.
As a dominant (and I’m using these terms for the sake of the general audience of D/s type blogs) and having a servant’s heart, all of your actions should be also done with dignity and not pride. All people should strive to be this way if you ask me, we should all strive to serve our fellow-man to the best of our ability and with a dignified but humble approach. At least that is my opinion but ….
So back to this ‘dominant’ decision to submit to my husband.
When I had the more dominant role He was becoming very unhappy. It was obvious that He was getting more and more removed from me and from our family. I had an idea, one that came from a place in my dominant servant’s heart, that told me what was best for my family, my husband and in turn myself.
Allowing Him to take the lead in our home and in our life allowed Him to feel fulfilled in His role as both my husband and a man. I made the dominant decision to have Him lead.
As far as I’m concerned we are simply two dominant people sharing the same space. We are both striving to do what is best for both each other and our family. Perhaps that’s why when it comes to living and negotiating our way around life we really have no issues. I gave my word to let Him lead and so I do. I don’t fuss or argue, I don’t push His limits for the sake of engaging with him, I don’t get into ‘trouble’ and I don’t break rules. My rules for myself are much stricter than His are for me anyway! *chuckle*
We talk about this division of control just as casually and naturally as we discuss the week’s dinner plans and whether or not we want to go for a dog walk.
Two dominants, both with a servant’s heart, sharing a space and sharing responsibilities. Both doing what works best for our family and for us. Both living with dignity and not pride.
I don’t find submitting to my husband as demeaning and I don’t find it contrary to my dominant personality either. I find it a humble and dignified way to serve, even if it is from a dominant perspective. I’m still His submissive, it just started out as more a need of His that I felt a dominant responsibility to fill.
Everyone confused now? *chuckle*
As to the bedroom, I find no excitement in dominating there. He can totally do that part! *wink* I also happen to be a masochist who gets no excitement from the other side of that coin either.
The Bear is a sadist who finds dominating in the bedroom much to His liking, submitting – not at all. He is totally NOT a masochist! LoL
At the end of the day, this arrangement works out perfectly for us, that’s the point after all, isn’t it? *wink*
Now if we could just find a bit more alone time! LoL It’s getting easier to sneak time in, things are finally looking up there too!