I’ve got an honest question here and I’d like feed back, please.
How soon, or long I suppose, should you wait to approach a topic that might be sensitive because of a certain, nasty turn of events?
The event had nothing to do with the topic I want to speak about but the choice of words might not be taken as they are meant. They will likely be misunderstood or simply not tolerated because it was, as they say …’too soon’.
So how long? Howe long after a trauma is it okay to use words that might otherwise be triggers? What is the socially acceptable number?
Anyone?
nijntje & The Bear 
Whatever you say could always trigger something with someone.
If *you* have something to say, and it is relevant to *you* now…
If a large group of others are going to get upset they will get upset whenever you say what you are thinking of saying… And if they heal and your post then triggers another wave of bad feeling perhaps it is worse to wait?
Apologies for the ramble.
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No, please don’t apologize! Your thoughts are valid and I asked for opinions. 😀
I know I have a responsibility for the words I use and how they affect others. I don’t want to add hurt to a group that really has nothing to do with the topic at hand simply because my words might be harsh and in turn set them off, needlessly.
At the same time I feel the message I want to get across won’t be ‘really’ heard unless it’s harsh. Like using profanity at times, to accentuate a point, if that makes sense. I don’t usually speak that way, but sometimes it really does help.
Now I’m rambling! LoL
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Not knowing more about the sensitive topic, it’s hard to say. I don’t like to hurt other people knowingly or unknowingly. What’s the reason you must speak about it? What will be gained? Think about the pros and cons. Will anyone be better because you said what you did… or will others’ lives be in turmoil and possibly disturbed/destroyed?
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Good points my friend. To be truthful, I’m not sure how many in the ‘hurt’ group are even here. The trauma was an unexpected death. I don’t know if they are here or not but I don’t want to take the chance to hurt one already feeling pain. Not like that.
The truth or thing to be gained is simply that some don’t want to be saved, some simply want to hurt or parish.
A hard subject to bring up when someone who maybe could have been saved wasn’t.
So how long is the right time to wait? Or do I just say what needs saying? Hope others are not triggered?
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Like always, I’ll vote honest over nice every time. I try to never let it be cruel though and I only apply it as needed. Many honest thoughts cross my mind yet I leave them unspoken due to not seeing positive in bring them up.
Hope this both makes sense and helps.
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It does make sense but not sure if it helps in my decision making. My logical self says the message needs to be heard but this damn emotional self that this exercise in submission has brought out says that others might, maybe hurt if they hear it.
Keeping it quiet is not that right thing to so, I know that. The question is when do I say it out loud?
I know what I need to do, I just don’t know when. My brain doesn’t understand that. so I am asking, how long is long enough to wait?
I’ve said before, I’m not a person that runs on emotion, that doesn’t mean I don’t understand or respect it.
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Have a suggestion that might help if you wish.
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certainly. help is always welcome
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This probably seems odd given my honest/nice balance but I’m willing to read it if you wish to send it. I’ll admit to being tone deaf to emotion at times but a second opinion may help if you wish.
Sounds odd I suppose but I’m used to having a second set of eyes on hard calls. Hope this helps.
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Yes, this is it!
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Wow this is a hard one being the husband of a wife who died suddenly about twelve years ago in not sure how to rspond. Now this many years later I’ll admit she does because she just didn’t take very good care of herself and she wouldn’t listen about her health, did I want to listen to that right after the it happened? Probably not, would it have helped me to see it wasn’t my fault? Maybe , even if hearing it had caused a little pain at the time. Painfully things aren’t always bad things
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Ah, see I find myself being the bearer of unwelcome, painful but needed news a lot. Do you know who they shoot? Yeah, the messenger. No one stops long enough to think what it’s like to always be the messenger.
i guess the real question is do I really want to be the messenger again?
Thank you for that! 😀
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Yes I realize that still didn’t help at all with a time line for that you need to consider the strength of the person and their ability to hear and to cope if they are strong then they can hear it sooner
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It’s hard to discern what could be a trigger for someone else. I think you can speak honestly and with sensitivity. Think about what your intent is and go from there. Is it for shock value or relevance ( guessing not but for some people it is). Or is it to open a dialogue or share a different perspective or burden or thought? If so, I would write. Also, I think you can always have the objective or opiniom that the topic can be an ongoing discussion, and doesn’t have to be one and done. And if you’re have friends or followers on here that you think or realize may be triggered, you can follow up personally with them. There are times when WordPress is a trigger for me and other times when it is a learning experience, an escape in laughter or beautiful photography or writing, a different perspective, and/or a healing balm. My longwinded advice is be you, be respectful, be kind. It’s your space to occupy. 😉
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Actually the objective here would actually be shock value! I know, not my norm. Sometimes the heart needs to be shocked back into action lest it stop beating. Not at the expense of others though. The problem is I have over 300 followers and I really don’t know them all. I don’t want to take the chance of hurting, even one soul. UGH I sound like a certain sentimental beagle I know.
The life of one is not negotiable, not to me. It’s the amount of possible damage I need to figure out. Judging by the responses, I don’t think any are about. *sigh* I’ll make an executive decision and hope for the best!
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Shock value can be good, it’s all in your intent and delivery! I will hope for the best along with you. And that sentimental beagle is wise beyond his years so it’s perfectly fine to sound like him!
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May I suggest something? You have to weigh up which is more important. Does this person ‘need’ to know what you are going to say or could it wait until later? Is this person important to you? I am not a fan of having something on my mind making me worry. I can’t imagine you saying anything hurtful. Speak in a quiet ‘voice’, speak directly and with words that nurture. Sometimes there is no right time to deliver it. So I say, knock the hard hard edges of your words, (I don’t believe you would use harsh words) Just say it. If someone has said anything nasty to you that has to stop immediately. Some times a short shock jolts a person out of a funk. My advice would be to say it immediately because it is worrying you. ~hugs~.
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I tried using my ‘inside voice’! Not sure if it got the full message out, but let’s see. Thanks, Kitten.
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If the topic is of life altering status or kills something inside of you…sooner rather than later. Approach with caution and sensitivity though. There may never be a perfect time depending on the trauma, people are definitely different.
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The topic would be more in the lines of information or opinions that might help some heal and move on, but of course there will always be others who don’t understand or are simply not ready to hear the truth.
It’s a catch twenty-two, damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I’m kind of used to this scenario in the life I’ve led. I suppose I was just looking for a second opinion. Thank you for commenting. It’s a very long while, hope things are good in your neck of the woods!
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