How important is sex to your BDSM life?
Does BDSM automatically involve sex and orgasms?
Are sex and BDSM always together?
Do your scenes always end in sex and/or orgasm?
Is BDSM simply another way of having sex?
Adult Games – questions
Published
nijntje & The Bear 
I think BDSM and sex can be separate and not necessarily joined together all the time. It is a whole area that I’m really interested in learning more about!
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I’m glad to hear your view. Thank you, darkthoughts12! I personally view them as two separate things that can be done separately or combined, but they are not the same and the end goal is not the same. 😀 Maybe I’ll dig deeper with future posts. *wink*
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No, No, No and No.
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LoL I already knew your answers! *raspberries*
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Heh. *eye twinkles*
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Well, this became a longer response than I had anticipated…but here goes:
In my opinion, there is a distinction between BDSM and sex. Both can exist exclusive of each other, although they tend not to with HD and I. For us, spanking and flogging and bondage all evolve into sex. Likely because I’m already naked when they occur, lol. That said, if I were to engage in BDSM with someone else (say, HD wanted a demo from someone who had a rope skillset and asked me to be the bunny) sex would NOT be involved.
We have vanilla sex. It takes me longer to get in the relaxed state than when we mix in kink or BDSM, but we still do. Sometimes one or both of us is just in the mood for something more sensual/sweet/slow/less physically demanding/less emotionally demanding, so we have a nice slow vanilla session. It’s nice to connect on a different level.
When HD and I play they almost always end in an orgasm for him and usually one for me, although that depends on his mood. Again, we tend to blend sex with our BDSM, unless there isn’t time. Occasionally I get a spanking without sex, but that’s rare.
I don’t think BDSM is another way of having sex. There are service subs who submit to others with no sexual contact at all, for instance. (They derive enjoyment merely from helping others, like cleaning for them.) I am sure there are others but that’s the one that comes to mind immediately. (Probably because I have less service submission in me than I do sexual submission. 😛 ) Also, there are people who are rope bunnies or riggers, or who are spankees and spankos, etc. Unless negotiated into it, these don’t involve sex.
I do think that BDSM is a great way to enhance sex, largely because of the physical stimulation from it but also the mental. For me, it opens barriers and allows me to become more vulnerable for HD, and so we have developed a closeness that wouldn’t exist if we weren’t kinky.
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This is a fantastic description of how they can and do work both separately and/or together! Thank you, HH, a very thoughtful response. 😀
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No, I do a lot of kinky stuff that isn’t followed by sex or orgasms. Some isn’t even about touching. For me, bdsm is way more than that.
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Ah yes, thank you, Happy! For me BDSM is much more than sex as well, honestly sometimes I really don’t want sex involved at all.
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Me neither.
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Does BDSM automatically involve sex and orgasms? Sadly my wife is not into BDSM yet…she will not tie me up or even spank me when I do something wrong, which is often, because she is very particular on how I do my household chores.
Are sex and BDSM always together? NO, because my wife and I have sex multiple times a day.
Do your scenes always end in sex and/or orgasm? Sex all the time, but orgasms not so much, it’s been 2 weeks since my last ruined orgasm (the only kind I get), and my balls are starting to ache. I love the feeling because it’s a reminder of how horny I am.
Is BDSM simply another way of having sex? If my wife would go there, yes it would be having sex.
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A very interesting perspective, cincy. So do you feel the need for BDSM without the sex being involved at all? Outside of a spanking for punishment that is, would an impact session that had no sexual involvement what so ever would be something you would find appealing? Or bondage etc ….
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Yes, I would find it appealing, and a huge turn on. For me, It’s sex!
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– Does BDSM automatically involve sex and orgasms?
BDSM is present in our relationship, but not as much as I (as a sub) would want to because my Wife (clearly a Dom) is not comfortable with some aspects of it. That said, our BDSM scenes are usually a prelude to sex in which only She gets orgasms.
– Are sex and BDSM always together?
Not always, but mostly. But I don’t have the need for them to be together, they just are. I would love to be subjected to long BDSM sessions without any sex, but my Wife is not into it, so…
– Do your scenes always end in sex and/or orgasm?
Sex mostly YES, orgasms only for my Wife in most cases (I am left horny and desperate to cum)
– Is BDSM simply another way of having sex?
Absolutely not, but it is a huge turn on for me.
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‘ I would love to be subjected to long BDSM sessions without any sex,’ Love this, that’s just how I feel as well. Although combining the two is fun and great, I really do require JUST bondage and impact from time to time without the focus of sex. That said, if Sir wants to ‘use’ my body afterwards assuming I’m still able, than that’s a welcome bonus! *wink*
Thanks so much for chiming in, Tom! 😀
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I am with leather, No No N0 and No. There aren’t any hard and fast rules that tie those things to sex and orgasms.
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Its Leathers, but thanks for referencing me *g*.
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LoL *g*? I think you might be showing your age … *raspberries*
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I certainly hope so! Better to be showing my age than other things, wabbit!
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LoL Easy now, I just said I don’t do that here …. *raspberries*
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‘ tie those things ‘ *giggle* Nice choice of words, Kitten! *wink* But yes, I agree, thank you for joining the discussion!
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Sex is generally part of BDSM, however the two are quite different and separate. I too have engaged in kinky scenes which did not end with sex. The “B” in BDSM ( bondage) is quite often done with no relation to the act of sex. Also, for those who practice humiliation, acts of service, denial, and chastity; sex may not be part of the equation. This is why “that thing we do” is in fact different for everyone who does it. Years ago in the old Leather Community the saying went something like “Your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to do it.”
As for us as a couple, our D/s waxes and wanes and we have vanilla sex and also enjoy playing as Sir says. I can tell when I “need” more from him and sometimes he knows, but other times I will ask for more.
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Thank you, angel! Yes, I agree it is different for everyone and I especially like that you mentioned it’s important to pay attention to our needs and to be sure we speak up when something needs attention. Wonderful response! 😀
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Hello ninja, we answered your questions once, but for some reason (probably operator error) they didn’t get posted…but they did get deleted…therefore we abandoned the endeavor…nonetheless, we entirely enjoyed the exercise of working through the feelings and thoughts and words to describe us….THAK YOU for that!!!
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Oh no!! That’s too bad, I was looking forward to hearing about all sorts of relationships. Maybe next time!! 🙂 Thanks for trying and I’m glad it made you think and communicate! Can never have enough of that! *wink*
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