back to the beginning, back to my roots. it leaves little room for submissive ideals – but i’m leaving the light on*wink*

the wolf has long been my animal – the rabbit my submissive side i think

i find i’m becoming more primal and more natural these days, music, primal and strength – that’s all i can give right now.

seems we have come full circle. at least my beginnings in such stark indifference and pain have now given me something to use, the strength for the energy towards healing my child.

i haven’t mentioned because it isn’t a thing i talk about in these parts and also because i fear i don’t really have energy or want to care BUT my father also has a surgery coming up, he has had cancer and treatment twice. he’s been in the same hospital we have – i can’t say i really care.

sounds awful i know but i played that game, for many years and all it did was cost me mentally and physically. once my boys came to be i decided that anything that took from them was not a price i was willing to pay – or put on them.

it is ironic however that the same thing we fight is the thing my father too fights, and my mother too worries on, and my schizophrenic brother too tells me about.

my life now has so many things that are truly ironic and just simply – insanely linked – and yet not! Anyone fighting connections to people that you should care for, or should care for you, and don’t – well you may know what I mean. I can normally not let this bad energy in, but right now with me being my strength and with D/s being not a thing within reach .. well – i’m going back to primal.

and I’m once again tapping into my inner wolf.

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