Started off good!

This week has been a bit of a bore! It started off good with some fun kinky times! The energy was ‘right’ and even took some chances through the house while the teen slept! lol

My health took a turn though and my body decided it needed to break down for a while! Got the sniffles to boot, no clue how since I really don’t go anywhere these days but we did order some take out. UGH It’s either that or from touching the mail ….. is this ever going to end!?!?

Anyway, Saturday now and I’m hoping to tap into some fun energy and engage in some bratty play with the Bear! What’s the urgency? Well you see, we were on holiday this week and so I guess my mind was hoping for a bit more intense D/s and less – everything else!

Due to the covid numbers in our area we are going back into stricter lockdown and that actually makes my work day longer, not shorter!! This week was probably the last chance in another long while that we really had time to focus on our relationship and fun times while letting the rest just wait for a while. Seems life had other ideas …. *shrug*

I miss a more intense and sometimes structured way of living our D/s and Bear tends to be more on the casual side. I honestly think we both benefit from short periods of more intentional D/s energy and structure. I’m not sure if trying to do that all the time would work right now because we both still have too much ‘life’ around us BUT taking small breaks from reality and pretending we’re carefree and have all the time in the world for just ‘this’ is nice sometimes!!

I’ve always said I’m not a one trick pony (or rabbit in this case!) and I do need more than just one form/type/dynamic … ? Not sure what term to use here, the point is I need some M/s time in my life in order to relax, I need some D/s time in my life in order to be calm, and I need some ‘bunny’ time in my life in order to be fun and free!

I was hoping for a bit more of that this week but as I said, life had other plans!

It’s going to be busy and we’re going to be tired but I think it’s time to sit down and make a plan, a D/s plan, so that He gets what He needs and I get what I need. I’ve been at this too long to let it go off the rails because I know I’m going to need more, and I know He’ll happily ignore it if He can! 😛

Even doms need a kick in the back side once in a while – Just don’t tell him I said so! Still waiting for the bruises to leave my butt from our earlier fun! *wink*

Stay safe! Be kinky! Have fun! ❤

The hardest part(s) about a D/s relationship.

I’m thinking back on the things I’ve had to come to terms with over the years. The years of trying to figure out where I fit in this land of BDSM and D/s. I keep coming back to the same conclusion …. I don’t! *chuckle*

That’s fine, don’t feel sorry for me, I don’t. I’ve never been one to want to fit in, why start now? I’m being a bit cheeky here but I think it’s true. I really don’t fit in to what is on the internet, what is in those chat groups and online forums etc.

I can’t even begin to imagine trying to navigate those things in hopes of beginning a power exchange relationship of any sort at this point in my life. I recently began following a dominant here on WP and from what I see on his site, not much has changed from when I gave up on trying to join in and have a community to chat with in regards to lifestyle ideas, challenges and what have you.

I didn’t find my husband by trying to find a partner in a ‘group’ and I don’t believe I would do that now either. I looked for someone I could stand to be around when nothing was going on and no one else was there. Someone I could be quiet with and still sit in comfort.

I also wanted someone I could talk to, say what I wanted to say, what I meant, what was in my head. (And there is always a lot in my head!! LoL) It was only after that connection that everything else came to be.

So yes, the hardest part of beginning this power dynamic of ours was just figuring out that everyone else’s ideas were just that, ideas. When it comes to your relationship there is no ‘police’ that is going to come and get you and take you away for not doing it ‘right’.

That said, if it doesn’t feel right to you – on either side of the slash – speak up. If your partner can’t sit and listen and try to figure it out with you, they are likely not worth your energy and time. No matter what title or label they go by, if they can’t respect you and your needs …. you best take a good hard look at whether or not you really want to stay.

This is an old idea and some of you veterans on my site have heard me say it before – if this dynamic you find yourself in is bringing you more hurt and sadness than it is joy and strength, why are you putting up with that? You’re worth more …

If it makes you happy however, then fight to keep it! Being on one side or the other of this ‘slash’ does not absolve you from responsibility in fueling and maintaining the energy that you both (or all) want and enjoy.

I have found that my personal mindset and attitude have much more to do with my submission than anything he could ever do. Yes he has a responsibility here too, he is responsible for his own mindset and attitude.

I don’t blame him (or at least I try very hard not to – I’m human and slip from time to time but I try to keep my little bunny butt on track!) and he doesn’t blame me. We are adults in a consensual adult relationship, regardless of dynamic, and we are both in charge of making it work.

So I guess there isn’t just one hard part! LoL This relationship is work, just like any other and it takes effort. It doesn’t always feel D/s in the super hyper kinky energy that we all like, but it doesn’t mean it’s gone either. It doesn’t have to be ‘on’ all the time because in my life at least, there are way too many other things that need doing that simply can not be pushed aside.

So that’s another hard fact I had to swallow, I’m not going to always feel the submissive pull that gets me in a haze – and that’s just got to be okay. The alternative is that I feel somehow adrift searching for something that just can’t be, not every second of every day. It’s not realistic.

I think that when you put this relationship into a 24/7/365 aspect you need to understand that you do drift from one personality trait to another depending on need and circumstance.

For me the thing that makes it real is that any time I need to stop and kneel in front of Him, he responds in kind. Without fail. Everytime.

And when He calls on me, I do the same …..

Happy Monday friends! Hope life finds you well, hope my meandering brain has brought you some entertainment, and perhaps caused you to pause and think. *smiles*

He’s a Man

I love Him dearly – I love Him to bits!! And, He drives me crazy!!

He drives me crazy for the same reasons I love Him to bits … he’s a man! (I’m not interested in comments about gender and fluency etc. Bear is a man, identifies as such and is quite happy to be one … so let it go, K??)

His communication style is very ‘man’ like. If you don’t know what I mean than this is likely not the blog for you … sorry. If you do know what I mean, well YOU KNOW what I mean! Argh!

All that said, if I really want to be His submissive than I need to stop focusing on what it is I think He should say, or do, or ‘word it like’ … and just simply take what He says either at face value or at what I’m pretty sure He means.

If I’m not sure I need to just ask – and not turn it into a ‘thing’ that then becomes an issue and then a problem etc. You see where I’m going don’t you?

We communicate differently and when we do it can become hard for me to merge that idea in my head with the reality that is. If I put the fantasy and emotion out of the equation – the truth is I know what He means, and doesn’t mean. I’ve known Him 25+ years now and I know Him better than anyone.

So why lean into the negative story that only wants trouble when I know He simply didn’t tell me the way I was expecting? (Ah, expectations – the angst of all submissives, right??).

When I’m deeper into -sub mindset- it’s harder to be rational, that’s why. When I’m not, I have a choice. I chose to go with what I know of Him and not start anything by way of trouble. The world has plenty of that – I prefer happy!

Sorry for the ramble, just getting my feet wet again with words! *wink*

Distracted

I hate the feeling of seemingly running from side to side, trying to figure out what it is I am supposed to do next, or want to do next. The organized, deliberate side of me gets really irritated- annoyed – twitchy!

Funny enough this is the side effect of too much ‘vanilla’ in my life.

I get off center and in turn, distracted. My mind is running races in there and I’m struggling to get any one thing done to my liking. Frazzled …

I kind of ‘wake’ from this haze on my knees, normally in the sunshine coming in through my bedroom window.

No, He isn’t here – it’s not kinky. It’s muscle memory I guess, reaching for what I know calms the rabbit!

No, it’s not all roses all the time …. life. Oh well. *smiles* All is still great BTW, no need to worry. Just a bit too vanilla right now.

Happy Friday ❤